1
A person who is uncomfortable with himself cannot make others comfortable.
In the world of adults, there is no word "easy", let alone "comfortable". Open your eyes every day, whether for work or for your family and children. At work, I want to satisfy my boss and comfort my customers. In life, I want to make my parents comfortable, my husband satisfied and my children happy.
We often live by external standards. We should be knowledgeable, have high emotional intelligence, be excellent enough, have a successful career and have a happy family ... Cai Kangyong said, "You can do anything, but only if you feel comfortable."
In order to make people around us comfortable and give good comments from the outside world, we do not hesitate to humble ourselves and live a tight life, but it is not worth the candle. We clenched our fists and worked hard for it, but the reality often backfired. At some point, did you stop and ask yourself: am I satisfied? Do I feel comfortable?
In the face of disobedient children, when your emotions are out of control and you growl;
In the workplace, when you suddenly have an emotional breakdown because of a very small thing;
When you are wronged and distressed to take care of other people's feelings.
A person who is uncomfortable with himself cannot make others comfortable. A comfortable person must be a comfortable person who loves himself. The body relaxes and the heart stretches, so that people around you can't help but relax.
When you are comfortable, your world will be comfortable, and so will the people around you. Especially women.
Some people say that "a happy woman will bring happiness to the whole family", some people say that "cultivating a girl means cultivating a family", and some people say that "a woman is the feng shui of a family".
In this life, women have to deal with many roles and take on many responsibilities. Being in it, the things to deal with are far more complicated than we thought. But complex problems often require simple thinking.
The simple idea is that only when you are in a good state can everything be better.
Being in good condition means being a comfortable person.
How to be a comfortable person? Everything starts with comfort.
2
Make peace with yourself and accept yourself.
Cai Kangyong once said, "Only by making yourself comfortable can you make yourself and the world happy". How to be yourself comfortably? The most important thing is to reconcile with yourself and accept yourself from the heart.
Stop fantasizing about what I should be, stop all kinds of criticisms and demands, and see "who I am" instead of "who I should be".
In the past, whenever my family exposed my shortcomings and said my shortcomings, I would be angry, feel offended and subconsciously defend myself, even though I saw that I did have these shortcomings.
It is not that I don't want to admit it, but that I don't accept these shortcomings in my heart. I hope I am perfect, in the eyes of others. Of course, this is an idiotic dream, but many people don't realize that they have a hard time with others. In fact, it is because they have not accepted themselves and their hearts are distorted.
Know yourself, know yourself, and accept yourself as you are. We accept all advantages and disadvantages. If you don't struggle with yourself or your emotions, you can get along well with yourself and the world.
three
Be brave to be yourself.
Mr. Jiang Xun once said a beautiful sentence: Beauty is to come back and be yourself.
What do you mean? I understand it this way: do what you really like, be with people and things you like, and live in your passion. The secret of youth is to be with the person you love.
Of course, not everyone has the conditions and opportunities to do what they really love, and some people have not even found their passion yet. In this case, it is also good to find your favorite hobby.
When the time is ripe, you must be brave enough to be yourself, do what you want, live the life you want, keep your pace and be a comfortable person when you have the opportunity.
This reminds me of a little story. I have worked in the media for three years. I have heard a lot about how to build a personal brand, and I have also seen a lot. But I can't insist on frequently updating my personal dynamics, such as friends circle, Weibo, micro headlines, to hint at my personal brand. Updating every day feels stressful and I don't like it very much. What should I do?
So I went to consult a master teacher, and his advice was: just be comfortable with yourself.
That is to say, if you don't like to update your own dynamics frequently, then you should update it if you want, and don't force yourself. Feeling comfortable is the most important thing. People like you because of your personality, not the frequency of your updates.
Chatting with a lot of knowledge IP and big V and asking them how to build their personal brands all mentioned one thing: your personal design is yourself, and you are that kind of person. That's part of your life, just showing it.
Well, beauty is to come back and be yourself.
four
Put yourself first.
Many people always put themselves last, are harsh on themselves, lack care, and their inner needs are not met for a long time. How can they be comfortable in it?
So I suggest you put yourself first, don't be forced or sacrificed, pay attention to your truest thoughts and know how to love yourself.
To do this, I think we should first establish the concept of "you are worth it".
I once spent 1000 to buy myself a skirt, and I couldn't sleep at night. One moment I think clothes are not worth so much money, and the next moment I think they will be cheaper if they are discounted or changed seasons, so I want to return them tomorrow, but I am afraid I can't return them, and I am afraid I have wasted that time, but I am unwilling.
In short, I feel distressed about money and feel that I should not spend it on myself. It is uncomfortable to have something in your heart. It's midnight, and I have to wake my husband up and tell him about it. My husband was so sleepy that he said, "Wife, don't think about it. Go to sleep quickly. Consider it a gift from me!" " (It turned out that it was his card)
In fact, the clothes on the upper body are really beautiful, and these troubles are all due to the subconscious feeling that it is not worth having.
Putting yourself first, being worthy and comfortable is more important than anything else.
five
Learn to surrender
Many people are self-centered, and everything should be centered on him and follow his wishes. If things don't go according to his expectations, you will have a hard time with people, things and yourself.
This is also the reason why I had so much trouble and pain when I was young. As long as things don't develop according to my own will, I will get angry, find fault and be persistent. At that time, I felt that if I paid, I would get it, and if I worked hard, I would get results.
If you can't get it, you can't be satisfied. You have to find a reason, or blame someone, to make everyone angry. If you can't find someone to vent, you can only blame yourself: self-blame, guilt, attack and hurt yourself. It's really sad to think about it. Why embarrass yourself?
The older I am now, the more I understand the truth that "everything is not decided by people", and the more I know that "I will try my best to resign myself to fate" and "I will follow my destiny because of my efforts". Many things in the world are very complicated, and they need the right time, place and people, and a person's ability is extremely limited.
Accepting the complexity of the world and the helplessness of reality, letting go of self and learning to surrender can reduce a lot of troubles and pains, and the whole person is relaxed. As I wrote in my new book "Keep at it, and you will eventually become a better self":
The more I see the vastness and beauty of heaven and earth, the more I understand our existence, just like a dust suspended in the air. You should go all out and give up hope at the same time. What you are experiencing is the most important thing in the universe (for you), and it is not important at all (for the universe).
Learn to surrender, not nervous, not anxious, and relax. Do what you can, go all out, have no expectations, maybe the world will be better, maybe this state will attract good things to us.
Life is hard enough. Why not make yourself comfortable and be a comfortable person?
Make peace with yourself and accept your imperfections and shortcomings; Be brave to be yourself, stop criticizing and demanding, and being yourself is success; Put yourself first and tell yourself "you are worth it"; Accept that your ability is limited, you can't do whatever you want, and learn to surrender to the world and life.
Mr. Jiang Xun once said, "The greatest wealth is to have a rich personality and live your own life as you please."
Life is still difficult, but we still have a choice.
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About the author: Xia Jiujiu, a native of Xiamen University, now lives in Xiamen, a post-90s professional nanny, a multi-platform signing author, focusing on personal growth and career, and a self-media writing trainer. He once published "Hanging in the past, you will eventually become a better self".