My acquaintance with my husband is very traditional-I was introduced, but I didn't expect that we fell in love at first sight. Maybe this is fate, destined to meet.
On the afternoon of the introduction, my husband and I went to his house. My husband's family is very harmonious. Besides my parents, I also have a sister who is going to college.
The hospitality of their family and the thoughtfulness of their husband made me feel particularly good.
I was working in Wuhan and my husband was working in Anhui. We started a telephone conversation. After a month of communication, both of them feel very suitable. My husband suggested that I go to his place of work, and I readily agreed.
So I quit my job in Wuhan and came to Anhui alone. We were introduced in February, and I went to Anhui at the end of March. /kloc-in April of 0/9, we got our own marriage certificate.
In the second half of the year, we had a simple wedding at home, and then invited colleagues from Anhui. So we are perfectly combined. We didn't go through a long love process like other couples.
Running in after marriage is the only way for every couple.
In the first year of marriage, there were many problems in our relationship.
Husband is slow, dull, rigorous and not good at expression. He belongs to the internal standard science and engineering man who needs to be transferred. I am just the opposite, enthusiastic, impatient, emotional, talkative, fond of positive thinking and expression, a standard liberal arts woman.
I always hope that he can understand my meaning with one look, one action and one sentence, and take the initiative to meet my requirements. However, he doesn't understand it at all, so we often argue about some life locks.
I admire my husband very much. Every time we have a conflict, he will take the initiative to coax me, and then when I calm down, he will make self-criticism first, and then he will guide me to make self-criticism. At the same time, sum up experience-how to deal with this matter in the future is acceptable to both sides.
However, life is not a template, and there are no fixed solutions to many things. We argued like this for half a year. Life is still beautiful, unaffected by quarrels. I think this should be the reason why we are attracted to each other and why we are in the love stage.
My first growth
After we worked together for half a year, I began to think about our mode of getting along. After all, quarreling over some unimportant things is very laborious and affects each other's mood. If it lasts for a long time, I think the feelings will fade.
Later, I also understood a truth: why let my husband guess my thoughts. After all, it's a little difficult for him. Husband and wife's life is not to change one side blindly, but to tolerate each other and find a similar and harmonious life in differences.
So, I adjusted my strategy, and I directly expressed my thoughts and what I needed him to do in the future. Unexpectedly, he did it one by one without complaint.
This incident touched me a lot, and I began to realize that husband and wife also need art and seek common ground while reserving differences. If there is love in the middle, everything can be solved.
Don't stick to who must be the first, I am the first. We just need to give full play to our advantages, and Qi Xin will work together to run this home well. Just like everyone sometimes envies his father coming to the parent class, maybe his father came, but his family has different division of labor or more delicate feelings, so his father came, so there is no comparison.
For another example, my husband was on a business trip and he didn't call you. If you don't feel well, call him first. If he still can't get your feelings and thoughts wrong, you can ask him to make a phone call.
Every couple has their own way of getting along. As long as we feel comfortable and happy, it doesn't matter which one we do first. Of course, this is just my immature idea.
Contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law appears
After almost a year of running-in, the two of us get along very well. Feelings are also heating up.
I think our relationship has entered a stable period. At this time, I was pregnant. The arrival of the baby brought us new hope and the integrity of the new family. Because of my great reaction, I resigned and went home soon. We both live somewhere else. He goes to work and I take care of myself at home.
When pregnant for seven months, the belly is bigger than that of pregnant women in the same month. It was a little difficult to take care of myself at first, so my husband arranged for his mother to take care of me, and everything went smoothly.
The arrival of my mother-in-law has greatly improved my life. Eat well, live well, but nightmares come from this.
I had a very good impression on my mother-in-law before she came. She is capable, beautiful, intelligent and knowledgeable, and she is a woman I admire.
But once we live together and peel off that veil, many contradictions come.
Living habits are different, and the mother-in-law's natural possessiveness to her son is vividly reflected at this time.
Almost all mother-in-law have the same idea that her son is brought up by him with hard work and belongs to her, so it is inevitable that he will feel uncomfortable when he sees his son and his daughter-in-law are too affectionate or his son faces his daughter-in-law.
I didn't understand this before, but now I do. After all, her son was brought up by her mother-in-law, and she gave all her love and sustenance to her son.
At this time, as a clever daughter-in-law, she should understand her mother-in-law's psychology, try not to be too affectionate in front of her mother-in-law, and take care of the emotions of the elderly.
At the same time, I usually learn to respect her and listen to her advice, making her feel that although she is old, her position in the family is still there.
Summary of experience in getting along with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
As a wife, you should also pay attention to the following four points:
A. don't treat your mother-in-law as your own mother. I once naively thought that my mother-in-law was the same as my mother, so I did everything I said and did, but later I found that this actually increased our contradictions.
The fundamental reason is that my mother-in-law is not related to us. She won't understand and tolerate you like her biological mother, and you can't understand and tolerate her like your biological mother.
This is an unchangeable fact. Whether we accept it or not, it is true. Therefore, a smart daughter-in-law will master this discretion.
B remember, mother-in-law is used to show respect and gratitude, because without her, there would be no husband and no new family.
C. communicate with your husband and let her be your peacemaker. On the one hand, the husband should let his mother-in-law know his wife's position in his heart. Only when the husband cares about his wife will the mother-in-law take her daughter-in-law seriously.
On the other hand, the husband should also reassure his mother-in-law that she still cares about her. In his heart, mother-in-law is still the first. Only by achieving this balance can two women live in peace.
The most important thing is that the husband must put the water flat, don't blame his wife whenever something happens, but also protect his mother-in-law, which will cause his wife greater resentment and resistance.
D. If possible, it's best not to live with your mother-in-law. There is a saying: a bowl of soup stays away from your mother-in-law. What is the distance between a bowl of soup? That is, you can live in a community and on different floors, and you can go to your mother-in-law's house to have soup and go home to sleep.
My husband couldn't understand and agree with what I said at first.
He is a dutiful son. Before getting married, he should consider his parents' needs when buying a house. He must live with his parents. Later, he felt that what I said in real life was also reasonable. This has also changed the concept, no longer forcing us to live together, but separating, but better feelings.
However, if you live separately, the requirements for your daughter-in-law will become higher, and your daughter-in-law must be able to manage the house alone.
This way, the mother-in-law can rest assured and the husband can be convinced. If you don't have this ability or the conditions are not mature, then learn to be patient and learn some skills to get along with your mother-in-law. Only in this way can we live in harmony with our mother-in-law.
Of course, not all mother-in-law are as strong as my mother-in-law, but there are still many mother-in-law and daughter-in-law who can live together well.
For example, my sister gets along well with her mother-in-law. The reason is that my sister's personality doesn't matter. She is not as sensitive as me. She doesn't care what her mother-in-law says or does. At the same time, the mother-in-law is also relatively peaceful, because the father-in-law is in charge.
So what I'm talking about here is mainly about the situation that my mother-in-law is the master at home and our own competitive sensitivity.
A friend around me, her mother-in-law is as strong as mine, and her father-in-law is obedient to her mother-in-law.
She wants to get rid of her mother-in-law's control, but they don't have the financial strength to go out and buy a house at present. The point is that she can't do anything herself. Her husband grew up in such a family, accustomed to pampering and refusing to go out alone. So there are contradictions.
She is particularly painful, but she is unwilling to make changes and grow up.
On the one hand, I want to live with my mother-in-law, but I despise her behavior. It's not good to see your mother-in-law, and it's not good to see her.
In fact, good or bad lies in the change of heart. If she can respect her mother-in-law, understand her from her mother-in-law's point of view, take on more housework, learn to do her own thing, educate her children, handle her feelings with her husband, and be filial to her in-laws, I think everyone is fleshy and will be affected.
On the other hand, if you really can't stand your mother-in-law, you can go out and live alone, but you must be able to manage your new home well. That kind of life is hard and requires a lot of commitment.
Just like me, before my girl was 6 years old, I lived with my mother-in-law and enjoyed all her care, but at the same time I endured all her unhappiness. Later, when I was educating my children, I met with differences. In a rage, my parents-in-law left to help my aunt take care of the children.
I was very angry. I think she is partial and her husband is useless. Then I grew up. I know it's better to be angry than to live up to expectations. I manage my family well. Now my relationship with my mother-in-law is very harmonious!
Contradictions in children's education have emerged.
With the growth of children, children's education has also become the trigger point of our husband and wife contradictions.
My husband's educational philosophy for children is, it doesn't matter, whatever it is.
I think children's education needs both sides, meditation and stillness to cultivate and accompany them. So the two of us will have contradictions in educating our children.
For example, when my child was in the third grade, it was good to see my colleague's children practicing calligraphy in Yiyou. And our handwriting is not good-looking. I want to sign up right away. When I discussed with my husband, he said directly, if you have anything to practice, just buy a copybook and come back to practice. So contradictions arise and differences arise.
The method I think of is negotiation. I said I could listen to you first. I buy a copybook for my children to practice. The time limit is six months. If the child's handwriting doesn't improve after half a year, then I will give her a training class. My husband readily accepted.
After half a year, my child's handwriting didn't improve at all, so I signed up for a training class for my child. After two summers of practice, children's calligraphy has made a qualitative leap. Whenever a child's handwriting is praised, I will take the initiative to show it to my husband so that he can see the truth. After many times, my husband believed in me. Never interfere with any training of my children again.
From this, I understand that in a family, there will definitely be one person in charge, whether it is a husband or a wife, but there is only one principle, that is, whether you have the ability and methods to make him or her agree with you and recognize you.
(Off-topic: Now the first day of junior high school, the school attaches great importance to calligraphy. I have calligraphy grades every month, grade 3-6. My girl in grade 5 and below grade 4 has to stay and practice calligraphy for half an hour every day. The reason is that in the future, the senior high school entrance examination will be marked by computer. The handwriting is so poor that the computer cannot recognize it. )
At one time, her husband loved listening to books and her children followed her. I thought it was good at first. Children can have more keys with their father and learn knowledge by listening to books. However, after a while, I found that the child was addicted and out of control. I think about listening to books every day, especially when I see my father listening.
Only then did I begin to realize the seriousness of the problem. I took advantage of the opportunity of walking alone with my husband to communicate with him about it. I didn't know until I got home from work that my husband said I was tired and wanted to relax. What's the problem? Her most important task now is to study. Why don't you just tell her not to listen?
I said, honey, you're right. I understand you. You need to relax when you come home from work. I think you are healthy and active in listening to books. I am on your side. But children don't have our consciousness yet. He can't understand you. She can only think of why you can listen and I can't.
So we have to find a way to make you listen to the book, and the children will not be affected. I can't help it if you don't want to cooperate. But I don't think you want to see your children addicted in the future, and there is nothing we can do.
Later, I gave him three chapters. Don't listen to books when the family is working together, and don't listen to books in front of the children. Later, my husband attached great importance to it. Then when the child sees that her husband doesn't listen, he slowly forgets about it.
To tell the truth, I'm in our house, and I should have the final say. My husband pays me and listens to me (provided that I have the ability to arrange and reassure him). But I am not autocratic, I will pay attention to discretion, and I will not let my husband think that he is afraid of his wife, let outsiders think that he is afraid of his wife, and let children think that his father is not counting at home.
For example, one day at dinner, we talked about a problem. When we were about to make a decision, the girl said, Dad, stop it. It doesn't matter if you say it, only if mom says it.
As soon as I heard this, I didn't look good, so I had to guide the girl quickly So I said to the girl, no, dad will always be the boss of our family, and whatever he says can be counted. The reason why dad doesn't care about mom is not that dad is afraid of mom, but that it is a way for dad to love mom. Your father is broad-minded and can tolerate his mother's little willfulness. Dad wants me to live a happy and free life, which is why he is like this.
The girl listened to my words and immediately said, well, yes, yes. Imagine that if we don't guide our children positively in this situation, they will think that their father is useless and has no authority.
There are too many such stories for us, so we won't tell them one by one.
In short, no matter what happens, our principle is that everything should be centered on the needs of children's growth, and communication, consultation, understanding and tolerance should be made when things happen.
I believe that father loves mother and mother is emotionally stable, which is the best feng shui for a family; Mother studies hard, and the child will make progress every day!
The relationship between husband and wife always needs the maintenance of both sides.
In a flash, my husband and I have been married for 14 years, but we haven't encountered a bottleneck, and we still feel very good and intimate.
I think we are all trying to maintain this relationship. I know that if the two sides get along for a long time, they will have aesthetic fatigue and get along. Many couples are drifting away from each other, and they rarely communicate or communicate at ordinary times. Just live under the same roof and talk about children at most.
I once went on a business trip with a client for half a month. We jokingly asked him why he didn't contact his wife. The client said it was an old couple, so what did he contact? Besides, there is nothing to say.
In fact, I think this state is abnormal. This kind of life has no sense of ceremony and loses the flavor of emotion.
My husband went to other places at the end of June for work reasons. Before that, we had many short-lived separation experiences, such as his company sent them to Wuhan University to study French for half a year, went to Tsinghua for graduate study, studied abroad, traveled, and I was on a business trip. ...
No matter where we are, we have very smooth communication ... Every time before going out, I communicate with my husband and make a rule for communication when going out.
For example, when we arrive at a place, we have to tell each other that I have arrived at the destination safely, and then we can share what we experienced today and share our children's affairs by phone or video ... As for this call, it doesn't matter which one to call first. If you expect him to call, but he doesn't, you don't have to be shy. All you have to do is take the initiative to call. In short, how comfortable and how to operate.
Everyone's personality is different, some are active, some are passive, some talk more, some talk less ... but this does not affect communication. Husband and wife pay attention to harmony, mutual understanding, tolerance, consideration, complementarity, mutual appreciation and so on.
When couples get along, women need to live in the present.
Scene reappearance: You ask your husband to pour you a glass of water. He has been watching TV and has not responded to you. At this time, there may be several different voices in your heart.
The first voice, why can't you do something for me every time, is to recall the unpleasantness of the past;
The second voice, what to do when you get old in the future, is a worry associated with the future;
The third voice, you see how careful the husband of the next door is, which is envied by others;
The fourth voice, maybe I don't deserve to be loved, is a denial of myself.
The original simple problem has been complicated by us, taken away from the thing itself by the past, the future, others and ourselves.
When we fall into the endless and chattering thoughts in our minds more and more frequently, we are farther away from the truth and reality of life revealed at present. You are deeply trapped in the past and the future, so deeply trapped in your own thoughts that you are out of touch with the present moment.
You are either in the past, in the future, somewhere else, or you are not here at this moment! If you feel that you are not completely settled in the present, you will not feel the meaning and fun of the present life if you escape from yourself, and you will be more anxious and depressed!
When you live a vague and difficult life on many issues, you can't go all out on what you really want to do.
In the relationship between husband and wife, women need to seek and satisfy themselves, and handle the relationship well.
For a while, I felt that the whole world owed me, and I was not used to it. I always thought I was the best. I always think that my thoughts and decisions are the most correct.
After too much pain, I realized that the root of all this is myself.
When you keep asking outside, the more you look, the more you can't ask, and the more painful it is. And when I walked into my heart, saw myself, knew myself, felt myself, and bloomed myself, I suddenly realized.
Honey, there is no one outside, only ourselves. All our appearances to the outside world are reflections of our own hearts.
When we can't satisfy ourselves, we will look outward; When external demand is fruitless, we will complain. After complaining, I can't see myself and feel that everything is someone else's problem. What does it have to do with me? If you are so paranoid, you will eventually lose your gratitude and love.
When we grow up, we will know that we are living in a relationship. Only when the relationship is harmonious can we be happy.
Learning to deal with all kinds of relationships in life is our compulsory course. When you can handle these relationships wisely, you will find that all relationships actually have only one relationship, that is, your relationship with yourself.
When you have a good relationship with yourself, your heart is peaceful and quiet. You will look at everything around you with a peaceful mind and be grateful for everything around you.
When couples get along, women need to learn to face loneliness.
I think as women, we should learn to face loneliness. I remember that I was alone at home during the girls' study tour, and life was to face myself except work.
When I am alone, I have been thinking about how a woman should live, especially a woman who is almost 40 years old ... I have heard and reread Zhang Defen's "We Will Meet Love and Loneliness", revisiting it and gaining different gains and insights.
I still like the two sentences in it, "Be friends with yourself, don't run away from your pain, please put the right to choose happiness in your own hands and welcome your happiness". Dear, no one in the world can accompany you for a lifetime.
Running a relationship between husband and wife requires constant expression of love.
The relationship between husband and wife, especially the old couple, feels that after being together for a long time, it becomes a family relationship and there is no need to express love.
Actually, I think it was a misunderstanding. Love needs to be expressed at any time.
Like my husband, I wrote him a "love letter" for the first time when I went abroad this time. In the letter, we talked about our past, remembered each other and imagined our future. He was very happy and moved when he received my letter.
He works hard outside alone, and our active concern reduces his loneliness, letting him know that we all care about him and appreciate his efforts for his family. Then I sent him his daily necessities. His birthday is coming, and I carefully prepared a gift for him.
I know his mind is happy and satisfied, so am I!
Couples need to grow up forever.
Couples need to grow up forever. When one party has reached a higher level, while the other party has been standing still, then you are not at the same level, there is no * * * language, and the distance is getting farther and farther.
Always maintaining the initial appreciation and beauty should be a very important aspect of the harmonious relationship between husband and wife.
When I grow up, I am actually full of confidence. When a person has confidence, she won't have many troubles. I don't think, and I don't need to think. Because if you are in full bloom, butterflies will come.
Husband and wife are two different circles, and we walk hand in hand for the intersection; Our children, the old people on both sides, and the family are planning and operating all day, and we need Qi Xin's cooperation.
For the disjoint parts, we need to take care of ourselves, because we all have our own circle of friends, hobbies and friends ... these are the basis of our preservation.
For example, my husband wants to play basketball with his colleagues after work, and he invites me to go with him. I didn't refuse directly, but told him that I had an appointment with yoga, so that he could rest assured to play with his colleagues. He finished playing basketball, I finished practicing yoga, and then we went to pick up the children together. This feeling is very beautiful.
Couples also need to know the language of love.
Couples also need to know the language of love.
My husband's love language is that I want to recognize him, praise him, worship him and understand him. He wants me to be an innocent teenage wife, but at the same time he wants me to be independent when things happen.
When I know the language he loves, I often wander between little women and big women.
I have never been stingy with my praise, and I will write out his advantages naked, at least 20; I will coquetry him and arouse his desire for protection; I will ask him for advice and listen to his advice; When he pays and undertakes for his family, I will look at him with admiration. ...
But when he goes out for work, training, or needs my help at home, I will rush to the front and try my best to guide the children, be filial to the elderly and handle the secular affairs at home. Let him have no worries.
My own love language is that I hope my husband can cook, walk with me and chat with me. Seeing this makes me feel very happy and at ease.
My husband often cooks with me, making steamed buns and steamed buns. Our family of three often walks aimlessly. Girls will say that she is a professional third wheel, but sometimes my husband and I go alone.
My husband and I often exchange various problems and can discuss anything.
I am a talkative person, and my husband is an introverted person, so every time I keep saying that he is all ears, this feeling makes me very satisfied, very released and respected.
Couples need a sense of ceremony to get along.
Such as Valentine's Day, wedding anniversary, birthday, etc. We will exchange gifts and arrange big meals. I will also give my husband a red envelope on my own initiative, because I know he is not good at expressing, so I will express it.
520, 52, 5.2, 4.52, 3.52, 2.52, 1.52, 0.52, every number was sent out, and my husband's red envelope was cool, which invisibly increased the intimacy.
Husband and wife need mutual understanding and support to get along.
For example, if my husband works overtime, I will call or WeChat to let him work with peace of mind, and I will take good care of the children; For example, when he is busy at work, I will take the initiative to undertake housework and let him handle his work with peace of mind; For example, when he is in poor health, I will take the initiative to take care of him and comfort him; For example, if he comes home late from work, I will remind him to go home early, mainly because he drinks less when he is away, and we will wait for him at home. My husband says that this feeling of being concerned and not being bound is the feeling of home. ...
Couples need to accept disharmony and take correct measures to deal with it.
Of course, no matter how loving a couple is, there will be disharmony.
Only when disharmony occurs, if we take appropriate measures to deal with it, everything can be restored and maybe it will be more harmonious.
Because this is the real husband and wife life. And in the daily life of husband and wife, it is impossible to have only one note, harmony and disharmony.
For disharmony, as long as we are more tolerant and less concerned; As long as someone is willing to let go first, take responsibility first, and then give the other party a step, the other party will pick it up and will definitely solve it.
There are no two identical leaves in the world, so naturally there are no two identical people. Only by feeling and understanding each other from each other's perspective can we understand the difficulties of others and live in harmony.
There is a saying: a good woman is happy for three generations.
Nowadays, it is difficult to be a good woman. We should not only remain independent and have our own world, but also care about our husbands, be filial to the elderly and educate the next generation.
But what can we do? This is the responsibility entrusted to us by the times. Only by constantly learning and adjusting yourself can we be happy all our lives.
Happiness is never given by others, nor begged, but given by oneself.
Sisters, let's grow up together for ourselves! Because women don't grow up, families can't be happy
Finally, I recommend some books to you. These books helped me a lot when I was growing up. * * * with everyone.