First, when you are in love, you become weak not because you love much, but because you are not calm enough.
Many people always feel that when they are in love, they don't know how to fall in love. When they are not together, they really want to be together. I don't know how to manage my feelings when I'm together. The reason why this happens is that you are still stuck in "you really get the expected love experience, but it depends on what the other person does."
In a relationship, it is inevitable that one party is dominant and the other party is passive. Many weak people will feel weak because they love each other more, but in fact they are weak because they are not calm enough.
People with strong and stable hearts have enough sense of home emotionally and will not choose "parasitic love". They prefer "living love", they can produce emotional nutrients by themselves, and their love can be self-sufficient. After all, the correct view of love is that * * * wins * * * and is not hungry. Who must provide nutrition and love for themselves, who can maintain the intimate relationship between you.
Love is never given to you by others. Don't expect others to give, because the world is fair, and when you get it, you often lose something equivalent.
A complete "parasitic love" is like I am only responsible for absorbing your emotional nutrients and pinning all the joys and sorrows on each other. Whether I am happy or not has nothing to do with myself, but depends on how others treat her.
So how can we be calm enough? When we are in love, we all want to be loved. Out of this kind of psychology, we put ourselves in a lower position and are always in a state of asking for trouble. We can only get love by relying on each other's emotional nutrients. After a long time, the other party will get bored.
Keep a calm and peaceful attitude when falling in love. Imagine that a person is suffering from internal friction every day in his feelings. If his emotions are excessively consumed, he will have the idea of escaping.
Second, falling in love is a very tiring thing
Life is not as good as poetry, and love is not as sweet as TV dramas and novels. In fact, falling in love is very tiring. Everyone is tired, not you.
Because falling in love itself is a particularly troublesome thing, many people think that the love they want will always exist in the plot, because love life will make you understand that falling in love is a very troublesome thing through repeated blows.
1. The freshness will fade.
Is love eternal? Of course, love is eternal, but the enthusiasm will fade, the freshness will be replaced by dullness, and the sense of security will be impacted by trivial things in life. The two will not talk about the worries behind them, and even wonder why they were together in the first place.
You know, before you fell in love, you were alone. You can do whatever you want today and tomorrow. But falling in love, after all, is a matter of two people, and you need to consider the feelings of others. Because of your family background and personal growth experience, your way of thinking will definitely be different.
Nothing in life is easy. We all grew up stumbling, and the logic of love is the same. We should all learn and grow slowly. Enthusiasm, freshness ... these are not easy, and it takes two people to manage with care.
2. Will you persist in being tired?
Most people break up in love because they are tired and don't want to stick to it. "I'm so tired. I can't go on. I don't know if I want to be together. " Some people think that being tired is just an excuse to break up, but in fact, being tired is a normal thing in love, and every couple will encounter it more or less.
No one is born to be a master of love, and can get each other's points completely, but in real love, many people will quarrel over some trivial things.
In fact, we still don't have a calm mind. We often want to argue about a very small matter, but don't feed those trivial things with arguments. Apart from major matters of principle such as marriage and personal future, everything else is just minor matters.
3. companionship is the most romantic confession
The novelty in feelings will disappear one day. When two people are together, there must be a running-in period and a quiet period, and companionship is the longest confession. Don't always think that you are different from each other. The truth is, you are still you, and your feelings are still sincere and warm.
True love is passionate love after the novelty has passed. It is the kind of love that two people will not disappear together, and naturally there will be no anxiety that the novelty will fade. What's more, novelty is to experience new things with old people, not to do old things with new people. Otherwise, you will be caught in an endless cycle of novelty forever.
When you are in love, dopamine is gone, which is the time to truly test everyone's ability to love. When you feel tired, it means that you have entered the running-in period, but please recognize the fact that both friends and parents will feel bored after getting along for a long time, especially how their partners spend the running-in period, which is also a headache for every couple:
Don't spend every day with each other. First, you are an independent individual, and then you are a couple. So keep two people alone and find the meaning of happiness in your own life.
Love each other again, but also leave time and space for yourself and each other, find your own things and improve yourself, so that your other half will think that you are working hard and an excellent partner.
(2) keep communication, still need the necessary communication every day. No one's loneliness should be solved by others. After investigation, it is found that "companionship does not necessarily mean that the other person cares about you and always stays with you and gives you everything you want."
More importantly, the three views are integrated. Both sides are willing to communicate spiritually, listen to each other's ideas, keep communicating and make progress. True love is the source of motivation for upward life.
Third, love needs a sense of boundary.
Many people like to rely too much on others when they are in love, interfere in other people's affairs vertically, and interpret it in the name of being loved or being loved. But in fact, this is a kind of "morbid" intimacy, which will only make others listen to themselves. These are all related to their inner imperfections.
The stronger and more mature a person's heart is, the more sensitive and clear he will be to his own sense of boundary, and the more clear he will be about which problems are his own and which are others'. "A truly mature person will not depend on others like a child." Deal with your own problems, don't think about relying on others to help us solve this problem.
People with a weak sense of boundaries fall in love, and they will shirk their problems to others. Moral kidnapping "Because you are my partner, what should you do?" Because the sense of value you can't get here depends on directing others to get your own satisfaction.
(2) Standing on the moral high ground, falling in love, "I am doing you good", just five words may pop out of your mouth at will, but these five words are extremely insulting and harmful. Remember, a person who is really good to you will not always say "good". Love should not have any blackmail nature. What is really good for you is that it doesn't matter how you give me back.
Don't fall in love against humanity, there are always some people who like to ask for it from their other half. "Why can't you be an independent individual in the world? Your partner is sincere and has no obligation to give up anything for you.
Love yourself before you love others. You have to accept that the other person loves you more than you do. Good love is basically based on this, because this is the underlying logic and this is the most basic human nature.
Fourth, how to strengthen the sense of boundary in the process of love?
1. Recognize the importance of a sense of boundaries.
A sense of boundary is very important, but it is also on the premise that you admit the existence of a sense of boundary. In love, such problems often occur. For example, "at first you give everything to the other person, but you don't do it once, and the other person will think that you don't love him."
On the contrary, if you don't express your love occasionally at first, the other person will cherish it more and think it is a gift from heaven.
2. Always maintain material independence and spiritual independence.
When it comes to material independence, in the final analysis, it is a word of money. When you achieve material independence, you will find that having money is simply a happy thing, and you will find that love will become much more free and easy. In fact, I hope you don't just entrust yourself to each other. Whether the other person loves you or not, you have the confidence to walk away. One's greatest hope in this life is oneself.
Spiritual independence means that you should have your own life except love, and you don't have to put all your energy on each other when you are in love. If you walk around each other every day and regard each other as the center of your world, not only will the other person feel bored, but you will also feel very tired.
3. Keep the right to privacy
As long as you are an individual, you can't stand being turned over without a bottom line, which has nothing to do with loving you or not. Everyone should have their own space and time. Many people use love as an excuse to spy on the privacy of the other half, but they push the other half to the extreme. Although they are lovers, they should be honest with each other, but they have privacy and distance, and they are close and comfortable to get along with.
5. Love is a kind of value matching.
You must be clear that adult love is actually a value match. Birds of a feather flock together. Only value matching can trigger favorite factors, otherwise it is like two parallel lines, which will never intersect.
The more the values match, the longer the feelings get along. On the contrary, when they don't match, they will separate. Nobody wants to be a fool, and nobody wants to grow up with others.
Men and women in love always have all kinds of complaints, "Why can't the other person love me more?" ? Why doesn't the other person understand me? "Emotion is an accurate value matching. Everyone will use "accurate instruments" to measure themselves and each other, and they don't want to lose themselves and want to get the corresponding value.
How to solve this psychological balance? The first thing to do is to get rid of your greed. If you can fall in love together, you must be gentle. The most effective way is to make yourself more competitive: external appearance and emotional intelligence. Don't be greedy and stay with each other. Because no choice is absolutely right, when you are mature enough, you will find that everything is right.
9. Many times, breaking up is not your reason. Don't torture yourself.
10. Boys seem heartless after breaking up, and many regret it.
1 1. The tighter you hold, the faster you lose it-Murphy's Law in Love
12. Love each other in the way they like. Sometimes you think you are in love, but you are actually satisfying your own desires.
13. Don't take feelings as everything. You can't die without someone.
14. Too much unnecessary and reluctant company will only bring deeper loneliness.
15. Most people who seem to have a good life soon after breaking up may not really come out.
16. The so-called win-win situation, the only way is to make concessions.
17. The more you want to be intimate with each other, the more you need to establish personal boundaries.
18. At the beginning of love, because of the blessing of the filter,
We can only see each other's good points,
Therefore, after the arrival of the dull period, I think that the other party has changed.
19. In a relationship, patience is more important than propriety.
Two people grew up in different environments and have different ideas and personalities.
There will always be friction and inappropriateness, and there will always be moments when you want to give up.
Only by being patient and gentle with a person for a long time can we persist.
Eh, so, the sweetest thing is not "I love you", but "I am patient with you now and will be patient with you in the future".
20. Good love is our emotional stability.
And have the energy to achieve yourself.
On the way to do this, I can rest assured that you will never abandon me.
In the end, I will gain a better self, and I will still be with the person you love the most.
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2 1. Don't start too fast, prolong the ambiguous period, and focus on understanding the character. No matter how good the other person is, the bad character is equal to 0.
22. If you have a good impression on a boy, you should take the initiative to talk to him, but don't be the one who broke the enough paper.
23. Love for the purpose of marriage, know each other's material foundation before falling in love, don't start if you can't accept it, and don't take the initiative to get married if you are in a hurry. When two people are happy together, you make them look forward to their future marriage. Getting married is a natural thing.
24. Don't always complain about the same thing.
25. The biggest advantage of girls is themselves, both mentally and economically. Things change and people's hearts change. They love you today, but they will not love you tomorrow. Only they are controllable and can be relied on forever. Don't think that someone will save your predicament, you can always rely on it. Only they can be saved.
26. Every role has two sides. While seeing all the shortcomings, we should also see the advantages behind them and accept each other from the heart. If you don't like each other, they will feel it.
27. Set your own bottom line and principles, and don't step on each other's or your own. If you step on your bottom line, you must make it clear seriously. Don't just bear it, and don't be afraid of losing it.
28. Don't progress too fast, your shortcomings are exposed too early, and your emotional foundation is not stable and you will easily collapse. Too passionate feelings are always too hard for the other person to hide.
29. If you say something sensational properly, boys also need to be coaxed to make him feel that you care about him.
30. Don't care too much about paying for boys with a strong sense of responsibility. Forget it, love rat. He doesn't know how to be grateful after giving.
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3 1. Don't take office in the morning.
32. Don't compare, don't compare, don't compare.
Whether you compare your life with others, or compare your boyfriend with others, you should know that everyone will show the good side of life, and leave the bad side alone, which will affect your life. Better people will always exist, just like the little prince's roses. There are thousands of roses in Qian Qian, and only that one was given by the little prince, so it is different.
33. Accept yourself as an ordinary person and allow the other person to be an ordinary person.
34. Know how to cherish, be grateful, be brave and take the initiative. Adult faces may not be that important.
35. Two people are more happy together than unhappy, and they also have some good memories. This is the emotional foundation.
36. Don't break up easily, but be prepared to leave once you say it.
As for breaking off diplomatic relations, I also thought about it later. In fact, breaking up should be effective, but the applicable party should be the one who loves deeply and breaks up.
If you are loved and worked, even if you break up, it will be put forward by people who are extremely disappointed. In this case, don't break the link, find a step quickly, what are you waiting for?
38. Although the other person is the closest person, you should not be too emotional and give all the unpleasant words to the other person.
Learn to digest and control your emotions. Hurtful words are like a knife stuck in your heart and become a barrier.
39. Don't do this. Boys will be more stressed at work than girls. I'm tired of trying to coax you when I come back.
40. Show weakness appropriately and make your boyfriend feel needed.
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4 1. No matter how dull life is, it needs a little sense of ceremony to create more surprises and romance.
However, if the other person agrees with you, a person who has no interest in life will find it boring.
42. Don't trust others' experience too much, but judge according to your own actual situation. You read too many posts, some say this is important, some say that is important, but that is based on the respondents' own experience. Everyone has different experiences and needs.
Don't blindly compare your online experience with your boyfriend, establish your core needs, and understand each other's needs, what kind of partner he wants, and what kind of life he wants.
43. Don't express yourself without reservation. Sending out negative energy will only make him go further.
Of course, this is a problem for both sides. When emitting negative energy, girls just want to tell and relieve their emotions. If boys can learn to listen, instead of straight men trying to help solve problems, or just a hug, let girls feel your existence.
44. Learn to be gentle. When you realize that everyone is soft but not hard, you will understand the power of gentleness. Everything can be hard, but the mouth should be soft.
45. Regret and remorse. I admit that what I did before was very bad, disrespectful and incomprehensible. As a result, I was in a state of regret and self-blame for a long time. I think it would be great if I had known this earlier. I believe many people will be like me. It took me a long time to make up with myself.
What I want to say is that the past is also a part of your present, and your thoughts, personality and attitude are all caused by past experiences. Accept your past and forgive yourself.
46. Stand on the other side to defend him.
47. With regard to trust, once something is done, there is no turning back.
For example, after leaving the track, Beckham loves seaweed again, because after leaving the track, he can't let go of his heart, and being together is also torture each other. Once an impression is established, it is difficult to change it. Once trust collapses, it is difficult to restore it. He will think that you are pretending to be sick, constantly questioning and doubting, and finally ending.
48. Don't talk too much. Thanks to good food, leave some room and don't hit your face.
49. Give your boyfriend face outside.
50. I believe that the wind and water turn, everyone has peaks and valleys, and no one can be high-profile, humble or low-key.
5 1. A person will only agree with what he wants to hear, and his thoughts will change with time. Adults just need to be willing or unwilling.
52. Don't dress up. If someone says that looks are not important, they must be lying to you.
53. Learn to communicate and pay attention to the ways and means of doing things.
When you want to refuse, you should be tactful, showing that although you refuse, you are thinking of him everywhere. When you want to mention him, first affirm, then deny. In fact, it is the same in the workplace. Everyone knows this routine, but it sounds more comfortable.
Just listen to love stories, don't take them seriously, don't fall in love with your brain, and keep your analytical skills.
When encountering difficulties, ask your heart, don't ignore your real thoughts, and follow your feelings.
When I met the reality, I forgot to ask myself, if I go to the seaside, who do I want to go with most? Responsibility and responsibility are not only for boys, but also for girls. When faced with difficulties, don't run away, try to solve the problem.
56. A firm choice is not available from the beginning, but when you get along slowly, you feel that this person is very good and suitable. At some point, I want to be with you forever.
If a person comes up and says I want to marry you, I think you are, and I wonder if this person is casual or not.
57. Be an independent and beautiful person before you love others.
Brave, kind, humble, optimistic, indifferent and free and easy will not fascinate people.
58. You should have the consciousness of self-awakening and the ability of self-change, the way of thinking of adults and the stereotype of three views. Don't expect the other person to change. Only when the other person wants to change himself and become a better person will your hopes and suggestions be useful, otherwise it will be casting pearls before swine and affect feelings.
Choose to accept or choose the right person to grow up with.
59. Don't be too slow. I don't understand what others say, and I have to learn from my mistakes.
60. Don't overestimate each other's feelings for you, and don't overestimate your feelings for each other.
6 1. Feel your emotions and understand them. When the other person has the same emotion, you will understand him, understand what he wants at the moment, and have emotional ability. Just as a girl can only understand her mother deeply when she is a mother, sometimes why wait until she has experienced it?
If you stand in other people's shoes, the result will be different.
62. Send him a message when you miss him. Don't bear it. If you want to see him, go and see him. Until you find that all the messages you send are sinking into the sea, meet him and be indifferent to you. You never want to find him again, and you never want to give him a chance to hurt you. Hit the south wall and you will know that you have turned back.
At the moment of breaking up, he really felt that he would be better off without you, even if he was single, regardless of gender. Everyone wants to pay less and get more. You too, please allow him, no matter what he pursues, to respect his choice.
Second, supplement
1, after being together, is often the first person to confess at the beginning of the relationship.
2. Whether a person really loves you really has nothing to do with being busy.
The person who really loves each other is the one who even takes a mobile phone in the shower, and the one who has sent a message for three or four hours without getting a reply. Don't wait any longer.
Don't blindly tolerate the bad habit that the other person can't stand in feelings, because it is like the gravel in your shoes. You will get hurt sooner or later if you keep holding it.
Remember, don't take love as the whole of life. When a person's energy is devoted to feelings, it will be a very suffocating thing, and people who indulge in love often can't get the blessing of life.
Even if you meet someone you like very much, you should love slowly, cultivate your hobbies and improve yourself. After all, the freshness of two people together is very unreliable. Only spiritual harmony can comfort each other and make progress together.
For those who don't accept or refuse, enough is enough, unless you want to be a spare tire all the time. I want to find a down-to-earth person to spend the rest of my life with.
6. Don't be unhappy because your confession is rejected. Not everyone understands your kindness. When you are rejected, hold your head high, turn around calmly, and let the other party know that losing you is their loss.
7. Don't take face value as the only criterion for mate selection. After all, most of the love that can persist depends on personality, character and talent.
Start with face value, be loyal to talent and be loyal to character.
8. The most important thing to get along with your girlfriend is that attitude is always more effective and useful than preaching a lot of truth.
Girls think it's okay for two people to quarrel in a relationship. After all, some people don't quarrel, but they can't yell at me. Yelling at me is a matter of attitude.
Besides, you are angry, you can't coax me, but you can't help it. I didn't call you because I thought you missed me and would contact me naturally. If you don't look for me, you don't want me or love me.
Even if I know I did something wrong, my silence means I know I did it wrong. If you do something wrong and don't talk, then she thinks you don't feel that you have done something wrong.
No matter who wants both love and bread, he must master a skill and at least have a basic guarantee of survival. It is suggested that you can learn to manage money. Don't be a moonlight clan. Good financial habits can make your material foundation more solid, which is even more icing on the cake than feelings.
10, I often see that I have talked about marriage and finally broke up. In fact, in feelings, the parties pay more attention to personality, character and three views, while parents are different. They are more concerned about family background, occupation and income. Young people are more concerned about the emotional foundation, while parents are concerned about the survival foundation. In fact, if you want to have a long-term relationship, both are very important and indispensable.
1 1. Everyone wants to be the one who is firmly chosen, but only if you are worthy.
12, if being with someone requires you to fight the whole world at the top of your lungs, forget it.
Good love goes both ways, and the resistance between two people with similar views is not so great.
Love is the spice of life. Don't lower your mate selection standards because of the outside world.