Extra: I owe you goodbye (1)
The winter after he and Tong Yan separated, he returned to Philadelphia.
Originally, due to visa issues, I had to stay abroad for seven days, and I went for a post-surgery physical examination on the way. Unexpectedly, after the inspection, new projects came quickly, including hedge fund investment and joint cooperation projects between the Philadelphia and China offices.
Grandpa's health gradually improved, and there seemed to be no reason to go back. Gu Pingsheng finally decided to extend his seven-day departure indefinitely and stayed.
At Christmas, Luo Zihao and Pingfan came over to visit by chance.
Luo Zihao arrived early, but because he went to see a friend first, it was already the evening of Christmas Eve. There was a strong and warm festive atmosphere outside, but when I opened the door, there were only two grown men sitting opposite each other, typing and looking at the computer.
"Is it Christmas today?" Ordinary people feel that they have entered another time and space.
Luo Zihao sighed: "Merry Christmas, I finally have a living person to talk to me."
Ping Ping couldn't help laughing.
It is too easy for Gu Pingsheng to ignore someone. As long as he looks away, his world belongs to him. No one can disturb you at all.
No matter where I go, I spend Christmas with my fellow believers and watch Mass.
Luo Zihao couldn't bear the loneliness, so he went to experience a church festival together. When the two came back, it was already early the next morning, and Gu Pingsheng was boiling milk in the kitchen. In the quiet kitchen, except for the sound of cooking, there was no other sound.
Suddenly a brown paper bag blocked his view. He looked up and saw Gu Pingfan saying, "I've done everything for you."
He opened the brown paper bag and put all the documents They took them out and found that there was still a part missing: "It seems that the alimony part is missing."
Gu Pingfan took out the bread from the refrigerator, cut two slices, and bit into his mouth: "My Barrister, don’t forget that I, your senior senior sister, can’t even do this? The problem is that your wife, Mrs. Gu, is also a law student. She really reads every word, lest she takes advantage of you. , I will probably give it to you before the Lunar New Year. I have never acted for this kind of thing before, but I am afraid that the other party will suffer a loss."
He lowered his head again and read each one.
This kitchen is really too clean. Even though I am not a person who knows how to cook, I still feel a bit lonely and desolate looking at it. She leaned against the refrigerator door, suddenly pursed her lips and looked at him.
Gu Pingsheng noticed her gaze and tilted his head slightly, indicating that she would speak directly.
"What exactly did Tong Yan say to you when we broke up?" She thought about the wording, and finally decided to go straight to the point, "I actually hinted to her that neither you nor I would mind if she left you first. "
After a very brief silence, he said: "It doesn't matter what you say, it's not the truth."
Gu Pingfan raised his eyebrows and finished the remaining pieces of bread in his hand. , suddenly said: "I remember you were not like this when you were a child. You never let me touch whatever you like to eat. If there is no such dish, you would rather eat white rice than touch anything else. TK, you are not very possessive. Is it strong?"
There was milk in the glass. He raised it to his mouth and took two sips slowly.
A little hot.
I used to drink it at home, and Tong Yan kept the temperature just right from the moment it was cooked until it was finally placed in front of him.
"If you try to fight for it, Tong Yan won't be so persistent." Pingfan said.
"If she was your sister, and I had no relationship with you, would you also say these words? Persuade your sister to accept a patient who will not be completely cured."
Gu Pingfan was silent and smiled: "There is still a difference between near and far, and I am still selfish after all."
"If your future husband passes away at any time, will you? Are you anxious every day? Or should you say pessimistic and desperate?"
Gu Pingfan smiled: "Crow Mouth."
She did not answer directly, but it was equivalent to acquiescing to this statement.
When he saw that the time was up, he tested the temperature of the milk.
Not right yet.
She doesn’t know how patient she is to be able to do such small things perfectly every day.
He didn’t say anything else.
Tong Yan has always deliberately concealed it, not wanting anyone to know the true situation of her family. Even ordinary people, and even her best friend Shen Yao, only knew that her parents were divorced, but they didn't know what happened. Very disappointing.
He remembered that before he was twenty-three years old, what he couldn't talk about was the sense of humiliation brought by his close relatives.
Although he loves his mother deeply, he can only live behind the sun because of his mother's attachment to a married man and because of his status as an illegitimate child. The emotions that had tortured him for twenty-three years also recurred in Tong Yan, the emotion of being unable to abandon his loved ones but deeply inferior to himself.
At twenty years old, her mind has not yet fully matured.
But because of his love for a person named Gu Pingsheng, he suffered far more than he did before.
The childish words that first touched me were the little girl wearing a sapphire blue evening dress, standing under the spotlight, winking at the accompanist, and singing deeply. But the last impression of her was that she had begun to learn everything. She would often take her own pulse and heartbeat in a serious manner, always wanting to know where she was and that she was not safe.
There were too many times when she smiled to herself with her eyes red.
After Christmas, New Year will come soon.
Because my grandpa is seriously ill this year, I specifically asked him to return to China during the Lunar New Year.
On the night of New Year’s Eve, all the children at home ran out to watch the firecrackers. Once a person is over thirty years old, he will feel that time flies. He can even remember clearly how Tong Yan lay in his arms and acted coquettishly at this time last year, saying that he would visit his grandpa the next day. After getting the promise, he smiled again How to ignore image.
Ke Huanhuanxi came, but he didn’t even see the face of his elders.
Gu Pingsheng seemed to be particularly popular with the children at home. After midnight, those little bullies had had enough playing outside. One or two of them did not bother to take off their down jackets, so they crowded in with him. Asking questions around.
"Uncle, fingers crossed," the little girl crossed the index and middle fingers of her right hand and made a praying gesture, "Am I doing the right thing?"
Gu Pingsheng couldn't help but laugh: "Little aunt taught you this?"
"No," the little niece said proudly, "Yesterday I was riding in my father's car, and there was a sister on the radio who taught me this. She said someone I taught her that if she is afraid of failing the physics test, she should cross her fingers and pray for good luck."
Perhaps the scene was so similar that he actually thought of Tong Yan.
The little niece stretched out her hands, folded them together, and said seriously: "Grandpa wants to be healthy and live a long life, and my uncle also wants to be healthy and live a long life."
Such a brief conversation , he will still think of it when he returns to Philadelphia.
At the end of the video conference with Shi, when all the lawyers were packing up documents, he suddenly said in Chinese to several project assistants in the China office: "I need a piece of information."
In the video, people who had fought with him immediately understood the spirit and took out pen and paper to record it.
"Last year's Lunar New Year, the exact date is the 29th of the lunar calendar, the evening program recordings of all radio stations in Beijing should be from five o'clock to eleven o'clock."
The other party Write it down, and there is no doubt that it exists. After thinking about his specialness, he immediately said: "We will prepare the text format."
He said: "Okay," he paused and then added, "put the phonetic The documents were also sent to me."
After receiving something from the China office in the evening, he looked through all the documents and finally found that familiar passage. Although it was a complete written record, he confirmed the child's words between the lines.
The evening Traffic Channel program has a very plain name: I'm with you.
Two hosts, and Tong Yan is one of them "intern host."
She didn't speak much in the whole show, only when the show was coming to an end. , received a call from a senior high school student.
Science candidates are always anxious about their physics scores.
She was supposed to be a high-sounding comfort and encouragement, but she took out her own failure experience in physics and told the young audience in her senior year of high school that there is no exam worth fearing, even if she had to retake physics in college four times like she did. of people, and successfully found a job, sitting here as a radio host.
Gu Pingsheng couldn't help but laugh. She really remembered the experience of retaking physics in college deeply.
Looking at the lines of text, you can even imagine her expression and movements when she spoke. The person who did the text entry was very responsible, even "the trainee host was laughing quietly" was recorded in detail.
"Fingers crossed, I wish you success in passing the exam."
Finally, she said that someone once taught her to make this gesture before her last physics exam.
Place your middle finger on your index finger, fold them together, and pray for good luck.
He looked through it for a long time and finally stood up and moved his body.
At that time, she went back to school for her final exams.
On the way to the airport, she kept fidgeting and rubbed her face against his shoulder. When he finally lowered his head in laughter, she asked him tangledly: "If I can't do any better in physics, I won't be able to graduate." "What should I do?"
"The mock test paper I took last night scored 86 points. Now you only have psychological problems." He held her hand, put her middle finger on her index finger, and taught her how to do it. Praying gesture, "Make a fingers crossed before the exam, and you will definitely pass."
Tong Yan made a sound, stretched out his two hands, folded them together, and said seriously:
"fingers crossed, passed physics, graduated successfully, got married."
I owe you goodbye (2)
The winter when I separated from Gu Pingsheng, my grandma's cancer recurred .
Pingfan has been communicating with her about various agreements. On the one hand, she has to carefully avoid the "trap" Gu Pingsheng has dug for her, and on the other hand, she has to conceal her mental state of being a bed partner for a long time.
Fortunately, Gu Pingfan will return to the United States soon and officially enter the hospital for internship.
Afraid of delaying her ordinary work, she finally signed an agreement for alimony. The only condition was that it should be paid into a joint account with ordinary people. Gu Pingsheng originally asked Fanfan to open this joint account because he was afraid that she would be dragged down by her father's debts, so as to leave some savings for her that could not be taken over by close relatives.
So he quickly accepted this condition.
In the spring of the next year, grandma’s cancer cells finally spread to all parts of her body. She stayed in the hospital for more than a month and then passed away. She remembered that night, two forty-three in the morning.
Because she could not eat for a long time, grandma was already very thin and emaciated when she left, completely losing her human form.
In the last ten days, her father and she took turns keeping vigil.
Almost every day when I come here, grandma’s eyes are red and swollen. She thought her father had done something else, and at first she avoided others and persuaded her father that if he wanted money, he should wait until her grandmother got over this serious illness. Then one day, she got off the show in the middle of the night and rushed over, and happened to encounter a noisy scene at the door of the ward.
Grandma ran out of the ward wearing only shorts and shorts when the nurse and father were not paying attention.
She walked out of the elevator and saw several nurses who were unable to stop the somewhat insane grandma. The onlookers kept whispering that the old lady was probably crazy as the cancer cells had spread to her brain. . The scene of her father standing helpless at the gate, crying and calling her mother, made her lose her mind in an instant.
She didn’t know how she rushed over, hugged her grandma tightly, and whispered comfort.
Even when a nurse came forward, she waved her hand away.
That night, she was like crazy, grabbing her father's arm and forcing him out of the hospital.
When she returned to the ward, all the pity, sympathy, empathy, or indifferent looks were blocked by the curtain she drew. The needle that was pulled out forcibly swelled the back of her hand, which was already difficult to insert. She gently rubbed it for her grandma, always smiling and saying: "Why are you so disobedient? You really are getting more and more childish as you get older."
”
Afraid of waking up the people in the same room, Tong Yan always spoke in a low voice.
She deliberately told some interesting things in the show, and most of the younger viewers called or Those crazy words about men and women made no sense. At the end, I couldn't help but laugh.
"Yanyan," grandma pointed to her head and said in a hoarse voice, "grandma knows it all, no. Confused. "
Tong Yan agreed.
"I did this just to make your father feel guilty and to make us feel guilty." Grandma clapped her hand, "I'm afraid that I Until he wakes up and finally suffers, you are the only one left. "
Her nose instantly felt sore, and she almost shed tears.
She could only try to smile and say: "It's already twelve o'clock, why don't you sleep? ”
“Xiao Gu’s illness this time is not serious? The old man had already closed his eyes and thought of him again, "It was half a year ago last time and this time, it should be almost nine months?" "
"It's not serious, he just needs rehabilitation," she said in a distressed tone, "He's not in good health either. When he left, he repeatedly told me not to let you know that you live here now. I dare not let him know, otherwise he will definitely find a way to return to China."
"That's right," the old man hurriedly patted the back of her hand, "You are still young, and he is in such bad health. It doesn't matter if he takes his own treatment, grandma understands. "
Tong Yan pursed his lips and smiled: "So you have to take good care of yourself, otherwise he will definitely not be able to spare me when he comes back. As for me, I will be responsible for working hard to make money so that you two can live a better life." She paused and then said, "Our leader asked me if I would like to substitute for the morning traffic program. The original host A person is just about to give birth and needs to rest for a few months. In this way, I have another chance to increase my salary, and at least my bonus will definitely increase. ”
“Morning show? You have to run to the hospital starting at nine o'clock now."
"You have to struggle when you are young," Tong Yan put her grandma's hand on the quilt and said softly, "Stop talking, go to sleep. .
The old man held her hand again and said in a nagging voice: "These past few days, I feel much better. They say that if you are in a good mood, the cancer will be cured naturally." Never let Xiao Gu come back. If he wants to come back, he must be healthy before he comes back. "
Tong Yan nodded. She knew that grandma would not care about a sick person not coming to visit.
But if the old man knew that she was separated from him, it would probably be fatal. A blow. Fortunately, grandma already knew about his illness. After the last five months of separation, eight or nine months like this were easy to deal with.
She had no idea that such lies could be delayed. How long.
Just think about it, one day at a time.
After that, there was no more time.
During that time, she asked for the best time since she started working. A long vacation, a whole week, to take care of grandma's family.
Later, she never went back to live in the house. Instead, she shared a house with her colleagues. Gu Pingsheng was in a hurry to return to China and bought it for her. He lived with her grandma and when they broke up, he insisted on leaving it to her. She rejected everything, but this house seemed to have done her a favor and gave her granddaughter a white lie.
It would be great, no matter what, there would still be someone to pamper her as a treasure.
When the purpose of lying was over, she would not dare to live in such a big house by herself because of the morning traffic live show and the evening show. She was working on the show at the same time and had a planning meeting during the day, so she entrusted the house to the agent. She thought that Beijing's house purchase policy had been strict in the past two years and the house would not be sold so quickly.
According to the agent's boast, this was not the case. It was a house with really good Feng Shui. Tong Yan was not in a hurry to sell it, so he slowly found a suitable buyer and tried to raise the price. But within a month, someone paid the full price directly.
The day she went to sign the agreement was hot and hot, and she happened to catch a cold. She wrote down the bank account number that she knew by heart. The person who wanted to buy a house was not willing to go to the bank again, so she followed the agent to the bank to transfer money. .
She stayed in the house with the younger real estate agent, doing nothing but walking slowly around the house.
Looking carefully here and there.
The agent didn't know and thought she had just dropped something: "What is Tong looking for?" She smiled sheepishly: "I didn't find anything, so I couldn't bear to part with it."
"The old ones are gone, and the new ones are here." The little agent laughed: "It is said that this house is sold at a good price because of its good Feng Shui. If you add some more, you can buy a very good one. If Tong wants Buy again, I have it now.”
Due to the morning and evening shifts in the past six months, she has lost a lot of weight, and her already small body looks even thinner. Because she was a DJ on the radio station, she didn't need to show her face, and she was dressed very casually, still looking like a student.
Such a beautiful girl can sell such a house on her own, seemingly without any family constraints. The small intermediary naturally thinks more and feels that there is a business to do.
She couldn’t laugh or cry, and shook her head without explaining.
The joint account has an upper limit on withdrawals, but there are no restrictions on deposits. She looked at the numbers in the passbook and suddenly felt a sense of satisfaction like a nouveau riche.
Mr. Gu, you must have forgotten that donation is a unilateral legal act and does not require your consent.
Mrs. Gu’s contract law test score was 91 points. Even if he dies, this part of the property will not be related to his father, it will completely belong to him.
As Christmas approaches, "I'm with You" has become a dedicated emotional line. According to the leadership's instructions, it can occasionally request songs for the audience to enhance the atmosphere according to the needs of the program.
For the program planned for Christmas Eve, she specially invited Amy.
But in just three years, Amy has become a very promising local station host because of her hosting of topical talk shows. Even when we went to this traffic station in Beijing to do a program, many viewers called us in advance to express their excitement.
"You asked me to call you Xiaoke. I'm really not used to it." Amy entered the studio with her in advance, sat on the swivel chair, and couldn't help but laugh, "Why don't you use your real name? I think your The name is very easy to remember, and it's not like a name that ordinary people can give. If you want to name it, no one will doubt it."
"It's not as high-profile as you." Tong Yan threw away the manuscript. To her, "I don't want my old classmates to hear me hosting the show. You can imagine how they laughed while listening to the show."
"Just take your time," Amy said earnestly. Patting her shoulder, "Back when I was hosting a show, my mother even saved some money on the Internet to cut a plate and give it to all my relatives. It was so embarrassing."
"Be content. So I'm proud of you."
"You two," the director yawned, "You look like an older woman. You just spent Christmas Eve chatting with your old classmates and didn't answer a single call? No date?"
The two ignored the director's provocation and continued chatting in a low voice.
It wasn’t until ten o’clock that the professional voice was restored immediately and the work was resumed.
Tonight’s special session is a talk show hosted by well-known female anchors Amy and Xiao Ke. Two women with excellent voices chatted and occasionally answered phone calls. Most of them requested songs or dressed up to reminisce about the Christmas Eve they had spent.
"Xiao Ke and I are old classmates," Amy gave him a look, "She once had a very sensational relationship in college. I dare say that every night, there will be girls in the dormitory. The villain cursed her to get such a good love. Tell me, have you ever spent a very romantic Christmas Eve with a popular lover?”
“Yes, we kissed for the first time that night. "It's vulgar, in the cinema."
"Wow~" Amy narrowed her eyes, almost going crazy with envy.
Even the director got excited and kept saying in the headphones: "I blew myself up, I blew myself up."
The light background music was all old European and American tunes.
After she said this, she seemed to be in a good mood and naturally changed the subject. But all the phone calls that followed were about how they went on a date on Christmas Eve, and some people would even excitedly tell her that their first kiss was in a movie theater, etc., so she felt that she was really in trouble.
The disadvantage of inviting acquaintances to come is that they want to reveal your past events all the time. Towards the end of the program, Tong Yan's intestines turned green with regret, but Amy still refused to give up, revealing that she was once the third place in the campus singing competition, and was best at singing difficult foreign songs.
The director was immediately aroused and asked her to sing a cappella and then gradually into the original song to finish.
She was so coerced that she couldn't resist it, and suddenly she remembered the song she had been playing all night long when she and Gu Pingsheng first separated, and she finally started humming it softly.
An old song from 2001 by Jessica Simpson, "when you told me you loved me".
The first note was unexpectedly sad, but it reminded her of that night, when she saw him for the first time, she had no idea. She stood in a new world of lights and flowers, not knowing what to do next. , don’t know how to date.
When you told me you loved me,
Did you know it would take me the rest of my life.
When you received a text message from Tong Yan, I'm packing my luggage. The phone vibrated in my trouser pocket and I didn't stop until I closed the suitcase. She said: I want to separate...
...I'm sorry, I didn't make it to the end. My fingers fumbled on the keys for a long time, so long that I didn’t know when I lit a cigarette and finished it. The cigarette has been extinguished, and a long piece of ash is left on the cigarette butt. I want to put it into the ashtray. With this movement, the ash is scattered. It is no longer condensed into a ball, but scattered. I remain silent. Watching the soot scattered on the ground, I saw water droplets falling to the side, melting the soot and blurring my vision. Give me some time to think. I started to unpack my luggage, placing pants, shirts, and ties on the bed one by one, smoothing out the wrinkles one by one, holding them up on hangers, and hanging them back in the closet. I remembered the way she ironed my shirt before leaving, the way she put the ring on her finger, the way I met her again in school, and the way I saw her for the first time in the hospital. A long time ago, non-iodine was a battle for me. Although I did not completely win the war, I did not lose. My mother’s departure crushed me. From then on, home was a battle for me. There are dispensable furnishings and the home is empty. Some people say that if God takes away something, he will definitely give you something. So, there was Tongyan and a family. We were all hesitant and hesitant at the beginning, but I felt from the bottom of my heart that we should be together, warm each other, comfort each other, support each other, and comfort each other. Sometimes I feel that I am selfish. Because of my body, I may not give her more happiness than others, but I work really hard. I don't want to put pressure on her, but after all...
...Tong Yan is a good girl, please forgive me for describing her so plainly. I didn't go back to China, except to attend her graduation ceremony. I just wanted to see her again and there was nothing else. In the following days, every day was the same because there was no more Tongyan. …………Ping Ping said that Tong Yan went to the radio station to be a host. Pingfan said that his childhood grandmother passed away. Generally speaking, Tong Yan has always been single. Normally, yesterday was the death anniversary of my childhood grandmother. The moment I heard the voice of the world again, the moment I heard her voice on the show for the first time, and the days when I listened to her show every day, I was silently missing, remembering, and feeling grateful. Her voice was like oxygen in my blood, buried deep in my mind, allowing me to breathe, think, and pretend as if nothing had happened. Many nights, in my dreams, you come back to me. When I reach out to touch the other side of the bed, the coldness pushes me back to reality, but I still like this kind of dream and never tire of it. Yanyan, I am always here. But I can't selfishly drag you into the world I think is beautiful again. It turns out that being overwhelmed by water is not the most uncomfortable thing in this world, but the most uncomfortable thing is looking back over and over again.
When I was so close to you, I realized that the desire to hold you in my arms was like a crack that exploded in an instant, spreading, running fast, twisting and turning, and finally reaching the bottom of my heart, leaving an indelible mark. traces. Listening to your slow words on the other end of the phone, it seems like we just didn't meet yesterday. It turns out that we have always been here, always together. Meeting is an accident, falling in love is a test, and separation is a disaster. So next, let us take a look at it for the rest of our lives.