There are two main reasons for unhappiness, one is anxiety, and the other is jealousy. Psychologically, jealousy is defined as: in social comparison, an unpleasant emotion experienced by individuals because they realize that others have what they try to have but lack, which is manifested as a mixed emotion of inferiority, hostility and resentment.
Jealousy is complicated and multifaceted. It can be destructive or constructive. The positive side can stimulate the potential of jealous people by stimulating their competitiveness; The negative side will breed the dark side of human nature, such as throwing cold water on it, lying, refusing, attacking, destroying, hitting people when they are down, etc.
Three situations of jealousy
0 1. Jealousy is more likely to happen between familiar people.
We often don't envy unfamiliar people, such as stars and rich people. We may just envy them. We are most likely to be jealous of people around us who have real contact with us, such as same-sex friends, brothers and sisters, classmates and colleagues.
For example. Former classmates once stood on the same starting line with you, and even you once felt that the other side was not as good as you. Now, old classmates are better than you in one or several aspects, and they get more social returns than you: money, reputation, status and so on. It's hard not to be unhappy.
02. Jealousy is more likely to occur in the field of competition.
People in the same field are more likely to cause competition. Because in the same field, both sides compete for the same resources. The more resources you have, the less you leave me. It's hard not to be jealous when we find ourselves at a disadvantage in the competition for resources.
For example, in the second-child family, Dabao dislikes Bauer in order to compete for the attention and love of his parents: the ancient female palace fight was to compete for the emperor's favor and wealth; In the workplace competition, secretly competing with colleagues is to compete for promotion opportunities and better salaries.
Unfair events are more likely to lead to jealousy.
Jealousy is often related to unfair subjective judgment. When we think that the source of other people's advantages is unfair, we may produce "why are you better than me? Why did you get it and I didn't get it?"
For example, in group activities, whether to stay or not depends on drawing lots. Teachers are ranked according to personal likes and dislikes, and colleagues are promoted by relationships. They are more likely to be jealous when they suffer losses beyond their control. On the contrary, if it is a competitive result that can be changed through our own efforts, such as exam results, we will have more positive emotions of "summing up experience" and "improving ourselves".
How to treat jealousy correctly
Based on the moral requirements of human subconscious, we generally believe that jealousy is a bad moral quality. Admitting that you are jealous of others seems to show that you are narrow-minded and inferior. The shame and remorse of jealousy on the moral level make us refuse to face it, only hope that it will disappear as soon as possible and free us from the constant negative emotional torture.
However, jealousy, as an emotion, is part of us. If we can't face up to and accept it, tough cutting and resolute avoidance will make this negative emotion unable to heal. Secondary negative emotions caused by jealousy, such as frustration, self-doubt, inferiority complex, self-attack, etc. It will make you feel bad for a long time.
We need to realize that we are just ordinary people, and some moral standards are higher than reality. Jealousy is an emotion that everyone has.
First of all, get rid of moral pressure and don't attack yourself because of jealousy. Then deal with your core problems and face the real problems in life. Turning our attention to others, blaming others for our own setbacks and avoiding the problems we really need to face are the root causes of our pain.
In fact, our life is only about ourselves. Whether others are good or not has nothing to do with us. We just need to focus on what we really want to do.