"When people reach a certain age, it is actually the family that really determines your quality of life."
The temperature of a family often determines the fate of a person's life.
When people reach middle age, they should understand four truths: poverty does not blame their father, filial piety is no better than their brothers, bitterness does not blame their wives, and anger is not fierce.
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Don't blame your father for being poor.
We often hear a saying that different parents teach different children.
However, we ignore a more interesting fact, that is, there is a phenomenon around us that the same parents teach different children.
Some time ago, CCTV's hit drama "Human World" interpreted such a situation.
The three sisters of Zhou family, the eldest son and the second daughter were admitted to Peking University, but the third one just didn't like reading very much.
Finally, my brother entered the central government, my sister became a professor, and my third son was just a coolie in a soy sauce factory.
Interestingly, the characters in the play are all based on the life of the author Liang.
Liang Jia is notoriously poor. There are four brothers and one sister in his family.
My father works on a construction site and my mother is a housewife.
When she was poorest, her mother had to go out as a temporary worker, and Liang became the only free student in the school.
The only big brother who can have a bright future after being admitted to college is suffering from schizophrenia.
At that time, the situation at home was even worse than the "photonic film" in the play.
But even in such a poor family, Liang was still recommended to Fudan University, with excellent results and soaring.
In the end, only he became the pillar of Liang's family.
Not only did he bear the long-term hospitalization expenses of his eldest brother, but he also saved four younger brothers and sisters with uremia with 200,000 yuan, and even enjoyed his old age with his parents.
Other brothers and sisters are still living in the prototype of their parents.
In the same family, some people are mired in the quagmire of life, while others are free from the shackles of fate.
I read such a story that an alcoholic had two sons. One became a famous lawyer through his own efforts, and the other became an alcoholic like his father.
Facing the same father, both of them asked themselves the same question. I have such an alcoholic father, what can I do?
My son, who became a lawyer, thinks that his father is an alcoholic. I can only get rid of the current predicament through my own efforts.
The son who became an alcoholic thinks I have such a father. What can I do? I can only be an alcoholic.
What ultimately determines the quality of life is not birth, not family, but what kind of self you want to salvage in the existing environment.
When people reach middle age, they finally understand the fact that they are poor, not because their parents are poor, but because they are incompetent.
Perhaps because of my father's poverty, we were doomed to lose at the starting line when we were born.
But the starting line may be very important for sprinters, but life is a long marathon after all.
Instead of blaming my father for his incompetence, it is better to carry on with lanterns and work hard to play the king of your own life.
Anyway, you must believe that most parents have tried their best to lift us to the ceiling of their lives.
02
Filial piety is not as good as brothers.
My best friend Ai Tong has worked in agriculture for generations. In her generation, the whole family not only jumped out of the hinterland, but also took root in Beijing, and even founded a large company with assets exceeding 100 million.
She said that today's achievements cannot be separated from the following three points.
First, no one between brothers and sisters should be the only giver.
Because of starting a business, Ai Tong is usually busy, and taking care of his parents basically falls on his eldest brother and second brother.
However, Ai Tongsheng has more cash on hand, so every time she goes out to travel, the expenses are basically paid by her.
Not only that, she also took the initiative to bear all kinds of expenses of her parents.
In filial piety, it is the key to family harmony for brothers and sisters to make efforts where they can.
Second, brothers and sisters help each other.
Big brother is the first member of the family to run out. Because of her poor family, her college tuition was paid by her eldest brother.
Later, she started her own business and had her own source of income. However, because of her meager income, her second brother has no fixed place in Beijing, and she and her eldest brother try to help her buy a house.
Now the three of them are not only rooted in first-tier cities, but also successful in their careers.
The help and fulfillment of family members can make each other run faster and farther.
Third, apart from helping each other on major issues, family members should also care about each other on minor issues.
No matter how good the family relationship is, if you don't run it, it will inevitably alienate you after a long time.
There is a family group in their family, and everyone talks about their own dynamics in the group every day.
Meet people in need and welcome each other.
And everyone will think of each other if there is anything good.
For example, his second brother never forgets to bring her a copy when he meets something good.
The love between family members will eventually become the light of redemption in each other's hearts.
There is no contradiction between a family and people. Working hard and living in harmony is one's greatest confidence in making progress.
03
Bitter don't blame your wife.
Ang Lee, the great director, once said such a passage in "An Appointment between Lu and Yu":
"If my wife can smile at me, I will relax and feel very happy.
I always feel that everything she said is right.
Being a husband doesn't mean that I can naturally get their respect.
You have to win their respect every day, and you have to reach a certain standard, because this is one reason why I don't slack off. "
As a great director, how awesome is Ang Lee?
Three Oscars, five British Film Academy Awards, four Golden Globes, two Golden Lion Awards in Venice Film Festival and two Golden Bear Awards in Berlin Film Festival.
But when he got home, he still mopped the floor, cooked and did housework every day, just like when he was not famous.
In fact, before Ang Lee became famous, he also experienced the darkness of life. At that time, he was regarded as "the most useless person" by others.
However, in the face of the hardships of life, he did not blame his wife, but took the initiative to undertake housework and became a full-time "cook". He took this opportunity to make great efforts and made great achievements.
Men are the pillars of a family, and the family is prosperous, cheerful and harmonious, and the attitude of the husband is particularly important.
In this life, money is like running water, sometimes the tide rises and falls; Fame and fortune, like a dream, disappeared.
Only a wife is a lifelong companion.
People who love their wives in the first half of their lives 100 degrees will definitely get her warm hug in the second half of their lives.
Even if the whole world is indifferent, there is always someone willing to light a lamp for you, which is incomparable warmth.
04
Qi is not fierce.
Read such a story:
A man learned to ride a bike when he was a child, and all his friends knew it, but he never learned it.
At that time, a group of adults were enjoying the cool in the yard. Seeing his clumsy appearance, they couldn't help laughing.
For this reason, my father's face would be very, so he shouted at him:
"Go home and don't make a fool of yourself here."
For him, this is not a case. As long as it doesn't meet dad's expectations, it will lead to destruction and abuse.
The so-called father became his fear of going deep into the bone marrow.
Because the exam was not ideal, he hid in his classmate's house and was too scared to go home.
Because he broke the water cup, regardless of the sharpness of the broken slag, he scratched with his hands in a panic, endured the pain of being cut, and quickly buried it in the ground.
He eats more carefully than anyone for fear of getting his clothes dirty.
It's not that his father doesn't love him. He can work day and night to make up for his tuition.
But this can't resist his determination to leave home thousands of miles as an adult.
Because, in his subconscious, as long as he leaves his father, he will not be scolded.
Parents' scolding is like a trial of a child, which makes his young mind abandon others and be criticized, and finally becomes a wall between you and your child.
"The family has had it, and it is not easy to get angry." Talking well is the best gift for children.
May our children experience no matter how big the storm is, their hearts will shine.
Even if life is down and out, I know there is always a bowl of warm porridge missing him at home.
Write it at the end
The temperature of your home depends on your experience.
Home, not a battlefield, does not need to flag-waving, it depends on who wins and who loses;
Home, not a chessboard, does not need to be careful, be wary everywhere.
When you reach middle age, no matter where you are, there is a place waiting for you unswervingly.
If only the lights would never go out, the smiling faces would be kind and the rice would be delicious.
May you have a right family, even if the wildfire never stops.
——END——
The author used fishseed sauce for Qi Zi.
From the culture of caviar