Why is it difficult for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along?
Why is it difficult for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along with each other? In various literary works or documentary records, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is often relatively bad. Looking at the history of our country for thousands of years In history, it is difficult to find examples of peaceful coexistence between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Why is it so difficult for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along? Let’s teach you how to get along with your mother-in-law to avoid quarrels. Why mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are difficult to get along with 1
Some researchers follow Freud's thinking and explain it from the perspective of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law's emotional possessiveness and "Oedipus complex" for their son and husband. When we try to analyze it from the perspective of social psychology, what conclusions will we get?
Both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law often emphasize the true feelings and the due feelings, resulting in neither party being satisfied.
Research in social psychology has found that Chinese people use a two-dimensional standard when classifying various interpersonal relationships. One dimension is the distance between the identity roles of two people in the relationship, and the other dimension is the balance between the exchange of true feelings and the fulfillment of obligations between the two people in the relationship.
In family relationships, the parent-child relationship is a blood relationship. Parents and children are connected by blood. In Chinese culture with the father-son axis as the core, the parent-child relationship is particularly important. The relationship between husband and wife and the relationship between brothers and sisters will be less important in comparison. For each person, these relationships are innate or fixed by role identity. Therefore, we have different differences in the emotional expression of these relationships.
In this regard, the famous sociologist Mr. Fei Xiaotong calls it "equal love". This means that between parents and children, between husband and wife, and between siblings, there are emotions derived from role status regulations. This is what Mr. Liang Shuming calls "the proper emotion." Different relationships have different ethical norms and different types of emotions.
In addition, regardless of identity and role, when two people continue to interact in daily life, they will form grudges, as well as likes and dislikes for a person. For example, when we respect our father very much, in addition to the respect that children have for their father, we also admire him for his personal qualities, and have an evaluation that transcends kinship status. This is "true love".
Generally speaking, in family life, because family members not only have a close blood relationship, but also talk to each other and get along day and night, they have the closest due love and the most honest true love.
When men and women who were originally unrelated and “not a family” “entered a family” because of their love, they were mainly driven by “true love.” Marriage not only brings about the relationship between husband and wife, but also brings about a series of family relationships and identities. The bride suddenly falls into a network of relationships and needs to deal with it on all sides. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is one of the more important relationships. As for a daughter-in-law, she generally has less contact with her husband's family before marriage, so she has real affection for her husband, but only proper affection for her parents-in-law and other members of her husband's family.
Due love is just an emotion defined according to roles, such as father's kindness and son's filial piety, brother, friend and brother's respect, etc. in traditional ethics. Since this kind of obligation is just an obligation, it is easy for people to say it insincerely or to do it perfunctorily. The daughter-in-law will think in her heart, there is no friendship between us. You didn’t bring me up since childhood. Because I got married, I have to take care of you in every possible way. I haven’t had time to honor my own parents yet. It’s great that I can do this now. . The mother-in-law will think in her heart, if you come in and out of my house, we are a family, and you should be like a daughter-in-law! One party emphasizes the true feelings, the other emphasizes the due feelings, and neither party is satisfied.
When mother-in-law and daughter-in-law confuse the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law with the relationship between mother-daughter and mother-daughter, they will gradually become dissatisfied because the other party cannot meet their expectations. However, the daughter-in-law who complains about her mother-in-law or the mother-in-law who complains about her daughter-in-law often ignores one phenomenon, that is, whether the mother-in-law or the daughter-in-law, their mother-daughter relationship must be better than the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship. People who are regarded as "evil mothers-in-law" by their daughters-in-law love their own daughters very much. In the eyes of their daughters, "mother" and "natal family" are irreplaceable emotional havens.
However, this kind of mother-son bond strengthened by cultural structural restrictions not only causes the mother-in-law to be absolutely partial to her son, but also causes a fatal injury to the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
(1) Don’t compete with your mother-in-law for your husband. The chance of a mother and daughter-in-law falling into the water together is not high. No matter how much your husband loves you, you cannot replace her mother's weight. Don't make this stupid mistake.
(2) Don’t be too affectionate with your husband in front of your mother-in-law. "After marrying a daughter-in-law, you forget your mother" is the biggest worry of all mothers-in-law. The more your husband loves you, the stronger your mother-in-law's sense of loss and jealousy may be.
(3) Don’t boss your husband around in front of your mother-in-law. How come your son, who was raised by your mother-in-law through all kinds of hardships after being pregnant for ten months, has become your free labor force, calling him here and there? Never point fingers at, or even beat or scold your husband in front of your mother-in-law.
(4) Don’t say “your mother” in front of your husband. Even if your mother-in-law doesn't treat you as her own daughter, she will definitely not be happy when she hears you calling her "your mother" behind your back, so she should quickly change it to "our mother."
(5) Don’t argue with your mother-in-law about right and wrong. "Walking around the world with reason" is absolutely difficult to achieve within a family. There is no need to judge right and wrong, and there is no need to compete for victory. It’s useless to talk too much. It’s better to use your saliva to nourish your teeth. Why mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are difficult to get along with 2
Feng shui that affects the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
1. Avoid pools in the southwest.
In Feng Shui, the position of Kun represents the mother-in-law, which is the southwest direction. If this direction appears, it will be even more difficult to recite the Sutra of Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law! For example, if there is a pool in the southwest, the Feng Shui pattern is broken. This pattern indicates the reversal of the status of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The daughter-in-law is sarcastic, while the mother-in-law is always at a disadvantage. In such a situation of great disparity in status, the daughter-in-law will become more and more rude, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will become even more irreconcilable. As a sandwich cake's husband, he is probably in a dilemma: he can't bear to blame his wife, but he can't bear the injustice of his old mother. Consider placing a crystal ball under the pool as an improvement.
2. Avoid windows in the southwest.
It is also in the southwest. If windows are placed in this place, it will also be detrimental to the development of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Windows are for ventilation, but they are also places for air leakage. Opening windows in this area means that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is empty, which can easily lead to irreconcilable conflicts. If all the windows in the entire building are facing this direction, that would be a helpless move. If you want to resolve the problem, you can consider placing a small stone scene near the window sill to ease the conflict between the two parties.
3. Avoid being pressed by the corner of the bed.
It is still aimed at the southwest direction. If this place is suppressed by the corner of the bed, it means that the mother-in-law's status has been severely suppressed. This will lead to an increase in conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, especially if the southwest happens to be the bedroom, so this problem is more likely to occur. If you want to ease the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, you might consider placing a soft carpet under the bed, or simply moving the bed.
4. Avoid building a utility room.
The southwest location is not suitable for setting up a utility room, otherwise it will trigger a "world war" between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. As we all know, the utility room is a place for storing sundries. The things placed in it are easy to be disorganized, which implies that the conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law cannot be reconciled. In the same way, the bathroom where accumulation is unfavorable should not be located in the southwest of the room. If you accidentally end up with this pattern, you must keep it clean and tidy. In the bathroom, you can also place a crystal ball under the sink to improve it.
Kitchen Feng Shui regulates the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
1. Sharp corners and beams
Sharp corners and beams are called "poison arrows" in Feng Shui ", will emit evil spirits, use furniture and bonsai to resolve the corners of the room, and avoid sitting under the beams. If it cannot be avoided, you can use a red rope to hang two bamboo bamboo rafts on the beam. Facing downward, this can dissolve evil spirits. Another method is to install elevation lighting so that the light shines directly on the roof beams.
2. Harmony of yin and yang in kitchen feng shui
Arrange the restaurant into a space with a balance of yin and yang, but slightly biased towards yang.
In order to increase the yang energy, it is best not to place yin items such as ancestor portraits or antique furniture in the restaurant. Too much Yin energy is harmful to family luck. On the other hand, excessive yang energy can cause disharmony in the family.
3. Kitchen decoration
The energy of the family comes from food, and the food comes from the kitchen, so the kitchen has a great relationship with the fortune of the family.
IV. Kitchen Pattern
From the perspective of Feng Shui, the requirements of the room need to be correct. Whether it is the living room, bedroom or kitchen, the pattern must be correct first, without any protrusions or Missing corners. Preferably a regular shape (such as rectangle, square).
5. The location of the kitchen
The dining room should be located between the living room and the kitchen, in the center of the house. Such a layout can enhance the harmony between parents and children. The restaurant should not be located directly below the toilet on the upper floor, as the restaurant's good luck will be suppressed.