People: Xiao Ai, Xiao Wu, Xiao Ling, five teachers.
Scene: classroom
Content:
Xiaoling sleeps on the table.
Iverson lost a book with him. Get out.
Xiao Wu came in and took Xiao Ai's seat.
Xiao Ai (entering): Oh, man, this is really confusing. Are you kidding? Don't you see, I've already occupied this seat!
Xiao Wu: Ding is Ding and Mao is Mao. Actually, I took it before you!
Xiao Ai: I came early in the morning. Why didn't I see you?
Wu: I took it last night.
Xiao Ai: The last row is my patent! For it, I get up early every day, grab the head and bleed like a river. I can't lose this position!
Xiao Wu: The last row is my pride. This place is unique. If you want to get rid of me from here (AI:-Why? ) I advise you to pull it off early!
Xiaoling woke up: What was that noise? It's a waste of youth to quarrel in such a sacred classroom early in the morning! Do you know what political mistakes you made? Huh?
Xiao Ai: I don't know.
Xiaoling: As a * * * Communist Youth League member, to set up the lofty ideal of * * * socialism, maintain a high degree of consistency with the CPC Central Committee politically, ideologically and practically, and constantly enhance the organization concept and discipline concept of the League members, it is necessary to ......
Xiao Wu and Xiao Ai: Sister, we were wrong. Don't waste your breath We won't fight.
Xiaoling: But what you can't forgive is that you woke me up!
Iverson sat in front of Xiaoling.
Xiao Ai: Last but not least, develop style. Dude, take the exam as I say!
Wu: Huh? Today's exam?
Xiaoling: Really? My hands are numb today!
Xiao Ai: Scared?
Xiao Wu: Did you sleep?
Xiaoling: None of them are right! Tired of cheating!
Xiao Ai: Hey, I think I spent the middle of the night burning a lamp and boiling oil!
Xiao Wu: Oh, have you studied hard?
Xiaoling: Do you cheat, too?
Xiao Ai: Oh, I'm thinking about the exam strategy!
Xiao Wu and Xiaoling leaned over: What do you think?
Xiao Ai laughed wildly: I tell you, this is a great move!
Xiao Wu and Xiaoling: Come on!
Xiao Ai: Copy from the book-(picks up the book)
Xiaoling: Go to hell!
Wu: Good idea! Why didn't I think of that?
Xiaoling: Come on. You call this a trick? Well, to ease the tension, I'll give you a humorous quiz.
Xiao Yi and Xiao Wu ignored her.
Xiaoling: Say, how many steps are there in the exam answer sheet?
Xiao Ai and Xiao Wu leaned in: How many steps are there?
Xiaoling: Three steps!
Step 1: Write down your name. (Both nod)
Step 2: Read the topic again! (Both nod)
Step 3:-hand in the papers!
Xiao Ai: Hand in a blank sheet of paper!
Wu: What's the problem?
Xiaoling: I'll give you another question; Say, who didn't come to the exam today?
Xiao Ai: Who can't take the exam today? Xiaoling?
Xiaoling: I'm not here!
Xiao Ai: Look around, Wu?
Xiao Wu: Yes!
Xiao Ai: Ah! I see-little moxa!
Wu: You came for nothing! It's not the same whether you come or not!
Xiaoling: Answer, teacher! Not yet!
The teacher came in.
Three people are startled: coming? Why did you come without saying anything? Oh, dear! (noisy)
Teacher 1: What's your name? Did the toad come in?
Three people laughed.
Teacher 1: Be careful what to do in this exam! No professional ethics at all! What is the most important thing these days? Score! On and off, your lifeblood! (Laughter) Exams are our magic weapon!
Xiao Ai: Copy, copy, our unique skill!
Teacher 1: Hand out the test papers quickly! Don't come early after the exam. What time is it now? The exam has started for half an hour! What did you do?
Curly hair
Teacher 1: The exam time is * * * two hours! Don't hand in the papers for more than an hour! Students who want to answer questions, please pick up the pen. Students who don't want to answer questions, please rest in place. Students who want to go to the toilet-please restrain yourself!
Xiao Ai: I compare my teacher. He is a mouse looking for a cat as an escort-unreasonable demands!
Xiaoling: Exactly! Is he a legendary rapper, or why can't he keep mumbling?
Teacher 1: Silence! You are quieter than a tree! Do you know how serious a mistake you have made? Every * * * Communist Youth League member should always pay attention to strictly demanding himself with the standards of * * * Communist Youth League members, constantly enhance his sense of honor and responsibility as a * * * Communist Youth League member, take the lead in all aspects of study, work and social life, strive to be a model for implementing the party's line, principles and policies, work hard, study hard, abide by the law, and innovate.
Three people copy.
Teacher: (referring to Xiao Ai) Please don't copy this classmate!
Xiao Wu and Xiaoling: I didn't copy it!
The teacher came to Xiao Ai: Classmate, stop copying!
Xiao Ai: How do you know? I copied it in my desk!
Teacher: You dropped the board in front of your desk. I saw it!
Xiao Ai: (looking at it) Ouch! have bad luck
The teacher confiscated Xiao Ai's test paper, and Xiao Ai just wanted to stand up and walk.
Teacher: Sit down! Go out in an hour!
The teacher went to see Xiao Wu, who took the test paper to the table and copied it.
Teacher: Come on, come on, stop pretending! I despise you people who cheat with books most. You have no technical content at all. How did you copy it? Like this? Like this?
Wu: Lower it! Lower it!
Teacher: (confiscating Xiao Wu's test paper) You also sit and reflect. Why did you cheat with this book?
Xiao Wu: I don't want to take the book either! I didn't cheat sheets like her (Xiaoling)!
Xiaoling stared at Xiao Wu.
Teacher: That's right. Remember to cheat next time! I like this kind of hard-working child.
Teacher: Time is up! Hand in the papers.
Put away the test papers.
Teacher: OK. Remember to take the advanced math exam this afternoon!
Xiao Ai: Ah! Still taking the advanced math exam in the afternoon?
Xiaoling: Ah! ! Take the exam in the afternoon! (Picking up a cheat sheet) What did you just take?
Wu: Gao ... number? ! What kind of tree is that?
Three people: study how to copy cheat sheets!
Teacher 2 came in.
Xiao Ai: Chinese teacher!
Teacher 2: How is your composition, Xiao Ai? (Xiao Ai's test paper)
Xiao Ai: What's the matter?
Teacher 2: You read books.
Xiao Ai: "My teacher", my teacher has an oval face ...
Teacher 2: Wait a minute. (Take out a big sign that says claws) Are you a melon with a melon face? You wrote that my teacher has a claw face!
Xiao Ai: Teacher, paw face is also a face. Can't you make do with it?
Teacher 2: Keep reading.
Xiao Ai: My teacher is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. ...
Teacher 2: Stop! You wrote so much. It's beautiful. Why? Just write it to the end!
Xiao Ai: Teacher, isn't the composition required to be no less than 500 words?
Teacher 2: So you only paint beautiful pictures?
Xiao Ai: Isn't it required to write true feelings? This is all my feelings!
Teacher 2: Hum, I'm telling you, you only have 496 words!
Xiao Ai: Oh! Then add: how beautiful!
Teacher 2: Look at your explanation of words and death. You wrote "Go to hell"!
Xiao Ai: Oh, I want to write to death!
Teacher 2: (with a helpless face) You, you hung up again!
Xiao Ai: Give me another chance! I have rebuilt it five times!
Teacher 2: OK, I'll give you a chance. I've heard of pemphigus, and I'm comfortable with it, right? You can make sentences easily, and I'll give them to you when it's right!
Xiao Ai: Do you have any fish? ! Fish ... fish, fish swim in the water, and there are fish in the blade. ...
Teacher 2: (Laughter) Congratulations, you won-
Iverson: Have you passed?
Teacher 2: (It doesn't matter) The sixth chance to rebuild.
Xiaoling and Xiao Wu: Forget it, let's learn the cheat sheet of advanced mathematics.
Teacher 3 came in.
Xiao Wu: Philosophy teacher!
Teacher 3: Xiao Wu!
Wu: Yes!
Teacher 3: Look at your test paper! My question is: this is the question, please answer. what did you say ?
Xiao Wu: This is the answer. Please give points ... Is there a mistake?
Teacher 3: You-OK, next question: What is courage? Why didn't you answer it?
Xiao Wu: I answered!
Teacher 3: Just five words!
Wu: (reading) This is courage! That's right! Then I handed in my paper without answering the following questions. How well I explained my courage!
Teacher 3: You-you wait to hang up!
Xiao Wu: Teacher! Give me another chance! I hung up fifteen times!
Teacher 3: Then let me ask you two questions. It depends on your nature. ...
Wu: Two-too many!
Teacher 3: OK, you got the first question right. If you don't answer the second question, I will let you pass. How many hairs do you have?
Xiao Wu: I wish I were bald.
Teacher 3: Answer!
Xiaowu: 123456789!
Teacher 3: How do you know?
Xiao Wu: Teacher, I don't have to answer the second question!
Teacher 3: OK! Very good! Very good! Take it (pass a piece of paper)
Wu: This is-
Teacher 3: Reconstruction Act! (below)
Xiaoling and Xiao Ai: To learn advanced mathematics-
Teacher 4 came in.
Xiaoling: English teacher! (trying to run)
Teacher 4: Xiaoling, why are you running? No breakfast!
Xiaoling: I didn't eat-
Teacher 4: I saw you eating this morning!
Xiaoling:-Have breakfast tomorrow!
Teacher 4: Xiao Ling, look at the test paper. None of your reading comprehension is correct! Did you just choose the topic without looking at it at all?
Xiaoling: No!
Teacher 4: Dare to quibble!
Xiaoling: I didn't even look at the question, just the answer!
Teacher 4: And your composition! Why does it look familiar?
Xiaoling: Does it look strange? Read and understand the first sentence of each paragraph.
Teacher 4: Xiaoling, you should wake up! You this time-
Xiaoling: Ah! Teacher, I failed five or five times, no, fifty times! Can't hang up any more!
Teacher 4: it's not that I didn't give it to you ... this ... for example, can you translate what evening dress means?
(to the audience) This is an evening dress!
Xiaoling looked at Xiao Yi and Xiao Wu.
Xiao Ai: Night is night, right? Perfect for big games!
Xiao Wu: clothes are clothes, MM is always clamoring to buy them!
Xiaoling: Oh! Teacher, I know! It's a night suit!
The teacher shook his head. (below)
Xiaoling: No, I have to find a teacher! You two take your time! (below)
Xiao Ai: Forget it. It may not be useful to copy it. I'm leaving, too.
Wu: What about that? Hand in a blank sheet of paper?
Xiao Ai: Of course, I can't hand in a blank sheet of paper. I'm going to recite the most difficult questions now, and then write them on the test paper and answer them myself! (below)
Xiao Wu: He has a personality. (just want to leave)
Teacher 5 came in.
Xiao Wu: Head teacher!
Teacher 5: Xiao Wu, I want to talk to you.
Wu: Ah!
Teacher 5: The last question asks: What is the principle of this reaction? What did you answer?
Xiao Wu:-Physical principles.
Teacher 5: Is there such an answer?
Wu: Really ... a chemical principle?
Teacher 5: Xiao Wu! What can you do at this rate? Why don't you like studying?
Xiao Wu:-Don't like my major!
Teacher 5: Environmental worker? Do you know what environmental workers do?
Xiao Wu: Sanitation workers.
Teacher 5: It's environmental engineering!
Wu: Oh? What shall I do after graduation?
Teacher 5: ... sanitation worker.
Xiao Wu: I heard that it is used to treat sewage.
Teacher 5: (excited) Who said anything about sewage treatment? -but also to control air pollution!
Xiao Wu: How to control the atmosphere?
Teacher 5: I don't understand this! I teach water pollution treatment!
Xiao Wu: It's still for sewage treatment.
Teacher 5: Did your mother see your summer vacation results?
Wu: Yes.
Teacher 5: Really? You really sent it?
Wu: Of course!
Teacher 5: What did your mother say to you?
Xiao Wu: My mother said nothing. What report cards does the school issue?
Teacher 5: ... You go.
Wu: I can't leave.
Teacher 5: Why?
Wu: I want to sing a song before I go.
Teacher 5: Just your curly hair?
Xiao Wu: Then I'll invite Song Wang to the head office. Please welcome the king of songs!
Four men and women walked along the road, singing together: "As soon as the sun comes out, I will climb the mountain and climb to the top. I want to sing. "
At this moment, the Monkey King, who walked in the front, said, "Hey! Master, there is a pavilion in front. Let's go and have a rest! "
Tang Priest: "Good!"
So the four of them went to the pavilion and sat down.
The Monkey King looked around and said, "Master, it's picturesque here. Why don't I take a picture of you? "
Tang Priest: "Good!" Say that finish and snap your fingers.
So Pig Bajie ran to the Tang Priest, handed a pack of cigarettes and said, "Master, this is your Marlboro."
Friar Sand took out the lighter and bent down to light the Tang Priest.
Tang Priest took a long drink, spit out smoke and said, "I'll put a poss first."
The Tang Priest made a self-righteous gesture. He was about to ask the Monkey King to take a photo when he found Pig Bajie and Friar Sand standing behind him, grabbing the camera.
The Tang Priest was furious and scolded, "Get out, both of you. Seeing that you are ugly will pollute the lens. "
Pig and Friar Sand get out of the way.
The Monkey King took some pictures of Tang Priest.
After taking the photo, the Monkey King ran to the Tang Priest and said, "Master, are you hungry? Let me buy you something to eat. Do you want to eat KFC or fried dough sticks? "
Tang Priest: "KFC, of course. What do monks eat without meat? Go! "
The Monkey King: "Yes!" Say and leave.
Friar Sand ran over and said, "Master, are you thirsty? What wine would you like to drink? "
Tang Priest: "You don't have to ask. As usual, I drink remy martin. Go and buy it! "
Friar Sand: "Yes, I'll go." Say and leave.
Tang Priest: "Come here, pig head, can't you be straight?"? Go and buy me a copy of Global Times. "
Pig Bajie: "Well, the money for buying newspapers ..."
Tang Priest: "Bastard, of course you did it yourself! You don't give this little money, or I will deduct your salary! "
Pig Bajie: "OK, OK, I'll buy it right away."
After Pig Bajie left, Tang Priest took out a Playboy from his pocket and read it with relish.
As soon as the camera turned, Pig Bajie bought a newspaper and came back, saying, "I thought I was Marshal Tian Peng, but I was just seduced by Chang 'e, and I was seen by her lover, the Jade Emperor, and was banished to the world and cast as a pig fetus. Now I am planted in the hands of Tang Priest, and I am tortured by this smelly monk every day. Hey! "
Pig Bajie ran to the Tang Priest and said, "Master, I bought you the Global Times published the day after tomorrow."
Tang Priest: "Hey? You even bought the newspaper published the day after tomorrow. What a good pig! " Say it and read the newspaper.
Tang Priest: "Hey! The financial crisis in the western world may lead to riots. Then our lives will be in danger if we go to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures. I said Bajie, I think we'd better go to a nearby bookstore to buy some pirated masterpieces and go back to work. "
Pig Bajie: "No, Master. The quality of this pirated book is too poor to pass! "
Tang Priest: "This pirate is really wicked, and pirates are no better. He can only risk his life to go to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures." Say that finish, continue to read the newspaper.
As soon as the camera turned, a dirty monster appeared on the mountain road.
Monster: "It's getting harder and harder to be a monster now. There are guns everywhere. When I shouted robbery, people shot at me. My money has been eaten up, drunk, and gone. I have no money to buy a gun, so I can only fuck other people's guns with my fists. It's really too difficult and too dangerous. "
The monster took a few more steps.
Monster: "Hey! The monks in front should comb their hair separately. It's a fucking slide. Wait, look at him. Does he look like Tang priest? ! I heard that eating his meat can make you live forever. If I let my wife eat a little, she will become very beautiful and I will never have to go out again. "
Then, the monster quietly followed the Tang Priest and Pig Bajie.
Tang Priest: "Hmm! It stinks! Bajie, did you take off your shoes? "
Pig Bajie: "No, Master. The smell seems to be coming from behind. "
When the master and apprentice turned around, they saw a monster.
Monster: "This handsome monk, are you the Tang Priest?"
When the Tang Priest heard the monster praise him, he said happily, "I am the most handsome Tang Priest in the world. Dare to ask where this demon brother is from? "
Monster: "Hum, I am the owner of the scum hole in the garbage mountain." Tang Priest, do you know that I have been waiting for you? If you are obedient, come with me. Don't make unnecessary resistance. You must know that I am strong. "
Hearing this, Pig's legs went limp, and he hid behind the Tang Priest and said, "Master, I'm in a hurry to pee. Go and take care of it first."
Hearing this, the Tang Priest took Pig by the hand and said, "Starling, we are good brothers. Be loyal and don't leave me alone."
Pig Bajie: "Master, my loyalty to you is like a raging river, but I really have to pee." Ah! I can't help it! "Say that finish, he ran away from the hand of the tang's monk.
Tang Priest: "Bastard! Your grandfather's! I guess I'm on my own. Monster, I am the champion of White Horse Temple free fighting. Dare you fight me? "
Monster: "As long as you don't have a gun, I dare to hit you." Say and punch in the past. Tang Priest fell to the ground.
Monster: "I copy! Can you be a fighting champion with this skill? "
Tang Priest: "Alas! I just didn't want to study hard and bought a fake diploma to make up the numbers. I was really careless. "
Monster: "Haha! Come with me! " With that, the monster took the Tang Priest away.
As soon as the camera turned, Pig ran back and said, "Fortunately, I am smart and fast. If I lost my life for this smelly monk, it would be in vain. Wait, Brother Monkey and Brother Sha will come back later. I know that Master has been taken away. How can I do a good job? "
Pig eight quit to turn while thinking, "hey! There is shit on the ground, just right, I used it to make up. " Say and pig eight quit to grab this shit to wipe his face.
The Monkey King came back with the sand monk, and Bajie ran up and pretended to be badly beaten?
Not good! Just now, a smelly monster came. It not only has bad breath and foot odor, but also has a fucking bad body odor. I couldn't beat him, so he took Master away. "
The Monkey King: "What? The master was taken away by a monster? Asshole! He still owes us six months' salary! Second brother, let's go and save master. If master is eaten by a monster, we will be busy for half a year. "
Pig Friar Sand said, "Good!"
As soon as the camera turns, in the monster's cave, the Tang priest is tied to a post, and the monster and the little demon are sharpening their knives.
The genie sang, "Since I had you, life has been a miracle. If you live forever, your wife will be as beautiful as Chang 'e. "
Tang Priest: "Alas! I owe my disciples six months' salary and treat them like cattle and horses on weekdays. They certainly won't come to save me. Looks like I have to save myself. I want to influence these monsters with my golden words. "
The Tang Priest said to the little demon, "Brother Yao, there is no need to sharpen the knife in such a hurry. Let's talk! My Tang Priest is proficient in eating, drinking, whoring and gambling, and his deception is first-class. Chatting with me will benefit you a lot. Brother Yao, do you know that being a demon requires human nature? The more human nature, you are not a demon, but a shemale. "
Small demon: "Shut up! Your grandfather's grandfather! "
Tang Priest: "Wow! Brother Yao, your sentence' your grandfather's grandfather' is really amazing, much deeper than my sentence' your grandfather's'. "
The monster said to the little demon, "I said, little demon, although we are all dirty, our intestines and stomach are still very clean and we can't eat some unclean things."
"Hey, you!" The monster said to the Tang Priest, "Go and take out everything in your stomach, lest we eat bad stomachs."
Tang Priest: "I ... I really can't pull it out!"
The monster and the little demon sang, "You can't throw it into the pile without yelling, and you can't throw it in with your hands!" " "("Hero Song ")
Tang Priest: "You ... you really do all kinds of evil!"
As soon as the camera turns, the Monkey King and his three men walk on the road, singing "I often think that now you are always by my side." ("smiley face")
Pig eight quit: "Brother Monkey, this cave stinks. It must be here. Go in and save master! "
Friar Sand: "Yes! Monkey, you go quickly, we will cover you outside. "
The Monkey King: "I copy! It's me again. "
Pig Bajie and Friar Sand sang in unison: "Monkey, go forward boldly, go forward and don't look back!"
The Monkey King: "OK, OK, I take it."
The Monkey King went to the mouth of the cave and sang, "Look at the monster in the cave, look, look."
When the monster heard the Monkey King's voice, he walked out of the cave and sang as he walked: "One wave is not flat, and another wave is coming. Who is provocative? "
The monster came out of the hole and saw, "I'm handcuffed!" It turned out to be a smelly monkey. "
The Monkey King: "You monster really has no tongue. I am the Monkey King, the Monkey King of the water curtain cave Monkey King Beauty Contest in Huaguoshan. " ! How about it? My name is Rulei! "
Monster: "Never heard of it."
The Monkey King: "I copy! You monsters are so uncultured that you don't even know my grandson. "
Monster: "cut the crap and fight if you want." Eighteen dragons! "
The Monkey King: "Tathagata!"
While the monster was fighting with the Monkey King, Pig Bajie and Friar Sand took the opportunity to run to the cave to save Master.
When the Tang Priest was rescued, the monster saw it and said, "Bastard! It turned out that I was cheated by a diversion and my IQ was as high as 28. What an asshole! It seems that I must make a quick decision. Smelly monkey, look, Chang 'e is streaking in the sky! "
Hearing this, the Monkey King looked up at the sky. The monster took the opportunity to slap the Monkey King, and the Monkey King was unconscious.
Facing the Tang Priest and others, the monster said, "Hey, who knows better? Go back to the cave."
Pig Bajie: "Master, what should we do? Even Monkey Brother is no match for it, and I am anxious again. "
Tang Priest: "This monkey is so fucking useless. It seems that I have to make it for the teacher myself. Jason Wu, bring my mobile phone. "
Friar Sand handed over his mobile phone, and Tang Priest dialed a number.
The Tang Priest said stiffly, "Hello ~ ~ Is this Sister Guanyin? I'm Sanzang ~ ~ I'm stuck with a smelly monster now. Please come and help me. What? You're going to the sauna, there's no time! Well ~ ~ you are good or bad! If anything happens to me, who will accompany you at night! Oh! You have to teach me a spell! Okay, okay, I remember. Bye-bye, kiss. "
Facing the monster, the Tang Priest said, "Chen Wenjing, I am your mother, ok!"
The monster was enchanted and stopped.
Tang Priest patted his mobile phone and said, "Technology is a demon, Nokia mobile phone is great!" "
Friar Sand: "Master, what about Monkey?"
Tang Priest: "This monkey looks useless, but it really came and died. Bajie, the old way. "
Pig Bajie ran to the Monkey King's side, pointed his ass at the Monkey King's head and farted.
The Monkey King: "I copy! It stinks! " Then he bounced off the ground.
As soon as the Monkey King saw the monster stop moving, he rushed up and killed it.
Tang Priest: "Wait a minute! Wukong, don't kill it. We should give young people who have lost their feet a chance to turn over a new leaf. "
The Monkey King: "Master, your idea is good, but if you let it follow us, aren't we going to give it free food and drink!" "
Tang Priest: "You monkey head really don't understand. You think that if you sell it, you will have money to go to the window of the world in Changsha. "
The Monkey King three people shouted: "ok? ! The master is wise! "
Tang Priest: "It's getting late, let's hit the road!"
So the four of them hugged the monster and sang as they walked: "You hold the cigarette, I hold the wine, eat and drink, and gamble. How happy we are on the road ..."
They went further and further, and finally disappeared in the sunset glow.