Compilation of "Emotional Management" by Zeng Shiqiang
Overall, "Emotional Management" by Zeng Shiqiang is an emotional management course on the one hand, and an interpersonal relationship course on the other. In the video, he explains the generation of emotions and methods of emotion management. Most of the time during this process, he uses the example of getting along with others, so it can also be used to guide interpersonal relationships.
We must be selective in absorbing Teacher Zeng’s "Emotional Management" teaching video. Some of Teacher Zeng’s views in the video are contradictory. He has always emphasized not to say "certainly" in everything, otherwise he will fall into an emotional trap. However, he often "certainly" and often make generalizations, especially when making judgments about human behavior. Teacher Zeng pursues a golden mean, but is relatively negative in some aspects, emphasizing that everything should be done appropriately, no matter what it is. We should also pay attention to this aspect when studying. The structure and organization of the entire video are quite confusing. Just pay attention to some of the points while watching it. It will be more difficult to sort out the organization. But despite this, this course is still worth learning, especially suitable for people who are emotionally unstable.
Teacher Zeng’s "Emotional Management" has two cores:
1. Emotions are subjective and controllable.
2. The key to managing emotions is to establish correct concepts.
First of all, emotions are subjective.
People's emotions towards the environment are actually a reaction of people's ideas to the environment. In the same environment, different people will react differently due to different concepts. It was also an unpalatable dish. Passerby A thought it was okay and finished eating it silently. Passerby B thought it was not for people, so he kept complaining and didn't take a few bites in the end. It can be seen that emotions are indeed very subjective and depend on our concept of the environment.
Secondly, emotions are controllable.
Emotions are processed by concepts and then respond to the environment. Only we can change our own concepts, so if we change our concepts, we can naturally change our emotions. For example, if it rains, your first thought is that rain will prevent me from going to work, so you will naturally be unhappy. But if you change your point of view, when it rains, the air is fresh and moist, which is good for breathing, so your mentality will be much more balanced.
Finally, emotional management requires establishing correct concepts.
Many times, we view the environment based on our own needs or expectations. There are tens of millions of people in the world, and their needs and expectations are diverse, but there will always be some overlap. If a person wants the environment to fully meet his needs or expectations, otherwise he will be unhappy, then he will definitely be unhappy most of the time. The reason is simple. If the environment completely meets one person's needs or expectations, it will be difficult to guarantee that of others. Therefore, the environment has always been about trying to satisfy everyone’s intersection. Once we understand this, we know that it is incorrect to expect the environment to meet our needs or expectations. Taking this as the basic point and slowly establishing the correct concept, emotional management can gradually unfold.
Some basic theories and methods of emotion management:
1. Understanding emotions
Understanding of emotions
1. Emotions themselves have no Good or bad, but we have to adjust it to fit the environment so that it is reasonable.
2. Emotional freedom is the sign of maturity.
Human nature of Chinese people
1. Sympathize with the weak but not those who suffer. (Subconscious level)
2. Sensitive, highly vigilant, and suspicious. (The speaker is unintentional, the listener is intentional)
3. High self-esteem, does not like to be looked down upon, does not like to be controlled or lectured. (Unless he thinks the other person is an authority)
4. In fact, I hope that there is no need to apologize instead of apologizing for doing something wrong.
2. Emotional expression
Specific negative emotions
1. Fear: Appropriate fear reminds us to protect ourselves. Excessive fear becomes anxiety and makes us nervous.
2. Anxiety: excessive worry and fear. Trying to understand the truth or imagining the worst outcome, the problem is actually not that serious.
3. Anger: self-protection, getting angry or making excuses to rationalize. Angry behavior often brings regret or threatens oneself.
(Before scolding you, explain the matter clearly. The more correct you are, the less face the listener will feel)
4. Feeling of powerlessness: self-pity, self-deprecation and Compassion for others. Improve yourself, ask others for help, give practical help or even lower your requirements (if you are 1.5 meters tall and want to play in the NBA, but if you are unable to do so, you will feel sorry for yourself). Do your best and obey destiny.
5. Shame: Appropriate shame can make people reflect and strengthen their sense of responsibility, while excessive shame can lead to self-deprecation and self-blame.
6. Guilt: You must not feel guilty. If you feel that you have done something wrong, it is the right thing to make amends as soon as possible. If you can no longer change your fault, you can only let it go, but
Admit your mistake.
It’s easy to get emotional
1. Having too many “certainties”. (Going to extremes can lead to somersaults)
2. Putting too many conditions on life. (But the world does not revolve around you)
3. Have double standards for yourself and others, and have too high demands on others. (Others are not something you can control)
4. The desire for gains and losses is too strong and cannot tolerate harm or sand. (Perfectionism, picky)
Reasonable emotional expression
1. Don’t express your thoughts on your expression. When you act in an environment, you must adapt to the needs of the environment.
2. Weigh the consequences of emotional expression in your mind and choose the appropriate emotional expression.
3. Suppression and control of negative emotions does not mean they do not exist. Suppression may lead to terrible outbursts. It should be relieved rather than suppressed.
4. When you feel like you are about to have an attack, give yourself a hint to stop.
Emotional and physiological reactions
1. Many diseases in our body are caused by long-term emotional stress.
2. The physiological reactions caused by emotions remind us that we are having a certain emotion. At this time, we need to quickly judge what this situation may lead to. If
If it is unreasonable, adjust it quickly. For example, if you get angry, your face turns red, and your fists are clenched, you may have the urge to hit someone, so you need to adjust quickly.
Attitude towards emotions
1. It is normal to have feelings, but do not act emotionally.
2. Your own emotions are determined by yourself, and negative emotional expressions are your own responsibility.
3. Pushing the responsibility outward can reduce a certain amount of pressure, but it cannot solve the problem. You must take responsibility in your heart so that you can improve.
3. Emotional Debt
What is emotional debt?
Some concepts and prejudices that prevent us from feeling freely. For example, boys must not cry, and girls must obey the three virtues.
The dangers of emotional debt
1. Emotional debt prevents us from being free.
2. Emotional debt distorts our correct perception of things.
3. Emotional debt makes us over-sensitive, over-reactive and even out of control.
Sources of emotional debt
1. Dependence, control, and competition are three personalities that bring different constraints.
2. Long-term disguise and suppression, the accumulated pressure is huge.
3. Being dissatisfied with the status quo and not changing the status quo, always struggling.
Elimination of Emotional Debt
1. Key: Correct negative concepts and remove prejudice. Don’t have too many musts, musts, and can’ts.
2. Remedy: Abandon what should be abandoned and return what should be returned. For example, give up the idea that you must get 100 points in the exam, or if you have planned to read a certain book for a long time but have not started yet, then act quickly.
4. Establish correct concepts
World view and values ??
1. People are social beings, and their words and deeds must not exceed the rules.
2. Culture has its own particularities, and the same things have different meanings in different cultures. It is more appropriate to modify one's emotional expression to conform to cultural approval.
Self-positioning
1. I am unique, and others are also unique. Respect everyone’s differences.
2. I am a member of society, and society is not centered on me.
3. Live for yourself without harming the interests of others.
Looking at things
1. When the concept changes, the temper changes.
2. Don’t look at things dichotomously, take a step back and look at the problem: Is it really that bad?
3. Focus on the controllable parts rather than the uncontrollable parts.
4. A person's behavior only represents part of him, so don't generalize.
5. If you vent your bad emotions, others will be unhappy. If you don’t vent your bad emotions, you will be depressed and depressed. Wouldn’t it be better if you don’t produce bad emotions or transform them?
6. No one will change because of your complaints.
7. Not recognizing other strengths is causing yourself pain.
8. Caring too much about others is asking for trouble.
Adjusting Behavior
1. It is more feasible to change a habit and replace it with another habit. (The original habit has its own rationality, replace it with a better one)
2. Manage yourself with self-discipline, change bad habits, and get rid of emotional debt.
3. Don’t blame others, don’t shirk responsibility, and do what needs to be done well.
Getting along with others
1. Everyone is unique and different, respect everyone’s differences.
2. Don’t do to others what you don’t want others to do to you. You may not do to others what you want to do to others.
3. Different stances and different standards mean different things to say.
4. Human nature has the need to protect one’s own safety, and one must accept and comply with it. (Don’t be too sensitive to other people’s self-protective behaviors)
5. Take care of yourself before taking care of others. If you take care of yourself, you don’t necessarily have to take care of others.
6. Don’t be too exaggerated in your expressions and movements. Different people have different perceptions, and others may not like it.
7. Managing your own emotions can infect others, and your own emotional stability can also promote the emotional stability of others. Only when everyone's emotions are stable can it be easier to establish political consciousness and discuss matters easily.
8. Don’t care too much about other people’s opinions. If you don’t ask about some things and others don’t mention them, then it’ll be fine.
9. Act impulsively, and the consequences often threaten yourself.
Improve your own level
1. If you have personal ideals and public ideals, you won’t care too much. Don't care too much about credit, feel free to do what you should do. For example, most of the night there was a fire next door, and someone knocked on the door and shouted to put out the fire. People who only thought about themselves felt uncomfortable being woken up, but people who thought about everyone's safety quickly got up and helped put out the fire.
2. Look away (ordinary mind: this is the case, what’s the big fuss) but don’t see through.
3. Confucius said that in the world of great harmony, there is great unity rather than unity, similarities amidst differences, and seeking commonality amidst differences.
5. Author’s insights and suggestions
Theory of Relativity
1. Emotions are relative: for the same thing, if you are happy, others may not be happy. For example, if you score 100 points on a test, others will get 60 points.
2. Reasonableness is also relative: for the same thing, if you do it reasonably, it may not be reasonable if he does it. For example, if you are a wealthy person and you are covered in famous brands, you cannot play like this if it is a problem for him to eat.
Suggestions
1. Do not judge things when you are in a bad mood, let alone make important decisions.
2. As a person, you must be mentally prepared to accept a certain amount of losses, such as not being able to get back the money you borrowed, or being stepped on by someone in the car but they said it was your fault. (Eat
Laugh off the small loss)
3. Some famous experts’ opinions sound reasonable, but the specific situation still needs to be analyzed in detail. The highest state of moves is no moves.