Since your in-laws say their pension is enough for them and they don't need you to support them, you should stay away from them. You should be a relative who doesn't move around much.
What matters is whether your husband understands you. If your husband understands you very well, you can completely cut off contact with your husband's family and let them think for themselves. People are mutual. Don't think it's great to have two stinking money.
We can still raise children without them, and I will treat you as you treat me. Don't blame me for being unkind, so you have many ways to calm your anger. The simplest and most effective way is to cut off contact with them. Let your husband run away if anything happens. They can look down on you but they can't deny their son. Let them communicate with each other and do what you should do.
Key points; You said your husband didn't earn enough money to support his family, which gave you a big discount! How much did you earn? Earn less and spend less. Do you want to live a better life or point to your parents-in-law? We must show some backbone. Modesty can only make people look down on you. If you are willing to bear injustice, don't complain. If you can't accept this coldness, then contact them less. If you don't want to choose between them, you'll have to divorce. These are the principles of life. See for yourself which one you can give up.
You should be grateful.
About grandparents' pension
You see, the children will grow bigger and bigger, and the old people will only get older and older. Grandparents have a monthly pension of 7000+, and they don't expect you to support the elderly. How nice! Isn't it sweet to subtract the weight of two mountains?
When children are young, grandparents only care about their own enjoyment and do not contribute to future generations. In another ten years, even if grandparents have more money, we are not rare. If you are sick, please call a nurse; Old, living in a nursing home. All these things can be solved with money, and it would be great to be self-sufficient without the money of my son and daughter-in-law.
About grandma and grandpa
But one thing needs to be clarified in front of relatives: it is not the son and daughter-in-law who helped her family, but the parents of her family who helped her son and daughter-in-law.
Accept a drop of water when necessary, and I will repay your kindness with spring water. Grandparents lend a helping hand in the most difficult time of a small family, and this kindness should be remembered.
This is an unsolved problem, just like an honest official can't decide housework, and even the law can't control individuals. Some people are selfish, others are generous, and outsiders can't change them. If the way to make grandpa change, only let them betray their relatives and friends and gradually feel lonely in their later lives, can they consciously reflect on what they have done wrong, and can they be treated like this by people around them. Otherwise, under normal circumstances, no one can convince them. They are old, and it is difficult for others to convince them.
So I don't think it should be mentioned. Two young people work hard to make money, and grandparents work harder. Then the young people get income and subsidize two old people who help them take care of their children. As for the so-called grandparents, since these two people are so selfish, they seldom associate with them. Everything happens for a reason. They are so selfish that they will naturally get the result that others are gradually alienated.
But now you ask how to make them change, and there is no answer. What kind of person is the most stubborn, and the old man is the most stubborn.
As can be seen from the description of your question, grandma's sons were brought up by her mother-in-law. He also said that he was unwilling and would not help with the children, nor did he expect his son to support the elderly. Even their sons don't want to pay for their own marriage, or get married naked.
I think since the children's grandparents have said so, it means that they don't care about their affairs in the future, and they won't care about yours. They already have their own plans.
After all, when your husband was young, they didn't have the responsibility and obligation to take care of the children. Her mother-in-law raised them.
In this process, they also get used to life without children and plan what kind of life they should live in the future.
Now that they have grandchildren, of course, they will not be taken care of, and their lives will not be ruined because of their children. After all, their sons have never been taken care of, let alone their grandchildren.
So don't think it's wrong for them not to have children. They just have their own plans and have already conveyed their information to you. We don't care about your affairs, and we won't let you care about ours.
We say that grandparents don't help their children for a reason. If they don't, others can't force them. After all, they have agreed in advance, and they have their own plans for how to live in the future.
But just because there are no children, it is not easy to bring them. Although grandparents live in the countryside, it may be more convenient to bring them.
But they can't make it so easy to take care of children. Grandparents are not easy, but they also have to take care of their grandchildren. It must be a little stressful to have another grandson now.
So no matter what grandparents say, they certainly don't help to take care of the children. You and grandparents can only take them. Although it's a little harder, at least the children are taken good care of.
Still normal. In that case, let them go. After all, the tables have turned, and everyone needs help or needs it.
Now that your child is still young, it is not necessarily a bad thing that grandparents are unwilling to take care of it. When the children are old and need you, you can take care of them, or take care of them a little. At this time, the initiative is in your hands. Of course, if they have other children, it would be better to take care of them.
There is also disrespect for grandparents who take care of their children. It can only be said that such grandparents are not sensible, and it is really a blessing for children not to take care of them. After all, people who do not know how to be grateful will be affected if their children let them teach for a long time.
Because I have encountered the same problem myself, I can understand your feelings very well. In fact, it is not so difficult to persist. As long as grandparents are kind to their children, others will forget about it and avoid getting angry. People should look ahead, and one day good feng shui will definitely turn to our side!
Things at home, the family said, grandparents used to their lives, let them go, that is, five or six years ago, but sometimes we can remind them to at least reflect on themselves, but if we talk too much, it will not work, and even quarrel. In addition, as far as we young people are concerned, we don't expect them to take care of our children, but we can try to get them to go to kindergarten. The child kisses whoever he follows. Remind parents not to blame their children, but their grandparents.
This kind of wonderful in-laws is rare. I think it's very simple. Don't go back and forth.
If they don't respect your parents, they don't respect you, so you don't have to go to their house, including your children, and you don't have to call them grandparents. Anyway, they have a retirement salary now and don't need your support. Let them do it. His money can't bring meticulous care when they are lying in bed and can't move. At that time you can take care of them according to your own feelings. You can take care of them if you like. If you don't want to, you can take care of them because you are only his daughter-in-law. On that day, his son may not be able to shirk this responsibility, so let him take care of himself.
But to be honest, it still depends on the son's own wishes. According to your description, he has no feelings for his son. I think his son, your husband, may not have feelings for him, so the old couple will taste their bitter fruit sooner or later. They can't enjoy teasing their grandchildren, and they can't enjoy the happiness of filial piety to their sons in hospital beds.
In fact, in this case at home, it's no big deal to help take care of your grandson. My in-laws came to take care of him, and they said it was ironic. This kind of person is really wonderful.
It's simple. What should I do? No contact, as long as your husband agrees. All you can do is take the child and humiliate her with your mother.
Or if your husband wants to go, your husband will go by himself. Anyway, I won't take my children and my own mother. What you do is your business and what I do is my business. You can't ask me, nor can I ask you. Don't ask me to do what you can't do, nor will I ask you to do what I can't do.
You have no choice but to quarrel with her. Many old people are like this. Words always speak louder than actions. If you want to win verbally, you should also be happy in your behavior.
Whether you go or not, she won't help you with the children.
Grandparents play mahjong, grandma takes people, and you don't want mom to take them. Why? Don't ask. Did your mother bring anyone? Just like some men are unfaithful to mistress, they think mistress is attractive, can dress up and play, and the wife at home can only talk, but she doesn't understand amorous feelings. The more women do, the more men love them. The more women do, the more parents will do it together. If a man asks you to do something, you will be angry if you don't get angry. Discuss with your husband, or hire someone, or bring your own. Don't ask your parents to bring it. There will be a lot fewer clues.
There is no law that the elderly must take care of your children, and there is no law that the elderly have to subsidize you if they have money. The old man has worked hard all his life and wants to live his life easily. Can't they? Rich old people mean that they don't need your support, which is your blessing. There are many old people who not only have no children but also need your support! Getting along with parents and social friends have one thing in common, that is, you should have feelings. You and your parents have little affection. Is it wrong to reflect on your past carefully? By the way, tell you and all the girls that choosing a man depends not only on himself, but also on whether his family style is positive and whether his parents are kind, kind and amiable. Otherwise, don't get married. If there is, don't complain, or divorce, or endure and work hard.