Overall comment: This article records the scene of visiting Zhenhai Tower by changing scenery. In the writing, the author captured what he saw and heard, and also wrote about his inner feelings during the visit. , achieving a combination of movement and stillness, truly expressing the mood during the tour. However, this article has many flaws, which are marked in the text.
Reviewer: Wu Xiaoting (senior primary school teacher) Do you want to see (feel) the magnificence of the Yellow Crane Tower? Want to see (appreciate) the elegance of Yueyang Tower? In fact, you don’t have to go too far (no need to go to Wuhan), there is one in Fuzhou - the Zhenhai Tower in Pingshan Park, which will also feast your eyes (experience the style of the Yellow Crane Tower and the splendor of the Yueyang Tower)! (Introducing the theme with Yellow Crane Tower and Yueyang Tower is like setting up suspense and attracting readers' attention. It also plays a role in setting off Zhenhai Tower in advance. But pay attention to the accuracy of wording and the completeness of the narrative.) The weather is particularly good today, Dad He took me to Zhenhai Tower, which I have admired for a long time. We laughed and laughed along the way, and soon we arrived (Pingshan Park.). The four characters "Pingshan Park" on a vertical stone came into view. Didn't we go to Zhenhai Tower? Looking up, the mountain peak looks like a big screen. I think that’s how Pingshan got its name. Walking further, it looks like a paradise, reflecting the green patches. There are some red spots in the lush woods, as if they are on fire. After a closer look, I realize that these red spots are just strings of small lanterns. The little lantern looks like a team waiting for review. The lanterns on each tree seemed to say to the tourists: "Welcome!" This added a lot of fun to me. (The weather conditions are explained and the mood of the characters is reflected. However, this article describes Zhenhai Tower, so the description of Pingshan Park dilutes the theme. Pay attention to the key points in future exercises.)
After and (Along the middle path in the park), we climbed up the stairs. Through the lush trees, we could vaguely see the figure of Zhenhai Tower. (.) When we reached the top of Pingshan Mountain, lying in front of (us) was a stone sculpture. , carved with a lifelike image of two dragons playing in the water. The two dragons are intertwined realistically, making water splash. The majestic carving in front of you is really amazing. Looking up, the three big gilded characters "Zhenhai Tower" on a blue background are particularly conspicuous among the red walls and blue tiles, as if they are telling a long history. The red tiles cover the roof, shining in the sun. (Shenghui) with the sparkling gold rim, it is particularly dazzling in the sun, and it is so magnificent. Walking into the building, there are many rare treasures displayed on the first floor. Looking from the left, you can see the model of Zhenhai Tower, Dabei and Shanhu. There is a golden nanmu screen on the right, and two Brazilian amethysts are displayed next to it. I heard an old man say that Zhenhai Tower is also called Feng Shui Tower. These two treasures are the treasures of the tower! I couldn't help but take a second look, and there were many calligraphy and paintings on display that opened my eyes... We climbed to the second floor, which was even more extraordinary. We leaned on the railing and looked far away. ) There are many tall buildings, (,) intertwined viaducts (all in one view), and a prosperous and emerging Fuzhou city is all in my sight. (Shift and change the scene, showing the landscape of Zhenhai Tower through what you hear, see and feel, but pay attention to the simplicity of the sentences and the specificity of the description, such as the model of Zhenhai Tower and the "golden nanmu screen" and "Brazilian amethyst" It must be written vividly, and a description like this paragraph cannot make readers feel the magnificence and elegance of Zhenhai Tower, and of course it cannot make people immersed in it)
And ( When I came to the square in front of the building, I saw seven granite vats. From a distance, they were arranged like the Big Dipper, so they were also called the "Seven-Star vats." ". (Go closer and take a closer look,) They are round at the top and pointed at the bottom, much like a top, and there is a gossip on the side. These things are like a book, seeming to record the weathered experience of Zhenhai Tower. (The "square in front of the building" landscape is abbreviated to contrast the Zhenhai Tower.)
This visit to Zhenhai Tower really gave me a lot of experience. If you don't see it with your own eyes, you will never be able to express your feelings! (What insights and emotions?! The ending is too hasty and cannot be expressed clearly!)