? Hug the hedgehog? Three golden rules.
? In fact, this book compares teenagers to hedgehogs. You can't see him, you can't hide from him, you have to get along with him. But how to hold a hedgehog? This is really an interesting and vivid metaphor.
? How to Embrace a Hedgehog is a book from life experience. It is very specific, and there are many golden rules in it. We should avoid the minefield through this behavior, embrace the hedgehog that protects itself with thorns, and help the hedgehog put away its thorns to make it feel comfortable and safe. It's not that rebellious children can't communicate, but that you should tune your frequency to the same channel as him. You should be his growth partner, don't push him away, and try to learn to talk to him instead of blaming or blaming yourself. This book tells us three principles of hugging hedgehogs.
? The first rule is not to wear gloves, let it smell you.
? When we get along with adolescent children, we must first improve communication and exchange. Have you ever seen this situation, that is, your children are no longer attached to you as before, but deliberately avoid you, which is silence and avoidance. The first reaction of adults is to be angry. They always feel that their hot faces are close to their cold asses, and then they fly into a rage. This vicious circle is getting more and more tense. Have you ever wondered why we are angry? Mostly because of my own separation, why is this child not what I expected? This idea comes about because we put ourselves at the forefront, not our children at the forefront. To give children a sense of security and distance themselves, when you carefully observe, you may find that adolescent children may have some behaviors that you can't understand, even if you look extreme, such as skipping classes and wearing strange clothes. If we can understand children, we must know what is the real reason behind these signals. Please look at me, I want to get your attention, I want to have a sense of existence. What we have to do is not to hold on to what they have done wrong, but to see the real feelings and needs of children behind these so-called mistakes. In order to understand children's psychology and why they do all kinds of things, it is very important for parents to be curious and interested in new things. Never show your contempt in front of children, and don't sneer at what they are interested in, saying it is childish. Only by maintaining equal communication can we build trust and you can tear down the invisible wall between you and your children.
? The second rule, don't worry, take your time, let it relax its vigilance first.
? Everyone's growth will not be smooth. Adolescent children need to face many physical changes and external shocks. At this time, the challenge they accept is very strong, so the typical feature of adolescent children is lack of security. He is full of vigilance against the outside world, that is, the hedgehog is standing up all over, and he is ready to defend himself. Then this gesture will definitely make people close to him very uncomfortable and even sad. There are four points that need our special attention at this time.
? First, try to talk about growth and sex with children. In this book, the author says that school education, friends, teachers or other people you know can never replace parents in sex and maturity. Children who have talked openly with their parents about sex are more likely to experience things that adults should do when they are relatively mature. But at the same time, it is worth noting that you can't input too much, that is, it is clear that he is still in adolescence, and instilling too much information at once will also increase their burden and make him not know what to do. This level of mastery will be very challenging for parents. Different families and children with different personalities need to be treated differently. There is never a standard answer that can be used against everyone, but there is a premise that is the same, that is, when you encounter some thorny or troublesome problems, you can't escape from the beginning.
? The second point is to be honest. If you are sincerely willing to communicate with your child, then he will trust you from the heart. Even if the answers to some questions are not clear, this feeling of communication can form a virtuous circle. So in my opinion, facing problems openly is a compulsory course for every parent.
? The third point is to help adolescent children face their fears. What do teenagers fear most? One is having no friends, the other is being teased or bullied, and the third is making a fool of yourself in front of peers. It turns out that many parents don't understand adolescent children at all, that is, after we become parents, we forget that we have passed adolescence. Faced with fear and uncertainty, what adolescent children need most is the support and affirmation of their parents and powerful people. Therefore, even if children rarely communicate with adults, when they are willing to talk, they must listen carefully, listen to what he says, and listen to the hidden information in his words to judge what happened. Only when you understand him patiently and bit by bit can you really help children. When communicating with adolescent children, you can't just read warning signs and labels. No child likes to just hear orders and not know why not. Therefore, parents often make a mistake, that is, for your own good, hold up the banner and then give orders to the children, so that the children will stay away from you. When children get the support, understanding and positive encouragement from their parents, they will have the confidence to readjust their goals and continue to grow.
? The third rule is to gently hold up the soft abdomen of the hedgehog with both hands to make it feel comfortable and safe.
? In the process of getting along with a hedgehog with thorns, let it feel that you have enough patience with it and respect its nature, and it will gradually trust you and accept you. This is how parents get along with their children. Teenagers also need to be respected and trusted. This feeling of being respected and trusted cannot always be begged by others, but more importantly, it comes from their own hearts. If every child has confidence in himself, he will become cheerful, willing to get along with others and appear relaxed.
? First, realize the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence. These two words are different. Second, cultivate good habits to make children have more confidence in themselves. Third, let them actively face others and the environment, instead of always passively accepting it. Fourthly, by establishing and maintaining friendship, we can gain social acceptance and recognition.
? The author also said that we are not suggesting that parents do everything possible to help their children satisfy and like everyone. On the contrary, as parents, they should help teenagers realize that only those who really care about and value themselves will have valuable opinions. In other words, we should sincerely make some good friends that we can talk to and agree with from the heart. This positive acceptance and recognition will make a person more compassionate, considerate and willing to accept other people's opinions. Such a soft and elastic mind will hardly grow spikes that make people stay away from it.
? On the surface, teenagers are like hedgehogs. Sometimes when they stand up with thorns, people are afraid to approach and touch them. But under their seemingly hard defense, it is actually full of children of this age's deep desire to be accepted, needed and loved. I hope every parent can understand this, and I hope every hedgehog with spikes can relax and enjoy your life to the fullest.
? Come on! Students!