2. Elder Yue, would you please stop guiding me with inferior red lines? It broke down two days ago, depressed.
3. Who says you have no perseverance? Have you been single for decades?
4. I suddenly remembered my weight 160 kg when I just ordered takeout. I suddenly slapped myself in the face. How can you be distracted by ordering takeout!
Interviewer: "Your resume says that you are quick in mental arithmetic, so let me ask you, 13 times 19?" I blurted out, "45!" Interviewer: "This is far from it." Me: "Just say it quickly!"
6. I dreamed that my object died yesterday and cried miserably. I woke up today and found that there was no object at all, and I cried even more.
7. My wife stole money from my wallet during my nap, so I asked her, "I only have this pocket money every month. You still take mine, have you considered my feelings? " Wife: "Yes, so I will be very careful when I take money from you, for fear of waking you up." I was a little touched at that time.
Do you know why only penguins have white bellies? God replied: because my hands are short, I can only wash my stomach when I take a shower.
9. Learning Taekwondo is really useful. The last time I fought with someone, I jumped up and kicked my leg 360 degrees. As a result, he missed the ball, twisted his waist and wronged him by 38 thousand.
1 Slag students share their experiences with me as soon as they meet at school. They said: not doing holiday homework is just being beaten, but they are very happy throughout the holiday and it is worth it!
XI。 A buddy likes chatting online. Once he went to see a female netizen, and I asked him what was going on. He said: I passed the written test and failed the interview.
12. People who have always been dissatisfied with their hair style and figure have one thing in common: refusing to admit it is a matter of face.
13. I bought an imported kitchen knife. It broke down after a day of use. The customer service explained: "How can foreigners think of someone patting cucumbers with a kitchen knife!"
14. I want to travel to Europe recently. Do you have any friends who have been there? I want you to tell me where all the money for going to Europe comes from.
15. I passed a shoe repair stall today and saw a little boy. The little boy said, how much did the shoes repair? Master: 5 yuan. Boy: Isn't it usually 3 yuan? Master received: Your shoes are too pungent. Add 2 mental damage compensation.
Sixteen years old. The so-called female man is only ugly, but any beautiful girl with manly temperament is called the queen.
Seventeen. When a man tells you that he just wants to make money. It is almost certain that he has not earned money and love now.
18. I don't have much time. Actually, I'm not like you. Your staple food depends on rice, and I can only live on the pearl essence in the sea, so who can bring me a cup of bubble tea?
19. Beijing is seriously polluted, and primary and secondary schools are on holiday, but adults have to go to work normally. This tells us: cherish your school days, because once you grow up, you can't be regarded as an individual.
20. I just graduated in my twenties, and the salary gap is a little small. Calm down and get used to it when the wage gap in your thirties is getting bigger and bigger.
Twenty one. Have a cup of milk tea after a tiring day. Don't worry, as long as no one sees it, you should consider it zero calorie.
Twenty-two One day, some friends were discussing about receiving love letters. One sister said, "I have received many love letters since I worked." Everyone sighed: "Sister, you are still attractive." Sister added: "I confiscated it as a teacher."
23. Sometimes punctuation is really important. A girl just sent a selfie, and I thought it was good. Then I wanted to follow an exclamation point, and then I accidentally clicked a question mark and sent it out. Now I have been blacked out by her and dragged into more than a dozen discussion groups.
24. Is money really that important to you? Do you only see money? I've been talking for over two hours. A penny is not cheap!