Because you know, only they are willing to tolerate your bad mood, don't really care about you, and can forgive your mistakes every time.
Born as human beings, we are not selfish individuals. We should be kind to ourselves and care about others.
"losing control of your temper" is something that will happen to each of us. It will not only destroy the relationship between people, but also cause serious harm and destruction to physical and mental health.
If you want to learn to control your emotions, you should start by being kind to people around you.
A good friend told me a true story.
During the Spring Festival, she took her parents to the shopping mall to eat and shop. It was a happy thing, but before she left, she found that the handbag her father had helped her with was missing.
I looked everywhere for a long time, but I couldn't find it. Before the Spring Festival, especially when thieves were rampant, my best friend thought, it must be because my father didn't pay attention when he was resting outside the shopping mall, and put a few bags in his hand on the ground, giving thieves an opportunity.
In a rage, my best friend complained about her father's words, which was a bit heavy without thinking. On the way home, the atmosphere in the car was very cold.
Later, the mother said to her behind her father's back: "Your father is a narrow-minded person, and it is uncomfortable to lose something." If it weren't for his biological father, no one could stand what you just said to him. "
After listening to these words, my best friend felt tight and regretted that she really didn't consider her father's emotions when she spoke at that time, and only cared about venting herself. This is very wrong.
Although things are lost, there is not much money in them. Because this money hurts my father's heart and destroys the feelings between father and daughter, it is not worth it.
My best friend told me that because of those serious words, she is still reflecting on herself and never dares to lose her temper with her family again.
He Jiong said at the Weibo that it is better to say less about bad feelings. Family members are sad, friends are worried, and opponents snicker, which makes them feel sorry for themselves and lose their fighting spirit. Negative emotions are like acne on your back. Be careful not to touch them. Keep silent. There is no need to advertise loudly every day.
How to control your emotions when you face all kinds of troubles in life?
Dr. Lan Hai pointed out that if anyone can't handle his emotions well, he can't live well in the present and can't keep himself calm. You can neither be kind to yourself nor care for others; Even in my spare time, my heart will always be full of regrets about the past, worries about the future and dissatisfaction with today, and I will be deeply immersed in it; Of course, it is also difficult to have the ability to resist setbacks.
Therefore, it is not difficult to find that emotions determine health, happiness and life and death.
How to clean up bad temper-peeling onions
Positive emotions tell us that the current state is very happy; Negative emotions remind us that the current state is deviating from the track of happiness. Emotion itself is not good or bad, only out-of-control emotions are bad. What we need to learn is how to make emotions our guards and bodyguards.
Once the emotion is triggered, it should be adjusted from four aspects: body, feeling, thinking and behavior, so as not to let the emotion plummet. Body layer-calm mood
Any emotion is accompanied by the reaction of the body. The body is the biggest organ for storing emotions. When the body is calm, the mood will naturally calm down. The first step in dealing with emotions is to calm down your body.
(1) Stop: Stop adding fuel to the fire.
When we are aware of our emotions, the first step we should take is to stop.
(2) Find the position of emotion in the body.
Focus on your body, scan your body from head to toe, and feel what part of your body is uncomfortable at the moment. For example, when you are angry, do you have a headache, stomachache, chest tightness, tight throat, shaking all over, or other feelings?
(3) Continue to take a deep breath.
Continue to take a deep breath and inhale what you like and need at the moment, such as calmness, calmness and comfort; Exhale all the uncomfortable feelings in your body when you exhale. Do it several times in a row until the mood is calm.
After the above adjustments, your inner flame should be eliminated a lot.
Perception layer-exploring emotion
In fact, every emotion is our friend and represents the needs of some parts of us. Let's discuss what emotions really want to tell us.
(1) If we can name emotions, we can dissolve them-name them.
Scientific research has proved that if we can name emotions, we can resolve them-"Name them, and you will tame them".
(2) Think about what my real needs are-the core of emotions.
The core of all emotions is usually related to security and recognition-people want to be seen, heard, recognized, accepted, understood, warm, concerned and loved. Whenever you are in the mood, you might as well explore what your real needs are and what needs are not met. Thinking layer-changing mood
People always think they are right. In fact, everything everyone does and says is right from his point of view and his state environment. And all the people who give others trouble make the best choice at that moment, but this choice is limited by his ability, cognition, environmental conditions and resources at that time.
The core of the clue is how to interpret one thing. Therefore, the easiest way to fundamentally change your mood is to put yourself in others' shoes.
How to put yourself in others' shoes?
Think about why the other person is right. Really put yourself in the other person's shoes and think about the situation he faces, his needs, his resources and his limitations. Why did he say and do that under the circumstances at that time, which was understandable and even excusable?
I'm sure you will find something new if you think so.
Behavior layer-check emotions
If something angry happens, how can we save the situation? The way is that we need to check each other in the right place.
Inspection is a process of resolving contradictions, and it is also a process of knowing ourselves and ourselves. There are contradictions that are not terrible, but the terrible thing is to go away and keep piling up.
So, how do we check?
(1) After losing your temper, wait for yourself to calm down and invite the other person to have a calm communication.
(2) Sincerely share your emotional needs at that time and tell the other person how you want him to meet your needs.
(3) Also invite the other person to tell you frankly what he was facing at that time and what his feelings and needs were.
(4) What if something similar happens after the * * * agreement?
It is worth noting that the inspection should be carried out first when the other party is willing to communicate with you, rather than forcing the other party, let alone asking questions. Communication must be two-way. If one party is unwilling to communicate, or still in the mood, please keep silent, because such communication will not only be ineffective, but will continue to destroy the relationship.
Many contradictions and frictions between people are actually the result of mutual ignorance and misunderstanding.
In most cases, if we can see each other and hear each other, our emotions will calm down and we will be relieved by mutual understanding.
Dear, if you realize that everyone interprets the world from their own perspective, and there is a call for love every time they get angry and lose their temper, then you will understand others more easily.
In this way, there will be fewer misunderstandings between partners, parents, friends and colleagues.
Please remember: losing your temper is not a trivial matter, but a major event related to happiness and life and death.
No matter what you are angry about, you must remember not to express it by venting and attacking others. Because losing your temper is like throwing a bomb, once you lose your temper, all your previous efforts will be written off, and the building of love and trust you have worked so hard to build will collapse in an instant; It is difficult or even impossible to gain love and trust.
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