Compared with the Han nationality, although Tujia people also attach importance to "parents' orders and matchmakers' words", marriage is still free on the whole. Unmarried young men and women of Tujia meet and fall in love at large festivals and production activities such as Wave Festival and Daughter's Party, express their love for folk songs and blowing leaves, and get married with the consent of their parents. In the Qing Dynasty, the Records of Yongshun Prefecture in Qianlong recorded the custom of Tujia ancestors expressing their feelings with folk songs: "Where farming goes in and out, men and women go in and out, and there are no relatives and friends. Lu Yu, regardless of gender, takes singing as the medium of adultery. " The marriage custom of Tujia nationality is one of the customs with the most complicated ceremony, complete procedures and exquisite details among all Tujia folk customs. Its procedure can be divided into five parts: seeking approval (that is, seeking relatives), engagement, marriage, seeing off relatives and returning to the door. Most of them are composed of many small links, with extremely complete procedures and rich connotations.
First, ask permission.
After both men and women are interested, the man will choose a glib matchmaker (usually a woman) and bring some wine, bacon and so on. Prepare for the man to go to the woman's house to ask for relatives. At this time, the matchmaker will try his best to match, move with emotion, understand with reason and complete the man's entrustment. If the woman's parents accept the gift money, it means that they acquiesce in this marriage, followed by "the same ancestor", that is, the news that the woman's parents announced their daughter's marriage to the villagers. There are two kinds of "marriage", one is verbal, that is, the woman's parents tell others the news of her daughter's marriage from door to door, and the other is that the woman holds a banquet (all the things needed for the banquet are provided by the man) and invites the villagers to eat a meal, at which the news of her daughter's marriage is announced. You can't accept the villagers' gifts for this meal.
Second, engagement.
After success is engagement, commonly known as "writing eight characters" and "eating ear wine" The banquet is still provided by the man, and the woman holds it to entertain the neighbors. "writing eight characters" means formal engagement. Of course, the man will also come to "write eight characters", mainly to recognize relatives and meet some relatives and friends of the woman. Before the banquet begins, men and women should exchange birthdays with each other, and at the same time, please ask Mr. Feng Shui to write down a wedding diary, commonly known as "reporting the date". After the banquet, the man should give the prepared sugar, wine, Baba and so on. To the people who came to the party. Generally, Baba is four or six, and it can't be eight, because people think that "eight" represents "eight generations of mold", which is unlucky. It should be noted that the man should not only prepare Baba for the woman's neighbors (mostly fathers), but also prepare Baba for the woman's family. Therefore, the two sides must discuss the specific number of people in advance and determine the number of gifts, which is indispensable, because after giving the father's gift, we must also ensure that the mother's gift is still sufficient.
Third, get married.
After the "eight characters" are written, the day when a woman leaves home begins to count down. At this time, both men and women will be busy for the wedding. The woman will buy the dowry and the man will buy the items needed for the wedding. A month before marriage (or seven to ten days ago), women will stop working in the fields and start "crying marriage". Weeping marriage is the most unique and touching part of the whole Tujia marriage custom. Tujia women began to learn to cry when they were 12 or 13 years old, and whether a woman cries well became the standard to measure whether she is virtuous or not. If she won't cry or won't cry, she will be considered uneducated and even discriminated against. Generally speaking, the main contents of crying and singing are "crying for parents", "crying for brothers and sisters", "crying for uncle", "crying for accompanying guests", "crying for matchmaker", "crying for combing hair", "crying for ancestors" and "crying for sedan chair". "Lyrics" are handed down from generation to generation, traditional and improvised by the bride and crying sisters. Weeping wedding song is a form of singing accompanied by crying, which is sung by the bride to express her feelings of parting. It is lyrical, deep and sad, and is praised as "China Aria" by musicians.
On the day before the wedding, a "round ceremony" will be held. The so-called "round ceremony" means that the man needs to buy a set of clothes and shoes for the bride, and at the same time, he needs to provide the pork for the banquet. All these require the man to ask someone to send them to the woman's house, and at the same time, the woman needs to buy a set of clothes and shoes for the man to take back to the man, so that people can't return them to the man empty-handed, otherwise it is impolite.
After the "Garden Ceremony", it is the wedding day. This day's banquet is called "Jiefengjiu", which means to receive relatives and friends from all directions. At this time, guests need to give a certain amount of gift money to show their congratulations. The next day is "wearing a bouquet". The woman presented all the dowry with a "bouquet" in her hand, and relatives and friends gave gifts to congratulate her. At the same time, "open your face", tear off the hair on your face with red lines, trim your eyebrows into crescent shapes, untie your braids, put on silver ornaments, and put on a new silk handkerchief on your head, indicating that the bride is no longer an ignorant girl, but a woman. "Wearing flowers" is usually held by etiquette teachers in the main room. At this time, the bride's elders need to give her red envelopes, commonly known as "bride price money", which can be more or less, depending on relatives and conditions. After the bride puts on the flowers, she will go back to the boudoir and sit on the bed waiting for the man's wedding according to Mr. Feng Shui's position in advance.
Fourth, seeing off relatives.
When the man's wedding team enters the bride's village, there will be a "bar" before officially entering the bride's home. The so-called "stopping the door wine" is to put a square table in front of the bride's house, put corn wine on it, and invite the respected clan elders and singers in the village to organize the ceremony. When the wedding procession came to the front of the hall, the woman's supervisor first sang a congratulatory message, and then the oldest and most prestigious elder in the wedding procession sang a thank-you speech. If the man's singing answer can satisfy the woman, drink in front of the door and open the door to welcome guests, otherwise he will be locked in the "door"
Outside (generally don't make things difficult for the man, if the man can't answer, the woman will give some hints).
When the wedding procession enters the door, it will be warmly received by the host, and the woman will make final preparations for farewell. When it comes to getting married, there will be "dragging relatives", that is, women older than the bride "stop" the bride from getting married and express their unwillingness to the bride. After "dragging relatives", the bride must go out from the main room. When the bride enters the threshold, the etiquette teacher will throw a pair of chopsticks (usually twelve pairs) on the bride's head and read, "Today, a pair of chopsticks will take you to a foreign land. Expensive also starts today, and cheap also ends today. " When chopsticks are about to fall on the bride's head, someone will open an umbrella for the bride at the farewell party to prevent chopsticks from hitting.