In these rules, there are two taboos: first, you can't steal from guests; Second, even if there is a superb makeup artist, you can't make up a living person, because the undertaker's makeup will kill people.
Only the next day, Li Shifu died in a car accident at work, and he became my first guest to leave with makeup on his own. This coincidence is really ironic.
The salary of the undertaker is not as high as the outside world thinks. Plus, I have a girlfriend in the past six months, and the expenses are even higher. So I also started a private job at the instigation of my best friend Zheng Zhilong, and my income increased a lot.
Tonight is another private work, but it is unusual.
This is a body that the warden accidentally found while repairing the ancestral grave. This is a young lady who died in childbirth during Guangxu period. Surprisingly, this found body 100 has not rotted for more than years, and it seems to be asleep.
It is said that this female corpse is extremely beautiful. Several workers at the scene had evil thoughts and wanted to do that nasty thing to the body. Fortunately, the host family arrived in time and didn't let them succeed. However, the female corpse is also dilapidated and unkempt. The warden's family can only find us, spend a lot of money to make up the female corpse, and ask us to keep it strictly confidential.
In order to make up for the found body, the warden's family also sent a set of high-end cosmetics, which I saw at the counter of the mall when my girlfriend and I were shopping. This set of cosmetics doesn't cost fifteen thousand dollars.
Zheng Zhilong suggested that I take this set of high-grade cosmetics back as a birthday present for my girlfriend Sasha in a few days.
"Will it be too unlucky? Didn't you say you couldn't take things from the dead? " I'm a little nervous.
"Unlucky, haven't unsealed. Besides, this body was 100 years ago, and the newly bought cosmetics have nothing to do with her. Don't worry. "
Zheng Zhilong is right, I'm tempted. Sasha's eyes are bigger than this set of cosmetics for a long time. If you give it back to her, she will be very happy, and maybe she can unlock two more beds.
After sharing the spoils, I should get to work. Zheng Zhilong, the lazy donkey, said he had a stomachache and went to the toilet. In desperation, I had to go it alone first.
When I opened the white cloth covering the woman's body, I couldn't open it at a glance. That female corpse is so beautiful, even more beautiful than the big star on TV.
She was dressed in the costume of A Qing dynasty, with long black hair hanging freely, eyes closed and a smile on her face. The clothes on her upper body were violently torn open, revealing a green Chinese-style chest covering embroidered with a strange red flower. The skin exposed outside the Chinese-style chest covering is like suet jade, which makes people want to touch it.
I'm a little thirsty and I can't turn back. I'm surprised. No wonder the workers at the scene couldn't help it. It's too tempting to plot against this female corpse.
I checked and found that the car body was not damaged at all, and the workload was not great. The only trouble is to arrange clothes and comb the hair of the female corpse.
I took a wet towel to wipe the body of the female corpse, but I had uncontrollable evil thoughts in my mind. The snow-white skin of the female corpse and the towering place under the Chinese-style chest covering began to become attractive.
I can't help reaching out to touch the towering place. My hands are soft and elastic, and a feeling of numbness goes straight to my heart along my arms, which makes my brain suddenly blank. In a trance, I seem to see a woman corpse smiling at me with a charming smile. Most of her soul has been hooked away, and the whole person's body has become light.
Just then, I don't know where there was a meow, and the sound was sharp and came to my ears. It's like an awl stuck in my brain, which is very painful. When I woke up, I realized that I had bent down and kissed the woman's lips, only a few centimeters away.
This female corpse is so strange!
As a undertaker, I have handled 800 female corpses, but there is no 1000, but I have never encountered such a situation-this is not a beautiful female corpse, but an intoxicating female corpse!
I turned and ran out, and ran into Zheng Zhilong coming back from the toilet at the door. I told him the situation, but he didn't care: "You've been holding it for too long. Go back and have sex with your Sasha a few times. You can't quit If we offend the warden, can we still have good fruit to eat? "
In desperation, I had to go back to the astringent room to continue to make up the female corpse. This time, nothing happened. I successfully repaired the female body and everything was done.
After putting on makeup, I suddenly thought of a question that made my hair stand on end: Where did the cat meow?
You know, one of the taboos of funeral homes is to keep cats and dogs away. The walls around the funeral home are equipped with anti-cat stings, and the gates are also driven by high-frequency ultrasound. Ordinary cats and dogs don't come near at all, so where did this meow come from?
After the work was finished, I took 10 thousand yuan in cash from home. I went home in a trance with that set of high-end cosmetics hidden in a black plastic bag.
When I got home, I put my things on the coffee table in the living room and went to take a shower-taking a shower after work is the rule of the funeral home.
Out of the shower, I saw Sasha sitting on the sofa in the living room, holding that set of high-end cosmetics, smiling from ear to ear.
"The big bad wolf, when did you secretly buy it? Say, what reward do you want tonight? " Sasha put down her cosmetic case, came over, put her arm around my neck and kissed her.
I was going to spray grapefruit water on that box of cosmetics to ward off evil spirits, but now my girlfriend has started to give welfare. How could I be stupid enough to spoil everyone's fun? "Then try the trick I saw on the computer last time."
Sasha gently pinched my waist and gave me a white look: "You are necrotic, okay, I promise you, but you have to be gentle, I am afraid of pain."
"I promise to be gentle."
Developing a new posture is very exciting. When having sex with Sasha, the female corpse will flash in my mind from time to time. Strangely, instead of being afraid, I felt more exciting, and Sasha's reaction was fierce.
After having sex, Sasha and I were tired and sleepy in bed. At this moment, Sasha suddenly said, "Ji Zang, I'm going back to my hometown tomorrow."
"What are you doing home?"
"That son of a bitch is getting married, and tomorrow I'm going to dress up and smash the venue." Sasha's words are full of hatred.
It suddenly dawned on me that Sasha was talking about her ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend. That guy is a love rat. When she was with her, she betrayed her best friend, and she broke up with the dog man and woman.
I can understand that Sasha was betrayed by the people closest to him. If she doesn't want revenge, she is a virgin bitch. I certainly support the smashing of the venue: "Why don't I go with you?"
"No, I know their parents. They dare not do anything to me. It's not good for me if you go. "
After a night without words, Sasha got up early the next morning and began to freshen up. In order to make the makeup effect better, she also took apart the box of high-end cosmetics and put it on her face.
Sasha is good-looking, and even more beautiful after makeup. The only problem is eyebrows. Her eyebrows are weak and she doesn't draw well enough by herself. She was dissatisfied with her paintings several times.
After repeated several times, she was a little anxious: "Ji Zang, come and help me draw my eyebrows."
"No, take your time." I still remember Li Shifu's taboos.
"You are not a makeup artist? Help me draw my eyebrows quickly. If I can't ruin my ex-boyfriend's game, I will turn you into an ex-boyfriend in the future. " Sasha is really angry. I'm afraid to tell Sasha that I'm an undertaker. I always told her that I was a makeup artist, and I made people's makeup in the studio.
In order not to turn myself into an ex-boyfriend, I had to take an eyebrow pencil and carefully draw Sasha's eyebrows.
Get dressed, and Sasha goes out by car to smash the venue. I was a little uneasy, so I went to the funeral home to work. Today, I am surprisingly idle and have no job. I was sitting in my office, brushing my cell phone and chatting with Sasha.
Sasha sent me two selfies after getting on the bus, indicating that everything was safe. She said she was a little sleepy, so she slept for a while first, and WeChat reported that she was safe.
It happened that the funeral home came to business again, so I put my mobile phone in my desk drawer and went to mend the body.
It was noon. At lunch, I took out my mobile phone to see if Sasha had sent a message, but the first thing I saw was a message from the local Weibo: a bus in our city spontaneously ignited on the expressway, and all the passengers on board were killed. The cause of the accident is still under investigation.
I glanced at the news and stood there. The license plate number of that car is exactly the same as that of the sofa.
I frantically dialed Sasha's cell phone, but it kept turning off.
When I put down my cell phone, my mind was in a mess. I can only think over and over what Li Shifu said at the beginning: Never put makeup on a living person. The makeup of the funeral industry is to send people on the road and make up the living, and the other party will definitely be on the road.