Children are a mirror of the relationship between parents. Parental relationship has a profound and lasting influence on children's growth.
If parents have a harmonious relationship and the family environment is warm and stable, children will have enough confidence to integrate into society.
The relationship between parents is not harmonious and the family environment is unbalanced, so children are prone to inferiority, timidity, fear and aversion to marriage.
1 The contradiction between parents is a child's nightmare.
What is a child's greatest fear?
There used to be a psychological research institute, which investigated more than 3000 children. One question is, "What do you fear most about mom and dad?" . The most common answer is: "I am most afraid that my parents will be angry and they will quarrel."
One of the children replied, "I am most afraid of my father being angry." He looks fierce when he is angry! My mother was angry and I cried. I'm scared like a little mouse. My heart is pounding and I can't eat ... "
There is a question in Zhihu: How much influence does living in a family where parents often quarrel have on children?
One answer is distressing: I hope they get divorced. I want to die when I hear their voices, and I hope I will never hear them.
Frequent conflicts between parents are the most frightening horror movies in children's eyes.
Last February, a tragedy happened in Nanning, Guangxi, which was caused by the contradiction between husband and wife. The family conflict between Ms. Luo and her husband is getting worse. In a rage, she threw her 4-year-old son from the 3 1 building, and then jumped off the building herself.
There are many similar incidents. Under the tense family relationship, the child became an innocent victim, which was embarrassing.
Parents, who are supposed to be children's umbrellas, have become executioners who strangle their children.
The relationship between parents is not harmonious, and frequent quarrels and even beatings cast a shadow on children's psychology.
Children who grow up in such a family environment usually feel inferior, insecure and even world-weary.
As psychologist Hellinger said: A healthy family is like a flat land, and children will grow into tall and straight trees; And families with problems are like cliffs. In order to keep the balance of the family, children will grow into grotesque trees.
The relationship between parents is the feng shui of children.
Wu Zhihong, a psychological counselor, wrote in Why Families Hurt People: Father, mother and children are in an emotional triangle. If parents love each other and their families are harmonious, then children will inherit a very healthy love pattern, which will be projected into their own love and family when they grow up.
In the second season of "Where's Dad?", Huang Duoduo is clever and sensible, caring and caring, and many netizens call "a girl should be like Huang Duoduo". Huang Duoduo in life is even more talented. She is good at piano, English, dubbing and painting, and her talent and temperament far exceed her peers. Tracing back to the source, it is because Huang Lei and Sun Li love each other. Huang Lei emphasized that "husband and wife should always be lovers, lovers".
Parents love each other and their families are harmonious, so that children can grow up with adequate nutrition.
Mr. Qian Zhongshu said: Marriage is a besieged city. People in the city want to escape, while people outside the city want to go in.
He and his wife Jiang Yang built a sweet besieged city with mutual appreciation, understanding and trust. They had a fight, too Afterwards, they came to the conclusion that "quarreling is too boring", so they agreed that "there is no need to seek common ground while reserving differences in the future, and there is no need to quarrel and hurt each other".
Qian Yuan, the daughter raised by the couple, is easy-going, optimistic and strong, and has a rich heart. Qian Yuan said: "I always think that a child loved by her parents is very lucky, because she has seen what good feelings are, so she has a keen love for health and then knows how to run in the right direction."
Parental relationship is the anchor of the family and the feng shui of children's growth.
The best family relationship is that dad loves mom, mom loves dad, mom and dad love children, and then children learn how to love.
The pattern of parents is the fate of children.
Some people say that the healthy growth of children needs a complete family.
Family integrity is of course important, but what is more important is parents' attitude towards marriage.
Parents who have a pattern, when they get married, cherish what they have, manage with heart, and take into account the impact on their children.
When there are problems in marriage, they can communicate in time and actively solve them; If it is really irreversible, then quit bravely, and don't use children as excuses and shields.
There was once a male colleague who had a bad relationship with his wife after marriage. Considering that the child is still young, he makes do with it. At first, the two pretended that everything was normal in front of the children. However, the husband and wife are separated, and the contradiction still exists. Gradually, the two men often used harsh words and regarded each other as enemies.
The child witnessed a fierce quarrel between his parents. For a time, he was depressed and went to the hospital for examination and found autism. It's too late for the couple to regret it.
"For the sake of children, make do", many couples whose marriage is on the verge of breaking up think so.
There is a recent debate in "Seven Overlords", "Do couples who are determined to divorce insist on the end of the college entrance examination for their children?"
The program invited 50 parents and 50 children, whose positions were completely opposite.
A child said, "If our hearts are not together, we must put them together. That's actually acting. "
A child said: "False family harmony is actually a strong burden and fear of children on marriage, and children will actually hope that you can get your own happiness."
Children don't want their parents to be wronged in marriage for themselves, especially some parents complain that "if it weren't for you, I would have divorced!" " "
Parents thought they had made sacrifices for their children, but they did not know that they had made a wrong marriage demonstration for their children.
If parents insist on separation, children can get together and leave, which is the greatest protection for children.
What hurts children is not the divorce itself, but the short-sighted pattern of parents.
If the marriage is unfortunate, parents should stop the loss in time, face it calmly, and don't let the children pay for it.
Parents have a big pattern, and children have a good fate.