A joke is a story or thing that makes others laugh. What are the funniest jokes in our lives? The following is the complete collection of homophonic misspelled jokes I collected for your reference. I hope you like it.
Homophonic misspelled joke 1 the story of Mr. misspelled.
The typo hurts people, and people hate it. The ancients satirized Mr. Biezi with poems to warn people.
In the Ming Dynasty, there was a county magistrate who loved loquat very much. Someone ingratiated himself with him and bought a basket of excellent loquats to send to him, so that people could contribute first. The post reads: "I present a basket of pipa, I hope you can accept it." The magistrate wondered: Why did you send me a basket of pipa? Why is the pipa in a basket? When the magistrate saw what was in the basket, he suddenly realized that it was a basket of fresh loquat. The magistrate of a county wrote a poem on the post of Pipa Xing:
Loquat is not this kind of pipa,
I only hate my poor cultural level.
If the pipa can bear fruit,
Flowers are everywhere in this city.
A prodigal son, uneducated, spent thousands of taels of silver to buy a county magistrate as a pawn. Once, he wanted to buy a tonic, so he said to the messenger, "Go to the drugstore and buy the best deer ear in San Qian." The messenger immediately rushed to a big drugstore and said to the boss, "My master ordered San Qian deer ears." The boss frowned and thought for a long time. "We only have velvet antler and no deer ears." The policeman was so anxious that he began to cry: "I can't buy deer ears. According to my master's temper, I will get fifty boards! " "When the boss saw this scene, he wrote a doggerel:
Just because I don't study hard,
Mistake deer ears for velvet antler.
If the situation is the same,
How many innocent people are in prison.
Why did Tan Hu read Tan Hu (Xu)
I had an experience when I was a child. As long as I read words I don't know, I will have 60% to 70% correct pronunciation. For example, swimming, chanting and delta all pronounce "forever", which is called "recognizing half by blind words", but there are another 30% or 40% words. If you read them according to the old experience of "recognizing half", you will become Mr. Sentence. There is a story that satirizes Mr. Biezi: "Some people (Mr. Biezi) are fascinated by a book. A friend asked him: What book are you reading? A: Shuihu (Xu). The friend was puzzled and asked what characters were written in the book. Answer: There is a Li Kui jy (big) and two axes (dad), and there are 10,000 people (men) who dare to do wrong; Only friends can know that someone is watching the Water Margin. " This joke is made up to satirize those "Mr. Biezi", but it's a bit out of line, because it's all right to read Hu as Xu and Wei Xiao as Da, but it's no good to read the axe as Dad and brave as Male.
But under certain conditions, reading the original sound of a word is wrong, and "recognizing half" is right. For example, the place name Tanhu Island should be pronounced Tanhu (Xu) instead of Tanhu (Tiger).
It is said that Emperor Kangxi of the Qing Dynasty read Tan Hu as Tan Xu. According to legend, in the 28th year of Kangxi (1689), Emperor Kangxi attached great importance to island development during his southern tour, and named Huang Dalai, the company commander of Dinghai Town at that time, as his escort. He personally asked Huang Da about Zhoushan several times. Huang told Kangxi that after Putuo Mountain Temple was in disrepair, Kangxi gave him 1,200 pieces of silver and ordered him to repair the two temples before and after Putuo Mountain.
Huang Da also brought an old yearbook to introduce the geographical environment of seamounts according to the illustrations in the yearbook. Kangxi listened with relish and wanted to read: "Zhoushan, Daishan, Yushan, Yangshan ... Tan Hu (Xu)". Huang Da Lai and the ministers present knew that Kangxi pronounced "Tan Hu" as "Xu". But because the emperor's mouth is golden, it is also wrong for the emperor to open the golden mouth. So not only did no one come out to correct it, but they also followed Kangxi to read Tanzhe Island as a beach, and ordered residents near Tanzhe Island to read Tanzhe Island only in the future. So local residents have been looking after it. Until the 1960s, when the author went to Tanhu Island to develop fishery production, the residents on the island still called their island Tanzhe Island.
Mr. Biezi defended himself.
Once upon a time, there was a teacher who often read other words and misled others' children, and was sued by the county magistrate. The county magistrate summoned him to the court for questioning.
"Do you often pronounce other words when you teach?"
"No, no, there is no such thing, just a child."
"What? Do birds have them? You read Wu as a bird and made a mistake in class. Do you admit being beaten or punished? "
Afraid of being beaten, Mr. Wang said with trepidation, "Admit the punishment!"
The county magistrate raised his pen and approved, "Punish three chickens and two rabbits."
Mr. Wang brought a chicken home.
When the county magistrate saw it, he asked, "Why did you send the chicken?" The gentleman replied, "didn't you write' three chickens and two exemptions'?"
The county magistrate was so embarrassed that he had to call out the court.
Buy 1000 pigs
Once upon a time, there was a county magistrate who scribbled. He wanted to treat the guests that day, so he wrote a note for the officers to buy pig tongues. Who knows that the word "tongue" is written too long and widely, and the officer mistakenly thinks that he wants him to buy 1000 pigs. Now the servant was as busy as a bee, running all over the city, going to the countryside to buy, and finally bought 500 pigs. As soon as he felt that he couldn't do the job, he pleaded with his master, hoping to buy 500 less.
The county magistrate said angrily, "I told you to buy pig tongues, but I told you to buy thousands of pigs."
Hearing this, the officers replied, "Nothing! But in the future, please pay attention to your master. If you want to buy meat, you must write it shorter, not to buy my wife. "
Students' typos
There is a student who doesn't study hard and won't write home, so:
Dad, grandma (mom), what about you two?
Does your dog have enough food? Is there any wire (money) at home? My thread (money) is gone, it rains here, and I have no life (umbrella). You need money to buy my life urgently. It's over.
A student loves to write typos and always writes rest as drinking.
In his diary, he wrote, "The squad leader instructed us to carry shit. Everyone worked hard and no one dared to take a sip." Later, we were really tired, so we secretly drank behind the monitor's back. "
After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!"
Now, please talk to the township head! )
The township head said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk!" " "
Comrades, that's enough for today. We are all big bowls! )
No pickles, I'll pick up a piece of shit and lick it for you. ...
Don't talk, I'll tell you a story.
A county magistrate with a strong accent went to the village to give a report: "rabbit, shrimp, pig tail!" Without pickles, pickles are too expensive! "
Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! )
The coach said, "Class One kills chickens, Class Two steals eggs, and I'll cook porridge for you."
One kind of shooting, the other kind of bombing. Let me show you. )
Ears are here.
The new magistrate is from Shandong. Because I had to pay the bill, I said to the master, "Go and buy me two bamboo poles."
As soon as the master heard that the "bamboo pole" in Shandong dialect was "pig liver", he quickly agreed and rushed to the butcher's shop and said, "Master Xinxian wants to buy two pieces of pig liver. You are a smart man, you should know! "
The shopkeeper is a clever man. He immediately cut off two pieces of pig liver and gave a pair of pig ears.
Out of the butcher's shop, the master thought, "My master told me to buy pig liver, and this pig ear is mine …" So he wrapped the hunting ear and stuffed it into his pocket. Back to the county government, I reported to the magistrate: "Report back to Grandpa, I bought pig liver!" "
The magistrate was very angry when he saw that his master had bought pig liver, and said, "Where are your ears!" " Hearing this, the master turned pale with fear and quickly replied, "Ear … Ear … here … in my … pocket!" " " "
Do what you see.
Once upon a time, there was a landlord who loved chickens very much. The tenant rented his land, but it was not enough to pay the rent. He must give him a chicken first.
A tenant named Zhang San went to pay the rent to the landlord at the end of the year and rented it out the next year.
When he went, he put a chicken in a bag and paid the rent. He told the landlord about the lease of the land next year. He insisted that his hands were empty, opened his eyes and said, "There are no three kinds of fields."
Zhang Sanming understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag. As soon as the landlord saw the chicken, he immediately changed his mouth and said, "If I don't give it to Zhang San, who will I give it to?"
Zhang San said, "Your words have changed so fast!"
The landlord replied, "That sentence was nonsense (chicken talk) just now, and now this sentence is" play it by ear (chicken talk) "
There is a chance.
A commodity salesman went to Guangzhou on business. After arriving in Beijing, he wants to go by plane. Afraid that the manager would not agree to the reimbursement, he sent a telegram to the manager: "There is an opportunity, do you want to seize it?" When the manager received the telegram, he thought it was an "opportunity" to conclude the transaction and immediately called back: "Take it if you can."
When the salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, the manager refused to reimburse the air ticket expenses on the grounds that he was not qualified and would not be reimbursed by plane. The salesman took out the manager's call back and the manager was dumbfounded.
Geographical name correlation
On New Year's Eve, my brother took two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One is cheerful and the other is more formal.
During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and said to us, "He is from Myanmar, so he is shy." Then raise your glass to toast everyone, raise your head and drink it off, and then say, "I'm from Yangon."
The headmaster is angry.
At the school affairs meeting at the end of the semester, the headmaster was furious at the inefficiency of personnel management. He said: "the person in charge of the director's business is not sensible; The consciousness of personnel management is not strong; Don't be an official! "
Homophonic typo joke 3 Li Dazhuang is afraid of his wife
Li Dazhuang, a famous scholar in Hebei Province, is very afraid of his wife. If he disobeys his wife's orders, she punishes him for sitting still, making his hair into the shape of a needle and thread plaque, putting a lamp bowl in it, and then lighting the lamp. Li Dazhuang's body did not dare to move or catch his breath, just like a dead wooden head or a clay doll. Friends who saw him punished joked with him and said, you are a lampstand at home.
One day, his wife suddenly fell ill and had to use crows as medicine. At that time, before the snow melted, it was difficult to catch crows with nets. Li Dazhuang didn't get a crow, and his wife was furious and wanted to hit him with a stick. Da Zhuang was afraid, so he stepped on the sand to lure crows with food, and only caught one.
A friend made fun of him and said: saints regard phoenix as auspicious. You caught a crow and escaped your wife's beating. This crow seems to be Dark Phoenix.
feng shui
A man was dying, so his son nailed four big copper rings on the side of the coffin. When his son asked him why, he said, You have to listen to Mr. Feng Shui and move me around. This will make it easier to move the text.
The dog denies it.
Two people sit together. One of them didn't say anything, so he pretended nothing and covered his nose with his sleeve.
There happened to be a dog nearby, so the man said it was a dog who farted. Just then, the dog yawned, and the man said to the man, look, it still refuses to recognize it!
magnificent
There is a plum blossom painting with no inscription. Someone saw it and praised it very well. Someone asked him: Do you know who painted it? He said, Zhang Chang.
Send plaque
A man boasted that he would win the bid and said, I dreamed that a drum band was playing at night and sent a plaque to my house. One of his friends said, I also dream of sending a plaque to your home. The man asked: which four words? The friend replied: What a shame.
Spread the news with a smile.
When a new official takes office, a village head asks to give the new official 100 dogs; I bought ninety-nine, and one is missing. I couldn't buy it, so I sawed off the horn of a sheep and handed it to the dog.
Sheep are ruminants, chewing food constantly in their mouths. Seeing the sheep's mouth moving, the new official asked: Why does the dog's mouth keep moving? The captain replied that the dog was chewing maggots.
Laugh at a fool
Once upon a time, there was a thief who often had money to buy things. A fool envied him very much and once asked him: How could you steal? The thief replied: I am good at stealing for only one reason: whenever I steal other people's property, I will put a branch made of crows and magpies in my hand so that others can't see me. Fools believe what thieves say.
One day, he really went to the crow's nest, holding a branch in his hand, and then went to a family to steal property, and was caught and beaten. When being beaten, the fool also said: I was beaten down by you, and you couldn't see me.
New car
A boss bought a new car, but he was very uneasy about the driver he hired. He is worried that the driver will replace the parts of the new car with the old one to make a profit. He can't drive himself, so he has to ask the driver every move.
Once he went out by car, the car slowed down and got up soon.
"What's the matter?" The boss asked the driver.
"Nothing, sir, I just changed gears."
The boss turned to his friend next to him and whispered, "Look, he didn't even let me change gears. I must give him up. "
The teacher spoke to the students before the start of school: The Education Committee will come to the school for inspection tomorrow, and you must wear school uniforms tomorrow. Remember, if something happens, you must write a note.
Xiaoming doesn't study hard at ordinary times. He always writes in big white. On this day, he really couldn't go to school because of something, so he wrote a note for his classmates to take to the teacher. The teacher was startled when he saw it, but the note read as follows: "Hello, teacher! I went to my father's unit to see him off in the morning and had to wear mourning clothes to school in the afternoon. " What are you doing at school? With such a big accident at home, the teacher quickly brought several class cadres to his home to show concern and mourn his grief. I didn't find anything when I went to his house, but later I learned that it was all caused by fake articles.
A foreigner with a strong accent got lost in this city. When he saw a gentle young lady coming, he greeted him and asked, "Rabbit (Comrade), give me a kiss …" Before the words were finished, the young lady blushed with anger.
A pair of farmer brothers and sisters used carts to pull wheat to sell in the market. A southerner came over and asked them, "Brother, how much is your little sister (Wheat)?" Big brother was so angry that the veins stood out on his forehead.
Homophonic typo joke 5 1. The crab accidentally bumped into the loach when going out for a walk. The loach was very angry: "Are you blind?"
The crab is very wronged: "no, I am a crab!" " "
2. In the driving school theory class today, the teacher said, "Anyone who causes a serious traffic accident to escape is forbidden to drive for life."
A girl in the back raised her hand and said, "Then I will never get married?"
My girlfriend's name is Zhu Jing. I took my girlfriend back to my hometown in the countryside for the first time. As soon as I came in, I said, Mom, Zhu Jing is here.
Mother listened and said: The pig came in and just drove it out!
On his deathbed, Grandpa called his young and ignorant grandson to the bed and said with his last breath, "Son, this world ... is so good to be an official!" " The little grandson is an obedient child, and he firmly remembers grandpa's words before his death. Many years later, he finally became the best coffin manufacturer in the village.
A woman came to a man's house to play, and the woman teased him and said, I will marry you if you have a piece of land. Then the doorbell rang, and the courier brother said, sir, there is a courier for you!
In Chinese class, Xiao Ming didn't listen carefully when the teacher was talking about text analysis. Suddenly, the teacher asked, "Xiao Ming, what does the article 1 to 2 say?" Xiao Ming was stunned and said, "Did the article make a clean break that he broke up with Ma Yili?"
7. Niu Niu and Da Zhuang are playing downstairs. Niu Niu suggested: "Let's play the star!" "Yes, yes!" "You think I'm G.E.M.!" "ok!" In a moment of excitement, Da Zhuang pushed Niu Niu to the ground and rode up. Niu Niu was startled. She groaned and screamed: "Wang Dazhuang, your father, who the fuck told you to ride me as a stool!"
8. The bus I took arrived at the station that day, and the passengers got off in a column. Just as the door was about to close, a lady shouted outside. "I will die in your car! ''
I was so nervous that I closed the door immediately, stepped on the gas pedal and thought; "There are many strange people in this city. ''
Unexpectedly, the lady called a taxi to chase my bus and finally stopped.
The door opened and the lady shouted again; "Why don't you stop? I will die in your car! ''
I dare not ask her; "Young lady, what are you working hard for? ''
He angrily walked to a seat, then picked up a bunch of keys and said to me; "I will die in your [key] car! ''
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