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It was a last resort
A Chinese teacher with a strong dialect read the ancient poem "Wo Chun" to the students. The Chinese teacher read as follows;
Lying in spring
You can smell the dark plum blossoms in the dark, lying on the branches and feel sad at the bottom. From a distance, you can hear who is lying there, and you can easily see the spring green.
The bank is like green , the shore seems green, the shore seems dark green.
The teacher asked the students to dictate, and one student wrote:
I am uneducated, and my IQ is very low, you want to ask me Who is it, a big stupid donkey?
I am a donkey, I am a donkey, I am a stupid donkey.
One day in class, Xiao Ming suddenly wanted to fart, and he also He was sure it was a loud fart, so he thought of a way to slap his hands when he farted. After thinking about it, he was very happy with his idea. The result was that Xiao Ming slapped his hands, everyone looked at him, and then Xiao Ming let out What a fart!
There was a lunatic who got a pistol from nowhere. He was walking in a small dark alley. Suddenly he met a young man. Without saying anything, he pushed him to the ground and pointed a gun at his head. Asked, how much does one plus one get? The young man was frightened and thought for a long time. The answer is equal to two. Psycho beat him to death without hesitation. Then he grabbed Zhu in his arms and said coldly, you know too much...
My friend's child is half a year old, so I called to care about it. After a few words of greeting, he said: You Is my child eating human milk or your milk now?
I went to buy watermelon that day and heard someone asking the melon seller: Does your watermelon have a skin?
7. I went shopping one day and felt urgent to urinate. I found an Internet cafe in front of me. I rushed through the door and shouted to the network administrator: Where is the toilet in your hut~?
8. When I was buying food in the cafeteria, I saw the tofu skin that I had been coveting for a long time. I got excited and told the waiter that I would like some potato skins, which shocked everyone around me.
9 . The politics teacher once said during a lecture: "Let me give you an example." Then he felt it was wrong and said again: "Give me an example."
10. When I was in junior high school, the teacher asked the translator Who is this man ?A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed, and the teacher was speechless
11. I remember meeting a dog on the road, and the girl next to me shouted in surprise: Yeah, there’s no dog in that tail! !
Six-year-old Xiaofang is very cute and is often proposed to by boys in her class.
One day, Xiaofang came home and said to her mother: "MAMA! Today Xiaoqiang proposed to me and asked me to marry him..."
MAMA said casually: "He has a fixed "
Xiaofang thought for a moment and said, "He is the person in charge of wiping the blackboard in our class.
One day, Mr. Wang found that his 5-year-old son Xiaoming behaved a little. Weird.
As evening approached, he stood alone at the window waving outside, seemingly muttering something.
Mr. Wang quietly walked behind Xiao Ming, but heard Xiao Ming say. : "Goodbye, father-in-law, goodbye, father-in-law..."
Mr. Wang looked out the window and saw no one. It had been like this for several days. At this time, Xiao Ming stood at the window and repeated that. A sentence that made Mr. Wang’s hair stand on end.
Finally, Mr. Wang couldn’t bear it anymore and called his son over, “Xiao Ming, who are you saying goodbye to at this time every day? ”
“Father-in-law. "Xiao Ming looked innocent. Mr. Wang's scalp exploded when he heard this, "Which...which father-in-law? ”
“Father Sun~”
A group of ants climbed onto the elephant’s back, but were shaken off. Only one ant clung tightly to the elephant’s neck. Let go, the ant below yelled: strangle him, strangle him, you damn boy!
The five yuan was kidnapped by a criminal gang, call the hundred dollar bill:
“Hey! Your son is here. If you don’t want us to break up the vote, just trade yourself for him! "
The hundred-yuan note thought for a moment and said:
"Tear it up, you won't even have 5 yuan left if you tear it up! "
2. A man was about to starve to death in the desert, when he picked up the magic lamp.
Magic lamp: "I can only grant you one wish, tell me now. , I'm in a hurry.
"
Man: "I want a wife..."
The magic lamp immediately turned out to be a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully: "You are almost starving to death and you are still greedy for beauty! sad! "After saying that, he disappeared.
Person: "...cake. "1. Two bananas were walking. One of them got hot, so he took off his clothes and threw it on the ground. The result - the banana behind stepped on the banana peel and slipped
2. At the Guandi Temple, everyone smelled a fart Everyone who Xiao Ming asked said they didn't put it there. Xiao Ming got angry and said, "Whoever did it should be ashamed of this." Suddenly, Guan Yu jumped down from the altar and beat Xiao Ming: "My blush is natural!" ! ! "
3. Xiao Ming was afraid of the dark because there would be ghosts at night. But one day, he thought of a way to turn himself into a ghost so that he would no longer be afraid. So he committed suicide. ……
4. There was a fat man who jumped from a tall building and became a fat man.
6. Once upon a time, there was a dog There were 4 pieces of poop, and the owner saw that a button was stuck on the dog’s buttocks.
7. One day, Xiaoqiang asked his father: “Dad, am I a stupid boy? Dad said: "Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy?"
8. The Earthworm family was very bored today, so the little Earthworm cut himself into two pieces to play badminton. Mother Earthworm thought this method was good, so she cut herself into four pieces to play Mahjong. The father of the earthworm thought for a moment and then cut himself into minced meat. The mother of the earthworm cried and said: "Why are you so stupid? It will kill you if you cut it into pieces like this! "Earthworm's father said weakly: "...I suddenly want to play football. ”
9. Q: One day, it took the bird 1 hour to fly from Kaohsiung to Taipei. But it took 2 hours to come back! WHY? A: Because it was raining at the time! So I need a hand Covering the rain with one hand and flying with one hand
10. On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl: "Why doesn't the plane hit the stars when it flies so high?" The little girl replied: "I know. , because the stars will 'shine'!"
Once after school, my deskmate asked me to go to dinner with her. Before leaving, she kindly reminded me, "Go to the bathroom."
I was probably only thinking about eating, so I blurted out "I'm not hungry"...
Looking back, I looked at my deskmate who was laughing so hard that he was squatting on the floor~
Spent the night alone Seeing a fire in the cemetery, he thought it was a will-o'-the-wisp, so he threw a brick into it. The fire moved to another grave, and the man threw another brick in the grave. Then he heard "****?" Bricks?
When I was taking a Chinese class, the text talked about the dangers of the environment. It talked about leaks, serious pollution, etc.
When it comes to emotional aspects, The 40-year-old Chinese language aunt angrily slapped the stage and said loudly: "You humans! You don't know how to protect the environment!!"
The whole class was petrified
. When I was in high school, I was at home at noon. After I woke up, I ate two oranges. My fingers turned yellow after I finished eating. I went straight to school without washing my hands. When I was with my classmates in the afternoon, a classmate said, "Why are you so disgusting? After having a bowel movement." Shit wiped on your fingers! "I said: "It's not poop, it's caused by eating oranges at noon." After saying that, I pointed my finger.
It became miserable within two days. The whole school knew that there was a person in our school who used his fingers after pooping. Wipe your butt with your head, and when it is dry, you will point your fingers at the classmate and say it smells like oranges
[Scene 1]
Teacher: Honestly, do you smoke?
Boy a: No.
Teacher: No? Well, let’s eat some fries.
A naturally held it between his fingers... …
Teacher: Don’t smoke? Call the parents...
[Scenario 2]
Teacher: Do you smoke?
b: No.
Teacher: No? Well, let’s eat some fries.
b Because he heard about a, he took the fries very carefully.
Teacher: Why don’t you dip it in some ketchup?
b accidentally dipped too much, so he immediately flicked it with his fingers...
Teacher : The gesture of flicking cigarette ashes is very skillful. Call the parents...
[Scenario 3]
Teacher: Do you smoke?
Boy C: No.
Teacher: If you don’t want to smoke, okay, let’s eat some French fries.
cBecause of the previous two examples, I finished eating the French fries very carefully and sweating.
Teacher: Why don’t you take the roots back to your classmates?
c After taking the fries, he easily clamped it on his ear...
Teacher: Don’t want to suck it? Call parents...
[Scenario 4]
Teacher: Do you smoke?
Boy d: Don’t smoke.
Teacher: Very good, let’s eat some French fries.
d finished the fries with fear.
Teacher: Why don’t you take the roots back to your classmates?
d carefully put the fries into his coat pocket.
The teacher suddenly shouted: The principal is here!
d quickly took out the chips from his pocket and threw them on the ground, stamping them hard with his feet...
Teacher: Don’t suck? ! Call parents...
[Scene 5]
Teacher: Do you smoke?
Boy e: No,
Teacher: Very good, let’s eat French fries.
e just took the fries, and the teacher said: Don’t you want me to eat?
e quickly handed over the fries with both hands, and then took out the lighter...
Teacher: Don’t smoke? ! Call parents...
[Scene 6]
Teacher: Do you smoke?
Boy F: Don’t smoke.
Teacher: Very good, let’s eat some French fries.
f finished eating with fear.
Teacher: Suddenly shouted: The principal is here!
f’s palms were sweating, but he still lowered his head calmly and said: Hello, principal!
Teacher: The principal will smell your mouth.
f took out French fries: No, it’s still here, the fire hasn’t even started yet...
[Scene 7]
Teacher: What the hell are you doing? Do you smoke or not?
Boy g: Promise to God, I will never smoke.
Teacher: You really don’t smoke? OK, let's eat some root fries.
g took the fries very naturally and ate them all.
Teacher: What a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like?
g(getting carried away): Greater China...
[Scene 8]
Teacher: Let’s eat French fries.
Boy n: Thank you, no.
Teacher: ...
After Tang Monk drove away Wukong, he encountered a monster again. He had to recite a tight spell to call Wukong back to save his life. Soon a voice came from the air: I'm sorry, please call The user is not in the service area, please try again later.
One day, the wolf wanted to eat three little pigs. Two of the three little pigs are at the door and one is on the roof. Pig 1 and Pig 2 are at the door, and Pig 3 is on the roof. Pig 1's name is "Who", Pig 2's name is "Where", and Pig 3's name is "What". So there was a wonderful conversation.
Wolf: Who are you?
Pig 1: Yes
Wolf: What? Pig 1: "What" is on the roof.
Wolf: I asked you what your name is?
Pig 1: My name is "who", "what" is on the roof!
The wolf asked Pig 2 again: Who are you?
Pig 2: I am not "who", he is "who". Pointing at Pig 1
Wolf: Do you know him?
Pig 2: Yeah!
Wolf: Who is he?
Pig 2: Yes.
Wolf: What?
Pig 2: "What" is on the roof!
Wolf: Where?
Pig 2: "Where" is me.
Wolf: Who?
Pig 2: "Who" is he. Pointing at Pig 1 again
Wolf: How do I know?
Pig 2: “Who” are you looking for?
Wolf: What?
Pig 2: Is he on the roof?
Wolf: Where?
Pig 2: It’s me.
Wolf: Who?
Pig 2: I am not "who", he is "who".
Wolf: Oh my God!
Pig 1?2: "Oh my God" is our father.
Wolf: What, is it your father?
Pig 2: No!
The wolf couldn't stand it anymore and looked up to the sky and sighed: Why?
Pig 1?2?3: Do you know our grandpa?
Wolf: What?
Pig 1: No, our grandfather is "why".
Wolf: Why?
Pig 1: Yes!
Wolf: What is it?
Pig 1: No "why".
Wolf: Who?
Pig 1: “Who” am I?
Wolf: Who are you?
Pig 1: Yes, I am "who".
Wolf: What?
Pig 1?2: He is on the roof. ~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time there was a man named Ah Shuang.
He died. The day of the funeral.
His family members cried: ‘It’s so cool... it’s so cool. ’
Passers-by were puzzled. Asked: "What do you enjoy?" ’
My family members cried bitterly: ‘It feels so good... so good!!’
Wife: I was so blind that I would only marry you if I step on shit.
Husband: I am so blind that I will only marry you if I step on shit.
Shit: I’m so unlucky! As I lay there, I was stepped on by both of you...
A man went fishing by the river
First he pierced a leaf. After a long time, no fish took the bait, so he changed it again. I bought a piece of bread, but no fish took the bait for a long time~
He had no choice but to change to earthworms, but still no fish took the bait for a long time~~
He was so angry that he took out 100rmb and threw it in Cursing in the water:
"*—What do %#% want to eat! Buy it yourself!!!!"
I liked Teresa Teng and died; I liked Weng Meiling and committed suicide ; I liked Anita Mui, but she passed away; I liked Wong Ka Kui, and she fell to death; I liked Leslie Cheung, and she jumped off a building; I like you, and you can figure it out yourself.
The teacher asked us to use the word "sure enough" to make sentences, so my deskmate wrote: I haven't showered in three months, and my body really stinks.
2． An article introducing the teacher's appearance. It should be "The teacher has a face with melon seeds", but it is sometimes written as "The teacher has a face with claws". Our Chinese teacher almost went crazy.
4. The 100 meters of the sports meeting finally started, and the students ran out like stray dogs.
5． The PLA uncles crawled forward one by one, like green caterpillars crawling on the ground.
6． "I died in the classroom due to illness..." "My brother has a newly shaved head, like a little bald donkey in Shaolin Temple..."
9. When I was in elementary school, I was very used to writing about good people and good deeds in my compositions. So people always write about picking up money. So, in order to exaggerate his achievements, someone wrote that he picked up 100 million yuan in the park. They were all 10 yuan, and they were as thick as a Chinese language document (for fourth grade students). The teacher read it out on the spot, and the classmate was probably extremely cold.
10． The old lady took out four 500 yuan bills.
11. "I have a classmate. He is neither tall nor short. He is over 1.76 meters and under 1.78 meters..." The work of a junior high school classmate...
13. The primary school teacher wrote a semi-proposition composition: "My xxx" and wrote about random people and things. As a result, my classmate's composition topic was: My comrade Qiu Shaoyun.
17. Do you still remember "Tadpole Looking for Mom" ??from elementary school? At that time, the teacher asked us to imitate this and write a composition about ***... One classmate wrote like this: My mother's snow-white belly, bulging eyes...
, one day. Little White Rabbit Jumping to the vegetable market.
Ask the stall owner: Boss, do you have 100 carrots?
The stall owner replied: Sorry. There are not so many...
So the little white rabbit left dejectedly
The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the vegetable market again.
Ask the stall owner: Boss, are you there? 100 carrots?
The stall owner replied: Sorry, there are still not that many...
So the little white rabbit left dejectedly.
The third day .The little white rabbit jumped to the vegetable market again.
Ask the stall owner: Boss, do you have 100 carrots?
The stall owner replied: Yes, yes, we have them today. !
Then the little white rabbit clapped her hands happily and shouted: Great! I want two!!!