A person doesn't blame when something happens, but first looks for reasons from himself to avoid similar problems from happening again. This is a person's top quality.
1 The first realm of not blaming: forbearance.
The altar sutra says, "forbearance keeps evil quiet."
This sentence means that if you can bear it, all the bad words and malicious acts will eventually subside automatically.
As the saying goes, "people who suffer losses are always there, so they can endure."
When people are angry, their blood surges up, they lose their cool, and they can do anything impulsive.
At this time, if anger is suppressed by forbearance, things can be properly handled only after emotional stability.
Liu Bang was at a disadvantage when competing with Xiang Yu for the world. At this time, Han Xin captured Shandong and sent someone to find Liu Bang, saying that people in this place in Shandong were out of control, and there must be a company in Daguan Town. Please make me a fake king of Qi.
Hearing this, Liu Bang flew into a rage. Lao Tzu was badly beaten by Xiang Yu. If you don't help quickly, you will become an official. On striking the table, I was furious.
Chen Ping, the counselor next to him, stepped on him under the table. Liu Bang is a powerful character. He immediately woke up, calmed down and said loudly, "What fake king are you sealing? If you want to seal it, seal a real king! The decree made General Han the king of Qi. "
If Liu Bang didn't hold back his anger, but flew into a rage, I'm afraid Liu's surname may be the item.
It's not easy to endure affliction.
Xue, a thinker in the Ming Dynasty, claimed that it took twenty years to cure the word "anger", "self-denial is difficult." It is obvious that people's emotions are difficult to control.
People with high self-cultivation such as Lin Zexu and Zeng Guofan will inevitably get angry.
But there is no other way but to "bite the bullet and do it" as Zeng Guofan said. When you encounter anything unpleasant, force yourself to pause for 30 seconds before you speak.
Whenever there are waves in your heart, you must resist the desire to vent and say to yourself, "Calm down, calm down, don't talk unless you are calm."
Endurance is not cowardice, but looking for the amulet of reason.
The second realm of not blaming: forgiveness.
Lv Kun said in "Groans and Cautions", "Don't blame others for being tongue-tied, red-faced, sweating, and stabbing! But, shallow and mean! Therefore, a gentleman should not attack others more than seven points. He must implicitly raise people's shame and make them turn over a new leaf. "
Accuse others mercilessly until they are speechless and ashamed, but they will not stop. Although it may be a temporary fast, it actually exposes the critic's own narrow-minded and mean heart.
It is one of human instincts to criticize others' mistakes and forgive yourself.
It is said in "Augmented Xianwen" that "blame yourself with the heart of blaming others, and forgive others with the heart of forgiving yourself".
Being able to put yourself in others' shoes, look into others' hearts and forgive others' difficulties with self-interest is naturally easy to understand and tolerate.
When I say "I don't see the truth from myself", I am telling us not to always limit our thinking to what we see, so that we can see the truth clearly. More often, we should learn to think from the other person's point of view, that is, empathy.
Because everyone has different ways of thinking, they will have different reactions to the same thing, so try to stand in the other person's position and think with the other person's way of thinking, so that we can understand and tolerate each other's behavior more easily.
There used to be a very popular saying on the Internet:
You hate pedestrians when you drive and cars when you walk.
You are a customer who thinks the business is too profiteering, and you are a businessman who thinks the customer is too picky.
You have a daughter-in-law, and you think her daughter-in-law is not sensible; You have a daughter, and you want her to be in charge of her husband's family.
At work, I feel that the boss is too strong and stingy, and when I become the boss, I feel that the employees are too irresponsible and have no execution.
According to the Analects of Confucius, Zi Gong once asked Confucius, "Who can keep his word for life?" Confucius replied: "It is forgiveness!" It means "is there a word you can pursue all your life?" Confucius replied: "This is forgiveness!
Forgive yourself and others, treat everything with the word "forgive", put yourself in others' shoes, understand others' difficulties in everything, and resolve inner grievances. This is also a higher realm than holding back and restraining anger.