One pot can't be stewed.
Turn it into a bird, called Pumbaa-sized bird.
We need two barbecue grills.
A polysaccharide and a slightly spicy.
Have a bottle of snowflakes.
Let's face the world bravely.
2. An official sitting in court occasionally farts and says "refreshing". Officials don't know, and they mistakenly think that they are rewarding officials, hoping to win their favor. They knelt down and said, thank you for your reward!
3: The monkey died, saw Hades and asked for a replacement. Wang said, "If you want to be a man, you must pull out all your hair." He's the one who told the hag to do it and pulled out one. The monkey is in great pain. Wang smiled and said, "Bastard, how can you be a man without money?"
4. Isn't it a pleasure to have friends come from afar and whip them dozens of times to drive them away from the hospital?
5. Confucius said: It's not appropriate to hit with bricks. It depends on your face. You can't shout any more. Your right hand is almost finished with your left hand, and the brick is almost broken with your shoes. You are dying, but you are not dead. How can you be alone with your friends? It's an honor.
Classical Chinese is a processed written language based on ancient Chinese. The earliest written language based on spoken language may have been processed. Classical Chinese is an article composed of written language in ancient China, mainly including written language based on spoken language in pre-Qin period. During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, no articles were invented to record characters, but bamboo slips, silks and other things were used to record characters, and silks were expensive, bamboo slips were huge and the number of words recorded was limited. In order to record more things on a roll of bamboo slips, unimportant words were deleted. Later, when "paper" was used on a large scale, the habit of using "official documents" among the ruling classes had been finalized, and the ability to use "classical Chinese" had evolved into a symbol of reading and literacy. Classical Chinese comes from vernacular Chinese, characterized by writing based on words, paying attention to the use of allusions, parallel prose, and neat melody, including strategies, poems, words, songs, stereotyped writing, parallel prose and other styles. The classical Chinese in modern books are generally marked with punctuation marks in order to facilitate reading and understanding.
2. Ancient humorous jokes (in vernacular Chinese) 1. In ancient times, a monk was seriously ill. He was rescued and put in a young lady's bed.
The master invited a doctor to see the monk. Because the monk can't see the wind, the doctor should give a thick pulse through the quilt.
The doctor touched the monk's tender hand and thought it was the daughter-in-law of the host family. Said: "It's irregular menstruation, probably pregnant."
A rich man said to his servant, "When you go out with me, you should boast about my family and perform for me." The servant nodded his head.
On this day, the servant went out with the rich man. Someone on the road said, "The biggest house is Sanqing Hall." The servant quickly said to others, "My master's house is as big as Sanqing Hall."
After a while, someone said, "The biggest boat is the dragon boat." The servant quickly said, "My master's collection boat is as big as a dragon boat."
On the way home, I heard someone say, "The biggest belly is the belly of a cow." The servant quickly said to others, "My master's belly is as big as an ox."
Hearing this, the rich man's beard bristled with anger. 3. Once upon a time, there was a master Jinshi who was overbearing and arrogant.
One spring festival, in order to show off, he posted such a couplet on the door: father Jinshi, son Jinshi, father and son Jinshi; Mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, mother-in-law It happened that a poor scholar in the town passed by the door of Jinshi's house and saw this couplet.
First he showed contempt, and then he gave me a smug smile. In the evening, when he saw no one around, he quietly added a few strokes to the couplet.
Early the next morning, there were a lot of spectators in front of Jinshi's door. They talked and laughed, and everyone praised them: "What a change! Well changed! " The noise outside the door alarmed the master Jinshi, who quickly opened the door and immediately fainted on the steps in front of the door. It turns out that the couplet in front of the Jinshi gate has been changed by the scholar to this: the father is buried, the son is buried, and both father and son are buried; Mother-in-law loses her husband, daughter-in-law loses her husband, and both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law lose their husbands.
4. Once upon a time, a carpenter and a teacher lived together. Carpenters look down on Mr. Wang and often find some difficult words from ancient monuments to tease Mr. Wang.
One day, he found that the word "tea" was more than the word "tea", so he wrote a "teapot" and asked Mr. Wang if he didn't know it was a trick, so he casually pronounced it "teapot". The carpenter smiled and said, "You don't even know the word' tea' to teach!" A few days later, Mr. Wang found a broken broom in the yard. He sawed it off and carved it into a furry little monkey. He asked the carpenter what wood the hairy monkey was carved from. The carpenter looked at it for a long time but couldn't answer. Mr. Wang smiled and said, "So you've been a carpenter all your life, and you have wood you don't know!" " 5。
A tout who claims to be a bastard has no idea of promoting to a higher position and making a fortune at all. In order to please his boss, he specially arranged a sumptuous banquet for the county magistrate. When drinking, he asked, "How many sons does grandpa have?" Without thinking, the county magistrate said, "I have two sons and daughters. What about you?" The magistrate asked, but the touts were stumped.
He thought to himself, "the county grandfather also modestly called his son' dog'. What should I call his children? " After thinking for a while, I had to answer, "I only have a five-year-old turtle." 6。
There is a scholar who is going to take the exam. He worried day and night, and his strange appearance puzzled his wife. She said, "Look at your cowardice. Is it more difficult for men to write articles than for women to have children? " The scholar sighed, "It is always easier for a woman to have a baby than to write an article!" The woman asked again, "Why?" The reader replied, "a woman can have a baby at any time, but my stomach is empty." How can I write an article? " 7。
There is an old scholar in front of the old scholar who climbs the ashes. He is pretentious and often says that he knows heaven and earth and ghosts and gods. Who is ill, just write an article to accommodate ghosts and gods. His son is a freight forwarder, and he is away all the year round. The old man climbs the ashes at home.
One day, his daughter-in-law, Ma Mi, hit her awkward place too hard, and suddenly she became red and swollen, and the pain was unbearable. She asked the old scholar to write an article to bend the rules, and the old scholar A readily accepted her life. But how to write it? It's disrespectful to write it directly. He asked himself how many roots and whiskers he had broken. When he was in a dilemma, he heard someone talking next door. He had a brainwave and wrote a wonderful article with a wave of his hand: the daughter-in-law smashed rice and smashed next door.
Please bless the Bodhisattva, and everyone will benefit! 8. Once upon a time, a host entertained guests with lotus roots. He cut off the tip of the lotus root and took it out for the guests to eat, but left the good lotus root in the kitchen. When the guest learned of this, he deliberately said to his host, "I often read poems. I once read such a poem:' Yu Lian, the peak of Taihua, spends ten feet like a boat.
I always suspected that this poem was not true before. Why is the lotus root as long as a boat? Today, I believe this poem is really written. "The master asked him," why? The guest said, "Look at this lotus root." The tip of lotus root is here, but isn't lotus root still in the kitchen? "9. A scholar met a monk. Thinking of the monk's ugliness, the scholar asked the monk, "Master, how do you write the bald words of a bald donkey?" The monk said, "this is just a scholar's beautiful words." * * * just slightly bent. "
10, there was a son who was ignorant, but liked to show off his gentleness. He never leaves his mouth when he doesn't care, which makes his father-in-law very light. One day, my father-in-law was bedridden because of illness, and the child went to see him.
When I arrived at his home, I saw him lying on the bed in my father-in-law's room and shook his head: "Why is my father-in-law sick?" My father-in-law saw his sour face and didn't answer. When the children saw that they didn't answer, they said, "Why don't you invite a gentleman?" ? Father-in-law Ning Ran closed his eyes.
The child was at a loss: "Could it be-the dead?" When' tis once spoken, my father-in-law immediately jumped out of bed and threw a porcelain pillow at him. The children shook their heads and exclaimed, "What a big risk!" ! ".1 1. Legend has it that there was a scholar in the Southern Liang Dynasty who was stupid but eloquent.
He has never seen a sheep. Once, someone gave him a beautiful antelope. He thought it was an ordinary sheep, so he tied the antelope's neck with a rope and sold it in the market.
He didn't ask much, but he sold it many times without selling it. Later, people in the market knew that the scholar selling sheep was stupid and foolish, so they secretly brought a macaque to steal the antelope.
When the scholar saw the macaque, he thought it was his antelope, but he wondered why it had lost its horn and changed its appearance. I saw the macaque jumping about again.
3. What humorous jokes are there in classical Chinese? 1. "Praise money" 1. A man got lost, met a mute and didn't answer his question. Only by making money with his hands to show his money, will he be willing to guide him. This man's metaphor means counting money with him. The mute pointed the way, and the man asked, "Why don't you have the money to pretend to be dumb?" Dumb: "In today's world, talk if you have money!" " A lost man met a "mute" who didn't answer. "Dumb" will only give money by hand and show the way. The lost man understood the meaning and immediately took out some money to the "dumb". "Dumb" opened his mouth and pointed to the road. The lost man asked, "Why do you pretend to be deaf?" "Dumb" said: "In today's world, you can talk if you have money."
3. Excerpted from Laughter in the Woods, a collection of signature games in the Qing Dynasty, mostly jokes in the Ming and Qing Dynasties. Second, "righteousness" 1, the original text: the most greedy official.
One day, two people were arrested (tried) for dysprosium, and the plaintiff gave fifty gold. When the defendant heard about it, he paid double the bribe. The trial, regardless of the reason, draws lots to beat the plaintiff.
The plaintiff will make a gesture of counting to five and say, "Small is reasonable." The official also replied with his hand: "Slave, you are right."
He shook his hand and said, "He is more reasonable than you." 2. An official is very greedy. One day, he arrested the plaintiff and defendant for trial. The plaintiff gave the official 520 gold, and the defendant doubled the bribe as soon as he heard it.
When the court opened, officials drew lots indiscriminately and beat the plaintiff. The plaintiff pointed his finger and said, "I'm right."
The official also held out five fingers and said, "Slave, although you are right", and then turned his hand and said, "He is more right than you!" 3, source: rational, pinyin yǒu lǐ, from A Dream of Red Mansions. 3. "Confusion" 1, the original text: A young blind man was involved in the lawsuit and complained of blindness.
The official said, "How can you cheat when you have a pair of white eyes?" Answer: "The master thinks that the villain is innocent, and the villain thinks that the master is confused." 2. A green-blind man was involved in a lawsuit. He argued that he was blind.
The official said, "Your eyes are blue and white. What are you pretending to be blind? " The man replied, "You look at me innocently, but I think you are confused!" " "3. Excerpted from Laughter in the Woods. Fourth, "Du Zi helps out" 1, the original text: A military attache goes out and loses.
Suddenly there is a magic weapon to help, and the victory is great. The military attache knocked on God's name, and God said, "I am the god of stacks."
The military attache asked, "What is the virtue of that young man, who dares to work hard to save the immortal?" God said, "I only feel that you have never hurt me with an arrow in the teaching field." 2. Once upon a time, a military commander went to war and was about to fail.
Suddenly, with the help of the magic warrior, defeat turned into victory. The military commander kowtowed and asked the name of God, and the immortal said, "I am a stack god."
The military commander said, "What kind of kindness and ability do I have to ask the stack god to save me?" The god replied, "I only thank you for never hurting me with an arrow when you practice archery on the school playground." 3. Source: Selected from Pu Songling's Strange Tales from a Lonely Studio in Qing Dynasty.
Five, "Tian Jian Swallow Chicken" 1, the original text: A rich man has more than one acre, and rents it to Zhang San, and each acre gets a chicken. Zhang San hid the chicken behind his back, and the owner of the field chanted, "This field is different from Zhang San." Zhang San quickly offered the chicken, and the owner shouted, "Who would Zhang San be without it?" Zhang San said, "I didn't hear about it at first, but I heard about it later. Why? " Master Tian said: "At first, the chicken didn't say anything. Later, I did it when I saw it."
2. A rich man, who has extra fields at home, wants to rent three kinds of land to Zhang, (on condition) giving a chicken per acre. Zhang San put the chicken behind his back, and the farmer (the rich man) sang, "This field will not be cultivated by Zhang San." Zhang San quickly took out the chicken for him. Master Tian sang "Who won't give it back to Zhang San?" Zhang San said: "I just heard you say that you didn't give me (seeds), and then you gave me seeds." Why? " The owner said: "I didn't talk about chicken (recording) at first, but I did it as soon as I saw the chicken (machine)." 3. Excerpted from Laughter in the Woods.
4. Classical Chinese funny sentences 1. Haha, Mulan flies a plane. What plane does she fly? Boeing 747.
I resigned from Beijing last year and lived in Tokyo, where I was ill. There was no music in Tokyo, and Sima Guang was not heard at the end of the year.
3. Money is what I want; Beauty is what I want. You can't have your cake and eat it, and those who give up money for beauty are also.
I don't leave my grandfather here, I have my own place to leave my grandfather, and I don't leave my grandfather anywhere. I will go to the railway.
I was sick when I was a child, not when I was nine. Alone, as for the establishment of a new China. There are no handsome guys, and finally there are beautiful women. The door is weak and thin, and there is a rest at night.
Liu Suying's illness is often in the sky. Chen Shi urine soup, never expired.
7. Be soft when you catch the sacred dynasty; Li Kui JY, the former satrap, loved Fang La more. From the Secretariat in Leslie Cheung, a courtier and a slave.
8. The imperial edict is strict, and I am in charge of Altman. The whole universe forced me to hang myself. I must obey.
9. I can live for a hundred years without my grandmother; Grandma can live for a thousand years without a minister. Mother and son can't compare with turtles.
10. Chen Mi has two out of twenty this year, and Grandma has nine out of ninety this year. Please forgive my affair.
5. Explain the view that classical Chinese is laughed at by vernacular Chinese, and write a composition to make a great achievement.
Classical Chinese is a traditional written language form in China, which has undertaken the task of cultural recording and inheritance for thousands of years. The decline of the status of classical Chinese began with the "Vernacular Movement" represented by Chen Duxiu in the 20th century. Classical Chinese became the victim of the decline of modern countries. There are many reasons for the rise and fall of many dynasties in ancient China. Some people "keenly" attribute it to "femme fatale", which is ridiculous enough, but no one has ever attributed it to language. Only modern scholars have a unique vision and have grasped this point. The so-called "open eyes to see the world" should be based on the premise of "learning from foreigners to control foreigners". The result of "I write my heart by hand" is that we write and speak the same, so "literature" should be changed to "linguistics"
Second, advantages and disadvantages
The advantage of vernacular Chinese is that as long as the educated public can understand the "article", the popularization and dissemination of knowledge are indispensable. Besides, I really can't find any great achievements.
The popularization of vernacular Chinese is progressive. However, what is it now after losing the traditional classical Chinese? Let's not say that we can't understand the vast amount of ancient documents. Look at the so-called "new poetry" now. Isn't it just a matter of knocking a few carriage returns? Without classical Chinese, we will lose our precious wealth as four ancient civilizations for thousands of years.
Third, the status quo.
Recently, there are essays about primary school students during the teaching of classical Chinese on the Internet, and the level is "high", which even most modern and contemporary college students can't reach. This alone is enough to explain the problem.
6. Funny translation of ancient Chinese short sentences. Zeng Zitao, a funny translator of ancient Chinese, said: Three rescues a day.
Ceng Zimo, the host, said: My body went to three provinces in one day. Confucius said: My parents are here, so I won't travel far.
You must travel well. Confucius said: I dare not swim too far when my parents are here.
You must have a steering wheel if you swim. Confucius said: It's rare to miss an appointment.
Confucius said: Losing one's virginity because of dating sounds very fresh. Confucius said: if virtue is not alone, there must be neighbors.
Confucius said: Germany after World War II was not isolated, and there must be neighboring countries. Confucius said: You can't carve rotten wood.
Confucius said: No matter how precious a sculpture is, it can't be placed on rotten wood. Confucius said: I have never seen a righteous man.
Confucius said: I have never seen anyone like Degang Guo. Confucius said: In a threesome, there must be a teacher.
Choose the good and follow it, change the bad. Confucius said: If we have a threesome, one of us will get wet. Choose someone who is good at threesomes and let her correct those who are not good at threesomes.
Confucius said: Prosperity lies in poetry, and propriety lies in propriety. Success is fun.
Confucius said: Happiness makes you wet. When you stand up, you look like a salute. When you finished, you were happy. Zi Gong said: Sri Lanka has beautiful jade.
Zi Gong said: Russia has a beautiful jade. Confucius said: I guard against Lu, and then I am happy.
Confucius said: I was rude when I was * * *, but I was happy afterwards. Confucius said, "The deceased is like a husband! Don't give up day and night
When Confucius went to Sichuan to eat hot pot, he said: Dead people like Stalin and Khrushchev, overnight. Confucius said: I have never seen goodness as a lecherous person.
Confucius said: I have never met anyone who likes Germany as much as Israel. Confucius said: The afterlife is awesome. How do you know that the new guy is not now? Forty or fifty people don't know anything, I'm not afraid.
Confucius said: People born after 1980s are terrible, but you can't say that they are not as terrible as people now. If they are in their forties and fifties, there seems to be nothing to be afraid of. Confucius said: when I was young, I was cold, and later I knew that pine and cypress were carved.
Confucius said: When winter comes, you will know where the mountain carvings are hidden in the snow forest. Confucius said: The near one says that the far one will come.
Confucius said: if you whisper to the people next to you, people far away will definitely come and listen. Confucius said: there are words in state affairs, words must be kept, and actions must be fruitful.
Confucius said: If there is a road on Nippon paint, it will be dangerous for you to talk or walk (probably a dangerous building). Ceng Zi said: A gentleman can't think about his position.
Ceng Zimo said: Good people always want to know why they don't do their best. Confucius said: Don't suffer from human ignorance, don't suffer from human ignorance.
Confucius said: A person who is not ill knows impotence only when he is ill. Confucius said: By! Those who know virtue are rare.
Confucius said: yo, you still know how to govern the country by virtue. Really new! Confucius said: If a worker wants to do a good job, he must sharpen his tools first. Confucius said: If you want to improve the quality of sexual intercourse, you must sharpen your penis first.
Confucius said: If a man has no long-term worries, he will have near worries. Confucius said: People who don't think about farsightedness worry about myopia.
Confucius said: Sex is similar, but learning is far away. Confucius said: * *' s posture is mostly similar, and * *' s habits are mostly far apart.
Confucius said: Only the superior knows, and the inferior is stupid. Confucius said: it has not changed since ancient times only by letting the people above know and letting the people below fall for it.
Confucius said: A gentleman is righteous. A gentleman is brave without righteousness, while a villain is brave without righteousness.
Confucius said: People take Marxism–Leninism as the guiding ideology. Good people who have courage but don't adhere to Marxism-Leninism will definitely like rebellion. If the bad guys have the courage and don't adhere to Marxism-Leninism, they will definitely be corrupt. If I hadn't stayed to work with you, I would have closed my eyes and taken a nap today, and it wouldn't be less than two or three sentences. Anger also, people who take a nap, not only me, but also the focus. What's more, I haven't lost my mind, and I am very wronged.
What can you do? If you really have the ability, why are more than half of the students lying on the chopping board? Six out of ten people hate you. Are you okay? Its number can be seen. Let bygones be bygones. Today's events are hateful, so don't get angry.
! Mom, if it weren't for my grades, I would have said at least two or three words to you when I dozed off in class today. I'm not the only one who dozes off. Why do you only miss me? Besides, I am not completely asleep. What a mistake! What gift do you have? If you are really capable, why are more than half of the students sleeping at their desks? Six out of ten students hate you. Do you teach well? Judging from the number of people sleeping, I know I won't care about what happened before, but today is really hateful and makes me really angry. Shit, it's fucking uncomfortable.