Taste loneliness-Heiguan 2018.1.1-1.10 Chengdu
On the evening of June 65438+1 October1,everyone gathered in the central hall of the retreat, and was called up by the first teacher one by one and brought into the closed house. My mood seems to be sent to the execution ground. I felt that this moment came a little late, so I dragged myself and missed calling me twice. I'm washing clothes and sorting things, and I'm still hesitant to bring anything in (such as socks and underwear! ) make yourself feel better inside. Others said, "The more things you bring, the more books you read, and then you will remember what to change!" " Well, in that case, don't bring anything, and leave caution behind! In fact, I also secretly brought a handful of sugar (anti-hunger) and a handful of tea tree essential oil (sterilization). The first night when I slept, there seemed to be a sound of knocking on the bed board on the pillow, wondering if there were mice. Sit up without a sound, lie down again! Forget it, forget it, it won't die anyway. But at night, I dreamed that a child was hiding under my bed and playing tricks. This is a fear point that I crossed as soon as I entered the closed room. Later when I was awake, I observed that the sound was actually the sound made by my body pulling and rubbing the quilt. Ha ha! Although I listened to the audio of the teacher's "Taste Loneliness" several times before I closed the door, I was clear, but I didn't set any lofty goals for myself. If I really want to talk about goals, I will have a worthless goal, that is, not to get through these eight days and nine nights too painfully. This has been a great experience and breakthrough in life! The teacher said that the first three days were a period of irritability, but I'm glad I passed it smoothly and didn't get upset! After breakfast at 8 o'clock, I shook myself, stood on the pile (I couldn't shake at all), practiced breathing (shh, shh, shh ...), and sang Buddhist songs softly. It's noisy next door, so I dare not practice for long. After a round of things, I meditated on the bed, turned my body around my hips, and practiced yoga on the bed for a while, but the bed was too soft, and I was afraid it was too noisy. Forget it, don't toss! The teacher always said, if you are too lazy to die, just lie down and stay! On the third day, after dinner, a beautiful piece of music suddenly came from the stereo in the room. Originally, it was jubilant, but then the teacher played a few short recordings, and the song ended in silence! When you are bored, a piece of music is so extravagant! I see. Play this song around the sixth day. Hum! Fortunately, I slept well these days, almost every night until dawn, and I could sleep for more than ten hours. Just had a lot of dreams. Judging from this, I should still have more distractions. It's incredible that breakfast is sent to bed. So wait for a long time during the day (after breakfast and dinner, you can eat even if you are not hungry. Except for an eggplant, there is hardly any rice left in the rice. When you are desperate, eating these two meals is the only fun at the moment! Haha) It's not too difficult! When I first entered the customs, the small flashlight was consumed quickly, and there was not much left after a few meals. But then I got familiar with the environment and simply ate it in the dark. I poured all the dishes on the lid into the rice bucket, stirred them and tasted them one by one. You don't know what it is until you eat it, haha! The common phenomena mentioned by the teacher these days have not happened to me, such as the clean-up reaction of vomiting and defecation, the feeling of bloating, seeing the light from the sky (sometimes it seems a little, but it doesn't last long), and wandering consciousness. What should I do if I burp and fart a lot more? That's all! So I don't expect teachers to patrol customs. Anyway, I have nothing to report, hehe! I haven't practiced awareness, so I feel it when I think about it. Usually life is simple and quiet, and there is nothing to worry about, so it seems that there are not many books. It's too quiet. I always want my friend next door to make a noise, but she's too good. She has nothing but eating+going to the toilet occasionally+watering occasionally. Looks like I didn't do anything! Count your fingers day by day and remember how many days you have left to clear customs. Really, if the delivery time is uncertain, what kind of mentality will it be? After this time, maybe next time I will have a state of real zero expectation for the future, only in the present state, abandoning any concept of time, space and body, only in the state of consciousness! The biggest gain of this retreat is that I understand a truth. If black customs are the norm in life, then everything in life is a gift and deserves gratitude. Lighting, food, music and books can be accessed at any time, and I can communicate with anyone I want at any time. There are children harassing me, which makes me less annoyed. Then you should live in satisfaction and joy every day! Why do people always have and want more? ! And if I take everything I have in my daily life as normal, then when I lose some of them or want to ask for more, trouble and pain will come! If we are in the wilderness at the moment, it is freezing or drought, and we are hungry, then we should close the room now, with proper temperature, warm quilt, comfortable bed, water available at any time, clean bathroom, and delicious food delivered twice a day, which is enough to meet the needs of life. Also be grateful for what you have now! So there is no absoluteness in life, everything is created by idealism. Everyone sees the world from different angles, because the standards, angles, expectations and mentality are different. Isn't this the world? Abundance and want, gain and loss are just two sides of the same body, and everything is just inner feelings, that's all! Living in emptiness, if the heart doesn't move, everything is just an experience, just an illusion, just permission, just flowing without dyeing, then it enters the truth and eternity of life! 10 After breakfast, the staff informed me to go through the customs and handed out two pieces of paper. The lights turned on and the ethereal and wonderful music sounded. I was in no hurry to leave. I immediately wrote down the true experience of two pieces of A4 paper. Seeing the light of day is like a new life! I didn't wash my face and brush my teeth for ten days, didn't wash my hair and take a bath, and didn't change my underwear. Haha, it turns out that life is ok! As long as there is no concept, no standards, no requirements! After washing in the hotel in the afternoon, the wise teacher invited everyone to eat hot pot, and the warm and thoughtful care made me feel very close! After eating hot pot, we moved dozens of quilts and stuffed them into the wise off-road vehicle. He drove himself (he said he was used to flying alone) from Chengdu to Dali, which helped us get to the host's residence first. Later, when I learned that he had been driving for more than ten hours and only slept for one night in a crowded carriage, my heart was filled with emotion and admiration. I don't have any identity labels and presuppositions of how I should live, only an empty lifestyle of what I should do. This truth and agility moved me!
It's my first time in Chengdu. I just entered the customs, and I can't bear loneliness. I hit it off with Zhou Qing. Both of them come from the origin of insect songs, and they have the same language. We decisively went to Chengdu Old Street Jinli to play! Bought all kinds of snacks, ran to the folk bar and each of us sang two songs, no regrets! Back to the hotel, it's past twelve o'clock, so we have to be happy by ourselves. We also tasted authentic hot mutton soup and pig's trotters at the roadside stall, haha!
? Become a master1.12–1.22 Dali
One afternoon in June 65438+ 12 10, I took a bus from Chengdu to Dali for two days. In June, 1 1, I checked into the hotel on the way. When I first arrived at Dali Cangshan Yuanyang Academy, the base camp of the master class in the next ten days, I felt quite humble and a little lost, which was not quite what I expected. Adjust your mentality immediately, and you will be safe when you come. The teacher must have his reasons for choosing this place. It was very cold when I first arrived, saying it was the coldest day in Dali history. We all went down the mountain to buy thick clothes. After buying it, we are together again. Brother Ping An invited a group of women to drink in the most professional band bar in go to dali. For the first time, I think this old handsome boy is not as arrogant as I thought, but quite approachable! Ha ha!
? After breakfast the next day, everyone gathered in the tea room, and the teacher played "self-portrait conditioning skills" for everyone. Sister Yang appeared in an emotional state of self-satisfaction and couldn't stop. She was carried into the room to calm down. The sun came out, and everyone went into battle and installed a massage table in the yard, taking selfies or patting each other. I'm completely white. I've never photographed anyone before, and I've never been photographed. I took a selfie for half an hour. After I came down, I asked Wang Ying to take a picture for me. She took it one by one perfectly, feeling quite comfortable and knowing that she was serious. Next, I lay lazily in bed, facing the blue sky. After listening to "selfie" for the second time, I seem to be asleep, which is quite comfortable! In the evening, after being photographed in the tea room for a while, I photographed Rong Rong next to me. This is the first time I've shot someone, and I still don't know what an empty hand is. How could these hands fall off! Communicate with Rong Rong repeatedly, confirm my feelings, and find a little feeling!
? The next day, I made an appointment with the team leader Xiao Fang to film me. When patting the stomach, I found that continuous patting was uncomfortable, burping was difficult, and my intestines had spasms. Massage will be more comfortable and effective. I'm about to take a picture of Xiao Fang, and I have no idea how to do it. At this time, I just saw a photo taken by Xianer for someone in our group, and I was moved by shock and shed tears. I immediately felt the elegance and agility of combining rigidity with softness, flowing freely and completely! I just calm myself down, close my eyes and feel pneumatic, smart and automatic. Xiao Fang said with tears that his emotions were brought out. When patting her abdomen, she actually relaxed and fell asleep. After this round, I have confidence! When Fang Shu was photographed by the little fairy, a wave of emotions gushed out, and I was also infected with tears. Later, when I rubbed her stomach, she recognized the feeling of comfortable walking. In this way, I spent a few days observing other people's shots, consciously letting outstanding people clap their hands for me to feel the feelings, and then taking pictures of him and asking for feedback. Thanks to every teacher we met, let us be beautiful to each other! Slowly, in fact, it will soon become more and more skilled and comfortable. As long as you don't move your mind, as long as you invest, you can really do it! This is the so-called teaching without teaching, only telepathy!
? I don't know whether it is God's love for us or the weather in Dali should be so good! For ten days in a row, it was sunny and warm as spring. In the morning, I stepped onto the platform and looked at the blue Erhai Lake. The sun rose slowly, and then I looked back at Cangshan, sleepy. In a short time, the sun is shining and magnificent! Set up a massage bed in the small courtyard of the college full of green and special gas, and start a day of practice! Two meals a day are especially appetizing and delicious! In the evening, you can light candles on the antique building to play Merlot meditation, which also has a special flavor! Love this place more and more! What a treasure trove of feng shui! It's quiet and comfortable here, and I really don't want to leave!
The highlight is, of course, the teacher's turn to accompany our group. During the day, the teachers took pictures of us one by one. When taking pictures, the teachers are all in a state of full devotion, and feel carefully where each partner's body needs more cleaning and healing. There is no end to the technique, and there is no way. Some friends cried, and I was often the one who was brought to cry, which was an inexplicable emotional reaction. What impressed me the most was that when Xiao Chang was photographed for the last time, his chest was bulging. The teacher smiled and said, "There are a lot of dry goods, which are estimated to have been accumulated for twenty years" and asked him if he wanted to clean them up. From the beginning, Xiao Chang endured the pain, and with our collective encouragement, he began to shout and even get excited. The teacher also cooperated with him while filming. Xiao Chang's shouts were overshadowed and his feet were kicked high into the air. So when he let it out, his chest really slowly deflated, softened and his face became ruddy. The teacher almost collapsed after saying that! Let him lie down safely for a while! I didn't shed a few tears when I was watching it. I also thought of my husband, how much injustice, pain and depression he had accumulated in his heart. If a man doesn't cry, will he hide so many dry goods like a smile? Is it because of me? Hehe, I am still very introspective! In the evening assessment, everyone patted the teacher for more than ten minutes. The teacher gave me the evaluation that "the state of your clapping is not bad!" There is still self-strength! "Yes, there may be some unskilled, a little thinking and self-expression, not completely relaxed and soft! I have confidence and direction!
In the next few days, I tasted the high tide and low tide. I felt very good when I filmed Brother Ping An that day. I feel flowing and unrestrained, and Brother Ping also highly recognizes and encourages me. I asked him for advice, and he said, is it a little urgent? Next, after I experienced Joe filming me, it was my turn to film her. She quickly called a pause and gave feedback on whether my life was urgent. Instruct me not to rush to shoot, let alone let go with the feeling of mutual connection. The next day, when I filmed Xiaomei, I also got the feedback of "a little anxious". I began to lose confidence and doubt myself. In the evening, I asked to shoot Brother Ping again. I obviously feel that I am afraid of my hands and feet and can't display it. Brother Ping is really not as good as yesterday. I'm still asking brother Wang Bing next to me how to shoot. Especially diarrhea! But I know that in the process of revision and improvement, this is a normal phenomenon and will definitely cross over. The next afternoon, when Zhou Qing took pictures of me, I found that she and I had the same problem. When I took pictures of her in turn, I completely slowed down my speed, put down all the performances and merged into her body. When you have experienced high tide and low tide, you will experience lost elimination and you will be normal! I don't care if I shoot well, because I have fully realized that every shot will be different, only about the current state and this heart! On the last day of any examination, I want to say to the teacher wittily, "Teacher, no matter whether I shoot well or not, I have to say that I am fine!" " Self-confidence is the best gift! "I feel too melodramatic, so be it! I didn't expect the teacher's evaluation to be above the intermediate level, but I am still very happy!
? As for standing piles, besides standing in a closed room for a short time (I didn't feel anything), it was also the first time that I experienced the feeling that my body would shake automatically after it was empty. After the selfie in the group that day, I first said, "Leave your body there!" Really like this, the body can't help shaking back and forth, wonderful and light! The next day, after my friends entertained themselves with dynamic music in the morning, I went to the bathroom. As soon as I closed my eyes and went to the bathroom, my whole upper body spun involuntarily. Every day after that, as long as I close my eyes at any time, I will feel my body start to tremble. It's amazing!
? On the first night of meditation in Dali, I asked my teacher a question, "Teacher, I hope I am a caring and compassionate person who can treat all things equally, but I tend to treat people with separation and arrogance. At first glance, I may not be interested in active communication. " How can this be broken! "I remember the teacher's most definite answer to me was" I'll share! " "I forgot the rest, maybe this is what I want to hear, to be safe. Later, Brother Ping took the initiative to share with me that when the parting heart rises, it is not sleeping, just pull it back to sleep! Maybe I'll keep practicing. Practice is a lifetime thing. I believe I will get better and better. Enough! In the next few days, I realized more and more that everyone around me was my teacher. Sister Yang returned from madness to peace, tranquility and courtesy, uncle and son accepted their fate tenaciously and bravely, and lived a high life, grandma's open-minded optimism and lifelong learning enthusiasm, the old couple's mutual help, Wang He's constant self-improvement, and the little fairy's enlightenment.
? Once again, I relived the dormitory life, and discussions, sharing and understanding happened from time to time! It's past 12 o'clock in the evening, and Fang Shu and I are still whispering in bed, like drinking "Sleep well!" We went to sleep laughing.
? Grateful to the teacher, grateful to the first child, Xiaomei's wholehearted companionship and dedication! Grateful to meet every partner, so moved and happy! Interwoven together, let this extraordinary life journey!
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