Red Devils Manchester United, as the club with the most brain-dead powder on the earth, scored only one goal in the first three rounds of the Premier League, but accumulated seven points, which once topped the Premier League, showing shocking efficiency. For this unique goal, the whole team worked hard to save it: in the first round against Tottenham, Professor Depe made a cross to stop Luti, the opposing defender Walker scored, and Manchester United contributed 0.3 goals in proportion; In the second round against Villa, Luke Shaw knocked Mata sideways and smashed Jia Baoyu. The opposing defender Clark blocked the ball into the gate, and Manchester United contributed 0.7 goals in proportion. Mourinho, known as the "Grand Premiership", claims to be a staunch 1:0 socialist; But his owner, Fan Jiaer, is more energy-saving and environmentally friendly. He thinks that at least 0.3:0 and more than 0.7:0 is enough.
This is one of the important achievements of Paradigm Manchester United Revolution. At the beginning of last season, the collective efforts of the team's defense team directly led to the complete rout of Swansea City and the fiasco of Leicester City, and the league fell behind the top four from the beginning. Obviously, Fan Jiaer is not going to make the same mistake. This year, he repeatedly stressed the importance of grabbing points at the beginning of the season and redefined defense according to a paranoid idea. The new paradigm defense line mainly embodies the following characteristics:
1) Midfield hardness: The introduction of Schneiderlin and General Manager Pig has greatly improved the perennial lumbar disease. Schneiderlin, in particular, provided the strongest barrier protection for defense in the post-Keane era. On the organization of midfield, Manchester United have set Kazin, pig manager, Herrera, and even the blind and Mata can be competent; Besides Schneiderling, the defensive midfielders are only Fellaini and Rooney. Due to the departure of Fa Erkao and Van Persie, both of them have been pushed to the front line in the new season. It is hard to imagine that a team with a weak front line last year has a weak front line and a full back this year. Fan Jiaer may think that only by gathering seven good waists can a big penis like him be summoned. As the highest paid defensive midfielder in the world, Rooney is like a revolutionary brick. He moved wherever he needed to, so he knelt down and begged for magic honey to stop hacking him!
2) Follow the defense line: Fan Jiaer is extremely paranoid that right centre-back and right back must control the ball with their right feet, and left centre-back and left back must control the ball with their left feet; The right wing must attack with its left foot and the left wing must attack with its right foot. Father Fan's paranoia is really fascinating. This detail reflects the pastor's requirements for the ability to throw the ball and cut the wing. The effect of the experiment is that the pressure of the two centre-backs is reduced when facing the high position, but the depth of the bottom of the outside line is relatively large when the two full-backs assist to cooperate with the two wings, which is a severe test for physical fitness and health. As the reserves of the Red Devils full-backs in the next decade, Damian and Lv Xiao are likely to collapse in the middle.
3) Blasting goalkeeper: The patron saint of the most luxurious grandstand in history mentioned before: former Barcelona goalkeeper Valdez, post-Real Madrid goalkeeper Degea, former Danish goalkeeper Lindegaard, post-English goalkeeper johnstone ... In addition, Manchester United is also preparing to acquire Dutch goalkeeper Silenson and French goalkeeper Lori. Fan Jiaer is going to call seven goalkeepers and then call an own goal. He did it! Romero, an Argentine, kept five important games in a row as soon as he bought it, and all kept zero opponents; But he can't seal his teammates. Manchester United's first goal in the new season was the opponent's own goal, and the first goal conceded was their own own own goal, which reflected the perfect balance between offense and defense.
The so-called offensive and defensive balance means that you don't want to enter me, and I don't want to enter you. Last season was "picturesque frontcourt, Dege backcourt", and this season is "stable backcourt like a dog, ugly frontcourt". Rudihai is known as "the king of English cakes". As the name implies, except that his face looks like an Indian flying cake, scoring goals basically depends on others feeding the cake into his mouth. In the past ten games, the whole team was fed Dutch muffins, German gingerbread, Spanish omelet, English scones, Belgian waffles, Italian pizza and Argentine empanadas, but none of them were eaten by pancake king.
I thought that when the cake king debuted, he and C Luo Liang had a good time; But now Messi Cristiano Ronaldo who doesn't score for 90 minutes will be called a goal shortage, and the cake king didn't score for 900 minutes in stoppage time! In the last round of the league, I finally ate a Belgian waffle in Januzai, but because I was too fat, I was offside by a fifth. Not only that, but he also wasted a German gingerbread given by a general manager pig: I saw the king of gingerbread first stop the single knife to the baseline with one foot, and then shoot the single knife outside the sideline with one foot, thus creating a brand-new football term called "reverse shooting". Some people speculate that this is because Rooney, as a defensive midfielder, is used to one stop and two points. But the key point is that Rudy's stop is too wild, ranging from five meters to ten meters, which deserves to be the top of the European squadron. The only goal Rooney hasn't stopped this season is Walker's own goal. It can be said that Walker can temporarily top the Premier League scorer list, and he must thank the cake king for making this cake himself.
In order to draw a bigger cake for the cake king, Manchester United claimed to have prepared a budget of hundreds of millions of pounds. So it's almost true that Sandezi called it a "Billion Alliance" and Fan Jiaer called it a "Billion Fans". As we all know, Manchester United is the so-called "Manchester United promotion". Whenever other clubs want to sell people or players from other clubs want to raise wages, Manchester United will invite Manchester United to raise prices. For example, Ramos and Pepe of Real Madrid were recently renewed by the club through an affair with Manchester United; Obviously, now Neymar also wants Barcelona to get a raise.
Let's calculate: How many times do we need to raise the price to save hundreds of millions of pounds in commission? It was really scary. At that time, Manchester United planned to bring in Robben and Sneijder to form TFBoys with Rooney, but before Han Yong 9+9 and Zhangguang 10 1 provided title sponsorship, they were snatched away by other clubs. Later, it successively carried Tiago, Azar and Fabregas, and gradually grew into a conscientious enterprise in the field of price increase. Firmino, who has been talking about this season, finally went to Liverpool, otamendi finally went to Manchester City and Pedro finally went to Chelsea. I feel that the clubs that have not been promoted by Manchester United are not giants. That's why Arsenal can only finish fourth.
It stands to reason that Pedro meets Fan Jiaer's tactical requirements. For example, the anti-foot winger mentioned above is simply tailor-made for this left-handed person who likes to use his right foot. Moreover, as long as Spanish players come to England, they are basically technical poverty alleviation. Every Premier League club needs at least two Spanish masters to be considered as a strong team: Herrera+Mata of Manchester United, Silva+navas of Manchester City, Fabregas+Pedro of Chelsea and Artta+cazorla of Arsenal. That's why Liverpool can't play in the Champions League.
In China's traditional dog abuse festival-Qixi, Pedro announced his joining Chelsea, otamendi announced his joining Manchester City, and Di Maria made a heart-shaped comparison with Fan Jiaer in the distant Paris. Due to historical reasons, Manchester United fans are also called "human dogs", perhaps this is the fate of single dog. According to the Daily Mail, club CEO Sandz intends to fool all titanium dogs with a heavyweight signing in the last few days before the transfer window closes: "At that time, you will forget Pedro!"
Compared with Sandezi, the efficiency of post, guardian, mirror image and Sun is much higher. They introduced the Champions League MVP squad to Manchester United. The champions of the last three Champions League-Bayern, Real Madrid and Barcelona-have all been cornered. "Overtaking Manchester United" has begun to threaten Lan Xiang's authoritative position in the field of excavators. This is enough to make you forget who Pedro's heavyweight signing is. Is it Neymar, Mueller or Bell? Can the three of them form an invincible N-M-B combination in Passing Manchester United?
Obviously, a superstar of this value will not appear in a team that doesn't even qualify for the Champions League. So the battle between Manchester United and Bruges is the root of all these soap operas. If Manchester United lose the Champions League, it will not only cost hundreds of millions of pounds, but also include Di Maria's defection and Degea's snitch transfer. Tang's "Billion Alliance" has made huge profits in this transfer window! How much you can earn depends on Real Madrid's final offer for Degea. The lifting of the league has raised the price of others for a lifetime, raised the transfer fee for the club and raised the salary for the players, but no one gave back "love" at the critical moment and had to raise the price for themselves. It is also sad to think about it.
To sum up, qualifying for the Champions League this morning is of decisive significance for signing this legendary superstar. Sandezi is right, the appearance of this person is enough to make you forget Pedro! Not only Pedro, but also Ramos, firmino, otamendi, Neymar, Mueller and Bell ... Fan Jiaer finally gathered seven gossip objects and successfully summoned the ultimate superstar! This morning, Beijing time, the superstar swallowed German Dutch muffins, Herrera's Spanish omelet and Mata's Spanish potato cake in one breath. Let's call his name together-
The king of the cake king!