Everyone is familiar with jokes in daily life or work and study. In terms of expression, jokes are the most basic unit of expression. There are many kinds of jokes. What kind of jokes have you seen? The following is a homophonic joke I compiled. Welcome to read the collection.
Homophonic joke 1 Why don't you send me flowers?
During the festival, the little rabbit said angrily to the deer, you see other girls can receive flowers, why not give them to me? The deer said piteously, because I am a sika deer.
Fungi will kill oranges, and oranges must die.
Mushrooms were walking on the road and were hit by oranges. Mushroom is furious: no eyes, go to hell. Then the orange died. Because bacteria will kill oranges, oranges must die.
Homophonic joke 2 1, the crab accidentally bumped into the loach when going out for a walk,
The loach is very angry: "Are you blind?"
The crab is very wronged: "no, I am a crab!" " "
2. In the driving school theory class today, the teacher said, "Anyone who causes a serious traffic accident to escape is forbidden to drive for life."
A girl in the back raised her hand and said, "Then I will never get married?"
My girlfriend's name is Zhu Jing. I took my girlfriend back to my hometown in the countryside for the first time. As soon as I came in, I said, Mom, Zhu Jing is here.
Mother listened and said: The pig came in and just drove it out!
4. On his deathbed, Grandpa called his young and ignorant grandson to the bed and said with his last breath, "Son, it's good to be an official in this world!" The little grandson is an obedient child, and he firmly remembers grandpa's words before his death. Many years later, he finally became the best coffin manufacturer in the village.
5. A woman comes to a man's house to play. The woman teased the man and said, if you have a piece of land, I will marry you. Then the doorbell rang, and the courier brother said, sir, there is a courier for you!
6. Niu Niu and Da Zhuang are playing downstairs. Niu Niu suggested: "Let's play the star!" "Yes, yes!" "You think I'm G.E.M.!" "ok!" In a moment of excitement, Da Zhuang pushed Niu Niu to the ground and rode up. Niu Niu was startled. She groaned and screamed, "Wang Dazhuang, who the fuck told you to ride me as a stool!"
7. I drove to the station that day. At the moment when the passengers got off the bus to close the door, a lady shouted outside the door. "I will die in your car! ''
I was so nervous that I closed the door immediately, stepped on the gas pedal and thought; "There are so many strange people in this city."
Unexpectedly, the lady called a taxi to chase my bus and finally stopped.
The door opened and the lady shouted again; "Why don't you stop? I will die in your car! ''
I dare not ask her; "Young lady, what are you working hard for? ''
He angrily walked to a seat, then picked up a bunch of keys and said to me; "I will die in your [key] car! ''
Homophonic joke 3 Li Dazhuang is afraid of his wife
Li Dazhuang, a famous scholar in Hebei Province, is very afraid of his wife. If he disobeys his wife's orders, she punishes him for sitting still, making his hair into the shape of a needle and thread plaque, putting a lamp bowl in it, and then lighting the lamp. Li Dazhuang's body did not dare to move or catch his breath, just like a dead wooden head or a clay doll. Friends who saw him punished joked with him and said, you are a lampstand at home.
One day, his wife suddenly fell ill and had to use crows as medicine. At that time, before the snow melted, it was difficult to catch crows with nets. Li Dazhuang didn't get a crow, and his wife was furious and wanted to hit him with a stick. Da Zhuang was afraid, so he stepped on the sand to lure crows with food, and only caught one.
A friend joked about him and said: saints regard phoenix as auspicious. You caught a crow and escaped your wife's beating. This crow seems to be Dark Phoenix.
feng shui
A man was dying, so his son nailed four big copper rings on the side of the coffin. When his son asked him why, he said, in the future, you have to listen to Mr. Feng Shui and move me around, so it will be much easier to move words.
The dog denies it.
Two people sit together. One of them didn't say anything, so he pretended nothing and covered his nose with his sleeve.
There happened to be a dog nearby, and the man said that the dog farted. Just then, the dog yawned, and the man said to the man, look, it still refuses to recognize it!
magnificent
There is a plum blossom painting with no inscription. Someone saw it and praised it very well. Someone asked him: Do you know who painted it? He said, Zhang Chang.
Send plaque
A man boasted that he would win the bid and said, I dreamed that a drum band was playing at night and sent a plaque to my house. One of his friends said, I also dream of sending a plaque to your home. The man asked: which four words? The friend replied: What a shame.
Spread the news with a smile.
When a new official takes office, a village head asks to give the new official 100 dogs; I bought ninety-nine, and one is missing. I couldn't buy it, so I sawed off the horn of a sheep and handed it to the dog.
Sheep are ruminants, chewing food constantly in their mouths. Seeing the sheep's mouth moving, the new official asked: Why does the dog's mouth keep moving? The captain replied that the dog was chewing maggots.
Laugh at a fool
Once upon a time, there was a thief who often had money to buy things. A fool envied him very much and once asked him: How could you steal? The thief replied: I am good at stealing for only one reason: whenever I steal other people's property, I will put a branch made of crows and magpies in my hand so that others can't see me. Fools believe what thieves say.
One day, he really went to the crow's nest, holding a branch in his hand, and then went to a family to steal property, and was caught and beaten. When being beaten, the fool also said: I was beaten down by you, and you couldn't see me.
New car
A boss bought a new car, but he was very uneasy about the driver he hired. He is worried that the driver will replace the parts of the new car with the old one to make a profit. He can't drive himself, so he has to ask the driver every move.
Once he went out by car, the car slowed down and got up soon.
"What's the matter?" The boss asked the driver.
"Nothing, sir, I just changed gears."
The boss turned to his friend next to him and whispered, "Look, he didn't even let me change gears. I must give him up. "
Homophonic joke 4 1. Ten bamboos and one leaf
There was a poet named Wang Qi in the Northern Song Dynasty. He was very arrogant when he was young. I'm a little ignorant. I always feel capable. One day, he went to a garden to play and saw a bamboo forest. Bamboo is green and looks good. Wang Qi saw it and immediately thought of a joint sentence. I began to write: Ye Feng has a thousand swords; I am so angry. Wang Qi compared drooping bamboo leaves to swords and straight bamboo poles to spears, which is an image. He showed this couplet to his friends, and everyone praised him for his good writing. Wang Qi happily posted couplets on the wall of the house. He also boasted: "If anyone can change a word, I will give him twelve taels of gold for free!" " "How crazy. A few days later, Su Dongpo, a college student, visited him and saw the couplets. He didn't say anything. Pretend to say to Sue, "I wrote these two sentences. Please give me your advice. Su Dongpo smiled and said to Wang Qi, "This couplet is good, but it takes ten bamboos to spell a Ye Er!" ! "Come to think of it, Wang Qi, yes! I wrote Chiba and Wan Gan. There are fewer bamboos in Ye Er, and an average of ten bamboos can grow a piece of Ye Er. What is this called bamboo? Wang Qi's face looks like a big red cloth. She thanked Su Dongpo assiduously and said, "Well said, well said. "From now on, Wang Qi is no longer crazy, she is learning honestly. Since then, he has become a poet with real talent and learning. According to Wei Songqing's Poet Jade Scrap, Volume 11.
2. The Man in Front is wonderful. Prime Minister Kou Zhun was a famous prime minister in the Northern Song Dynasty.
One day, he chatted with several senior officials and wrote a couplet for them to come: underwater day is the sky day; The sun in the water is just the shadow of the sun in the sky. Hearing this, these big officials stared at each other with small eyes, and no one could compare with them. It happened that day that Yang Danian came to see the Prime Minister Kou. Kou Zhun talked with Yang Danian about business and told him the first part just now. Yang Danian stared at Kou Zhun's eyes. After a little thinking, he immediately replied: the person in the eye is the person in front of him. Kou Zhun is talking about the shadow of the sun, and Yang Danian is talking about the figure. When I stand in front of your eyes, your eyes will definitely reflect my figure. This is called "the person in the eyes is the person in front of you". Readers, if you don't believe me, just stare into other people's eyes and try! According to Ouyang Xiu's Record of Returning to the Field, Song Zengmin published Du Xing Magazine.
3. Yang Danian correctly scolded the traitor Yang Danian, became an academician and worked as an assistant minister of the Ministry of Industry in the imperial court.
Yang Danian looks very energetic, especially when his beard is thick and long, which is over his chest. It's really beautiful. It was early in the morning. Yang Danian came out of the palace and happened to meet Ding Weisong. Ding Wei looked at Yang Danian's long beard in the Song Dynasty and joked with him: the worship of Neihan must sweep the floor; Neihan is Hanlin. It means when you, a bearded academician, kowtow to the emperor, your beard sweeps the floor like a broom. Who is this Ding Wei of the Song Dynasty? This is a big shot! Ding Wei and treacherous court official Wang Qinruo in Song Dynasty pushed out Kou Zhun, the prime minister of Northern Liao Dynasty, and finally he became prime minister and Jin Wengong. Ding Wei and Wang Qinruo in Song Dynasty, as well as three bad guys, were called "Five Ghosts of the Imperial Court". Yang Danian hated GREAT GHOST in Five Ghosts for a long time. Song took a look and replied coldly: "xianggong is sitting in the sky!" "xianggong" refers to Ding Wei, the prime minister of the Song Dynasty: the "curtain" is a big tent. Yang Danian is saying that you, the prime minister, crowd out good people and monopolize the court. You can really dominate the world! When Song Dynasty heard that Yang Danian turned to scold himself, he was very angry. But on second thought, I confessed it myself, and I couldn't be angry, so I had to laugh a few times. According to Song Ouyang Xiu's Return to the Field.
Homophonic joke 5 What happened to that beautiful woman?
Chatting with my classmates in the corridor, a beautiful female chemistry teacher passed by,
I pointed to the teacher and said to my friend, "That beautiful woman ..."
The chemistry teacher heard it. He turned around, smiled and asked, "What happened to that beautiful woman?"
I paused and answered, "Na, Mg, Al, Si, P, S, Cl, Ar, K and Ca"
Can you give me a spoon?
There used to be a monk who passed by our village looking for water and went to Aunt Wang's house.
Monk: "patroness, I'm here to beg for water."
Aunt Wang kindly took the monk to the yard: "Master, wait for me to fetch water."
The monk nodded kindly: "The benefactor is really kind. Can you give me a scoop? "
Then there was a lame monk in our town.
Gisbon
A woman went to the supermarket to buy food.
Her man said to buy a box of jasper to go home.
When the woman came home, she handed the man a box.
The man opened it: a pair of chicken wings.
The man said: I depend, I said how to change the box!
Is it cool?
A colleague came to work today and saw that his hair was short.
Me: How to cut your hair? Is it cool?
He sincerely said to me: Not 2 yuan, but 28 yuan!
Zhu Shanghai
There is a classmate in the class named Zhu Shanghai, and Tepi doesn't like studying.
Once in class, he played by himself, which influenced others.
The teacher criticized him viciously:
"You are so unlearned and want to live in Shanghai? I can't open the door when I live in the toilet. "
To find you (roommate)!
"Teacher, you wanted to see me?"
"I heard that you often have an accident recently. Did you skip class yesterday? "
"well. I did go to cut class. "
"Is it fast to use in the dormitory?"
"I am useful."
"Is there a hair dryer in the dormitory?"
"well. I am useful. "
"Oh, the teacher is wrong about you, go and call you (roommate)!"
Since I am kneeling like this, I won't buy it.
Go shopping for clothes with my girlfriend, who likes a coat.
It costs 6888 yuan to open the label.
My girlfriend is also very sensible, knowing that it is not easy for me to make money.
He turned to me and said, "Since I am kneeling like this, I won't buy it."
Sister paper, where is your brother?
Go to my buddy's house to play, and his sister opens the door.
I asked elegantly, Sister Paper, where is your brother?
Before I could say more, she subconsciously put her hand on her chest. ......
Then the door slammed and she shouted angrily, Brother!
I am a lost child.
The child got lost in the forest and met a big stupid bear.
The child said, I am a lost child. Can you take me to see my mother?
The big stupid bear nodded and took the child to the elk's house. ......
It's not good to die.
Liu Bei: "Zhao Yun. We three brothers used to be best friends. You are a good man today, count you in. "
Zhao Yun: "You'd better not."
Zhang Fei: "How can you look down on our brothers?"
Zhao Yun: "No, Brother Fei, I just don't think it's nice to call Zhao Si."
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