I still remember attending the parent-teacher training camp in Nanjing in August. Teacher Yang's warm voice conveys love to us between the lines. That day, I also cried on Miss Yang's body. She hugged me and stroked my back with warm and loving hands. At that moment, I felt so happy, but my tears could not stop flowing ... I cried and cried, as if Miss Yang had magic, so I stopped crying. This is the first time that I have stayed in front of everyone for so long. Teacher Yang gave me a new definition of life, and she re-planned my life. In my life, she described beauty, love, joy, gratitude and example …
Teacher Yang said that our growth path is like a spring, which is a spiral growth ... So in the past six months, every downturn of mine has turned into a climb when I am self-satisfied, and every downturn is to meet my better self.
Everyone can walk and meet your noble people. Of course, if you don't move, how can the noble help you?
I was lucky to meet Miss Yang.
When I came back from Nanjing, I didn't know what I was running away from, but it was true. I sealed all the photos taken in the course in Nanjing in my mobile phone, and I didn't look at them, euphemistically speaking, I didn't have time. Really? I don't know what I'm afraid of, maybe I'm still not confident!
When I was in Nanjing recently, I picked up a pen and notebook and copied the information in the photo one by one in the notebook. More than half a year has passed, and some courses and wonderful contents taught by Teacher Yang in the coaching camp have been digested into my own knowledge until today, so I record a little bit every day and slowly absorb it into my content.
Today's course, as I get to know my children and me step by step, there are many problems that bother me. In the course, I gradually understand where the problems are!
Teacher Yang:
Dear parents and friends, good afternoon. Thank you for waiting, in this spring full of positive energy.
Since the Spring Festival, we have spent a particularly long winter vacation with our children because of the coronavirus epidemic. During this time, children study at home, participate in various online courses, and present the state of school learning to their homes for the first time.
Studying at home is a semi-free state, without the consistent teaching process and unified management of the school. The effect can be imagined. Some children don't attend classes, forcing their mothers to jump into the river; Some mothers don't know how to coach their children, forcing them to jump off a building …
Parents are very anxious, worried about what to do if this continues, and what if the child can't go to school? What about the children's academic performance? What about the children's studies?
Then, after a period of thinking and preparation, today I will discuss with you the worries and anxieties of our parents: what are the prerequisites for a child to be excellent in school?
In the process of winter vacation and children's online learning, we found that children's school education and family education have completely different contents, different requirements and different results.
In the past, our parents said that the child was studying at school, and he mainly studied culture. Then do we have to put our own animals in cages and start school as scheduled, so that our children's academic performance will be excellent? Not necessarily. So I just said these two factors, we might as well discuss.
Speaking of family education, in this network age, we are involved in a key word online: family education. Thousands of entries will pop up, and various family education courses will pop up from various channels, leaving our parents too busy to choose.
Some parents said, "I have studied many family education courses. It seems that when I study, I will understand. But in the face of children's problems, I am still very helpless. Why? "
What I want to discuss with my friends today is that our understanding of family education is wrong.
We thought that we could handle the problem of educating children by learning a few so-called tricks. How is that possible?
Speaking of which, what is family education?
What about the content of family education?
Its purpose and content are conducive to the growth of children, and it is the success and happiness of children's life. This includes the educational environment, educational methods, educational means and educational strength of the family in family education.
So, let's tell you eight aspects of this atmosphere.
The first one: What is a good family education?
First of all, we should give our children a good family ecological environment.
Then let's think about it. In our family, do we give our children a healthy family environment? Is there love in our family? Is there a harmonious parent-child relationship? Do you respect the old and love the young? Is there no contradiction at home?
If we can't give our children a good family ecological environment, it will be more difficult for us to carry out family education. Because we say that the family environment is like soil, and children are flowers on this soil. If the soil becomes barren and there is a problem, can we still think about planting flowers without getting sick? This is the first one.
The second factor: the interpersonal interaction between our family members is the interaction mode.
In each of our families, is interpersonal communication warm and helpful or cold and selfish? If we are enthusiastic about helping each other, we will pass on positive energy to our children. If we are indifferent and selfish, we pass negative energy on to our children.
One day, I was listening to a lecture on family feng shui. They mentioned one, and we said we would hit the Twelfth National Games.
This 12 Universiade includes outbound traffic and domestic traffic. The external Universiade and the internal Universiade, among which the internal Universiade, they mentioned the six fortunes of a family: the fortunes of parents, uncles, aunts, and cousins between children.
It is said that only the mutual and mutual interpersonal relationship model between people is warm and mutual, which is conducive to the growth of children.
The third factor: the personality characteristics of our parents in the family.
Parents' personality traits, values and even behavior habits are all very important factors in family education. Family education is inseparable from parents' healthy personality, correct values and good behavior habits.
The fourth factor: the interaction mode between our parents and children.
You can think about what kind of interaction mode you will have with your children after today's class. Are you preaching, equality and mutual assistance, or mutual respect between you and your children? Because parent-child relationship directly affects children's learning to some extent, I will tell you later.
The fifth factor: What kind of family education ideas, family education knowledge and family education technology should our parents and family members have?
The perfection of these aspects also includes the education of this child.
Sixth: Do parents' education methods match the adaptability and coordination of children's growth?
Why do you say that? What do we expect from our children? Cultivate what? What kind of matching ability do we have? So to a great extent, our parents have a trust mentality. Entrust children to schools, to off-campus training institutions, and to the so-called little education model that we can learn.
The seventh factor: the time parents spend with their children.
Time here refers to the time when our parents get along effectively with their children.
In the process of children's growth, there is a phenomenon: the father has to support the family and work outside the home, which leads to the lack of children's growth. This lack caused the mother's anxiety; The mother's anxiety triggered the madness and conflict of children's growth.
The eighth element of family education: the material foundation that families should have.
This is not just a question of money, but how to allocate and use the material resources of family education.
There are many rich orphans in society now, so what are rich orphans? In other words, apart from money, there is almost no companionship and communication between children and parents.
In a case I consulted, a child told me that I went home every week because he lived on campus. When he comes home every week, he will see the money his parents gave him in the cupboard, and then he will take it to school.
The child said a classic sentence at that time: "Teacher, I am a rich orphan now."
Then, these eight factors play a positive role in each other, which can ensure the healthy growth and academic Excellence of children.
Among these eight elements, I will focus on the concept of family education. What kind of educational ideas there are, what kind of educational results there are.
From the psychological point of view, according to Eriksson's theory of eight stages of personality development, one of the main growth factors of school-age children from 6 to 12 years old is the conflict between diligence and inferiority.
Then, if the problem in this paragraph is solved successfully, that is to say, children form a virtue by handling the relationship between diligence and inferiority.
This virtue will give him a sense of accomplishment in his studies. This sense of accomplishment will make children full of confidence in their future. If a child can't handle it well at this stage of inferiority and diligence, he will feel incompetent and helpless in his study. Then a kind of inferiority complex will be formed, and once this inferiority complex is formed, it will accompany his schooling stage.
Therefore, there must be some educational ideas here. Today, I will highlight some ideas for you. We must digest these ideas instead of writing them into dogma. I'll tell you the idea first, and then we'll analyze it in detail
The first concept: at any stage, the core quality and learning quality of children's learning is self-confidence.
Everyone must know that at any stage, the core quality and learning quality of children's learning are self-confidence. In primary school, because it has a contradiction between self-confidence and diligence and inferiority, the core quality of primary school students should be self-confidence and diligence, which is an idea that we should be clear about.
The second idea: Adapting to school education is the primary task of children.
The third concept: good study habits are a powerful force for the growth of primary school students.
The fourth concept: the world of primary school students is in the classroom.
This class includes our family class, school class and social class.
The fifth concept: the core of primary school students' growth is the learning process.
When you listen to me about these ideas, it may be different from what you learned elsewhere. I want to solve the psychological wit of children's learning from the essence of psychology.
The sixth idea: accept the rebellion and out-of-control of children in early adolescence.
Then according to the change of our living conditions, the whole environment and nutrition of children's growth have changed. When a child reaches the age of ten, he enters pre-puberty, and then he enters the rebellious period of adolescence. When we are rebellious, we often lose control of our children's education, and we have to accept this.
Seventh thought: The most important quality of children is the quality of trust.
Have we found that in all the parent-child relationships we have come into contact with, conflicts and problems are trust issues.
Eighth idea: A child's good personality is the premise for him to study well.
It is very important for children to have a good personality.
Ninth idea: Be sure to be famous for your child's spirit and savage his body.
In other words, we hope our children have spiritual civilization, but also have a very strong body. This is necessary in the process of growing up.
Tenth concept: children's specialty is a cornerstone of children's self-confidence.
Eleventh concept: Happiness is the cradle of children's growth.
If children grow up unhappy. Or not enjoying happiness, then the growth of children is flawed.
Twelfth idea: authority and democracy coexist.
We should not only have the authority of parents, but also have family democracy.
These twelve ideas, if we develop each one to guide everyone, each one is a small lesson. Today, based on the time of our course, in the idea of 12, I want to tell you the second idea: adapting to school. Adapting to school education is a child's primary task.
Why did I find this? It is because in my whole consulting case, there is a phenomenon that I think our parents and friends will also encounter: that is, children do not adapt to school.
Just yesterday afternoon, I consulted a case. Children can't adapt to junior high school, high school and now college. So he runs away every time he feels unwell. The result of escape is very, very painful for children. Then let's stop here. One of the educational ideas is that children must adapt to school education and have such ability.
Adapting to school education is a problem that every school-age child has to face. Because school education is a place to cultivate children's future employment and adapt to other cultures. Most people, including our parents, our survival, our cultural life, our ability to cooperate with others, and our ability to settle down now are all learned from school and then applied to society.
Therefore, he has a good adaptability to school education and has the ability to excel in his studies.
At this stage, children can't adapt to school education well, and if they don't have the ability of self-confidence, they may form inferiority complex. Then in the process of analysis, we find that there are several reasons why children don't adapt to school education.
1. Transition from family to society, from familiarity to strangeness
When our children begin to learn from kindergarten, enter the school in the first stage to the lower grades of primary school, our children have to go through the transition from family to society and from familiarity to strangeness.
Because the study in kindergarten is more relaxed. Therefore, our transition from family to society, from familiarity to strangeness, is one of the reasons why children do not adapt.
Second: the change of children's cognitive process from egocentrism to others' centeredness makes children uncomfortable.
Third: our adaptation process from irregularity to regularity.
Fourth: Do our children have the responsibility to grow up with responsibility?
These four reasons have caused our children to have some difficulties in adapting to school education.
We might as well conduct a guidance and self-test from these aspects. If our children don't do this now, or we can guide them to improve from these aspects.
The requirement for children is that they must abide by school discipline. At least it can't affect the normal teaching order of the school. It is very, very important for teachers and classmates not to be disgusted. Because you abide by the teaching order of the school, you will abide by discipline, which will cause other students and teachers to give you an evaluation. This evaluation will affect your life at school.
What should our children adapt to? It is necessary to adapt to the content of school study, including completing homework. Our children's correct rate of finishing school homework is above average.
In the case I consulted, many children who were bullied on campus were actually unable to express themselves to a large extent. They were afraid to tell their teachers and classmates about their bullying, and even more afraid to go home. So here, we should guide the children to learn to express themselves: actively answer the teacher's questions or ask the teacher questions. If you encounter any difficulties at school, you should first think of going to the teacher.
Some of our pupils have all been entrusted to the school. Therefore, let children independently undertake the requirements of independent school life. For example, I can cook, eat, wash dishes and go to the toilet independently, and I can go to the teacher's office, the reading room of the school, the library, the laboratory, the brigade department and other functional departments.
Take what responsibility? If our parents know their children's tasks, they should encourage them to complete and help them, but this is irreplaceable.
With classmates, children at school, friends and happiness, interpersonal conflicts with classmates will be solved. This is very important. When children adapt to school, they can have friends and classmates. When problems can be solved by themselves, children will have certain abilities. Then he will solve the same problem in his study.
We want children to adapt to school, that is, we want to like teachers, let teachers like them, and children are happy to be with teachers. In my teaching career of more than 30 years, it is really a happy thing that our children are concerned by teachers at school, or that teachers are liked by children. This teacher-student relationship has remained unchanged for decades.
So what is the degree of attention, that is, the degree of need to attend classes? Just understand what the class and the teacher are saying. About attention, in the third lecture, we will tell you how to understand children's attention and the difference between children's attention and ADHD and sensory disorders. I'll tell you in the third class.
Here, I want to tell my parents and friends that I have been raising a topic these days, and we should go back to the growth experience of children from zero to six years old. Because children from zero to six years old, is the key period of his personality formation.
The first one: at this stage, his attachment, his sense of autonomy and his thirst for knowledge have a lot to do with his study.
Second: we adapt to it and pay attention to children's emotions. You must learn to listen to children's school stories. We should encourage children's adaptive behavior in school.
Thirdly, when we analyze children's maladaptive behavior, we should know whether children are capable or not.
We have a saying that we don't criticize the ability of primary school students or middle school students. Because of the ability, it can be cultivated.
The fourth adaptation: the release process of our frustration with children. When children are frustrated at school and bring bad emotions home, we must accompany them to accept and negotiate solutions.
Fifth, help children adapt to the rules and accept the school's disciplinary rules happily.
We can discuss how to adapt to the rules in a class. Here, everyone knows that there is such an adaptation.
Sixth: We must use internalized rules to help children grow up.
If our children don't accept school discipline and some study rules at school, let's take a look at our parent-child relationship first. If the parent-child relationship is good, it will be easier for us to educate our children in this period from the standpoint of parents.
If we don't handle the parent-child relationship with our children well. Children's self-control ability is poor and their self-awareness is problematic. At this point, he doesn't accept the rules. Even if you get older, your grades will rise, and even in society, there will be problems of inadaptability.
If the child happily takes up his schoolbag and says goodbye to his parents, he says, "Mom, I'm going to school." He is a feeling of expectation and pleasure for going to school, which shows that the child has adapted to school.
These are two standards that we must test. If a child can do this, first of all, he doesn't hate school.
We say that a child's academic Excellence has many factors. Among these factors, I will tell you two points: first, our family education concept; First, our children adapt to school.
I suggest that our parents and friends, you can check one by one and see if we have done it. If our ideas are not updated and we don't abide by the laws of education, we must keep learning and carefully cultivate our children's learning ability.
When a child has the ability to learn and is willing to learn, he can persist in learning under any circumstances. He will try his best to make up for the lessons missed due to time delay and become an excellent child.
Today we will share with you how children can learn well. Then, in the public welfare lectures these days, I have a wish, that is, let us know our children in the fastest way, let our parents grow up intelligently and teach them well. At the same time, you can also spread energy and knowledge by yourself.
Therefore, I leave you an assignment today: We use children's paintings to analyze children's growth from three dimensions.
Today, let our children draw a tree. After you draw the tree according to our instructions, you must fill in the contents of my design form. You should pay attention to your conversation. First of all, you should make an analysis: what do you think the tree drawn by children can represent? Then write it at the bottom of the picture and take a picture of it. Or after we take a picture of it, write down your understanding next to the picture.
Three pictures: a tree, a photo of our family, a child's self-portrait, and three rounds to analyze the child's learning status. Thank you for listening. Please forgive me if there are any shortcomings. If you have any learning feelings, learning feelings and opinions, we will continue to improve. Thank you!
Attached figure Dabao operation diagram
Bao Xiao operation map