Someone on the Internet asked: What should a good family look like?
The best answer is: first of all, it is not easy to blame what happened.
The happiness of a family lies not in luxury, but in not arguing right and wrong.
The happiness of a family lies not in being rich, but in not easily blaming.
A couple will be more loving if they don't blame easily.
If you tell your partner before going out, "be sure to hide a bottle of medicine to prevent your child from taking it by mistake."
The partner patted his chest confidently and said no problem.
As a result, I quickly received a phone call from my partner: "The child took the medicine by mistake and has been sent to the hospital."
So you immediately rushed to the hospital, and when you met your partner for the first time, what would be your first sentence?
Many people's first reaction is:
"Didn't you put the medicine away earlier? I can't even do this little thing well. I really don't know how to be a mother/father. What can I say about you? The child is weak, and now ... "
A series of accusations swept over the opposite person who was already in a state of turmoil.
In the face of blame, the other party felt depressed and wronged, so angry words were forced out at this time:
"Do you think it's easy to take care of children? After that, you can put it ... "
A war of words began and even intensified.
It turns out that the husband in the story did this: when he saw his regretful wife, he went over and patted her on the shoulder and said, "It's okay, I'm here."
Seeing this husband's practice, I thought of a passage by Yang Lan: "In the most helpless and weak time, in the most depressed and down-and-out time, she (he) holds your chin up, straightens your back, and orders you to be strong, accompany you around, and share the fate."
At that time, apart from love, there were also sincere loyalty, tacit understanding and unforgettable kindness between you. "
The best relationship between husband and wife is that it is not easy to understand each other.
When the other person makes a mistake, he doesn't just care about abuse and blame, but takes care of the other person's feelings, and then stands with him/her to face the problem together.
When the words of blame are spoken, there is a distinction between right and wrong. When two people are instantly pulled to the opposite side, the feeling of love will disappear.
Blaming blindly can't solve the problem, but it is easier to intensify contradictions.
Psychological works "it's not my fault" said:
"The vast majority of couples divorce is caused by long-term accumulation. Such couples blame each other and snowball to defend themselves.
Husband and wife always stare at each other's mistakes and defend their strengths, attitudes and behaviors.
Doing so will only lead the other party to stick to their own opinions and even give in. "
Most couples don't have to go through any big storms, but more just make small noises.
Some couples become tit-for-tat in mutual accusations, and some couples become soft in mutual tolerance.
This is why some people quarrel and break up, while others quarrel and have deeper feelings.
No marriage can be without problems, so the most important thing in marriage is how many unhappy hours two people can turn into happiness.
If you always think about right and wrong, and then blame, the winner wins the result, but loses the feelings, and both sides are unhappy and worthless.
I especially agree with Wang Han's understanding of gender relations: "Be kind to yourself when you are alone; Two people should be kind to each other when they are together. "
Balzac, a famous French writer, also pointed out the secret of long-term marriage: "To get a happy marriage, it is enough to have a friendship that forgives human shortcomings."
It is not easy to be accused, and the family is closer.
When it comes to parents who don't easily blame their children, Zeng Linshu, Zeng Guofan's father, comes to mind first.
After a failure, Zeng Guofan borrowed one hundred and twenty pieces of silver from his father's friend and went to buy books with great interest.
This is a huge sum, equivalent to his family's income for several years.
Zeng Guofan returned home with the feeling that "he was scolded for being a dog's blood, but he was served by his family."
My father, who has always been strict, said calmly, "Buying books is a good thing. You don't have to worry about money. We have to pay them back slowly, but since you bought this book, you must read it. "
These words shocked Zeng Guofan, who vowed not to study every day.
Imagine what it would be like if Zeng Linshu just accused and blamed.
There is a proper term in psychology called "alienated communication mode", which refers to the communication mode of not solving problems seriously and only blaming each other.
Zhou, a psychological counselor in Taiwan Province, mentioned such a common phenomenon in his book Emotional Blackmail:
A couple of parents haven't seen their daughter for a long time. They received a phone call from their daughter saying that they had finally had a holiday, but her plan was to travel abroad with friends.
Father follow one's inclinationsly said angrily:
"Have you ever heard of' parents are here, don't travel'? I want to go out to play during the holiday, without considering my parents' feelings at all. How can I raise an unfilial daughter like you? "
So next, my daughter went home for a few days, and my father thought, "You won't come back until I talk about it."
The situation suddenly fell into a state of "lose-lose".
If at first my father had a sense of not easily blaming, but said:
"I'm glad to hear that you are going to have a holiday. Mom and dad haven't seen you for a long time. Would you like to arrange to come back to see us in a day or two? "
The result is very different.
Parents should not blame things easily when they happen, and so should their children.
Because of the different growing years, it is easy for children to have a generation gap with their parents.
Seeing some "old-fashioned" practices of our parents, we can't help but vomit and blame, which will not only make our parents feel disrespectful, but also make them begin to doubt their own value and separate from each other.
In fact, there are many small things that may be inappropriate and disgraceful in the eyes of children, but for parents, they are always happy.
Don't blame anything, be more tolerant and understanding, don't care, don't care about right and wrong, you can make things simple.
In the Book of Rites, it is said that "raising a dutiful son" is the first thing, that is, "happiness", and making them feel happy is the greatest filial piety.
Not blaming easily can create a loving family atmosphere.
This is the mutual support and understanding between family members and the source of family warmth.
Be reasonable and forgive others, be reasonable and make peace.
Laozi said, "Don't blame others for the trip to the Avenue".
Laozi emphasized that it is kindness that goes deep into the bones not to blame others when at a disadvantage, not to blame easily when at an advantage, and not to be aggressive.
Treat outsiders with such tolerance, let alone close family members?
Just as "Letters from Fu Lei" teaches future generations: Don't be arrogant when you are right, and forgive others when you are right.
Sometimes right or wrong is not the most important thing. What matters when you get along with your family is kindness, and what matters is the fetters and feelings between you.
When communicating with friends, it is important to meet by chance and appreciate each other's friendship;
In dealing with people, it is important to promote work and grow together.
"The cruelest thing in the world is to seize each other's shortcomings and criticize them without giving others tolerance and opportunities."
Don't blame something easily, in order to maintain the tolerance rate of every relationship, but also to allow others to make mistakes, not to blame and not to be harsh. After all, who can be blameless?
There is a proverb in Europe: "Cry often and you can't see the stars."
If you often blame others, your eyes will be full of other people's shortcomings and mistakes, and you can't see each other's bright spots. Slowly, your own size and pattern will also shrink.
It is love, tolerance, dedication and respect that you don't blame easily.
If there are people around you who don't blame you easily even if they make mistakes, you should cherish it and stop.
Because no matter what the relationship is, no matter how close it is, it is impossible for one party to give in indefinitely. Feelings are two people's business.
As that sentence says:
"The so-called good relationship comes from the tolerance and accommodation of one person and the moderation of another."
Because you are very important, I don't blame you easily.
Similarly, because you are very important, I cherish this tolerance of "not easily blaming". Please forward and share, and promote the traditional culture of China!