When listening to other people's jokes, I feel funny and cold, but when I watch them, I laugh too hard. Have you ever had such an experience? The following Chinese homophonic paragraphs are complete, hoping to make you laugh.
China homophonic joke 1 1, on the first day of the new year, our family went to the history museum to visit the "ice toilet" …
Teacher's comment: Is there such a thing? I'm going too! (Terracotta Warriors)
2。 After getting up in the morning, we gathered at school and took a ride to Kenting for a graduation trip.
Teacher's comment: I don't know which funeral home is your home? Teachers never know ... (appearance)
My left eyelid kept jumping last night, and I thought it was a "bra". Sure enough, my wallet was taken away today.
Teacher's comment: Are you so old, son? (ominous)
The newspaper said that oysters polluted by heavy metals can "cure" cancer …
Teacher's comment: a word difference, raising people to turn over! Should I raise oysters quickly? This will make a lot of money ...
5. My history teacher has long hair shawl, short stature, short temper and a little "chest" …
Teacher's comment: The history teacher asked me to tell you, "Wait for the history class, so tighten your skin." . "(intense)
6. I consider myself a good student, studying and "worrying" …
Teacher's comment: You have to worry-failure. (excellent)
China homophonic joke 2 1. Once, Xiao Ming scolded his neighbor's adult. When his father learned about it, he asked him to apologize to his neighbors. Xiao Ming said, "I know!" "In the dead of night, Xiao Ming put on the masked man's clothes and went to the neighbor's house to steal things (apology). It was known by his father. Dad said sternly, "it's stealing to return something (apology)." "Xiao Ming said, I returned the things and stole them (apologizing), so I won't be sick!
Tong Tong asked his mother, "Why do you call Mr. Jiang your ancestor?" Mother said, "Because' ancestor' is the name of the deceased."
Tong Tong said: "Will those dead grandmothers be called' fresh milk'?"
Last night, my classmates and I went to a fast food restaurant for dinner. We ordered two hamburgers and "chicken nuggets and feces" …
Teacher's comment: Is it delicious? Chicken manure? (A piece of chicken)
4. When I went shopping on Sunday, I was caught by my anus in a hurry. What bad luck.
Teacher's comment: The teacher is curious-whose anus is so big ...? (steel door)
After visiting the flower market, I bought a "bargain" and prepared to take it home for the New Year.
Teacher's comment: If you read it correctly, gladiolus will cry. ...
China homophonic joke 3 Eat a catty.
The teacher asked Xiaoming to make a sentence with "eat a catty".
Xiao Ming said: I was walking on the road and saw a pile of cow dung. Be startled (by a kilo).
The teacher praised: "Massive, massive ..."
There is only one channel.
The boss of the dormitory has a new girlfriend, who gave him a new walkman. The boss looked at the instructions, fiddled with them and said to himself, "Everything is fine, but there is only one channel!" " ".Old three watched martial arts in the upper bunk and asked," Isn't one enough? "The boss said," I want to have one more channel, so I can connect to the computer. "
4600 yuan for a sexual intercourse
At the beginning of the new semester, several students in my dormitory and I went to the department to pay tuition. A notice was posted at the door of the department office: this year, a unified fee will be imposed, and sexual intercourse will cost 4,600 yuan, and no accommodation fee will be charged.
How much is it to sleep in jiaozi?
One day I went to a restaurant to eat jiaozi with a foreign friend, and a beautiful waitress came to ask.
Friends always miss any chance to practice Chinese and say "Go to sleep (jiaozi)". how much is it?
The young lady was embarrassed and angry. I quickly explained that he was asking jiaozi how much.
Jiaozi served it, and I asked him if he wanted mustard.
He invited another young lady. Is there a "program"?
The young lady said brightly, "Yes, what program do you want?"
"Is that kind of yellow. . . "
Can you tell me something about Jing Yue?
I took "China Ancient Literature". In my first class, the teacher talked about Confucianism, main figures and representative works, including "Four Books" and "Five Classics". A few minutes before class, the teacher asked the students to ask questions freely. A girl in the front row stood up and asked, "I saw Jing Yue mentioned in some books. Can you tell me what Jing Yue is about? " . There was a burst of laughter in the classroom.
Today is a big day for two students.
When I joined the league at school, it was just me and another girl. When the secretary of our League branch presided over the meeting, he said without hesitation, "Today is a big day for two students …" The rest of the students laughed their heads off.
How much is a night's sleep (bowl) in jiaozi?
Lao Dong, a native of Henan, came to the south for breakfast. As soon as I entered the door, I asked, "Miss, how much is it to sleep (bowl) in jiaozi for one night?"
The waiter was very unhappy and said, "No, only steamed bread."
Old Dong said, "Oh, just touch the bun."
The waiter was so angry that he scolded, "Rogue!" "
Lao Dong was extremely surprised: "Six hairs? Too cheap! "
Trust me if you can. Let me see how long you are.
Once, two girls came to our dormitory to play with tractors. A group of two girls, a group of five elder brothers and me. Girls always stink, but they are lucky. They won a few hands and began to smile. Finally, once it was the fifth person's turn to sit in the village. They showed the hearts as their owners, and I turned them into squares. At this time, I saw the fifth strike the table and said excitedly, "There is a pair at last!" " Drag them out first, and then get it done slowly! "At this moment, a girl persistently said," Don't worry if you have the skill! "! I want to see how long you are! "
Chinese homophonic joke 4 Li Dazhuang is afraid of his wife
Li Dazhuang, a famous scholar in Hebei Province, is very afraid of his wife. If he disobeys his wife's orders, she punishes him for sitting still, making his hair into the shape of a needle and thread plaque, putting a lamp bowl in it, and then lighting the lamp. Li Dazhuang's body did not dare to move or catch his breath, just like a dead wooden head or a clay doll. Friends who saw him punished joked with him and said, you are a lampstand at home.
One day, his wife suddenly fell ill and had to use crows as medicine. At that time, before the snow melted, it was difficult to catch crows with nets. Li Dazhuang didn't get a crow, and his wife was furious and wanted to hit him with a stick. Da Zhuang was afraid, so he stepped on the sand to lure crows with food, and only caught one.
A friend made fun of him and said: saints regard phoenix as auspicious. You caught a crow and escaped your wife's beating. This crow seems to be Dark Phoenix.
feng shui
A man was dying, so his son nailed four big copper rings on the side of the coffin. When his son asked him why, he said, It's much more convenient for you to listen to Mr. Feng Shui and move me around.
The dog denies it.
Two people sit together. One of them didn't say anything, so he pretended nothing and covered his nose with his sleeve.
There happened to be a dog nearby, so the man said it was a dog who farted. Just then, the dog yawned, and the man said to the man, look, it still refuses to recognize it!
magnificent
There is a plum blossom painting with no inscription. Someone saw it and praised it very well. Someone asked him: Do you know who painted it? He said, Zhang Chang.
Send plaque
A man boasted that he would win the bid and said, I dreamed that a drum band was playing at night and sent a plaque to my house. One of his friends said: I also dreamed of sending a plaque to your home. There are four words on the plaque.
Spread the news with a smile.
When a new official takes office, a village head asks to give the new official 100 dogs; I bought ninety-nine, and one is missing. I couldn't buy it, so I sawed off the horn of a sheep and handed it to the dog.
Sheep are ruminants, chewing food constantly in their mouths. Seeing the sheep's mouth moving, the new official asked: Why does the dog's mouth keep moving? The captain replied that the dog was chewing maggots.
Laugh at a fool
Once upon a time, there was a thief who often had money to buy things. A fool envied him very much and once asked him: How could you steal? The thief replied: I am good at stealing for only one reason: whenever I steal other people's property, I will put a branch made of crows and magpies in my hand so that others can't see me. Fools believe what thieves say.
One day, he really went to the crow's nest, holding a branch in his hand, and then went to a family to steal property, and was caught and beaten. When being beaten, the fool also said: I was beaten down by you, and you couldn't see me.
The homophonic joke of Chinese characters is 5 1. The crab accidentally bumped into the loach when going out for a walk.
The loach is very angry: "Are you blind?"
The crab is very wronged: "no, I am a crab!" " "
2. In the driving school theory class today, the teacher said, "Anyone who causes a serious traffic accident to escape is forbidden to drive for life."
A girl in the back raised her hand and said, "Then I will never get married?"
My girlfriend's name is Zhu Jing. I took my girlfriend back to my hometown in the countryside for the first time. As soon as I came in, I said, Mom, Zhu Jing is here.
Mother listened and said: The pig came in and just drove it out!
4. On his deathbed, Grandpa called his young and ignorant grandson to the bed and said with his last breath, "Son, it's good to be an official in this world!" The little grandson is an obedient child, and he firmly remembers grandpa's words before his death. Many years later, he finally became the best coffin manufacturer in the village.
5. A woman comes to a man's house to play. The woman teased the man and said, if you have a piece of land, I will marry you. Then the doorbell rang, and the courier brother said, sir, there is a courier for you!
In Chinese class, Xiao Ming didn't listen carefully when the teacher was talking about text analysis. Suddenly, the teacher asked, "Xiao Ming, you answer, 1 2. What does this article say?" Xiao Ming was stunned and said, "Did the article make a clean break that he broke up with Ma Yili?"
7. Niu Niu and Da Zhuang are playing downstairs. Niu Niu suggested: "Let's play the star!" "Yes, yes!" "You think I'm G.E.M.!" "ok!" In a moment of excitement, Da Zhuang pushed Niu Niu to the ground and rode up. Niu Niu was startled. She groaned and screamed: "Wang Dazhuang, your father, who the fuck told you to ride me as a stool!"
8. The bus I drove arrived at the station that day, and the passengers got off in a column. At the moment when the door was about to close, a lady shouted outside the door; "I will die in your car! ''
I was so nervous that I closed the door immediately, stepped on the gas pedal and thought; "There are many strange people in this city. ''
Unexpectedly, the lady called a taxi to chase my bus and finally stopped.
The door opened and the lady shouted again; "Why don't you stop? I will die in your car! ''
I dare not ask her; "Young lady, what are you working hard for? ''
He angrily walked to a seat, then picked up a bunch of keys and said to me; "I will die in your [key] car! ''
Homophonic jokes of Chinese characters 6. The teacher spoke to the students before class: The Education Committee will come to the school for inspection tomorrow, and you must wear school uniforms tomorrow. Remember, if something happens, you must write a note.
Xiaoming doesn't study hard at ordinary times. He always writes in big white. On this day, he really couldn't go to school because of something, so he wrote a note for his classmates to take to the teacher. The teacher was startled when he saw it, but the note read as follows: "Hello, teacher! I went to my father's unit to see him off in the morning and had to wear mourning clothes to school in the afternoon. " What are you doing at school? With such a big accident at home, the teacher quickly brought several class cadres to his home to show concern and mourn his grief. I didn't find anything when I went to his house, but later I learned that it was all caused by fake articles.
A foreigner with a strong accent got lost in this city. When he saw a gentle young lady coming, he greeted him and asked, "Rabbit (Comrade), give me a kiss …" Before the words were finished, the young lady blushed with anger.
A pair of farmer brothers and sisters used carts to pull wheat to sell in the market. A southerner came over and asked them, "Brother, how much is your little sister (Wheat)?" Big brother was so angry that the veins stood out on his forehead.
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