Speaking of it, this is a traditional custom of the Chinese nation. In fact, it is also a continuation of feudal patriarchy. Whether at home or at work, men are in the majority, and marriage is also accustomed to the mode of "men are outside the home and women are inside".
Therefore, in society, men are dominant, and in the family, "standing the door" also needs men to hold up the facade.
Generally speaking, one-child families and families with superior family circumstances will choose to recruit a son-in-law to be their wife's son-in-law, and also ask this man to support the portal.
However, few men are willing to do this for no other reason. Many people think it's a shame to "insert the door backwards".
Because, according to the secular point of view, the men who will come to the door are either weak at home or men eat soft rice. Men are all face-saving creatures. They are afraid of being teased and pointed out, and they are not hard-pressed to speak at home. They have a feeling of dependence on others, so they are reluctant to part with it.
However, in today's open society, there are more and more such situations, and people are no longer obsessed with these things, but some men are still very sensitive to these things.
Lele's family is well-off. When talking about marriage with her boyfriend, the man's family directly said, "We have no money at home, so it's up to you!" How much money, what will it be! "Lele mother together, let the man adopt. The man's family quickly agreed, and the young couple got the certificate in advance.
When discussing the matter of buying a house, Lele and her mother negotiated a down payment of 600,000 yuan, and asked the man's house to pay100,000 yuan for simple decoration. The name is also written as a young couple.
The boyfriend is unhappy: "I said that my family has no money. Besides, it is because I have no money that I choose to be a son-in-law. It is absolutely impossible for my parents to save money for the elderly. It is absolutely impossible to borrow money. How big is it? " In fact, however, there is a big brother above her boyfriend, and her husband's family just bought a house for this big brother in the provincial capital city.
Lele was worried that her mother would be unhappy and said, wait a minute. The young couple saved some money by themselves. As time was running out, they asked their mother to add some more. The names were written by two people. In fact, she knows very well that she can't save much money. In the end, her mother takes the lead.
However, I don't know if Lele thinks too much. Since the storm of buying a house, Lele always feels that her mother-in-law seems to be guarding herself.
After talking about the house and the banquet, the husband-in-law refused to pay a penny, but because the husband-in-law told others everywhere that they were married, not adopted, Lele's mother was very unhappy and asked to visit her family on the wedding day.
The husband's family is reluctant, saying that their son's visit has lost face, as long as his family knows. Why should everyone know?
The two families quarreled so much that her mother-in-law even said, "Your feng shui is not good! Why don't you come and live in our country! My in-laws died early, who knows if my son will die if he lives! "
Lele's father died young in a car accident. It is really not easy for Lele's mother to raise Lele by herself and maintain the normal operation of her business. And this incident has become a thorn in Lele's mother's heart.
In this way, Lele's boyfriend has no bride price, no room, no car, no banquet and wedding, and even came empty-handed, only bringing his own clothes and living directly in Lele's house.
After marriage, Lele discussed with her husband that when giving birth to a child, the first child should use his own name and the second child should use her husband's name. The husband disagreed: "I have agreed to be a son-in-law, and I have agreed to be a son-in-law at home." It's unfair for children to take your surname! "
My mother-in-law knew that the young couple were pregnant and said directly, "Don't let me take care of the children in the future! I'm not going! Children are so dirty! Shit is everywhere! It's disgusting! " Lele didn't want her mother-in-law to help, but after hearing this, she was still very uncomfortable.
The difference between the two is growing. Every time we quarrel, my husband will say, "you let me come to the door and make me lose face." You certainly don't have me in your heart, so you will do this! "
My husband has doubts about living in Lele's house, and he is very uncomfortable. Lele put forward to buy a house again, and asked her husband to pay a little, 70,000 to 80,000. The names of two people were also written on the room book.
The husband completely blew up: "Your family is so rich, why have you been calculating my family's money! I don't want to pay this money. If I have to ask my family, you certainly don't love me! "
Lele can't stand it anymore. The two men who had just been married for a month parted ways.
Seeing this, Twilight wants to ask Lele: Girl, what do you want? Is it because of his poor conditions or because he has many things at home? Do you have to be such an irresponsible man who "takes advantage and doesn't want to suffer"? This fellow is not even a man, and he has no sense of responsibility at all!
This clown obviously wants to be a white wolf with empty gloves. You don't have to build your own house, you don't have to do your own wedding, you don't have to pay your own bride price, and children can still take their own surname. The key point is that no one knows that he was adopted by his wife, which is typical of "getting cheap and selling well".
Since you chose to come, what is there to be ashamed of? What's to complain about? It is better to put it on the table at the beginning and make it clear that it is better to get a certificate if you regret your surname and buy a house.
The so-called adoption itself brings inequality in status, and it is even more difficult for men whose traditional ideas have penetrated into the bone marrow.
Therefore, since you have chosen to be adopted by your wife, you must correct your mentality. Life is like this. If you give up, you will get it. There is nothing to complain about. I don't want to pay at all, but I always want something. Think about it. Why did such a good thing fall on you?
As for meeting the bride, it is good for the other party to come to the door. There is no need to publicize it in a big way. If you give a man a decent face, he will appreciate you. Women give men face, and men promise women the future.
So is Lele's ex-husband. No matter how important face is, it is not as important as life. Have a bad life, always clamoring for face saving. What's the matter with you?
No matter how beautiful your face is, it can't compare with your own inner comfort. The lower the level, the more people take face seriously. People who live a happy life never value face more than their lovers.
In the final analysis, people's pattern is too narrow. We should reflect more and think more about our own "virtue and ability". If our desires are reduced, our life will be much easier.
In addition, when two people's family, culture and other differences are too great, resulting in disagreement between the three views, and the other party is unwilling to compromise, then love is useless. It is better to choose the right marriage.