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Lover series 7: How to get an unfaithful woman home?
Lover series 6: How to get a cheating man home?
Lover Series 5: Chen Yufan | Will a man get divorced if his wife cheats?
Lover series 4: What should you do if your husband cheats?
Lover Series 3: Why do men in China like to find mistresses?
Lover Series 2: Why do some women become other men's mistresses after marriage?
Couple series 1: Why do women want to be mistresses?
This is the eighth article in the Little Three series.
It is said that if you vent your emotions,
The popularity is much higher than that of problem-solving articles.
I just want to vent, not solve it.
Or you want to act is another matter.
Tell them we're not like that.
We are both clever and brave.
For happiness.
charming
Ivy
An derailed marriage is like a broken ceramic bowl. No matter how to make up for it, there are cracks.
Imagine this bowl intact, innocent and narcissistic like a baby. I hope the world is as you wish. Immersed in this kind of thinking, you can't cross this hurdle and move towards a new life.
On the contrary, admit that this bowl is broken, admit that this bowl can't go back to the past, rust a plum blossom at this crack, and let this bowl surpass the past bowl because of repair; Let your feelings sublimate because of love and strength after this great crisis, and you can get phoenix-like happiness.
Happiness belongs only to the brave.
0 1
If you don't want a divorce, you must forgive.
Once you decide not to divorce, "forgiveness" is not a multiple-choice question, but a must. There is nothing to do but forgive you.
Some women are very wronged. Why should I tolerate him after making such a big mistake? Yeah, why? Just because you don't want a divorce! That is the reality. Facing reality is a lesson that adults must learn!
People often think that forgiveness is forgiveness for others, but in fact, to a greater extent, forgiveness is redemption for themselves.
Mandela, an African human rights leader, was imprisoned by the apartheid regime in South Africa for 27 years. The long prison life took away Mandela's health and the joy of being reunited with his family. But the moment he left the prison, Mandela said: If I don't put my sadness and hatred behind me, I will still be in prison.
Unforgettable, in addition to torturing yourself, it will also make the other party have rebellious emotions.
Under normal circumstances, the cheating party will still feel guilty at first. When you beat and scold for the first time, he bowed his head to admit his mistake and even begged for mercy; When you beat and scold for the second time, he is still ashamed, but he is not as ashamed as he was the first time; Under your endless curses and repetitions, his guilt gradually decreases and eventually runs out. When he paid off the debt completely, it was time for him to fight back;
What do you want? Enough trouble! If it really doesn't work, divorce!
02
Give each other some time and space.
Some readers complained to me that my husband derailed and went home, but he was like a dead man all day long. Don't laugh, don't talk, close the room after dinner, either sleep or play games.
I said it was normal. Aside from morality and identity, it is also a love between your husband and lover! Now that life and death are over, everyone needs some time to calm down. Didn't you fall in love for about a year before?
Don't be jealous, don't be unbalanced. Love is short, marriage is long. If you want a long-term marriage, don't argue about who loves whom more for a day or two. Love who is more of a flash of glory, fleeting.
So what can you do? Quiet company, don't disturb. Seeing through without breaking is also a kind of compassion and wisdom. Let him digest, let him adjust, and let him spend this difficult time slowly.
Besides giving the other person time to digest, you should also actively guide him back to your life in a wise way.
Attention, it is guidance, not pulling! Not reluctantly!
For example, if you want him to play with your child, you can't say it in a tone of command, drive away or blame. You can create a scene where you play with your children in the living room every night, and your laughter fills the room. One day, your husband pushed open the bedroom door in pajamas and said, "Your lion is good or bad, I'll do it!" " "Your time has come.
03
Find the reason for the derailment and really solve the problem.
I had an emotional consultation some time ago. The reader confided to me that her husband cheated all the year round and refused to change many times. At first, it was a fixed lover, and finally it became various social software.
At first glance, her husband seems to be a natural playboy with his own cheating genes. Later, after talking to this girl, I said to her:
If I were your husband, I would cheat, too.
This girl, abused by her parents since she was a child, is extremely sensitive. She met me in a cafe with a ceramic cup. Note that it's not for insulation or anything, just an ordinary mug, no different from that in a coffee shop. She said she was afraid of getting infected with bacteria.
She lives in the delusion of persecution all day, feeling that her colleagues are hurting her, her friends hate her, and even her own sister is jealous of her. The ideas and suggestions given to her by others are not based on their care and help, but have ulterior motives.
Living with such a partner, men must feel a lot of pressure.
I told her that what you have to solve now is not your husband's problem, but your own problem, which is the root cause of your infidelity.
In addition, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the relationship between brothers and sisters, the problem that one party is too strong, the differences between husband and wife on children's schooling, property arrangements, work development and so on. , may be the root cause of derailment.
These problems have not been completely or relatively properly solved, and it is useless to just catch a mistress. If you catch a Wang Mei, there will be Li Mei, Liu Mei and Sima Mei, and Mei will never be poor.
04
Establish a common goal/enemy/difficulty
When the external enemy comes, the internal will unite.
Many women set this external enemy as mistress, pulling men to fight mistress together. A man is so cruel to a woman with whom he once had an intimate relationship. If you think this is good and useful, then you can continue.
But I want to remind you that personality is widely applicable. For others, his character is not bad, but for you, only his character is good. How did he treat his mistress today? If you have an interest dispute tomorrow, he will certainly treat you like this!
The best goals are those that truly reflect the actual difficulties of husband and wife and need joint efforts: such as caring for the elderly, the hardships of starting a business, the company crisis, the bottleneck of work, improving children's academic performance, improving their psychological problems in adolescence, and so on.
Don't make much ado about nothing, but who has no difficulty in middle age?
I have a girlfriend who used to curse her cheating husband every day. I hate to gnash my teeth when I think about it. At this time, the company is competing for employment, and a colleague who is obviously not as good as her is about to get the position that originally belonged to her because of her connections and back door.
The object of her hatred suddenly changed. At this time, her husband, in turn, comforted her, accompanied her, helped her with advice, and even used relationships to support her from the outside.
In the end, my girlfriend won the competition, and she and her husband got back together in the same battle. She said that she felt that the greatest value of this matter was not the defeat of her competitors, nor the promotion and salary increase, but that in the process, her heart and her husband's heart came together again.
05
Appreciate the beauty of the past and pity the fragility of human nature.
A particularly outstanding reader, with beautiful appearance, good figure, developed career and rich income, came to consult in a BMW: her husband cheated.
She said she really couldn't figure it out. Her husband once loved her very much. How can this happen now?
The girl's husband is ten years older than her. In the place where we met, he was an uncle with a successful career and high spirits; She is a girl who has changed from innocent to pure and lovely.
Uncle married Lori and didn't shut her up in the boudoir like some people did. But to encourage her to learn and make progress. She was originally a secondary school graduate. With the financial and spiritual support of her uncle, she studied the adult self-study exam and postgraduate, and now she is studying EMBA, and she is a female entrepreneur.
Ten years have passed, and the wind and water have turned. Uncle's industry is dying, and his career and income are far less than before; And Lori has grown up, with her own company, her own social circle and her own social status.
With the promotion of economic status and the change of social identity, women inevitably become somewhat strong in interpersonal relationships. The little girl who once needed care disappeared, and the object she once loved changed.
Uncle Xiao San is now looking for his subordinates, ordinary, but worshiping him. I said your husband is looking for a mistress, that is, you used to be.
The woman shed tears.
I think if a man makes another choice, he will still make a woman grow, mature and become better because he loves her.
But he's also human. Although he loves her, he will inevitably be lost.
I said you should love your husband as much as he loves you. Just as he tolerated your naivety in the past and his fragility now; Just like he waited for you to grow up, wait for him to be more mature and accept the change of your relationship.
Nothing can solve your problem except love.
06
Independent and strong, trying to repair but not afraid of divorce.
Independent and strong, can divorce at any time, and strive to repair the marriage, which is not contradictory at all. On the contrary, only if you are divorced at any time can you let the other person really change himself and return to the family.
Women can't live without men and can't afford to get married. She can leave, but she chooses to stay. Her mentality, self-confidence and men's attitude towards her are completely different.
A woman who is financially dependent and spiritually dependent is not qualified to talk about any terms with others at all.
A female friend asked me, you let us choose tolerance and forgiveness, so what's the difference between us and the Virgin of Feng-Chiao Lin you mentioned?
Of course there is a difference! Because Feng-Chiao Lin left Jackie Chan, he had nothing but money.
And we, leaving this man, have a career, a lot of money, a vest line, a face value, a chased capital, confidence in a new life, and a lot of bright future! This is the difference!
When you are strong enough, your tolerance is tolerance and valuable; Otherwise, you are not tolerant at all, you are helpless and beg for mercy!
Marriage is a kind of practice. Beauty is beauty without experiencing exquisite happiness, but it is still thin. Because you don't know if she can withstand the storm one day.
And life is so long, who can say that life is calm and the years are quiet?
If you have marital emotional problems, you can pay attention to the emotional rescue of Ivy's marriage, and there will be more suggestive articles published! You can also trust us privately, and we will give accurate judgments and opinions according to your specific situation.