This is what my fifth uncle always said, no matter what occasion, no matter what big shots are present. My fifth uncle always said that it would remain unchanged for decades, and then he drank tea and didn't chat with anyone.
My acquaintance with my fifth uncle can be traced back to forty years ago. At that time, my fifth uncle was the former principal of Qi Hao Town Primary School. He is nearly sixty years old, with stubble on his face and a thick stick on his forehead. A mouth will show yellow teeth. The smell of inferior cigarettes immediately floated through his teeth.
I am his student and a distant relative. So, forget about your New Year's friends.
According to folklore, Uncle Wu is a golden arhat for a simple reason. He can not only read, but also distinguish between yin and yang. In dozens of miles of Fiona Fang, no matter who has a wedding or funeral, my fifth uncle must be the first person to be invited. He never shirks, a donkey meat with jiaozi, a large cup of black tea and an altar of old wine is enough. Of course, Uncle Wu really doesn't deserve this nickname. He can always see ahead, even which one matters? He knows exactly who will invite him. Sometimes, in the morning, he would tell his son, Nailiang, not to cook for me at noon. I have a situation. The station is the place to eat. Is a good promise to run away every time, the reason is very simple, fifth uncle can help people share their worries, save people from fire and water, the only thing that can't be managed is that you and your family, or even two sisters get married, which is also a big accident for fifth uncle. Therefore, the fifth uncle who can solve intractable diseases just can't mind his own business. This is also an indisputable fact. But after thirty-five, I was still alone, so anxious that I couldn't sleep well in the middle of the night. My fifth uncle was in a hurry, but there was nothing he could do. Finally, in a summer vacation, he ordered Nara to prepare a pair of 30 cm cloth shoes, saying it was cloudy to see what was going on. Nelly begged her two sisters to make a pair of special shoes, the soles of which were attached layer by layer. It was an afternoon, and Uncle Wu packed up and went to bed. Through the glass, I could see that he slept peacefully without snoring like thunder. Every day, I see that nothing has changed much, but the soles are getting thinner and thinner, and everything else is the same. In an instant, two weeks have passed. Uncle Wu stretched himself in a big dream and made a 360-degree turn in high spirits. I'm glad to tell Nailiang not to worry, there are seats in the back.
In fact, there have been hundreds of blind dates with Nailiang, and everyone feels very satisfied when they see Nailiang. But as soon as I entered my uncle's shabby home, I shook my head. This is not a home. Except for a cold stove and two beds of kang, there are only two people left: an old man and a little man. In the future, as long as someone is dating, my fifth uncle will say, you can handle it, but not anyway. Don't say, my uncle's words hit the nail on the head like imperial edict. In the long run, waiting for half a year will make Nellie lose confidence. Well, I'll be single all my life.
At the end of that year, my fifth uncle was watching Feng Shui in a family. Suddenly, on a whim, he told the family that jiaozi would prepare three dishes of donkey meat. I want to take them back. My daughter-in-law will come to my house tonight. When the family was in a hurry, Uncle Wu made an exception and took half a catty of pig's head meat and went home happily. Even if you look at this posture, you can get a general idea. In the evening, the matchmaker came to the door, followed by a widow. It was beautiful. It's really a talk. I didn't spend money or invite anyone. Jiaozi had a donkey meal, and that night the widow stayed at her fifth uncle's house. The matchmaker charged five yuan for the introduction and left happily.
The neighbors didn't know the reason until the next day, and they thought President Zhao was too unkind. My son's marriage was too hasty. Just happen to coincide. Vacuum flask quilt, pots and pans, etc. All of them were sent, and several tables were set in the middle of the yard, and seven dishes and eight bowls began to celebrate. But in the middle of the wine, suddenly a gust of wind came from nowhere and blew the thatched cottage down, and all the tables, chairs and benches were gone. The original house was like a basketball court.
All the people were frightened to disgrace, only the fifth uncle did not move and shook his head again and again. This is God's will.
This is the fifth uncle, a primary school principal who learned five cars, the only fifth uncle in a county who went to college in Beijing for four years, a fifth uncle who got married at the age of 40 because of poverty, and a fifth uncle who started to be single at the age of 46.
My uncle is highly accomplished in English. According to the present level, he is at least an expert in eight. But he is also an omnipotent teacher who draws lots for divination. It is said that he also knows what the predecessor of man is.
I think I have asked Uncle Wu countless times what made me. He always ignores me, which makes my heart itch.
One autumn, I had a plan to invite my fifth uncle to drink at home. I prepared a whole box of spunlaced Daqu in advance. There are 56 degrees and 38 degrees. My intention is to get Uncle Wu drunk. If you didn't believe him, you wouldn't tell me. So, I politely advised him to drink, constantly adding black tea water to Uncle Wu. Unconsciously, Uncle Wu drank a catty of 56 degrees and was a little drunk. I took the opportunity to act like a spoiled brat and played a game of telling the truth with him. Uncle Wu was cheated. I am so happy that I can't describe it. I even drank five uncles and half a catty for nothing. As soon as I saw the heat, I asked Uncle Wu what had changed me.
Uncle Wu suddenly woke up, looked at me straight, and then pointed his chubby little hand at my head and even praised me for being smart.
I suddenly feel that I have gone too far in treating my fifth uncle like this.
Uncle Wu said, don't be shy, let me think.
After that, as soon as I closed my eyes, I pinched my fingers and muttered to myself.
I looked at Wu Shu quietly, and felt that the more he murmured, the lower his voice became, and he gradually lost his voice.
"Fifth uncle, fifth uncle." I stood up and gently pushed the fifth uncle's shoulder. Dear, my fifth uncle is as hard as a stone. I was frightened to disgrace, and hurriedly called Nailiang.
Just take a good look, say it doesn't matter, just let him sleep for a while. I proposed to lift Uncle Wu to the bed, and everyone agreed, but it was impossible to lift him, because he was too heavy for us to lift at all. I tried his breathing and found that he stopped completely, which made me cry. Being touched by people, I found that it stopped. Now everyone is long-haired, so I immediately ran out to find someone. Before long, the car came and a large group of people came, but I couldn't lift Uncle Wu anyway. After about an hour's work, Uncle Wu suddenly opened his eyes, habitually stretched himself, yawned and left by himself.
From that day on, I believed from my heart that Uncle Wu was an arhat, an arhat who could walk on clouds. I dare not ask Uncle Wu what changed him.
On another occasion, the old Chinese doctor in the village passed away. Because I was young, I was in charge of the first night vigil with three other people, that is, I kept refueling and updating the oil lamp. I didn't sleep all night, and I didn't feel tired. Before and after running the next day, as soon as the sun set, eyelids began to fight. My fifth uncle was one of the main leaders at that time, so he arranged for us to rest. Because there are many people and few places, we huddled on the kang where the old Chinese doctor once lived, and fell asleep as soon as our head touched the pillow. I don't know how long I slept, but when I was in a daze, I felt someone woke us up and went outside to queue up. We didn't understand what it meant when we looked at each other. We just felt uncomfortable, because we didn't sleep well and went without thinking much. Outside, I saw many people waiting in an orderly way. I was sharp-eyed and suddenly saw the old Chinese doctor, who was here. I was confused. Didn't the old Chinese doctor pass away? We have been awake for a day and a night. How to bring back the dead. Besides, how to treat the leg of an old Chinese doctor who has been paralyzed for ten years? Before we could say hello, someone shouted: Li Jinliang ... Li Jinliang.
Li Jinliang is the name of an old Chinese doctor. The old Chinese doctor smiled and agreed, turned around and said two words to us, one of which was that red-hot iron could not be touched by hand. I didn't catch the other sentence. The old Chinese doctor left in a hurry. ......
When we woke up, it was the dawn of the next day. I don't know when my fifth uncle came to see us. He gave us a naughty wink and asked mysteriously, "The old Chinese doctor can't remember everything. What a little idiot! " .
We were all at a loss at the time and didn't know how to answer.
My fifth uncle also ignored us and turned away.
Actually, I know more about Uncle Wu than that. My fifth uncle is poor. After my daughter-in-law gave birth to her son, she seems to be ill and can't farm. The whole family lives on her pension. Nailiang has made great contributions, but he has never made any money, and his life is very tight. About 78 years later, Nellie saved 20,000 yuan and finally built a new house with the help of the villagers. Who knows that after living for a month, the little grandson set the house on fire and disappeared in an instant. The location of the house is bare, like the strong wind more than ten years ago. He lost all his property, like a basketball court.
My fifth uncle is still not angry or worried, but still laughing.
This is my fifth uncle, who is almost ninety years old now. Early this morning, he called me and warned me: don't write about me, it's not good for you. I'm old and useless. But you are still young, or party member, a national cadre. We should keep pace with the times and believe in materialism instead of idealism.
I froze: No, Uncle Wu, how could it be?
Uncle Wu smiled: You lied to me. Don't think I don't know.
I smiled, Uncle Wu, so early.
Uncle Wu added that it was still early. I have run ten kilometers, and my shoes are worn out. I can't run. I will wait for my grandson to send me shoes.
I wonder, Uncle Wu, why are you still running?
Uncle Wu smiled treacherously again: Uncle Wu got carsick and walked all his life. It seems that your boy is still not smart. Say that finish, "cut" the line.
I suddenly began to wake up. Why did Uncle Wu wear shoes in the shade? Lohan travels thousands of miles every day, and he can go to heaven and land. Don't need shoes at all. I didn't understand the problem until today. Even immortals get carsick. Besides, immortals need exercise.