In the eyes of my daughter, I am a complaining mother!
When my daughter entered junior high school, she was under too much pressure. She especially liked to complain. As soon as she entered the house, she started complaining. She blamed the teacher for assigning too many homework, the school facilities were poor, and her classmates treated her badly. Unfriendly, etc...
I had no choice but to enlighten her, give her some positive encouragement, and let her think from her perspective. She nodded in agreement, but she didn't really listen. It went in with her left ear and came out with the right ear, and it was still the same the next day.
Until one day, I was in a bad mood at the company. After hearing her nagging complaints, I finally couldn’t help but burst out: Why do you complain so much? Can you ever meet her? No complaints beforehand? Can you think carefully about whether it is your fault?
My daughter was stunned by my violent reaction. After a while, she said leisurely: Mom, are you bored too? Don’t you often complain too? Complaining that your job is tiring? Complaining that dad has no conscience? Complain about your bad fate?
This time it was my turn to be stunned. It turns out that in my daughter’s mind, I am a complaining mother.
Every mother who loves to complain is a good mother
This is the true story of my friend. She told me with tears that she gave everything to this family, but in the end she failed. People can understand.
I don’t know when and who labeled those nagging, accusing, and picky women as “hatred women”?
This is obviously a kind of harm, which has seriously damaged the hearts of many good mothers.
In fact, I would like to say that all mothers who complain are good mothers.
Did anyone start to protest?
Don't worry, listen to me slowly. In fact, just change one word and the two would be completely opposite.
Which word? Replace the "resentment" of complaint with the "wishes" of desire.
The reason why these mothers complain is because they still hold "wishes" in their hearts. They hope that their children will succeed in school, be healthy and happy, that their families will be filled with harmony and love, and that they have a beautiful vision for life.
A word difference, a different angle, and the world is different. Why is it said that a complaining mother is a good mother?
Because deep down in the heart of every complaining mother is the true love for her children and family. A picky customer is a real customer. If he doesn't want to buy something, he won't be picky or complain. Behind those mothers who love to complain, there is often a deep love for the world. They especially want to live a good life. This is their wish.
As long as you observe carefully, you will find that those mothers who like to complain are almost always the hardest-working people in the family. She keeps the house clean and provides delicious meals for her family. Because she wants to have a warm and clean home, this is her wish. When her children and her husband make a mess at home, she, who is very active, will start cleaning, but she will also start to complain, making people uncomfortable.
These complaining mothers are smart people because they can identify problems, but they just don’t express them in a better way. She noticed her husband's laziness and her children's lack of effort, so she started to warn them endlessly, and sometimes even cursed. She wanted to make her family aware of the problem through her own reminders, but she lacked a more effective way.
These women are women with strong actions and true temperament. They have as much positive energy as they complain, and they have as much desire and action as they have.
In fact, they are already good wives and mothers, but they have gone to the other extreme and become "resentful wives" that their husbands and children do not like. Why is this happening?
Because of helplessness.
Some time ago, a viral article titled "Middle-aged men are worse than dogs" hit WeChat Moments, arousing the embarrassment and emotion of countless people, and the number of likes reached 100,000.
However, I want to say that when a woman reaches middle age, she is even worse than a dog.
A good mother is forced to become a "resentful woman"
Such a scene is not uncommon in life.
A middle-aged woman held an umbrella in one hand, her bag hanging on her wrist, and a bag of vegetables in her hand.
The other hand held the heavy child, carrying a heavy schoolbag on his shoulders, wearing a pair of high heels, and walked home with difficulty in the pouring rain. The scene we can imagine is that a working woman has just gotten off work, hurriedly picked up her child, and immediately rushed to the market to buy groceries with her child. When she went out, she was suddenly caught in a heavy rain... She was like a warrior, more like a warrior charging into battle.
There is no doubt that this mother plays the triple role of a working woman, a smart and capable wife, and a gentle and loving mother.
When people reach middle age, they not only have to face workplace crises, but also face family problems. Under the dual pressure of family and work, she could not find a suitable way to release the "pressure", so she kept pouring out her bitterness to her children, husband and friends. The more she talked, the more excited she became, and the more she talked, the more bitter she felt! Because she could only choose to release the pressure among her relatives, she felt that she was doing it all for this family, and only the people at home would understand.
This is why many mothers become more and more complaining.
They want to succeed in the workplace, but also want to be a virtuous wife at home, a mother praised by their children, a good daughter loved by their parents, and a good daughter-in-law in the eyes of their mother-in-law. But they are not supermen, they are mortals. They shuttle between the workplace and the family, constantly changing roles. They all want to play every role well and do well, but there are also times when they are weak and sick. The time and energy are also very limited.
When various problems in work and life hit them, they are overwhelmed and inadvertently become "grudge women". (Of course, the pressure of a full-time mother is not small. I won’t go into details here. I will write a bitter history of full-time mothers when I find the time.)
However, how can a mother who has no sense of happiness cultivate a happy mother? Children with a sense of well-being. How can your child be happy if he can't see your smiling face? Therefore, for the sake of your children, don’t be a “vindictive mother” no matter what.
Be a calm and gentle Buddhist mother
It is yours, it is yours. It's not yours, don't force it. Work hard, cherish it, and have a clear conscience. The rest, leave it to fate.
Women should be kind to themselves. Even if we cannot reverse the wear and tear of time on us, we should still work hard to make ourselves better.
1 Don’t worry too much
Remember: your time and mood are precious, don’t waste your time on things that have no intellectual cost. If you have the financial strength, you can hire an aunt. If you don't have this ability for the time being, you can delegate your power and let your husband and children do the work on their own. Don't do everything yourself. This will only create a widowed partner.
On weekends, you can instruct your husband and children to do some housework. It’s okay if you don’t do it well, at least others are trying their best.
2 Don’t stop learning
People are full of poetry and calligraphy, and they should learn more when they reach middle age. Nowadays, with the Internet and books, you can study anytime and anywhere. If you can't change others, change yourself. Children don't like to study. If you study by yourself, your children may also be affected by you. Children have long been bored with the daily logic. Sometimes it is better to say a hundred words than to do it once. You will learn more knowledge, broaden your horizons, and no longer need to stick to the current situation.
3 Keep exercising
Ugly people read more, and fat people run more. People who like sports have a positive, sunny and uplifting mental outlook, and can maintain physical health. Cycling, running, mountain climbing, swimming... choose something you like, take your children and husband with you, it will not only exercise your body, but also improve the relationship of the family. This is more effective than nagging him to take care of his body. .
4 Don’t give up on taking care of yourself
This society has always relied on appearance, and good looks have advantages no matter where you are. So don’t think that you don’t need to take care of yourself as you get older. Women need to take good care of themselves at all times.
A woman likes her appearance. Do you want your children and husband to see you clean and beautiful every day, or a greasy-headed aunt?
Most women always use complaining as a mantra. Originally, their lives were not that bad, but if they complain for a long time, their lives will really go downhill. Sanmao said that complaining once in a while may be a way to vent some emotions, and it's okay. But habitually complaining without seeking change is an unwise person.
Don’t feel sorry for yourself and complain about your bad life while working hard; at the same time, you can indulge your greed and live a “greasy” life. Don’t let yourself lose yourself in front of your husband, and don’t let yourself become an intolerant, unsmiling mother in front of your children.
Sometimes we are like oysters, and the unsatisfactory things in life are like sand that goes into the shell. When we are in pain but cannot spit out the sand, we have only two choices: one is to complain. , making everyone unhappy!
The other is assimilation, making peace with the sand. Over time, the sand becomes more and more the essence of the oyster, until it becomes the pearl in its life!
Dear mothers, we must be our own doctors. When facing various difficulties, let us turn complaints into strength, and use our actions and attitudes to educate our children to become a happy, positive and brave person. Frustrated and difficult people.
I am Teacher Fan. I focus on reading improvement and learning methods for children aged 9-18. I have focused on educational research for 16 years. I teach distant literature courses - teaching reading comprehension, writing, grammar, and rhetoric. One of the founders of Doanjing Education and the person in charge of the Yuanfang Literature Linyi Course.
I am Star Baby No. 320 of Diary Planet, and I am participating in the transformation journey of Diary Planet. This is my 40th diary entry. Believe in the power accumulated over time. It is not the power of water that can penetrate a stone, but the power of continuity.