1. Fragile Life
At the age of ten, Shi Tiesheng won the first prize in an essay contest. At the age of eighteen, Shi Tiesheng volunteered to jump the queue in Yanchuan County, Shaanxi Province. At the beginning of jumping the queue, Shi Tiesheng suffered from spinal cord injury and low back pain. Once he was herding cattle in the mountains and was caught in heavy rain and hail. After high fever, the symptoms of low back and leg pain reappeared, and the root of the disease fell from then on. On the second day of Shi Tiesheng's 21st birthday, his father helped him walk into the ward for the first time because of his leg disease. At that moment, Shi Tiesheng had a resolution: be good or die, and never come out like this again.
As his legs became numb and his muscles shrank irresistibly, Shi Tiesheng felt lost. The unnamed philosopher said: it is difficult to have atheists when you are lying on your sickbed. All day and all night, lying in bed, Shi Tiesheng reduced his interest in reading. The footsteps going back and forth and stopping outside disturbed Shi Tiesheng's thoughts. Shi Tiesheng prayed forlornly in his heart: God, if you don't take me back, leave me my walking leg. Under the south window, it is pink and green, although it makes people yearn for it. But Shi Tiesheng never dared to envy those healthy people walking among flowers and trees again.
he can't even recall the feeling of stepping on the soft grass. Since then, he has never stood up again. Life is so fragile that people can't bear to look directly at it. At the age of twenty-one, twenty-nine and thirty-eight, Shi Tiesheng was discharged from the hospital in Sanlin. Especially at the age of 29, Shi Tiesheng had a high fever, and he was sleepy and vomited all day. I didn't dare to smell rice for nearly three months. I relied on blood vessels to drink glucose, and my blood pressure was unstable. Doctors were once worried that he would not survive the winter.
2. Strong mother
After Shi Tiesheng was disabled, his mother's whole mind was devoted to treating him. In order to treat the disease, the whole family is heavily in debt. Shi Tiesheng's mother looked around for remedies, spent money like water, and searched for strange medicines. She washed, applied, smoked and moxibustion Shi Tiesheng. Shi Tiesheng eats and drinks. However, the miracle did not show that Shi Tiesheng benefited for life. It was the words of the old doctor in Friendship Hospital: "You may not have such leisure time in your life. Why don't you use this time to read some books and sort out your thoughts?
In the second grade of junior high school, Shi Tiesheng caught up with the "Cultural Revolution" and didn't read any books. Most world famous works and so on were read after his legs were disabled. Shi Tiesheng goes to Ditan in a wheelchair every day, either reading or thinking. Shi Tiesheng's mother finally despaired of her son's leg. In order to try to forget this misfortune, Shi Tiesheng's mother borrowed books from him everywhere and pushed him to the movies in the rain or snow. Fearing that Shi Tiesheng would commit suicide and endure pain and worry, she let her son go out alone. Many times, Shi Tiesheng stayed in this garden for too long, so she came to him, but she didn't dare to disturb him.
As long as Shi Tiesheng is well, she will turn back without saying a word. Perhaps out of stubbornness and shyness, Shi Tiesheng pretended not to see it, and sometimes he deliberately hid. At thirty, Shi Tiesheng's first novel was finally published. A few years later, Shi Tiesheng won the prize again. But she can no longer enjoy this glorious moment with her son * * *. As early as forty-nine, she left him. Shi Tiesheng recalled that he was stunned by fate and thought he was the most unfortunate one in the world. I don't know that my misfortune is always doubled in my mother's place.
3. Pursuit and Living
In the difficult years of paralysis, Shi Tiesheng was irritable. He couldn't find a job and a way, so he had to spend it in the garden. Sometimes he stays for a while, sometimes until the moon is full. Shi Tiesheng said: I have been in this garden for so many years, sometimes I am relaxed and happy, sometimes I am depressed, sometimes I am carefree, sometimes I am lonely, sometimes I am calm and confident, sometimes I am weak and confused. In Shi Tiesheng's ear, three questions have been harassing and accompanying him. The first one is do you want to die? The second is why live? Third, why should I write?
What inspired Shi Tiesheng was a film by Chaplin: City Lights. The heroine tried to commit suicide, but Chaplin saved her. The woman said, "Why did you save me? What right do you have not to let me die? " Chaplin said, "What's the hurry? Don't we all have to die sooner or later? " Shi Tiesheng's heart thumped: Yes, don't we all have to die sooner or later? Regarding death, Shi Tiesheng said: Death is something that you don't have to rush for success. Death is a festival that is bound to come.
With regard to disability, Shi Tiesheng always wondered why I could write a novel. Why are the materials of those novels sent to a paraplegic? Wang Meng once said that because he is a disabled person, there is a quiet spirit in his works that other writers don't have. For life and writing, a friend once advised Shi Tiesheng that you can't die, you still have to write, and there are still many works waiting for you to write. At this time, Shi Tiesheng really realized that people are alive, in the final analysis, it is desire, and people's real name is desire. Not afraid of death and wanting to die are two different things. Being afraid of living does not mean not wanting to live.
In order to survive, human beings should find some solid reasons to think that they can get something, such as the sense of love value. Therefore, Shi Tiesheng said: Living is not to write, but writing is to live. I have to write only because I am alive.
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Theme
Many of Shi Tiesheng's novels have strong autobiographical elements, such as the novella Destiny, which is the author's spiritual autobiography; He has strong religious feelings and even profound religious philosophy. Thinking about people's redemption needs and ultimate care in their works, pursuing God, reflects that the world overthrew family ties and destroyed love in the name of ideology, even betrayed their own conscience and beliefs, and gave up their beliefs for the benefit. For example, the article "Shame on the Cultural Revolution" describes that the police found an underground novel copied among friends, and "I" decided to betray my friends before the police came to the door.
Fate is an inexhaustible contingency, and everything in the world is only unreasonable chaos; In this cruel and unfair world, people are orphans at the mercy of others. "(God's) kindness is that he always gives you the way as long as you go forward." Notes on Retreat records a painful soul that seeks divinity but fails to reach it, and criticizes utilitarianism, and denies folk qigong and geomantic omen as a possible way to seek transcendence.
Status
In the 198s, Shi Tiesheng was the first spokesman of the "educated youth complex", and his works were very popular and respected. He was the backbone of China literary circles, famous for his sincerity, and was also regarded as a spiritual leader by avant-garde writers. The novel "Notes on Retreat" published in 1995 is the first true religious philosophical novel in China literature, which is of milestone significance, but the response of this book is scattered, and it seems that there are not many readers.
Baidu encyclopedia-Shi Tiesheng