Yes, yes, yes, very scared, very scared.
As we all know, when a woman gives birth to a child, she really goes through the gate of hell.
Those who are lucky will come back after a trip, and those who are unlucky will never come back.
Giving birth to a child is not only a stretch mark, but also ugly. More importantly, it is life-threatening. Two women I know died giving birth. It's really hard to say.
I used to know a fellow villager when I was working in Hangzhou. She sends me milk every morning. Just be familiar with the relationship. Her first child is a daughter. She is seven years old and plans to have a second child.
That year, she was 33 years old and was going to have a second child. At that time, we all suggested that she was born in Hangzhou:
First, the medical conditions in Hangzhou are much better than those in my hometown.
Second, my husband works in Hangzhou and can take care of her.
Alas, I didn't expect her husband to insist on letting her go back to her hometown to have a baby, and then she lost too much blood in the afterlife, and her son lost his mother as soon as he was born. ...
Ah, in less than a month, her husband brought another woman back. For a month, this man's behavior was so chilling.
There is also a woman, the daughter of a professor in our school, in America.
She plans to have another child because of family changes. The eldest son is already in high school. ...
She runs a private hospital in a Taiwan Province province in the United States, but she had an accident and no one saved her. ...
These two events, I know, make me feel very scared, really.
Fortunately, medical conditions are getting better and better now, so that female friends can relax.
As a senior pregnant woman, let me say my opinion:
First, having a baby really hurts.
My pain is low. Small wounds or blood draw usually make you feel uncomfortable.
And I went to the hospital to see my colleagues and friends who had just given birth. My stomach broke several times, and I wanted to roll in the hospital bed with pain, and I was deeply afraid of having children.
Second, small families are not ready, both mentally and materially.
After less than two years of marriage, the monthly mortgage, car loan, water fee, electricity fee, property fee and parking fee add up to a mess, which cost me 80% of my salary, and I really didn't save much money.
Moreover, my husband is an only child and feels young. I am still a baby. What if there is another one?
Third, we haven't had enough fun.
When studying, I just want to get a good grade, get into a good university and find a good job. I really don't have the time, energy or money to go out and have a look.
Now I'm working, I have time on weekends and a certain amount of travel expenses. I always want to try something I have never done, and I always want to go to some places I have never been to see the scenery I have never seen.
Fourth, I have no bottom in my heart.
After giving birth to a child, it is bound to disrupt the existing life, and now the work life will be changed and sacrificed.
You may need to live with your mother-in-law, you may need to resign for the sake of your children, and there may be conflicts between husband and wife.
Too much uncertainty has always made me feel uncertain.
My childhood, I grew up in the family courtyard of the hospital. There is only one road between the family hospital and the hospital, the distance between the two walls. The children and friends around me are basically one parent or all hospital employees, whether they are doctors, nurses or logistics personnel.
At that time, I was full of curiosity and fear about the obstetric delivery room. Curious because I know there are children in it, but I don't know exactly how to have children; What I am afraid of is that there are often screams in it, just like the pictures of sweating and long hair fluttering in TV dramas, which makes me feel that giving birth must be a terrible thing.
Later, I went to school and studied clinical medicine. I didn't really enter the delivery room until my internship. My mother, my aunt and sister have worked in this environment for many years. It seems that everyone has become accustomed to it. Many people think that:
That's what having a baby is like. How can there be a life without pain?
Don't all women have to have children? How lonely and pitiful it would be if I didn't have a child all my life!
I used to look at those women who turned pale with pain and cried and shouted, and thought to myself:
How painful is it to have a baby?
I used to take out stitches for women with side cuts. Although I feel that my hands are already very light, many will still take one from me and tremble with pain. At that time, I also secretly thought:
Such a tiny thread can make people tremble with pain. Is it really that painful?
Later, after I gave birth to my own children and experienced them personally, I finally got the exact feelings and answers.
I was lucky that I didn't encounter obvious early pregnancy reaction in the early stage of pregnancy. I didn't vomit violently. Compared with those pregnant women who spit when they are pregnant, I suffer a lot less, so I have been working.
But I'm sleepy, my temperature rises and I'm lazy all over. It seems that every bone is lazy. I've always wanted to sleep, and I feel that no matter how I sleep, I can't alleviate the fatigue deep in my body.
I was also lucky throughout my pregnancy. All the tests went smoothly, without any accidents, without accidental bleeding, and no problems were found during the whole pregnancy. Nevertheless, I still remember the feeling of being on tenterhooks like going through customs.
When I was four or five months pregnant, I was pregnant at the outpatient clinic. I met several couples who had to come for induced labor because of problems found in prenatal examination. As long as I look at them, I can feel their inner sadness.
I have never experienced the pain of pubic separation, and I can't walk, but my feet are swollen in the third trimester. I used to wear shoes of size 36, but I could only buy shoes of size 40. I can't stand it for a long time. I felt my feet swollen after caesarean section. This is my foot.
Fortunately, my blood pressure is normal, which is much luckier than the patient who was admitted to the intensive care unit because of eclampsia.
In the third trimester, it is difficult for me to bend over. I can't stand taking leucorrhea for patients in the clinic. I need to move a stool to sit down and get things done without choking myself. But this is much better than my colleague, who had to live in NICU, because in the early third month, when water was cut off, adults suffered.
I have done internal examination on patients and looked at the twisted and painful expressions on their faces. I still feel really uncomfortable when I don't exert myself. Later, I did an internal examination myself. Not only was it distorted by the internal examination, but the buttons on my mother's white coat standing beside me were torn off.
I have always felt that the luckiest thing is that painless delivery is already available when giving birth. But before the painless delivery, I finally experienced the pain of contractions. Every time the labor pains come, I want to grab everything I can, grab the quilt, grab the railing, grab my husband's hand and almost break his belt.
Although the pain was relieved after painless, I finally understood the screaming women in the delivery room after I really went to the delivery bed and tried my best to give birth to the baby.
I had a natural delivery, cut sideways and had three stitches. When sewing needles, the anesthesia for labor analgesia is not over yet, and the lateral incision is also a local anesthesia. My aunt's sewing skills are also famous for being fast and good. As a result, every time the needle enters and exits, it is two wars and two tremors. Finally, I understand those patients who are still shaking when sewing and taking out stitches, although I already feel very light.
But this is not the end, postpartum weakness, every contraction pain, sweating all over, so that a woman like me almost burst into tears. ...
Then there is the pain of raising milk and feeding. I really feel lucky to be tired of taking care of my children, because with the help of the elderly, my husband is also very awesome. Before I have children, I plan to have two more. After delivery, there were problems of flatulence and urine leakage. Later, I used my mobile phone G to do Kegel exercise, and the effect was obvious in about a month. Insisting on exercise helped me to improve the problems of prolapse and urinary leakage.
After giving birth to the baby, I made a firm decision not to have any more children.
Why? Because I don't want to repeat what I suffered.
Some people don't understand why girls nowadays are afraid of having children.
I think it is normal. Because the times are developing and human society is progressing, people's consciousness and way of looking at problems are constantly changing.
Today, with such advanced information, we can fully understand what a child's birth will bring to women.
I always say that having a baby is a risky thing in itself. It is no exaggeration to say that giving birth to a child is called "the gate of hell" when the medical level is underdeveloped. Even if you don't feel the same way and have no personal experience, you can still learn through various channels what giving birth may bring:
Weight gain, morphological changes, nausea and vomiting after pregnancy, dark skin and long spots, hair loss, low back pain, leg pain, swollen feet, poor sleep and inconvenient activities are all secondary.
Accidents that may be encountered during pregnancy and puerperium, complications that may endanger the lives of children and mothers, pain during childbirth, pelvic floor muscle dysfunction, urinary leakage and organ prolapse that may be faced after childbirth, the hard work of nursing and caring for children, the family pressure contradictions that may be faced in this process, the responsibilities that need to be undertaken in the days after birth, and the difficulties that need to be faced in the process of parenting are all factors that make girls who have never given birth afraid.
When I didn't have children, I knew all this, but I just didn't experience it. When I experienced it personally, I was more determined to really control my uterus.
So I will tell those who always think that giving birth is "a matter of course":
Don't think that having children is a woman's "deserved". Although a woman is born with a uterus, it does not mean that it must be her obligation to have children.
I never regret having children, but I understand all women who don't have children better.
When a thing already knows that there will be risks, then a woman should have this choice, that is, whether I want to live or not, whether I want to take this risk, is this a worthwhile thing, because it may be a career that will cost me my life.
Girls nowadays have a strong sense of independence. They don't think women are just machines for giving birth to children. In particular, some women in the workplace are highly educated, capable and financially independent. They have struggled for many years and have a decent job. I don't want to give up my position because of having a baby, so having a baby is postponed.
I think the most important reason is insecurity. The pain of giving birth is only one reason. No matter how painful it is, it is a natural law, and girls can still bear it. What scares them most is what to do after the baby is born!
A child is a vivid life after birth, and it needs the care of parents to grow up healthily. Many girls will give up many things after having children, but many children's fathers not only do nothing, but also accuse their mothers of being bad!
Children need a lot of money after birth, and girls will basically sacrifice their jobs after having children, so they may be financially strapped, and the constant expenses of children will make them frown. If the child's father's family conditions are worse, the child's father will dislike her spending money indiscriminately, and the girl's face will be thinner. It is basically foreseeable that she will always live in pain!
Compared with having children, girls are afraid of not seeing the future. If you can't see the future, you will be confused, and if you are confused, you will be afraid. Fear will reduce girls' sense of security. Without a sense of security, they are naturally afraid of having children!
It is fate for a woman to have children. In the past, women had no status, and the pain of giving birth would not tell you. In a patriarchal society, if you preach too much, women will not have children. How do men pass on their surnames and property?
Therefore, in a patriarchal society, fertility will be kept silent and replaced by the rigidity of motherhood. If a woman doesn't have children, her life is incomplete, irresponsible and selfish.
In fact, giving birth to a child is not giving birth, but giving women enough safety and protection and enough respect.
For example, I have also seen some remarks that why should pregnant women who are not pregnant with their children give up their seats when they get on the subway?
Many pregnant women, women who have really given birth, will give up their seats.
Of course, with the scarcity of gold for children, the status of pregnant women has improved, and the status of children has also improved, but it is still not enough.
We should not advocate bullying women to have children just because they are mothers. We want to make women willing to have children, willing to have children and willing to be mothers, instead of being a big hat and being rejected by people.
There should be respect for pregnant women and parturients, and respect and protection for stay-at-home mothers.
I read an article that day. A woman and her boyfriend are still studying, pregnant and don't want children. They must register before abortion and need psychological counseling. As a result, people wait at the door every day to persuade them not to have an abortion, and they can also provide psychological counseling and financial assistance for free. At first, the young couple didn't care. Later, when their hearts melted, they gave birth to the child and chose not to have an abortion. When they make a decision, they decide.
When a woman gives birth to a child, it does have a period of pain, from the beginning of pregnancy to the end of delivery, but the happiness brought by the child is enough to make up for it. A family with children running around is very happy. Now many people are late ripening, and many women are strong again. After a period of age, motherhood naturally comes out, and it is not easy to have children again. Women should have their own children, but don't preach forcibly, which will attract disgust. Nowadays, young girls have their own personalities. They are used to making their own decisions. The more they force and preach, the more indifferent they become. If given enough care, no woman doesn't want children.
Women used to be afraid, too, but they kept their mouths shut about the dangers on the way to childbirth, and they wouldn't tell their daughters that they would cheat from generation to generation, so that their children and grandchildren would be full and their genes (regardless of quality) would continue.
Now that information exchange is developed, it is difficult for women to be cheated again.
Girls nowadays are afraid of having children. The fundamental reason is that they are just girls and have not yet become mature women in the traditional and psychological sense. Their motherhood has not yet awakened, and they can't understand the significance of marriage and childbirth to women's lives. What they really need now is to be loved unconditionally, enjoy material life and spend their youth without any responsibility. I hope this will continue forever.
Mental maturity is slow, you are a baby. How to have children has nothing to do with age, but is closely related to the maturity of your mind. It doesn't mean that people will mature and grow up automatically as long as they pass puberty. In fact, girls who are afraid of having children live in nail houses, and they can't let this inner child grow up for a long time after puberty. Therefore, we can see that many women in today's society are unwilling to get married, unwilling to face the complicated marriage life, and even unwilling to experience the test of fertility.
They always follow the characteristics of young girls in words and deeds, add blush and baby fat to the second dimension of beauty camera, love to install rabbit ears, pout, call themselves babies, like to throw them away, and imitate the cute state of four or five-year-old baby girls sucking milk.
They like all kinds of novel gadgets. When they are in their thirties and forties, they still like dogs, kittens and plush toys. Girls' colors, styles, clothes and styles can last until menopause.
They like to enjoy all kinds of life, where the afternoon tea is beautiful in color, where the punch card of "Celebrity on the Internet" is fun and interesting, where the explosions are comfortable, where the scenery is great, where the mobile phone works, where the hotel is comfortable, where the mask works, where the milk tea tastes strong ... All they think about is how to enjoy their body and mind to the extreme, and how to find a role to continue their father and become their lifelong meal ticket to shelter them from the wind and rain.
In their eyes, having children means the end of childhood and unconditional love life. They must be responsible for another life like adults and pay a certain price. They resist growing up, especially unwilling to pay love and responsibility like adults. They want all the love in the world to be their own.
People who are too sophisticated and sophisticated lose confidence in love and childbirth. There is a strange phenomenon among adults in today's society, that is, abnormal psychological regression and extreme evolution coexist in social emotion and intelligence. Spiritual retrogression means that you don't want to grow up to be a "mountain child"; The extreme evolution of social emotional intelligence is reflected in these people's sophistication, insight into people's hearts and individuality. Complicated social relations make young people precocious, which is not necessarily a good thing. They are good at calculating, keen on fighting, haggling over interests, mean to others and lacking sympathy. They see more the darkness of human nature and the failure of marriage life, so they take a negative and conservative attitude towards emotional life.
They generally believe that love and hate are free, family life is dispensable, and having children is worthless. Their only concern is their own interests and don't get hurt in this complicated world.
Having children will undoubtedly increase the fetters and constraints, and make them lose their chips in the game of marriage life and be in a weak position. They look at the world with a speculative and changing mentality, and children are undoubtedly heavy backpacks. Constantly consuming one's material accumulation also deprives oneself of the possibility of pursuing freedom and striving for a better partner. They have no children, just a gesture of going into battle lightly and starting at all times.
People who are extremely selfish and self-centered cannot be compatible with the birth of a new life.
People who hate themselves often end the inheritance of life. In traditional society, fertility is the mission of a person, a family and a generation. In a pluralistic society, there are more choices, and more and more people would rather lose their children and grandchildren than consciously choose an unmarried and infertile lifestyle.
In addition to the above-mentioned naive and secular selfish reasons, many girls do not have children because of deep-rooted inferiority complex. Some are the problems of family background, and some are the stigma of inferiority when growing up. Most of them are disappointed with their bodies and are not satisfied with their abilities, temperament, face value, intelligence and so on.
Long-term depressed emotions and self-denial make this inferiority deep into the bone marrow. In fact, they are the real pessimists, just living quietly in this world, more or less with depression, anxiety and various personality disorders, which cannot be solved and have no motivation to solve.
This inferiority complex led to their unmarried, or dink.
"I want my disgusting genes to be completely cut off in my generation!"
"I don't need to create a life and let it suffer in this world like me!"
"I'm tired of it. This world is loveless, and this world is worthless. Why rebuild my career! "
They are afraid that after the birth of a new life, they will fall into the same pain, so they are afraid of having children and the reincarnation of fate.
As a senior pregnant woman in fear of marriage, I have the right to answer this question.
1. Afraid of pain! Whether it's caesarean section or natural delivery, which one sounds so painful.
2. Afraid of ugliness! Stretch marks, pregnancy spots, chloasma, yellow-faced woman, and a series of problems after giving birth are terrible.
3. Afraid of being old! Imagine that a young girl suddenly becomes a baby mom ... and then as a mother, she has to catch snacks for her baby. ...
I'm still a baby. How can I have a baby? Unacceptable, unacceptable.
5. Psychological age and ideological age are relatively immature. Nowadays, girls are generally highly educated and don't want to experience a qualitative leap in the identity stage too early.
6. There is no future. I used to want to play more. After I won Bao Er, I had to watch him play, so I had to play for a few more years while I was young.
7. Without the shackles of the older generation, after experiencing a series of iron rice bowls, pensions, old-age insurance, nursing homes, etc. , you don't have to worry about old nobody tube.
7. I always think my mother is good at taking a shit with my children.