The younger brother saw two dogs doing that and asked his sister what they were doing. My sister replied shyly, "They are fighting."
The boy next to him smiled.
My sister said angrily, "What are you laughing at? Want to fight? ! "
3. The most painful day for men: 1 February1day; Men's favorite day: 1 month 3 1 day.
I said to a beautiful mm, "I invite you to dinner today." She said, "No, some other time ~" I am very excited!
I said to a brother, "I'll treat you to dinner today." He said, "No, some other time ~" I was embarrassed. ...
A beautiful mm said to me, "I invite you to dinner today." I said "no, some other time ~" and she said no-_-!
A dinosaur said to me, "I'll treat you to dinner today." I pointed to the wretched man next to me and said, "One day ~"
There was a kissing scene on TV, and the father asked his son to pour a glass of water. Soon, there was a kissing scene on TV. Dad asked his son to pour another glass of water. The son asked, Dad, are you thirsty at the sight of someone kissing?
6.
Xiaomei: I watched a concert yesterday.
Xiao Wang: Really? That's good. Whose concert is this?
Xiaomei: Jay. I like him best. Yesterday's concert was wonderful.
Xiao Wang:? Jay hasn't given a concert recently.
Xiaomei: I watched it on TV.
Xiao Wang:&; ......................, I'm starting to worship you!
7. A man is in the hotel lobby and wants to ask the waiter a question. When he turned to the counter, he accidentally bumped into a lady next to him, and his elbow touched her chest. The man turned and said, "Madam, if your heart is as soft as your chest, you will forgive me." The lady replied, "If your job is as hard as your elbow, I will be at 65433.
8. A man went to a brothel and asked a woman the price. The woman replied: 50 yuan. The man saw it was cheap and did it. The woman said: Please pay 100 yuan, and the man asked why. The woman replied that she went in and out of 50 yuan. The man thundered: You fucking move in China, and you charge in two ways!
9. The twins are chatting in their mother's belly. The boss said: Dad is good. He often sticks his head out to see us. He just doesn't like hygiene, so he throws up and leaves. The second said, it's better to be an uncle next door. After spitting, he put the sputum in a bag.
10. A man can't go home for a long time, and his wife feels very uncomfortable. One day, before he asked his wife to take down the mirror, she happily did so. He separated his wife's legs, put his chin behind her vagina and asked her, Do I look good with a beard?
1. When I have money, I will buy a bus, take the bus lane and stop at the bus stop. If someone wants to get on the bus, I will say, sorry, this is a private car.
2. Guest, are you staying in a hotel or a hotel?
I shit.
I was very young. What about you? Are you old?
A gentleman is just a patient wolf.
5. It is not necessarily a good thing for everyone to stand on one side, such as standing on the side of the ship.
6. relax, I'm not a good person ...
7. You said ... you like me? Actually ... first of all ... actually, I also ... well, to be honest, I actually like myself.
As a typical loser, you are really successful.
9. I just learned to ride a bike when I was a child. Before I knew it, I ran into the street. When I saw an old man walking in front of me, I felt I was going to hit it. I said, don't move, don't move. The old man stood there for a while without moving, so I turned around and hit him. The old man stood up and said, did you aim?
10, if there is 300W, do you want to buy Mercedes or Ferrari?
It's best to buy 300 second-hand Otto cars and hire 300 drivers to drive behind you, one in an S shape and the other in a B shape.
1 1, smile more, and beware of catching a cold on cloudy days!
12, I laughed at the sky from the horizontal knife and went to bed after laughing!
13, Lu Yao knows that the horsepower is insufficient, and people will watch for a long time.
14, my father expressed his views on my obesity: Han Hong's life was not lost, but Han Hong's disease was also found.
15, I never hold a grudge, but I usually report it on the spot.
16, don't cry at my grave. Dirty my path of reincarnation.
17, that's right, Mr. Zhang. You can't press CTRL+C on your home computer and then CTRL+V on your company computer. Not even the same article. No, no, it's not even an expensive computer.
18, I thought you were just a number between 1 and 3, but I didn't expect you to be a combination of 1 and 3.
20. A cannibal went to work, and the manager repeatedly told him not to eat his colleagues and agreed. I couldn't help eating a detergent in a few days.
People were discovered immediately. The sentiment is: never eat people who really do things.
2 1. Now you scold me because you don't know me yet. When you get to know me later, you will definitely hit me.
22. People never know who inadvertently said goodbye to you and then really disappeared.
23. The road to success is always under construction.
24, I don't go to hell, who loves who.
25. Guess an English sentence: "ababbaaaaaaaaaabbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
26, think of your eyebrows, think of ambiguity. I suddenly feel that most of my thoughts are like this, and they are getting weaker and weaker (I vaguely remember that this is the lyrics of Faye Wong's "I don't want this either", don't you know? )
27. Years later, I lamented those two teenagers: one was amazing and the other was gentle.
28. If she (he) says to you, "Forget me." You tell each other, "I never remember."
29. You are very kind to us. I will always remember that I will never let you go if I am a ghost.
Dear female colleagues, please don't be angry with me. My wife has a caller ID.
3 1, smile, wave, goodbye, over.
I remember I decided to be an interesting person.
33. Think about the salary ratio, forget it, and don't want to live.
34. Well, give me an affordable grave.
35. I have lived for more than 20 years and have done nothing for the motherland and the people. Every time I think about it, my heart aches.
36. Do all the bad things you can while you are young. It's only been a few years
37. Earn money to sell cabbage and white powder.
38. A seven-year-old boy is the most terrible creature on earth. They are curious, active, destructive and have the law on the protection of minors.
39. A man keeps his word-I won't pay back the money if I say no!
40. Laozi said: Sleep can sleep, very sleep.
4 1. Although I believe in vows of eternal love, I may not believe you.
42. God said: Don't forget to take an umbrella when you go out. I will water the flowers later.
43. Special people never say they are special, such as me.
44. My answer was good, but Tai said he couldn't come.
45. I know all banquets must come to an end, but at least I want to eat well at the banquet!
46. I will take my sunshine road and you will cross your Naihe Bridge.
47. The world belongs to us and our children, but ultimately to our children and grandchildren!
48. Whenever I encounter difficulties, I will read Tibetan scriptures: "Oh, moo, coax", which translates into English: all the money goes to my house!
49, the simplest secret of longevity-keep breathing, don't die.
50. Confucius said: Sleepless at noon, collapse at noon. Mencius said: Confucius is right!
5 1, kindness means that bia ji doesn't eat meat when others are hungry.
52, the long road of life, there will always be a few wrong steps.
53. I never bully the weak ~ ~ ~ I didn't know he was weaker than me before I bullied him …
54. You take your overpass and I'll take my underground passage.
55. My hobbies can be divided into static and dynamic, static is sleeping, and dynamic is turning over …
56, where you fall, you get up from there ... always fall there, I suspect there is a pit!
57, alas ~ this person is not straight, even the headache is partial.
58. I don't know much about music, so sometimes it's unreliable and sometimes it's out of tune.
59. When people do good deeds, they always want ghosts and gods to know. They have done bad things and always think that ghosts and gods don't know. We embarrassed ghosts and gods.
60. Ask who is the most enlightened person in the world, and I will do my part.
6 1. If you can't tolerate me, it means that either your mind is too narrow or my personality is too great.
62. I will go on until the river stops my thirst; Then sit and watch the rising clouds, dizzy.
63. I want to learn from the phoenix nirvana, but I accidentally ... cooked it!
Anyway, my life is always different from their calculations. I don't know whether they are wrong or I am wrong.
65. You have a 30-degree smile at the corner of your mouth, which Baidu can't find.
66. Of course God will forgive me, because that's his profession.
When you hold your hand, you will know that your child is ugly and your face is covered with tears. If you don't go, I will.
68. Does handsome have a P? Probably eaten by a pawn!
69. Don't tell me to bring it on-I have two generations of feelings!
70. If you bother me again, I'll tie you to a straw boat and borrow an arrow!
7 1, if people don't attack me, I won't attack; If people offend me, comity three points; If people force me again, I'll give you an injection; People still attack me and kill the grass.
72. I am not RMB. How can I make everyone like me? !
73. It's not difficult to be single, but it's difficult to deal with people who try their best to get you to end it.
74. If you have time to learn Feng Shui, you can make up for the regret that you can't afford a good house before you die.
75. At one time, we all thought we could die for love. In fact, love can't kill people. It will only stick a needle in the most painful place, and then we want to cry. We tossed and turned, and after a long illness, we became a doctor. You are not the wind, and I am not the sand. No matter how lingering, you can't reach the end of the world. Dry your tears. Tomorrow morning, we will all go to work.
76. The world is a giant doll machine. I just want to see you through the window.
If you go first, don't blame me for turning my back on you.
78. A person has only one heart, but two atria. A happy life; A person lives in sadness. Don't laugh too loudly, or you will wake up the sadness next to you.
79. Be good to yourself, because life is not long; Be kind to people around you, because you may not meet them in the next life.
Some people say that the merry-go-round is the cruelest game, but there is an eternal distance between chasing each other.
8 1. If there is an afterlife, be a tree and stand forever, without the gesture of sadness and joy. Half is peaceful in the dust, half is flying in the wind, half is cool, and half is bathed in the sun. Very silent and proud, never relying on and never looking for!
82. Picking up people should also pay attention to technology, and find the right person at the right time and place. For example, I am online at the moment.
83. I think when I love you, I am too low in the dust, but I don't bloom. Later, there was more and more dust, and finally we were buried alive. It turns out that love really can't be too humble. There can be no dust without nutrients.
84. I feel unhappy because I am not pursuing "happiness" but "being happier than others".
Niu Niu, an 85-year-old daughter, asked her father to do something for her.
Dad: "Dad is very tired. Give me a compliment, and I will be refreshed again. "
Daughter: "Lao Zheng!"
Dad: "Hey!"
Daughter: "Your Niu Niu is really beautiful."
3. Tutu said, "My mother calls me Tutu, which is nice!"
The pig said, "My mother calls me a pig, which is nice!" " "
The dog said, "My mother calls me a puppy, which is nice!" " "
The chicken said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "
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The rabbit said, "I am a rabbit!" " "
The pig said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "
The chicken said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "
The dog said, "you talk, I'll go first!"
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No.0 sparring partner said, "outsiders call me zero sparring partner, which is nice!" "
No.65438 +0 sparring partner said, "It's good to have an outsider!"
No.2 sparring partner said, "It's good for outsiders to call me the second escort!"
No.3 sparring partner said, "You talk, let's go first!"
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The cat said to me, "I'm your grandmother's cat. It looks good!" " "
The dog said to me, "I'm your grandmother's dog. It sounds nice!" " "
The fish said to me, "I'm your grandmother's fish. It sounds nice!" " "
The bear said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "
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Lang Ke said: "People call me a ronin, which is very nice!"
The samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!"
The expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert!" "
The swordsman said, "You talk, I'll go first."
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Jane Zhang said: "My fans say my idol is Ying."
He Jie said: "My fans say my idol is Jay."
Said: "fans who worship me say: my idol is constant."
Chris Lee said: "You talk, I walked first.
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The senior math teacher said that I will teach senior math this semester.
The college physics teacher said: I teach big this semester.
The analog electronics teacher said that I teach analog electronics this semester.
The socialist economy teacher said: You talk, I'll go first.
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Peking University said: I am from Peking University.
Tianjin University said: I am older.
Shanghai University said: I went to college.
Xiamen University said: You talk, I'll go first!
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General Li Zongren said: I am a benevolent man!
General fu said to him: I am just!
General Zuo Quan said: I have this right!
General Huo Qubing said: You talk, I'll go first.
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Minolta users say: we are beautiful women!
Canon users say: we are beautiful!
The user of Huaguang said: We are from China!
Nikon users said: you chat, I'll go first.
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The door of Lao Zhang's house is made of wicker. Lao Zhang said: My door is a wooden door.
Lao Li's door is made of plastic. Lao Li said that my door is made of plastic.
The door of Lao Wang's house is made of brick. Lao Wang said: My door is a brick door.
Liu's door is made of steel. Lao Liu said: you talk, I'll go first!
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Bai Yu said: My name is White.
Jade jade said, my name is jasper.
Redjade said, My name is Redjade.
Xing Yu said: You talk, I'll go first!
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The students of normal college said: I am from normal college.
The students of the Railway Institute said: I am from the "Iron Institute"
The students in vocational colleges said: I am from vocational colleges.
The students of the technical college said: You talk, I'll go first.
4. 1. There was an accident on the road. ..
Many people gathered around to watch ... a reporter came late ... and couldn't squeeze in. ..
Speak loudly in a hurry.
I am the father of the injured .. Please let me through!
The onlookers really opened a road ... The reporter also took photos of the scene. ..
Win the appreciation of colleagues ..
Another day, another traffic accident happened, and many people were watching. ..
The reporter was late again ... he couldn't squeeze in ... he shouted again ..
I'm the son of the injured. I'm sorry. ..
The onlookers did get out of the way again ... the reporter went over and took a look. ..
Oh, my God! The car was crushed by a turtle.
It is said that Lao Liu lives in a quadrangle. One day he bought a bottle of wine and put it on the table in the middle of the courtyard.
The next morning, he woke up and found that the wine in the bucket was one sixth less. He was so angry that he put a label on the jar: "Don't steal my wine."
On the third day, I got up and looked, and the wine in the barrel was two-sixths less. Lao Liu is even more angry. He put a note on the jar and wrote, "Whoever steals wine will be severely punished."
As a result, on the fourth day, there was only one-sixth of the wine left in the barrel. Lao Liu is angry ... He is smoking with anger.
Lao Liu told Lao Zhang about it, and Lao Zhang gave him an idea to put a "urine bucket" label on the bucket to see who dared to steal it. Lao Liu thought it was a good idea and did it.
As a result, after getting up on the fifth day, I quickly went to see the barrel. This time, Lao Liu cried. Why is he crying? Because the bucket was full, Lao Liu finally tore up all the labels in a rage, but the label "Don't steal wine" was not torn.
A king chose his husband, pulled a cow to the river and said, whoever can make the cow nod and then shake his head before jumping into the river, I will marry the princess to him.
A butcher went up to the cow and said, isn't it great? The cow nodded.
The butcher said again, do you know me? The cow shook her head.
The butcher stabbed the cow's ass, and the cow jumped into the river in pain.
The king thought the butcher was rude, so the butcher asked to try again and the king agreed. The cow was pulled to the river again.
The butcher stepped forward and said to the cow; Do you know me? The cow nodded.
The butcher said again, can't you return Niu B? The cow shook her head.
The butcher said with a smile; Do you know what to do? The cow turned and jumped into the river.
4. Once upon a time, a man fished and caught a squid.
Squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat.
The man said, well, let me ask you a few questions.
Squid is very happy to say: you take the exam!
Then the man roasted the squid. ..
A group of freshmen are undergoing military training. On this day, the instructor said in dialect, "Today, class one kills chickens and class two steals eggs. I will cook porridge for you! " "The students looked at each other, don't know what this is military training.
Later, a classmate didn't understand until he saw the instructor's action: "He said that one class fired and the other class bombed. Let me show you."
A teacher gave an example when explaining the word "miracle": a man jumped from the eighth floor and escaped unscathed. He wants students to say "miracle".
But a classmate replied: lucky.
The teacher was disappointed and said that the man climbed to the eighth floor and jumped down, but he was still not injured.
Another student replied: by chance.
The teacher was very angry and had to say, that man climbed the eighth floor again and jumped down again.
Before the teacher finished speaking, a classmate replied: He is used to it.
A man bought a parrot and wanted to teach it to learn civilized language, so he would say "good morning" when he passed it every morning.
Said he was in a bad mood this morning and didn't say anything when he passed by. The bird stared at him coldly and said:
"Hey, what's wrong with you today?"
Xiao X especially likes parrots. One day he went to the bird walking market and found a parrot with a price of 30,000 yuan.
Curious, he asked the buyer: Why is your parrot so expensive?
Buyer: My parrot is very clever! I'll say anything.
Little X bought it as soon as he heard that he was so clever.
He was very happy when he came home at night. Just play with this parrot.
X: I can walk.
Parrot: I can walk.
X: I can run.
Parrot: I can run.
X: I can fly.
Parrot: You are bragging!
The American mountaineer said to his companion, "It took almost a lifetime to plant the national flag on Mount Everest, but it was worth it. Give me the national flag by courier. "
The companion was dumbfounded and said, "Well, I thought you had it ..."
A girl who thought she was gorgeous had a car accident, lying in the hospital and sighing in front of the mirror, "Beauty is unlucky since ancient times."
Clinical response: "Don't worry, you will live a long life."
Timid Ayue visited the German castle with the delegation. The castle is full of evil wind. Ah Yue asked the deacon of the castle standing by in fear, "Are you haunted here?"
"Nonsense!" The deacon was furious: "I have served here for 300 years and have never seen a ghost!" " "
A cake seller passed through a small forest and suddenly met a big man.
The big fellow asked, "Sir, is there a policeman nearby?"
The stall owner said, "No."
Can we find the police in a short time? "The vendor still said" no ".
Then the big man took out a watermelon knife and said, "Put your hands on your head and grab it!" "
Before the execution, the warden asked the condemned man sitting in the electric chair, "Do you have any other requirements?"
Death row: "I just hope you can hold my hand during the execution and make my heart feel better."
After washing your hair in the morning, put your mobile phone on the shelf next to you. After washing, I looked up and found that the phone was a little foamed, so I naturally took it under the tap and washed it for 20 seconds. After washing, I was very clean and satisfied. I wiped the surface of my mobile phone with a towel. Looking at the brand-new mobile phone, I feel really beautiful today. Two minutes later, I was stupid. I turned off the phone, opened the back cover, removed the battery and watched the water dripping from the inside of the phone. ...
On Teacher's Day, I gave my math teacher a smiling tiger cigar and put firecrackers in the tobacco leaves, which startled the teacher.
In the second year, cigars were sent, and the teacher cut them with scissors instead of firecrackers; The teacher is very heartbroken. I gave the teacher another cigar. It exploded again. . .
When the mayor came to the school to inspect the meeting, he secretly put laxatives in the principal's water to keep the principal in the toilet, and I also took toilet paper.
In the first aid class at the university, the professor said and demonstrated:
Professor: Put your hands on your chest. Don't press too hard. Just press 2~3cm. Too much force will easily break the patient's ribs!
Professor: Let's look at the demonstration (press your hand hard). Click! The model's ribs are broken.
Sorry to say, class is over ~
A farmer boasted that his manor was very big. He said, "If I drive around my manor, it will take a week."
A listener said sympathetically, "Oh, yes, I once had such a broken car. It was really irritating."
A magician worked on a small cruise ship for a year or two.
In the past two years, he has the same program every night, and the audience likes him.
But because the audience often changes, there is no need for him to rush to learn new tricks.
However, a few years later, after long-term observation, the parrot sitting in the back row finally saw the flaw of the magician's trick and began to expose the magician's trick in public.
For example, if a magician makes a bunch of flowers disappear, the parrot will shout "behind him!" Behind him! "
This made the magician fly into a rage, but he was helpless. The parrot belongs to the captain. He can't touch it.
One day, the ship leaked and sank.
The magician managed to swim to a board floating on the water and caught it.
The parrot stood at the other end of the board.
The two of them stared at each other all the way without saying a word. So I drifted on the water for three days.
The fourth morning, the parrot finally looked at the magician and said, "forget it, I surrender." Where did you turn the boat? "
The owner of the pet shop bought a new parrot and hung it in front of the store to attract customers.
Bertha passes by this pet shop every day when she goes to work. One day, when Bertha passed by the shop, the parrot suddenly called, "Miss, please wait a moment!" "
what can I do for you? Portia asked curiously.
You are so ugly! Ha ha ha, the parrot is very happy.
You rude bird! Bertha was very angry, but looking back, she thought, "Forget it, don't care about a bird. '
The next day, when Bertha passed the shop, the parrot greeted her again: "Miss, please wait a moment!" " "What happened this time?" Bertha glared at the parrot.
You are so ugly! Ha ha ha-'The parrot was shaking with laughter.
Bertha was very angry, but she tried to comfort herself: "Bertha, don't be angry." You don't have to be so angry with a bird.
But after being teased by the parrot several times in a row, Bertha finally couldn't stand it. She ran to the pet store and shouted angrily to the shopkeeper, "If you don't get rid of this uneducated broken bird, you will go to court!" "
Hearing this, the shopkeeper was embarrassed:' Miss, please don't take it too personally. This bird has just been bought from a casino, so its language is a bit vulgar. I have been training it these days, and I promise you that it will never speak ill of you again tomorrow. "
After that, the shopkeeper turned to the parrot and shouted,' If you dare to speak ill of this lady again tomorrow, I will fry you and eat you! Did you hear me clearly? Fried and eaten!'
Hearing this, the parrot's arrogant head suddenly fell down. When she saw this scene, Portia calmed down.
The next day, Portia felt particularly relaxed at the thought of never hearing the mocking of the broken bird again.
When passing by the store, the parrot still greeted Portia: "Miss, please wait a moment!"
Bertha was very surprised:' Be careful to be fried and eaten. "Oh, what are you trying to say?"
"I think you know, ha ha ha-"The parrot smiled.
-When I was on the bus yesterday,
The bus driver kept staring at me,
Like I didn't buy a ticket.
-What would you do?
It's simple,
I kept staring at him, too,
Like I bought a ticket.
There was a Japanese slave who started a company in China and became a boss. When he became rich, he ostentatiously told China employees in stuttering Chinese that he wanted to rent the most expensive house in the city. China employees thought they had to punish him. So he spent a lot of money to rent a cheap house next to the crematorium. The slave was afraid of forgetting the address and asked the staff to write it down. The employee wrote on the note: "Next to the crematorium, a villa area." One day, Japanese slaves got lost in a dark place. He took out the note and stammered to ask passers-by. Passers-by recognized him as a Japanese slave and read the note again. So passers-by said, "stand in the middle of the road for a while, and naturally someone will take you."
Exercise your muscles to prevent being beaten!
A priest came to the prisoner who was about to be executed and said to him, I want to tell you a word from God. There is no need, cried the prisoner. I'll meet his father in person later.
A gentleman, a genius, woke up in the middle of the night one day (summer) and suddenly found an extra hand on the bed (he was the only one in the dormitory), and he was scared into a cold sweat, but he was really a man. Without saying anything, he picked up the hand and hit the wall, muttering "Let you scare Lao Tzu" and played all night.
When he woke up the next day, he was very sad to find that his hand was swollen. It turns out that the extra hand is his own. He put his hand under his body and felt numb. He got up in the middle of the night and felt it. He thinks there is another helper. . .
A year ago, freshman had a course called appreciation of ancient literature. One day I looked down at a poem on the table.
Yue:
Why do you need a long sleep in your life?
Will sleep after death.
Open your drunken eyes
Look at that poor professor.
So I felt guilty and looked up at the professor who gave a passionate speech.
He asked emotionally, "What is hibiscus?" ! ! ! ! ! "
Everyone at the bottom looked up and replied with one voice, "Sister ..."
"Yes, hibiscus is a kind of flower ..."
After graduating from high school, I went to the highway intersection as a toll collector. One day, a Japanese man came to his window and asked for directions. Japanese fluent English made him unable to understand a word, but a strong sense of patriotism told him not to lose face in front of the Japanese, so he just smiled and nodded, "Yes, yes, yes ~!" "Then the Japanese rode his bike on the highway!
Teacher: "Now in the first aid class, someone is injured. What should I do first? " ? Xiao Xin: I know. Ask him if he wants organ donation. 」
A thief sneaked into a mansion and rummaged through it. When he was ready to leave, the master came back. The thief hurriedly grabbed a sack beside him and put it on his body. He crouched in the corner of the living room, afraid to get out of the atmosphere. The host entered the room drunk, saw something in the corner of the living room and went over. He repeatedly touched his pocket and kept muttering, "What is this? Huh? " The thief was very uncomfortable and impatient, shouting, "Pumpkin! Idiot! " After hearing this, the host couldn't help complaining: "Why didn't you say so earlier? Let Laozi guess for a long time! "
Health tips: after a full meal, first, quit smoking, second, take a bath, third, get angry, loosen your belt under temptation, and fifth, brush your teeth.
Six abstinence from going to the toilet and seven abstinence from drinking, you know?
Stop the ball:
The defender who stopped the ball at the foot 10 mm was a Brazilian player.
The defender who stopped the ball at the foot 10 cm was a Spanish player.
The defender who stops the ball at 10 decimeter is a German player.
The defender who stops the ball at 10 meter is a China player.
dribble
The player who can take the ball from his baseline to the other half is a Dutch player.
The player who can take the ball from his own baseline to the other's baseline is a Brazilian player.
It is China players who can steal their players' feet and bring them into their own goals.
pass the ball
The players who can accurately make a long pass 50 meters away and find teammates on the court are British players.
The player who can hit a delicate 2 1 within 5 meters is an Argentine player.
A player who can pass the ball within 5 meters and the defender and striker kick one after another every 50 meters is a China player.
People don't attack me, I don't attack; If people offend me, comity three points; If people force me again, I'll give you an injection; People still attack me and kill the grass.
Just now, I went to the office to answer questions. I saw the professor correcting papers while listening to Buddhist music. He asked why, and said angrily, it's easier to be lenient when listening to Buddhist music, otherwise these little bastards will fail! ! -.-!
Tang Priest: Donor, I am from the Eastern Tang Dynasty. Please stay here for one night ... huh? Donors? Donor, would you please open the door? Fuck!
Tang Priest: Wukong bastard! Don't do this! Those benefactors are not monsters. How can you persist in teaching and kill people at will? ! ..... oh? Are they businessmen who buy land in Gai Lou? Amitabha ... Wujing, help me hold the five Buddha crowns for my teacher; Wukong, lend the golden hoop to the teacher! No, Bajie, give me your rake! blackguard ...
4. Tang Priest: Bajie, Wukong is not here. Go and make some vegetarian food. Jason Wu, you drink the horses first. ..... Bajie, Bajie, come here. Remember! Just go to the house we passed just now, yes, the one where the village woman took care of the children. After smelling the fragrance, I am making sauce elbow, which is very fragrant! Go ahead, just a mother and son, give or rob! Go back!
5. Tang Priest: Wukong, Bajie and Wukong, come to the teacher. Alas ..... I don't blame your teacher, but have you forgotten all my teaching? You and I are both Buddhists, so we should avoid many commandments. You should always remember that you don't steal, talk nonsense, hate your mouth, be greedy, jealous or stupid! Since you believe in Buddhism wholeheartedly, how can you practice without practice? Ok, I'll ask your teacher, who the fuck is it! Last night, while I was sleeping for my teacher, I sneaked into QQ and stole my food? !
6。 One day I saw a shocking car on the street, which read: expulsion from driving school, self-study, renting a car, buying a license plate, no insurance, unclear brake throttle, 33 car accidents, 32 wins, 1 0 loss. All the other cars have run away.
Is it funny?