1, the original text: When a person got lost, he met a mute. He didn't answer, but he made money with his hands, indicating that he would get the money. He was willing to show him the way. This man is going to count money. The mute pointed the way, and he asked, "Why don't you have the money to be dumb?" Dumb: "In today's world, talk if you have money!" "
A lost man met a "mute" who didn't answer. "Dumb" will only give money by hand and show the way. The lost man understood the meaning and immediately took out some money to the "dumb". "Dumb" opened his mouth and pointed to the road. The lost man asked, "Why do you pretend to be deaf?" "Dumb" said: "In today's world, you can talk if you have money."
3. Excerpted from Laughter in the Woods, a collection of signature games in the Qing Dynasty, mostly jokes in the Ming and Qing Dynasties.
Second, "rationality"
1, the original text: officials are the most greedy. One day, two people were arrested (tried) for dysprosium, and the plaintiff gave fifty gold. When the defendant heard about it, he paid double the bribe. The trial, regardless of the reason, draws lots to beat the plaintiff. The plaintiff will make a gesture of counting to five and say, "Small is reasonable." The official also replied with his hand: "Slave, you are right." He shook his hand and said, "He is more reasonable than you."
2. An official is very greedy. One day, he arrested the plaintiff and defendant for trial. The plaintiff gave the official 520 gold, and the defendant doubled the bribe as soon as he heard it. When the court opened, officials drew lots indiscriminately and beat the plaintiff. The plaintiff pointed his finger and said, "I'm right." The official also held out five fingers and said, "Slave, although you are right", and then turned his hand and said, "He is more right than you!"
3, source: rational, pinyin yǒu lǐ, from A Dream of Red Mansions.
Third, "confusion"
1, the original text: A young blind man was involved in a lawsuit and complained that he was blind. The official said, "How can you cheat when you have a pair of white eyes?" Answer: "The master thinks that the villain is innocent, and the villain thinks that the master is confused."
2. A green-blind man was involved in a lawsuit. He argued that he was blind. The official said, "Your eyes are blue and white. What are you pretending to be blind? " The man replied, "You look at me innocently, but I think you are confused!" " "
3. Excerpted from Laughter in the Woods.
Fourth, "pile gangs"
1, the original text: a military attache goes out and loses. Suddenly there is a magic weapon to help out, and the odds are great. The military attache knocked on God's name, and God said, "I am the god of stacks."
The military attache asked, "What is the virtue of that young man, who dares to work hard to save the immortal?" God said, "I only feel that you have never hurt me with an arrow in the teaching field."
2. Once upon a time, a military commander went to war and was about to fail. Suddenly, with the help of the magic warrior, defeat turned into victory. The military commander kowtowed and asked the name of God, and the immortal said, "I am a stack god."
The military commander said, "What kind of kindness and ability do I have to ask the stack god to save me?" The god replied, "I only thank you for never hurting me with an arrow when you practice archery on the school playground."
3. Source: Selected from Pu Songling's Strange Tales from a Lonely Studio in Qing Dynasty.
Five, "Tian Jian Zi Chicken"
1, the original text: A rich man has more than one acre, and he rents it to Zhang, and each acre has a chicken. Zhang San hid the chicken behind his back, and the owner of the field chanted, "This field is different from Zhang San." Zhang San quickly offered the chicken, and the owner shouted, "Who would Zhang San be without it?" Zhang San said, "I didn't hear about it at first, but I heard about it later. Why? " Master Tian said: "At first, the chicken didn't say anything. Later, I did it when I saw it."
2. A rich man, who has extra fields at home, wants to rent three kinds of land to Zhang, (on condition) giving a chicken per acre. Zhang San put the chicken behind his back, and the farmer (the rich man) sang, "This field will not be cultivated by Zhang San." Zhang San quickly took out the chicken for him. Master Tian sang "Who won't give it back to Zhang San?" Zhang San said: "I just heard you say that you didn't give me (seeds), and then you gave me seeds." Why? " The owner said: "I didn't talk about chicken (recording) at first, but I did it as soon as I saw the chicken (machine)."
3. Excerpted from Laughter in the Woods.
2. The classical Chinese paragraphs are all on my side, and the students are all seated. It's so depressing that students don't come. "
The joke is probably like this: A private school teacher teaches The Analects of Confucius, and' Melancholy is literature' is misunderstood as' Everyone is equal to me'. Later, a new teacher in a private school pronounced "gloomy literature and art" correctly, and the students thought that the new teacher had made a mistake and would not come to school. At that time, people ridiculed the poem and said,' Everyone is equal to me, and all students sit. I am depressed that the students are not coming. "
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One day, it was a sunny day, and Yu Yu and You gathered in a humble room. The fate is short and the wind is cold. Yu Youren sighed, "Alas, it's bad luck. The dragon is trapped in shallow water, and the clouds hide the young pine." Who is wrong if the major is not hot? It is too late! "
Yu Youren also sighed and said, "It's my life to be a great teacher, and the bones and muscles of the Chinese Department are miserable. Nothing is too much! "
His friend shook his head and said, "The misery of China people can be attributed to the injustice of five continents. The absurdity of chemistry often lies in remoteness and the incomprehension of ordinary people. Therefore, the suffering of my bones and muscles is not what you know. "
The other person keeps silent, and I care about his endless life. Some people are twice as strong as me. He smiled and said, "My brother's career can be described as fiery, and my wife and children can be described as hungry, right?"
My brother was angry when he was beige, and his mouth was full of surprise. "Your career can make a living, but my career is hopeless. Why is it hot? "
The other three people explored it and were silent for a long time before answering: "invertebrate linguistics!" "
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One night, I was wandering on the platform of a voracious society, and I couldn't help staring at a woman with long hair.
After a while, the woman suddenly approached.
Stop and look at me. Yu Daoan, "I'm not very handsome"! But see my eyes wide open and my mouth twitching.
Sigh "Am I too ugly"?
But see the bigger Iraq's eyes, the more Zhang Yue opens her mouth. I'm afraid I've always been a real gentleman and never offended anyone.
For her, let alone forever.
Acquaintances? I tried to turn around, but suddenly I heard Iraq shout. . . . . . Ah. . Strange. ! ! "。 she
Rub your nose and drift away.
I'm already sweating.
3. There are two mountains in China's ancient jokes: mocking Hu and betraying Qi.
Nothing in the family is poor, and he can't get out of debt, so he takes a moustache as collateral. Because there is no plan, I would rather borrow money from the center, with nostrils and people as the boundary and throat as the boundary. I have four completely different addresses, and my temples are loose, my hair roots are really bearded, and there is no miscellaneous belt. Overdue redemption, as a comprehensive sale of pigs. Open the date, month and day, and borrow the egg bag in the middle.
Ah, a frozen pen saw a book about the meaning of spring and said, "this is not a picture of spring, but a picture of summer." Why else are you naked? " Another person said, "It's not a summer painting, it's a winter painting." Q: "Why?" Answer: "Don't you see every beard?"
A man grabbed his kidney hair and said to his beard, "I dreamed last night that you were an official, a flag and umbrella deacon, and shouted in unison, you are so arrogant." The beard is very big. The man also said, "I scolded you in my dream. If you ask Zaoli to hit me, I will scratch your beard." Hu Ziyun: "If you scold an official, you will naturally fight. What happened later? " The man said, "I woke up. When I woke up, I grabbed a handful of egg hairs in one hand and stuck them on it." N3[+R6r a； We saw two mountains.
4. Is there a joke in classical Chinese that Confucius traveled eastward and saw two children quarreling? Why?
A child said, "I think the sun is close to the sky at sunrise and far from the sky at noon." . "
A son: "My day is far away, and the time between China and Japan is near."
A child said, "When the sun just came out, the hood of the car was as big as noon and the plate was as small as usual. Is this the reason why it is not far from the big one?" ? "
A Confucius said, "It's cool to get out of the sky at the beginning of the day, and it's like exploring soup in Japan and China. Isn't this near hot and far cold? "
Hearing this, Confucius could not judge who was right or wrong.
The two children smiled and said, "Who is smarter than you?"
[Edit this paragraph] Note
Eastward: Travel eastward.
And: to.
Debate: Debate to win or lose.
So: reason, reason.
Answer: Yes, yes.
Go: distance.
Car cover: The car cover is used to keep out the sun and rain.
Japan and China: noon.
And: to, to.
Then: just.
Pot: A container for holding things. Round is a dish, and square is a bowl.
In favor: use "say", say.
Desolate: cool, slightly cold. Warehouse: It means cold.
Soup exploration: reach into the hot water. It means it's very hot.
Soup: Hot water.
Decide: to decide, judge.
Who: Who?
Ru: You.
Know: the same as "wisdom" wisdom.
[Edit this paragraph] Translation
Confucius went to the east to study and saw two children arguing endlessly, so he
The more translators, the better the plaque. A man boasted that he could get into Imperial High School and said, "I dream at night, and someone plays drum music to give me a plaque."
His friend said, "I also dreamed that someone gave you a plaque with four words written on it: outrageous." I'm afraid someone grew up in a rich family and spent money to buy a five-product official, but they don't know the sufferings of the people.
One winter, he went out to inspect. I saw a beggar standing shivering in the cold wind.
He felt very strange and asked his entourage, "Why is this person always moving?" The waiter said, "It's cold and my clothes are thin. I'm shivering." The man was even more surprised and said, "Isn't it cold to shake?" A rich man bought a barrel of wine and put a seal on the lid. His servant drilled a hole in the bottom of the barrel and stole wine every day. The rich man was surprised to find that the seal was complete, but the amount of wine was getting less and less every day. It is suggested that he check the bottom of the bucket to see if there are any defects. The rich man replied, "You are a fool, but there is not enough wine above and there is no wine below.".
A man was invited to dinner. When the host poured wine, he only poured half a cup at a time. The man said to his master, "You have a saw at home. Please lend it to me." The host asked, "What's the use of borrowing it?" The guest pointed to the cup and said, "Since the top half of this cup can't hold wine, it should be sawed off. What's the use of keeping it? " Two friends who have invested in brewing together are going to brew together. A said to B, "You give food and I'll give water." B said, "I can pay for the meal. After drinking it, how can I divide the profits?" A said, "I will never let you suffer." After drinking, I just want water, and the rest is yours. "
Zhang Youyu, who guessed the riddle of Wumen, aroused the curiosity of gifted scholars. Every day, there are intruders who pretend to be riddles and stick them on the door: "If you hit it, you can enter." Mystery cloud: "old but not old, small but not small;" Don't be embarrassed, okay. "
There is nothing in it; Wang Gubai shoots a cloud: "The squire is 80 years old when he meets King Wen; Gan Luo twelve as prime minister, small not small; It is shameful to swallow it alone after closing the door; Open the door for everyone to eat, okay? " Zhang laughed.
A man was ordered to deliver an urgent document, and the boss specially gave him a fast horse. Isn't it faster? But he just ran after the horse.
Passers-by asked him, "Since it's so urgent, why not ride a horse?" He said, "Isn't it faster to walk with six feet than with four feet?" Willing to die, there was an emperor who loved playing the piano, but he played it so badly that the civil servants and queens in the Qing Dynasty could not stand his piano sound. The emperor searched the whole court, but he couldn't find a bosom friend.
He ordered a condemned man to be released from prison. The emperor promised: "As long as you say I play the piano well, I can save you from death."
Unexpectedly, the emperor had just played half the piano when the death row shouted, "Please don't play, I am willing to die!" " "Pick up the straw rope someone committed theft and was locked up by the government. Someone asked him, "What big crime did you commit?" He sighed: "A person is unlucky and walks against the board.
I happened to see a straw rope in the street yesterday. I thought it would be useful in the future, so I picked it up
"The questioner asked," Is it so heavy to pick up a straw rope? " I only heard the prisoner continue to say, "I didn't know there was a cow tied to the end of the straw rope!" "Salt bean family is very stingy when they are wealthy businessmen.
He put the pickled beans in a bottle and put a few in each meal with chopsticks. He was having dinner that day. Suddenly, someone told him, "Your son is eating big fish and meat in a restaurant!" " Hearing this, the rich merchant scolded, "Who have I worked so hard to save?" Then pour a handful of salt beans from the bottle, put them all in your mouth, chew and say, "I lost, too!" " "Like father, like son, there was a man who was arrogant and never let others.
One day, he was walking in the street, and a man came and didn't make way for him. Of course he wouldn't let him, so the two men stood face to face.
After a long time, the man's father came to him and asked him anxiously, "Why are you still standing here? Everyone in the family is waiting for you to buy food and cook!" " ""I can't go, this man won't make way for me! " "That you go to buy rice, I stand here to show you, who finally give way to who! "Baldy words A scholar met a monk. The scholar thought of the monk's ugliness and asked him, "Master, how do you write the bald words of a bald donkey?" The monk said, "this is just a scholar's beautiful words." * * * just slightly bent. "This is the Passover.
A newly married couple didn't understand complicated holiday etiquette, so the husband asked his wife to peek at the blacksmith's house next door. The wife approached the window and saw the blacksmith hitting her with a coal shovel! When his wife came home, her husband asked her what she saw, but she wouldn't say.
Finally, the husband got angry and picked up a coal shovel to hit her. She cried and said, "Since you know all about it, why did you send me?" Monks should use blood to repel mosquitoes.
When there were a lot of mosquitoes, the monk couldn't stand it, so he beat around with his hands. People nearby asked, "Why do you want to feed mosquitoes?" The monk said, "They ate and ate, so they should fight."
The story of a scholar-a scholar took an extremely good student to catch the exam. I lost my hat on the way.
The extreme boy said: The hat fell (the first one). The scholar said quickly, not landing, but the ground.
Extremely help the scholar pick up the hat, fasten it firmly on the scholar's head, and then say: I won't touch the ground again this time. A couple of landlords are notoriously stingy.
One day, a man went into town and wanted to go to the toilet while walking, but on second thought, this good fertilizer can't be cheap for others. So I've been holding it.
Later, I couldn't hold it any longer, so I went to the toilet. But nothing came out except a few farts.
So I'm proud. Go home and tell the old woman about her experience.
Who knows that my wife flew into a rage: You are a black sheep, how can you live like this? How nice it would be to save these farts and blow the lights! Once upon a time, there was a scholar named "Xipo" who often praised Su Shi. During the drought, the satrap set up an incense table to beg for rain and ordered him to write poems to remember this grand occasion.
The scholar wrote a poem saying, "The prefect prays for rain, and all the people are grateful for virtue. Last night I pushed the window to see the moon. "
The satrap was furious and sent Yunyang. His uncle gave it to him.
Farewell, the scholar saw that his uncle was blind, so he presented a poem: "See Yunyang, and see my uncle as if he were my mother." People cry together, three lines. "
To match, officials like his poems, take his wife as the topic and ask him to recite them. The scholar said, "Ring Ding Dong, madam, come out of the back hall.
Three-inch golden lotus, horizontal. "Officer, make its self-mockery.
Scholars are.
6. Seek classical Chinese paragraphs and short paragraphs. A scholar in the original text will be seventy years old and suddenly have a son.
Born in age, that is, named age. A little later, I gave birth to another son, who seems to be able to read and learn by name.
The next year, another son was born. He smiled and said, "It's a joke to have a baby at such a big age."
Because of the name "joke". When they were old and had nothing to do, they all ordered to go to the mountains to collect firewood and go home. The husband asked, "Who has more firewood for the third son?" The wife said, "As you get older, you have no knowledge at all, but you have the burden of jokes."
There is a scholar who is nearly seventy years old. His wife suddenly gave birth to a son. She named him "Age" because she was old enough to have a son. Before long, another son was born. He looks like a scholar, so he named him "Xue Xue".
In the third year, another son was born, and the scholar smiled: "It's a joke to have a son at such a big age." So he named it "Joke".
The three sons had nothing to do when they grew up, so the scholar asked them to go into the mountains to get firewood. When they came back, the husband asked his wife, "Which of the three people has more firewood?" The wife said, "When I am old, I have no knowledge at all, but jokes are a burden." Avoid the original snobs and avoid them every time you come out.
The fellow traveler asked him why, and replied, "Give up my relatives." So many times, colleagues are tired.
Even if I meet a beggar, I will try to avoid him and say, "Give up my relatives." Q: "Why are there such relatives?" He said, "But all the good ones are recognized by you."
There was a vain man who met a passing dignitary when he went out and avoided it. People in the same trade asked him why he did this, and he said, "That's my relative."
This has happened many times, and every time he does this, people in the same industry feel very annoyed. Later, on the road, I suddenly met a beggar, and the people in the same trade also learned to hide from him and said, "That beggar is my relative."
The vain man asked, "Why do you have such poor relatives?" People in the same trade said, "Because all the good things are recognized by you." Villagers who eat olives go to town to drink, and there are olives at the banquet.
The villagers took the spit, which was astringent and tasteless, because they asked the people at the table, "What is this?" The deskmate scorned them with their village spirit: "vulgar." In the name of "vulgarity", the villagers kept it in mind and said, "Today, if you taste the strange things in the city, it is called" vulgarity "."
Everyone didn't believe it, but the man opened his mouth and gasped, "You don't believe it, but now you are full of swearing." A farmer went to a party in town, and there were olives at the party.
The farmer took it to his mouth, which was astringent and not delicious, and asked the person at the same table, "What is this?" Everyone at the same table thought he was vulgar and said contemptuously, "vulgar." The farmer thinks "vulgarity" is an olive name, so he keeps it in mind. When he got home, he said to people, "I ate a strange fruit in the city today, called' vulgar'."
Everyone didn't believe it. The farmer gasped with an open mouth and said, "You don't believe it. Now my mouth is full of swearing. " A person stayed for lunch, and the guest had vomited a bowl, but he didn't add any more rice.
The guest wanted to let the host know, but pretended to say, "So-and-so has a house to sell." Therefore, he said to his master, "The rafters are so big."
The host saw that there was no rice in the bowl and asked the boy to add it. Because he asked the guest, "Does he want geometry?" The guest said, "Since we have food to eat, we won't sell it."
A man left a guest for lunch. The guest has finished a bowl, and no one has given him more rice. The guest wants to let the host know, so he pretends to say, "So-and-so has a house to sell."
Then he deliberately pointed the bowl mouth at the owner and said, "The rafters are as thick as the bowl mouth." The host saw that there was no rice in the bowl, and hurriedly called the servant to add rice to him.
Immediately ask the guest, "How much does he sell?" The guest replied, "Since we have food to eat, we won't sell it." Some people are used to telling lies.
Every generation of his servants is round. One day, he said to a man, "My well was blown to the house next door by the strong wind yesterday."
People think that there has been nothing since ancient times. The servant Yuan said, "It's true.
My well is near the neighbor's fence. Last night, it was windy. I saw the fence blowing to the well, but it went to my neighbor's house like a well. One day, he said to people, "Someone shot down a wild goose and put a bowl of noodle soup on his head."
The public was surprised. The servant Yuan said, "So it is.
My master was eating noodle soup in the yard when a wild goose fell and its head fell into the bowl. Isn't it a wild goose with noodle soup? "One day.
He also said to others, "the cold family has a warm weather account, which covers the world tightly without gaps." The servant frowned and said, "Master, how can I hide this lie?"
There is a man who is used to telling lies. His servants always lie for him. One day, he said to a man, "Yesterday, a well in my house was blown to the house next door by the strong wind."
Everyone thinks that such a thing has never happened since ancient times. His servant lied for him and said, "My well is really close to the neighbor's fence. The wind was very strong last night, and the fence was blown to the side of the well, just like the well was blown to the neighbor's house. "
One day, he said to people, "Someone shot down a wild goose and put a bowl of noodle soup on his head." Everyone was surprised and didn't believe what he said.
His servant lied for him again, saying, "It happened. My master is eating noodle soup in the yard. Suddenly, a wild goose fell and its head fell into the bowl. Isn't it covered with noodle soup? " Another day, he said to others: "The cold family has a top temperature account, which covers the world tightly without any gap." Hearing this, the servant frowned awkwardly and said, "The master has gone too far. How can I tell such a big lie to cover it up? "
The scholar peed on the doll for a long time and was frightened. He said, "The school is coming." The doll peed immediately.
The scholar asked him why, and replied, "I think you scholars are scared to pee when they get off the stage." The scholar sighed: "I didn't expect this doll to inherit his father's legacy and be elegant;" I didn't expect this school to be so small that it can pass two stools. "
The servant of the scholar's family held the doll to pee, but the child didn't pee for a long time. The servant startled him and said, "Here comes the learning platform."
The doll peed immediately. The scholar asked him why, and replied, "I saw your scholar come to the learning platform, and he was scared to pee, so I scared him like this."
The scholar sighed and said, "I didn't expect this doll to inherit his father's wishes and continue studying;" What is even more unexpected is that this learning platform is good at diuresis and urination. "Afraid of the examinee's original text, the scholar is afraid of the New Year's exam. When he heard that the horse was dismounted from the platform, he panicked and ran to the platform to meet the bearers and complained.
7. Write a humorous joke in classical Chinese (short). A man is extremely stingy. When he met a new rising stream, he crossed the river miserly, but waded in despair. When he reached the midstream, the water washed down and drifted for half a mile. His son looked for a boat to save him from going ashore. The boat asked for money, and he only paid five cents. When his father was dying, he turned to cry for his son.
translate
He is very stingy. Once, when he was on the road, he met a newly rising river. Although he could cross the river by boat, he was afraid to pay for the boat, so he waded across the river regardless. Just to the middle of the river, it was washed down by the water and drifted for more than half a mile. His son is on the shore, looking for a boat to save him. The boatman said that he could only go by boat, and his son bargained for him, saying that he would only give five points. This bargaining dragged on for a long time.
"My son, my son, you can save it in five minutes and not a penny!"