A joke refers to an interesting word or story. Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in story, often unexpected, giving people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. The following is a Chinese homophonic joke story I compiled. Welcome to reading.
Chinese homophonic joke story 1 1 I remember once, I went to KFC with a sister, and I heard her muttering in line, a chicken leg burger and a pair of chicken wings. Finally, it was her turn. As soon as she opened her mouth, everyone laughed. She wanted to say "Miss, a drumstick hamburger", and the result was "calf, a hamburger."
2. College students get together in the forest park. It's time for everyone to prepare dinner. Two boys volunteered to go to the canteen to buy beer. The monitor wants to remind them to buy beer and cans. Perhaps because they have been talking about international current affairs just now, the monitor stood up and shouted, "Beer should belong to Iraq." We all fell. Two boys are crazy.
During my internship, I said to a teacher: Teacher Chen, is your surname Chen?
4. A friend went to the dumpling shop and asked, "How much is a bowl of jiaozi (for sleeping)?" Just listen to the waitress "bah!" He cried and said, "shameless!"
5. I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine one day. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down!" " Cold! A bunch of classmates laughed to death.
6. My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. "
7. When I was in primary school, a very annoying boy asked me to borrow an eraser. If I don't borrow it, he will pester me and hit me. Then I shouted with all my strength, "I won't marry (borrow) you." At that time, the students immediately quieted down.
8. A girl is lovelorn. I advised her: "Two-legged toads are hard to find, and there are many men with three legs!" "
9. I wanted to drink soda that day, so I quickly went to the cold drink stand and said a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, when I saw the beer in front of me, I said, "Boss, a bottle of fart water." boss ...
10, once, my husband and I quarreled, and he called me "pig!" " I scolded him: "You are the husband of a pig." I really feel like a pig after scolding.
1 1 One of our colleagues, when taking the driver's license test, said a classic sentence to the examiner: report the instrument and the examiner is normal.
12, my sister told me that KFC's new "flesh-and-blood connection" (mutton kebabs have brittle bones) asked me to take her to eat. It was extremely hot in Beijing these days, and I was in a daze. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling Miss KFC: Please give me two "bloody" thank you! Shame!
13 once in class, the teacher wanted to tell us that the milk of cows with different colors is the best, and it turned out that the milk of breasts with different colors is the best. The whole class laughed. ...
14, went to Hengshan to play in college. I was halfway up the mountain. Tired and about to have a rest, I saw an Obasan buying souvenirs by the roadside. I went up and asked, "Wife."
15, someone came to my aunt's house just now. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll pour you some urine!" " "I should pour some tea.
China homophonic joke story 2 Li Dazhuang is afraid of his wife
Li Dazhuang, a famous scholar in Hebei Province, is very afraid of his wife. If he disobeys his wife's orders, she punishes him for sitting still, making his hair into the shape of a needle and thread plaque, putting a lamp bowl in it, and then lighting the lamp. Li Dazhuang's body did not dare to move or catch his breath, just like a dead wooden head or a clay doll. Friends who saw him punished joked with him and said, you are a lampstand at home.
One day, his wife suddenly fell ill and had to use crows as medicine. At that time, before the snow melted, it was difficult to catch crows with nets. Li Dazhuang didn't get a crow, and his wife was furious and wanted to hit him with a stick. Da Zhuang was afraid, so he stepped on the sand to lure crows with food, and only caught one.
A friend made fun of him and said: saints regard phoenix as auspicious. You caught a crow and escaped your wife's beating. This crow seems to be Dark Phoenix.
feng shui
A man was dying, so his son nailed four big copper rings on the side of the coffin. When his son asked him why, he said, It's much more convenient for you to listen to Mr. Feng Shui and move me around.
The dog denies it.
Two people sit together. One of them didn't say anything, so he pretended nothing and covered his nose with his sleeve.
There happened to be a dog nearby, so the man said it was a dog who farted. Just then, the dog yawned, and the man said to the man, look, it still refuses to recognize it!
magnificent
There is a plum blossom painting with no inscription. Someone saw it and praised it very well. Someone asked him: Do you know who painted it? He said, Zhang Chang.
Send plaque
A man boasted that he would win the bid and said, I dreamed that a drum band was playing at night and sent a plaque to my house. One of his friends said: I also dreamed of sending a plaque to your home. There are four words on the plaque.
Spread the news with a smile.
When a new official takes office, a village head asks to give the new official 100 dogs; I bought ninety-nine, and one is missing. I couldn't buy it, so I sawed off the horn of a sheep and handed it to the dog.
Sheep are ruminants, chewing food constantly in their mouths. Seeing the sheep's mouth moving, the new official asked: Why does the dog's mouth keep moving? The captain replied that the dog was chewing maggots.
Laugh at a fool
Once upon a time, there was a thief who often had money to buy things. A fool envied him very much and once asked him: How could you steal? The thief replied: I am good at stealing for only one reason: whenever I steal other people's property, I will put a branch made of crows and magpies in my hand so that others can't see me. Fools believe what thieves say.
One day, he really went to the crow's nest, holding a branch in his hand, and then went to a family to steal property, and was caught and beaten. When being beaten, the fool also said: I was beaten down by you, and you couldn't see me.
China homophonic joke story 3 What happened to that beautiful woman?
Chatting with my classmates in the corridor, a beautiful female chemistry teacher passed by,
I pointed to the teacher and said to my friend, "That beautiful woman ..."
The chemistry teacher heard it. He turned around, smiled and asked, "What happened to that beautiful woman?"
I paused and answered, "Na, Mg, Al, Si, P, S, Cl, Ar, K and Ca"
Can you give me a spoon?
There used to be a monk who passed by our village looking for water and went to Aunt Wang's house.
Monk: "patroness, I'm here to beg for water."
Aunt Wang kindly took the monk to the yard: "Master, wait for me to fetch water."
The monk nodded kindly: "The benefactor is really kind. Can you give me a scoop? "
Then there was a lame monk in our town.
Gisbon
A woman went to the supermarket to buy food.
Her man said to buy a box of jasper to go home.
When the woman came home, she handed the man a box.
The man opened it: a pair of chicken wings.
The man said: I depend, I said how to change the box!
Is it cool?
A colleague came to work today and saw that his hair was short.
Me: How to cut your hair? Is it cool?
He sincerely said to me: Not 2 yuan, but 28 yuan!
Zhu Shanghai
There is a classmate in the class named Zhu Shanghai, and Tepi doesn't like studying.
Once in class, he played by himself, which influenced others.
The teacher criticized him viciously:
"You really unlearned. Do you still want to live in Shanghai? I can't open the door when I live in the toilet. "
To find you (roommate)!
"Teacher, you wanted to see me?"
"I heard that you often have an accident recently. Did you skip class yesterday? "
"well. I did go to cut class. "
"Is it fast to use in the dormitory?"
"I am useful."
"Is there a hair dryer in the dormitory?"
"well. I am useful. "
"Oh, the teacher is wrong about you, go and call you (roommate)!"
Since I am kneeling like this, I won't buy it.
Go shopping for clothes with my girlfriend, who likes a coat.
It costs 6888 yuan to open the label.
My girlfriend is also very sensible, knowing that it is not easy for me to make money.
He turned to me and said, "Since I am kneeling like this, I won't buy it."
Sister paper, where is your brother?
Go to my buddy's house to play, and his sister opens the door.
I asked elegantly, Sister Paper, where is your brother?
Before I could say more, she subconsciously put her hand on her chest. ......
Then the door slammed and she shouted angrily, Brother!
I am a lost child.
The child got lost in the forest and met a big stupid bear.
The child said, I am a lost child. Can you take me to see my mother?
The big stupid bear nodded and took the child to the elk's house. ......
It's not good to die.
Liu Bei: "Zhao Yun. We three brothers used to be best friends. You are a good man today, count you in. "
Zhao Yun: "You'd better not."
Zhang Fei: "How can you look down on our brothers?"
Zhao Yun: "No, Brother Fei, I just don't think it's nice to call Zhao Si."
China homophonic joke story 4 1. If you want me dead, I have to die.
Mushrooms were walking on the road and were hit by oranges. "I have no eyes, go to hell," said the mushroom angrily. "Then the orange died. Because bacteria will kill oranges, oranges must die.
2. sika deer
During the festival, the little rabbit said angrily to the deer, you see other girls can receive flowers, why not give them to me? The deer said piteously, because I am a sika deer.
3. Never drive for life
Today, in the driving school theory class, the teacher said, "Those who cause serious traffic accidents to escape are forbidden to drive for life."
A girl in the back raised her hand and said, "Then I will never get married?" Everyone laughed their heads off. ...
4. coffin manufacturer
On his deathbed, Grandpa called his young and ignorant grandson to the bed and said with his last breath, "Son, this world ... is so good to be an official!" " The little grandson is an obedient child, and he firmly remembers grandpa's words before his death. Many years later, he finally became the best coffin manufacturer in the village.
5.express delivery
A woman came to a man's house to play, and the woman teased the man and said, if you have a piece of land, I will marry you. Then the doorbell rang, and the courier brother said, sir, there is a courier for you!
6. Look at the chicken.
Once upon a time, there was a landlord who loved chickens very much. The tenant rented his land, but it was not enough to pay the rent. He must give him a chicken first.
A tenant named Zhang San went to pay the rent to the landlord at the end of the year and rented it out the next year. When he went, he put a chicken in a bag, paid the rent and told the landlord about the lease for next year. Seeing that his hands were empty, he opened his eyes and said to the sky, "There are no three kinds of fields." Zhang Sanming understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag.
As soon as the landlord saw the chicken, he immediately changed his tune and said, "If you don't give it to Zhang San, who will you give it to?" Zhang San said, "Your words have changed so fast!"
The landlord replied, "That sentence was nonsense (chicken talk) just now, and now this sentence is" play it by ear (chicken talk) "
7. This is the ear
The new magistrate is from Shandong. Because he wanted to hang his son, he said to the master, "Go and buy me two bamboo poles."
I heard that the bamboo pole with Shandong accent was "pig liver", so I quickly agreed, ran to the butcher's shop and said to the shopkeeper, "Master Xinxian wants to buy two pig livers, so be smart!"
The shopkeeper is a clever man. He immediately cut off two pieces of pig liver and gave a pair of pig ears.
Out of the butcher's shop, the master thought, "My master told me to buy pig liver, and this pig ear is of course mine ..." So he wrapped the hunting ear, stuffed it into his pocket, returned to the county government, and reported to the magistrate: "Report back to Grandpa, the pig liver has been bought!"
The magistrate was very angry when he saw that the master had bought pig liver, and said, "Where are your ears!" " Hearing this, the master turned pale with fear and quickly replied, "Ear … Ear … here … in my … pocket!" " " "
8, there is a "machine" to take advantage of
A commodity salesman went to Guangzhou on business. After arriving in Beijing, he wants to go by plane. Afraid that the manager would not agree to the reimbursement, he sent a telegram to the manager: "There is an opportunity, do you want to seize it?" When the manager received the telegram, he thought it was an "opportunity" to conclude the transaction and immediately called back: "Take it if you can."
When the salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, the manager refused to reimburse the air ticket expenses on the grounds that he was not qualified and would not be reimbursed by plane. The salesman took out the manager's call back and the manager was dumbfounded.
9. Place names
On New Year's Eve, my brother took two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One is cheerful and the other is more formal. At dinner. The cheerful classmate smiled and pointed to the stiff classmate and said to us, "He is from Myanmar, so he is shy." Then raise your glass to toast everyone, raise your head and drink it off, and then say, "I'm from Yangon."
10, the headmaster is angry.
At the school affairs meeting at the end of the semester, the headmaster was furious at the inefficiency of personnel management. He said: "the person in charge of the director's business is not sensible; The consciousness of personnel management is not strong; Don't be an official! "
1 1, rural conference
At a meeting in the village, the village head said, "Rabbit and shrimp, don't burn melons, pickles are too expensive." Comrades and villagers, don't talk. Let's have a meeting now. The host said, "Sausage and melon for pickles." (Now, please speak to the township head. The township head said, "Rabbits, shrimps and dogs ate today's meal. Everyone is chinemys reevesii." Comrades and villagers, we have enough food today. Let's all use big bowls.
12, crab
The crab accidentally bumped into the loach when going out for a walk.
The loach is very angry: "Are you blind?"
The crab is very wronged: "no, I am a crab!" " "
13, marriage is forbidden for life
Today, in the driving school theory class, the teacher said, "Those who cause serious traffic accidents to escape are forbidden to drive (get married) for life."
A girl in the back raised her hand and said, "Then I will never get married?"
14, Zhu Jing is here.
My girlfriend's name is Zhu Jing. I took my girlfriend back to my hometown in the countryside for the first time. As soon as I came in, I said, Mom, Zhu Jing is here.
Mother listened and said: The pig came in and just drove it out!
15, make a clean break
In Chinese class, Xiao Ming didn't listen carefully when the teacher was talking about text analysis. Suddenly, the teacher asked, "Xiao Ming, what does the article 1 to 2 say?" Xiao Ming was stunned and said, "The article made a clean break. Does it mean that he broke up with Ma Yili?"
G.E.M. 16
Niu Niu and Da Zhuang are playing downstairs. Niu Niu suggested: "Let's play the star!" "Yes, yes!" "Just think of me as G.E.M.!" "ok!" In a moment of excitement, Da Zhuang pushed Niu Niu to the ground and rode up. Niu Niu was startled. She groaned and screamed: "Cao, your father, who the fuck told you to ride me as a stool!" "
17, key
The bus I took arrived at the station that day, and the passengers got off in a column. Just as the door was about to close, a lady shouted outside. "I will die in your car! ''
I was so nervous that I closed the door immediately, stepped on the gas pedal and thought; "There are many strange people in this city. ''
Unexpectedly, the lady called a taxi to chase my bus and finally stopped.
The door opened and the lady shouted again; "Why don't you stop? I will die in your car! ''
I dare not ask her; "Young lady, what are you working hard for? ''
He angrily walked to a seat, then picked up a bunch of keys and said to me; "I will die in your [key] car! ''
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