What should my husband do if he likes to play or not?

I have benefited a lot from reading your blog post. I hope I can get your help. My husband and I are high school classmates. Later, he went to City A, and I came to City A through hard work just to be with him, but the reality was cruel. Maybe high school is too young to live together for a short time. I don't think there is anything wrong with him, but I feel that he has a super good temper and really likes him. But we really live together, only to find that he is a very irresponsible person and seldom accompanies me. He spends most of his time playing with friends and often leaves me alone, even when I am sick. Later, I told him how I felt. It was useless, so I quarreled with him. Later, I really couldn't stand it. I left him for half a year, but I found that I still love him very much. I always thought. I think he should have changed since the last class, but after he got better for a while, everything remained the same. I thought maybe he would get better after marriage, but I was still wrong. After marriage, he is still the same. Later, I thought it might be good to have children, but the facts told me again that I was wrong. Therefore, after getting married for more than ten years, he quarreled over the same problem, that is, he was playful and had no sense of responsibility. When I was sad and desperate, I met a former male classmate and told him my troubles. After that, we had a brief affair, but I found that I still loved my husband, so I returned voluntarily. I didn't want a divorce, but now I want to get rid of it and live in this endless quarrel. Please give me some help. What should I do? Another spoony, kind but injured woman often receives such requests for help, and there is always a kind of heaviness and depression that crawls into her heart and it is difficult to leave for a long time. Kindness is a natural instinct of women, but it often becomes a weakness of women. Kindness has become synonymous with indecision, so the kinder you are, the more you get hurt. This may become a woman's * * * disease, a woman's helplessness or a man's sorrow? Think about it, sometimes it really makes people feel confused. Of course, I can't give Xiaowen a clear standard answer for her help, because the problem of emotional marriage may be the most complicated problem in the world. Although most of the topics I talk about on my blog are about marital feelings, I can only talk in general terms and have principles, and I can't give very specific solutions to every emotional problem. Emotional problems are too private and personalized, and you can't solve changeable and complicated emotional problems with a unified model. From Xiaowen's story, we can see a woman's persistence and persistence in love and marriage. It stands to reason that she should be happy and sweet, but this is not the case. It is the fault of men and women themselves, but it seems that no one is wrong. This is feelings, always a little unpredictable. From the beginning of love to the end of engagement and marriage, Xiaowen has too many reasons and too many opportunities to say no to this relationship, because this man may not be suitable for Xiaowen, but looking down, she is still approaching marriage step by step according to her own insistence. Many times, in fact, she has realized that men's problems are also her troubles. Unfortunately, love can always make people feel "self-comforting". For example, it is clear that lovers have fatal and dangerous personality hidden dangers, but they will try their best to excuse their lovers or comfort themselves that they should get better in the future, which is the so-called "beauty is in the eye of the lover" effect. Facts have repeatedly proved that this judgment based on sensibility is basically wrong, so troubles will follow until the unacceptable day. Just like Xiaowen, in the love stage, she has found that "he is a very irresponsible person" and even "often leaves me alone, even when I am sick", but Xiaowen repeatedly thinks that he will change in the future, which is actually very difficult. Since "I found that he still loves him", you can't live without him. This is a woman's weakness and her ability to ignore your statutes again and again. Therefore, Xiaowen actually has reason to stop developing. The reality is that she didn't stop, but moved on. Of course a man has his problems. Men's lack of responsibility for women is the biggest problem for men, but to some extent, he is not wrong, because he did not deliberately hide this from Xiaowen. That's what he is. He used his actions to show Xiaowen that he is a playful and irresponsible person, and Xiaowen can still tolerate and accept it. But, think about it, many girls are easily blinded by love, and no one is perfect. Since you love him, you certainly love his shortcomings, especially when you already know his shortcomings, you still choose to love him and marry him, so you should be fully prepared. Xiaowen is of course a very kind person. She forgave her husband again and again. This is her efforts for marriage, but this man is still the same. It can be seen that marriage has not changed him at all. If marriage and children can't make a man responsible, I think maybe you should really be vigilant, otherwise you can only argue with him for life. So women will fall into despair. At this time, a former male classmate appeared, and they had an affair. This is obviously extremely inappropriate, just like my recent blog post, "Do you want to talk to friends of the opposite sex when there are problems in marriage?" If you don't want a lover, don't talk to a male friend easily, because women are the most vulnerable at this time, which will make the already complicated emotional problems more complicated. Of course, what has happened is irreversible. Fortunately, Xiaowen stopped it in time, which is commendable. In Xiaowen's help, she repeatedly talked about her husband's playfulness and indifference to his sense of family responsibility. In fact, it is difficult to fully identify this point, and there is no standard to follow. Everyone's understanding is different, and the conclusion may be different. Besides, his point existed as early as when he was in love, but in fact you can still accept him. So what I want to say is that if you love him, if you want to maintain your family and your marriage, the suggestion may change. Maybe he is just born fun-loving, maybe he just seldom thinks about responsibility, but he is not immoral and doesn't fool around outside. Think about it, which do you want more than a man fooling around or making trouble outside? No one is perfect, besides, your husband just likes playing chess, for example, forgetting his home, but he is so natural that he doesn't hide it from you. Never try to change one's nature. If a man is a playboy, I think it's hard for you to change. Fortunately, your husband just likes to play with friends, and he is still a good person on the whole. You love him so much that you should be able to tolerate his shortcomings. Don't take other men to anger him, it will only make the problem more and more difficult to deal with, remember! Calm down and think about it. Do you really still love your husband? Talk to your husband. Does he still love you? Let go of everything in the past, marriage needs great patience to run, let alone children. Of course, if you really think about it carefully and have a good communication with your husband, you still feel that there is no need to save yourself, and you really want to give up in order to get rid of it. It may be the last choice, but I strongly recommend making a careful decision. Because I really think that many times, there are not many substantive contradictions in marriage. As long as you learn to look at the problems in married couples' lives with a positive attitude, especially if you don't quarrel easily, you can communicate well. Communication is the most important thing. Maybe you might say that he doesn't communicate with you at all. In fact, communication is mutual, and as a wife, don't talk too much about the habits of boys such as drinking and playing. Of course, your husband has gone a little too far, but this is the helpless reality. You knew he was like this before and accepted it, but he didn't promise you that he would change in the future. Now that you have accepted his shortcoming, you should learn to be tolerant. Women often have wishful thinking: I accept his shortcomings, but I think he will change later, so most of you will be disappointed. As the saying goes, a leopard cannot change his spots. If you accept him, it shows that your shortcomings are not unbearable and acceptable. You should think he is such a person, without ears, don't you think? What you have to do is to tolerate him, not try to change him. Of course, it is best if he can take the initiative to change. Having said that, I may not really untie the knot or solve the problem at all, but as I said before, the emotional problem is really too private and personal, and there will never be a unified standard answer. In the end, I'm on my own. What I said and wrote was just a reference. Whether it is right or wrong, I hope it can help and inspire all men and women with marital difficulties.