herta mueller said, "Silence is as important as speaking. Silence may lead to misunderstanding, so I need to speak; Speaking has pushed me astray, and I must be silent. "
speaking is an art. Right, it can warm people's hearts; Wrong, it will hurt people deeply.
A good word warms three winters, and a bad word hurts people in June.
A wise man knows how to keep silent when he shouldn't say much.
After all, when the word comes out, it's water under the bridge.
There are three words, even if you have any skill, don't say it.
1
Jokes that hurt people's self-esteem
Su Dongpo, a literary giant of the first generation, has a quirk, that is, he likes to make jokes.
Many people were teased by him, even the prime minister of the dynasty, Lv Weizhong, could not escape the fate of being teased by Su Dongpo.
One day at noon, Su Dongpo visited Lu Fu, and it happened that Lord Lu was resting. Su Dongpo waited for a long time, and Lu Da-ren got up lazily to welcome guests.
In order to vent his long-awaited dissatisfaction, Su Dongpo made an excuse to say that the green turtle in Lujia fish tank was too common, and the rare species was the six-eyed turtle. This suddenly aroused Lu Weizhong's curiosity and asked, "Where can I get this magical six-eyed turtle?"
Su Dongpo quietly replied, "In those days, Tang Zhuangzong received a six-eyed turtle as a tribute from the vassal state, and it took more time to sleep than others."
Generally speaking, it is inappropriate to compare a person with a tortoise, what's more, the other person is the prime minister in power.
Even so, the Prime Minister, as a colleague of Su Dongpo, is often teased by Su Wenhao. Among them, there is Liu Gongfu, a Chinese book-keeper.
In his later years, Liu Gong's father was troubled by strange diseases, with all his hair stored and his nose collapsed.
At a colleague's dinner party, Su Dongpo rewrote Liu Bang's great wind song: "When the wind rises, the eyebrows fly, and the brave man guards the nose."
These two poems say that when the wind blows, Liu Gongfu's eyebrows fly away with the wind. As for his collapsed nose, I don't know how to keep it.
Su Dongpo used this to tease Liu Gongfu. The people present burst into laughter, and only Liu Gongfu was "bitterly disappointed".
Su Dongpo is quick-witted, and it is understandable that he relies on jokes to adjust his life. However, inappropriate jokes not only hurt people, but also cause unnecessary contradictions.
In his later years, Su Dongpo was impeached by students in Cheng Yi because of his joke with Cheng Yi, so he was demoted again and again and suffered a lot.
Emerson said, "You must master proper limit when joking with others. Proper humor and banter, like the seasoning in the meal, can make our life more relaxed and enjoyable. However, excessive or inappropriate seasoning will spoil a good meal. "
Humor is not self-satisfaction, but to make each other smile after listening.
Losing proper limit's banter is like a sword drawn out of its sheath, which cuts the other person's self-esteem and his own accomplishment.
Words are like knives. No matter how close the relationship is, don't make too many jokes.
2
Gossip about people's right and wrong
As the ancients said, "Sit still and think about yourself, and gossip is not about people's right and wrong."
However, there are always people in life who enjoy listening to gossip and spreading it for fun.
Lao Yao, the delivery driver of the aquatic product shop downstairs in my house, is such a person.
Lao Yao has a shortcoming, that is, he always likes to gossip behind people's backs. "A young guy in the same dormitory found a second-married girlfriend in his early twenties; It is said that after work, the aunt who cooks has to pick up rags and sell money, while the old man at home is lazy. " ......
Because of this nagging problem, colleagues in the store don't like him very much.
I don't know who is blowing in the boss's ear, saying that Lao Yao often drinks at night recently. It happened that one day, when Lao Yao delivered the goods by car, he sent the wrong address and delayed the customer's business. In a rage, the boss fired Lao Yao.
Talking about the length of people not only made Lao Yao lose popularity, but even lost his job in the end.
In "Five Lights Meeting Yuan", it is said: "Those who say right and wrong are right and wrong."
People who talk about right and wrong, since they talk about the disadvantages of others in front of you, will naturally talk about your disadvantages in front of others. And people who love to talk about right and wrong must be easy to cause trouble.
Han Han once said, "If you don't understand, shut up, because you never know what others have experienced."
judging things that are unclear will not only embarrass the other party, but also label yourself as "unreliable".
The whole picture is unknown, so it will not be evaluated. Words speak louder than words, but work more than enough. This is the foundation of doing things and the wisdom of being a man.
A wise man knows that Zheng Mo is long and short before others, and right and wrong should not be discussed after others.
3
Complaining
In life, nine times out of ten people are unhappy. A wise man knows how to live a life full of flavor, and never complains about others. This is the case in Cai Lan.
Cai Lan has a collection of essays "Old Friends in Jianghu". In the preface, Mr. Jin Yong commented on this old friend:
"Cai Lan is a real natural and unrestrained person. I am sincere and chic, and I can treat life with a relaxed and lively attitude, especially when I am calm about the loss or unpleasant experience in my life. As if nothing has happened, I will not only look like this, but also really laugh it off. "
Cai Lan never complains that the food is not delicious or that the car is too bumpy.
But Cai Lan is not without troubles. Many years ago, he told the media that when he was filming in Thailand with director Li Hanxiang in his early years, everything went wrong and he complained. When he came across a small stone Buddha statue on the roadside, he suddenly had an epiphany:
"I realized that I can (make trouble) be like a stone statue, leave it alone, and the problem can't be solved anyway. Why bother it?"
People live a life that is more bitter than happy. However, how to turn bitterness into sweetness depends on the mentality.
Someone asked, "Life is so bitter, why should people live and suffer?"
Cai Lan replied, "Wait for the sugar."
Instead of complaining that life is hard, think about the sweetness after suffering.
Cai Lan not only lived happily with a philosophical mind, but also cured all beings with positive thoughts.
Takehisa Yumeji wrote in Sailing: "The life that you always talk about is your life. People are always easily hypnotized by what you say. I am afraid that many complaints that you always talk about will become your whole life."
Your mouth is your feng shui. Don't talk about your complaints.
Upset is the background color of life. Some people turn their lives into black and white by complaining, while others live as if nothing has happened, which makes their lives colorful.
Live to your heart's content, and don't waste time complaining.
4
It takes two years to learn to speak, but it takes a lifetime to learn to shut up.
Hemingway once said in For whom the bell tolls.
Too many jokes hurt people's self-esteem, casual gossip provokes trouble, and complaints load life.
Speaking is instinct, and silence is skill.
Before speaking, a truly capable person will distinguish between the occasion and the object, so that he has a clear mind and always controls the scale of his speech.
Don't do what you want, and don't say what you want.
Only by keeping your heart and mouth can life be smooth.