I remember the first teacher who died because of me. At that time, I was in the first grade of primary school, and my teacher took us to the wild for a natural practice class. Seeing the spring breeze blowing green and the willows sprouting branches, the teacher couldn't help thinking of a question, so he asked, "Students, do you know how to tell the wind direction?" "I know!" A little girl in my class replied, picking up a leaf from the ground and throwing it into the air. "Pick up something and throw it into the air and watch it float there." "Well, that's good." The teacher praised, "Who else would like to show you again and see what wind is blowing now?" "me." I volunteered, picked up half a brick from the ground and threw it into the air. ...
"Teacher, it's blowing up and down now!"
…………。
I can't remember clearly what the teacher looked like at that time. I only remember that he struggled a few times and then died. Later, according to the hospital doctor, he died because of sudden strong stimulation, which led to retrograde qi and blood. In this way, I killed a people's teacher
The first grade teacher taught us poultry and animals.
Teacher: "There is an animal with two feet. Every morning when the sun comes out, it will wake you up and wake you up. What animal is it? "
I replied, "Mom!" Laughing so hard that the teacher almost died!
After I came home from the mid-term exam, my mother asked me how I did in the exam. My baby son said I didn't fill in a question. My mother asked what it was. My precious son said, there is a question asking me how much I get when I multiply 3 by 7. I don't care. I filled in 15. My mother sprayed the water she just drank on my father's face. Hey ... I'm great!
My father asked me how school was.
"Dear son," the father asked, "is your female teacher satisfied with you?"
"Ah, yes, Dad, very satisfied."
"How do you know? Did she tell you herself? "
"Of course, dad. The day before yesterday, she said to me,' If all the students are like you, I will leave school at once!' This shows that I have learned everything. "My dad's brain will be ready soon! @#$#@! $%$#@@
One day in math class, the teacher asked 1+ 1=? , I said I don't know. The teacher asked me to ask. I asked my mother who was cooking to let me out. I asked my father, who watched the ball again and shouted' cool'. I asked my sister, and she sang until the baby. I asked my brother and he said on the phone; I'll wait for you outside.
The next day, the teacher asked 1+ 1=? I said; Fuck off, the teacher slapped me, I yelled, the teacher called me a loser, and I called me mean. Old saying; Get out. I said; Baby, I'll wait for you outside. Our math teacher suffered from hypertension again on the spot and fainted. .....
When primary school has Chinese class, all Chinese teachers in the school go to listen to Teacher Ni's class. Teacher Ni wrote a word "Bei" on the blackboard and asked me, "Do you know this word?" I answered "no", so Teacher Ni began to inspire me: "Do you have a bed at home?" I answered "Yes" and "What's on the bed?" "Summer sleeping mat" "Where is the summer sleeping mat?" I replied, "My mother", and Teacher Ni thought, this is also true. My mother was covered with a quilt, and then I was inspired: "What about your mother?" "My dad". Teacher Ni didn't expect me to say this. She made a fool of herself in front of so many teachers and asked anxiously, "What about the quilt?" I replied, "The quilt is on the ground." Teacher Ni was so angry that she got lamb disease in the general hospital!
Later, the school changed a teacher and asked us to make sentences. I finished my homework calmly. The teacher was impressed with me. The sentence I wrote is:
Sad-the ditch in front of our house is very sad.
If canned food is not as nutritious as fruit juice.
Naive-it's really hot today. This is a good day for swimming.
Ten points-it's a pity that my sister only got ten points in the math exam.
Relax, I always start with simple things.
Ginseng-the teacher said that we should take part in the relay of the brigade tomorrow, so we must do our best.
Quilt-Xiaoyu's sanitary quilt was stolen.
Lunch-Xiaoming takes defecation as the first thing when he gets up every morning.
The teacher touched my head and said sternly, "Go home from school and strive for the article of 10. When no one comes home, he is ready to finish the homework assigned by the substitute teacher. When I went to the toilet, I began to paint the walls with feces. I painted the bathroom with ten strips, and I was satisfied with my homework before I stopped. " My family came back to scold me. The next day, my mother told the principal that the substitute teacher misunderstood the child. Later, the substitute teacher was fired. Alas ..... I said to myself psychologically, "I am very active, and ugliness is not my intention. God don't lose your temper, I will live bravely and set off the beauty of the world. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "Since: Club.ChinaRen.com
One morning in class, I chewed gum and put my feet on the aisle.
At this moment, the teacher said to me, "Please spit out your mouth and put your feet in."
My brain: "@ $ # $% # $ #"
In the days that followed, several teachers suffered misfortune one after another. Fortunately, no one died and there was no big leak. But my fame spread like wildfire and I became a celebrity in the city for a time. However, celebrities also have the pain of celebrities, and I deeply realized this.
When I was in junior high school, the physics teacher asked me in physics class: You say, how to change tracks? Me: According to the Diamond Sutra, if a person does something bad in Yangshiguang, he will become a ghost after death! It turned out that the teacher was talking about how the satellite changed its orbit!
I was awakened by the teacher when I was sleeping in history class. The teacher asked me, "Who did Princess Wencheng marry?"
Little Wang Sheng told me, "Songzan Gambu." I didn't hear clearly, so I opened my mouth and answered, "Song Dynasty cadres." Later, history failed.
One day, I came back from the barber shop to be cool. As soon as I opened the door, all the girls exclaimed, "Cool Brother is here!" I am embarrassed to scratch my head: "Where! Where! Just cut a cool head. " It happened that the headmaster passed by and said solemnly, "I want to pay for a trouser head!" " "Our brains are on horses! ! Yeah, it's nothing. I walked to the dormitory and went downstairs from the girls' dormitory. I saw a good friend and boasted loudly, Look, I got a cool haircut. On the second floor, a girl immediately put her head out and said, my waistband, you took off my waistband! ! ! ! !
The next day, the biology teacher brought a bird wrapped in cloth. Then he exposed the bird's legs and asked the students to guess what kind of bird it was. I really don't know, so I handed in a blank sheet of paper. The teacher looked very angry and asked, "Why did you hand in a blank sheet of paper?" What's your name? "When I heard this, I rolled up my trouser legs angrily and said," Now it's your turn to guess who I am? "Biology teacher immediately fell ~ ~ ~ ~
My fame has caused me a lot of trouble. For the safety of teachers, all middle schools in the city refused to accept me. No way, I went to the countryside with infinite yearning for key middle schools. Although the conditions of middle schools in rural areas are a little bitter, I still live very comfortably without the pressure of public opinion. However, gold always shines, and the unique silence of rural middle schools did not restrain my outbreak. By chance, I was born again, suddenly emerged, and quickly occupied the rural market.
One day, I was late, and the teacher asked,' Why are you late today? I said: I took my neighbor's uncle's wild boar to breed in the morning, so I came late. Before the teacher finished listening, he opened his eyes wide and said, "This should be made by the uncle next door." I don't understand. "This must be a wild boar, and the uncle next door is not a stranger."
It was a quiz, and our class was tied with another class after the final. So the host announced the final decision: each class draws lots to send a representative. Two representatives will guess the coin again. The right person asks the wrong person a question. If the wrong person answers correctly, the wrong person wins. On the other hand, the category set in which the correct guesser belongs wins. Spirit of heaven, spirit of the earth, my job is to hide. As a representative, I was drawn, successfully guessed the wrong coin and entered the question-and-answer stage. Teachers and classmates suddenly became nervous, and everyone looked at me with eager eyes. Teacher Li, in particular, looked heavy and said nothing. I also felt some pressure, but not because of this, but because of my opponent-Wang Xiaofo, who was the most powerful "teacher killer" in our school at that time, and he also saved several human cases. It is said that the last principal was destroyed in its hands. However, I still have some confidence, because in any case, I am also a person who has criticized. The problem begins.
Wang Xiaofo put his hands in his trouser pockets and said slowly, "My mother cooked some eggs in my pocket today. Do you know how many? " "hey!" There was an uproar around. I don't know why everyone is booing, but I know this question has aroused my great interest. Eggs! I hardly heard what he asked. I only heard the word "egg" clearly. You know, in the hard years in the countryside, there was almost nothing to eat. There are two eggs that are really delicious. I seem to see shiny egg whites and yellow yolk. "If I get it right, will you give me a meal?" I have long forgotten what quizzes and class honors are. I'm only interested in eggs, eggs! "If you get it right, I'll give you two eggs." "hey!" There is an uproar again. I saw the other classmate's face startled, and the classmates cheered and hugged each other to celebrate the victory. Miss Li also gave me a happy look. I don't know what they are happy about, but everyone is smiling at me. I smiled shyly at them and then answered, "Is it five dollars?"
The students' smiles suddenly stopped, and gradually, the ebb tide generally disappeared without a trace. Another classmate suddenly shouted and laughed. Things in this world change quickly. In a blink of an eye, everyone was crying and laughing and didn't know what to do. I haven't had time to think about what is going on. The meeting was suddenly in chaos. I saw a man lying on his back, spraying blood in his mouth, and then slowly fell down.
"Miss Li!"
"Miss Li!"
It's our head teacher! I rushed there, too. I saw the teacher pale, eyes closed and unconscious. "He killed Miss Li!"
"It's him!"
"It's him!"
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Swish swish swish swish swish! ! !
Angry eyes shot at me like sharp arrows.
My eyes went blank, and a voice came back to my ear: "Duo Long! Close the door! Let the dog go! Idle people will all retreat! "
Later, it was said that Miss Li was not dead, but seriously ill. After she was discharged from the hospital, she saw through the world of mortals, cut her hair and became a monk in Wutai Mountain. From then on, the hen laid a duck egg.
Rooster: "isn't that too exaggerated?" No wonder you bought several swimsuits two days ago! "
The hen laid an egg.
Rooster: "My God! Haven't I already tied the knot? "
The hen laid a black preserved egg.
Rooster: "dizzy! Who did this? Which African is it? "
The hen laid a goose egg.
Rooster: "Are you kidding? I said my son's head is swollen like Xu through the eldest son ... "
The hen laid a quail egg.
Rooster: "hey! Is mini popular now? "
The hen laid a dinosaur egg.
Rooster: "Tell me honestly, how many times have you watched Jurassic Park?"
The hen laid an ostrich egg.
Rooster: "I said, why do you always stick your head in the sand recently?"
The hen laid a crocodile egg.
Rooster: "I know he is really cool and stylish, but you must never take him home."
The hen laid a peacock egg.
Rooster: "Tell me if you want to fly! How do I know if you want to fly and don't say it? "
The hen threw a Grenade.
Rooster: "Are you kidding me? I told you not to get mixed up with bin Laden, but you didn't listen! "
The hen dropped an atomic bomb.
Rooster: "
￥%……￥
* ... pour! "
The hen gave birth to an illegitimate child.
Rooster: "No? Is this the guy you hooked up with online? "
The hen gave birth to an asshole.
Rooster: ""
1, I haven't heard from you for a long time, and I feel very distressed. I thought of death, and I cut my pulse with potato chips; Hit you on the head with tofu; Jump over buildings with parachutes; Noodles. Everyone can die. You can invite me to dinner and support me to death.
If you feel cold, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.
3, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used to shelter from the wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I used it to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli.
Money can buy a house, but not a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone!
5. Send you 12 Zodiac. I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and looks like a pig!
6. I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you, whether I care about you, whether I care about you as much as I care about you. Look at you!
7. A portrayal of your life: At the age of ten, you learned to bathe yourself-pigs wash themselves; Brilliant at the age of twenty ―― when the pig is young; Looking for a job at the age of 30-starting a pig-raising career; At the age of forty, I hired a servant-a pig's servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of 50 ―― throw pigs!
The phone suddenly shook, and the pig must want to see it. A click on the pig's trotters turned out to be a bomb. Sweating with anger, pig legs running everywhere. You are such a fool, pig. You have to smile brightly and forward it to other fools.
We'll never contact or meet again. No friends to do! The doctor said that my blood sugar is too high to be near sweet things, and you are the sweetest in my heart!
It rained intermittently, which triggered my infinite thoughts. To put it bluntly, I miss you When the weather is fine, I will take you to the meadow, but I have already told you in advance: Piggy, you are only allowed to eat grass, and you are not allowed to arch the ground!
Life is just a few decades
Money can't buy an inch of time.
Before I met you, my life was dull and had no luster.
After knowing you,
My world; Minecraft;?my?world
It's all fucking dark!
After receiving this message, you are an Egyptian mummy. If you delete this message, you will be an African mistake. If you reply, you are a Rwandan wild boar. If you don't know the news, you are a Thai shemale who failed the operation. If you store it, you are an American pervert! It's up to you.
The father took his son to take a bath, and the bath water was slippery. The child accidentally slipped and grabbed his father's XX without slipping. Father was very painful and casually scolded: it's a good thing you came with me. If you come with your mother, you will die.
Men are sour if they don't pick up girls, and women are really annoyed if they don't pick up girls. When they meet, they pick up girls and do justice for heaven. Some girls don't pick up girls and send them to reform. Can you pick up girls? Brother!
Please call the toll-free number quickly to win the value-added tour of the detention center. Now we will also send handcuffs, posters of young and dangerous people and other gifts, and the top ten will also send photos of detention centers and massage thousands of people with their fists.
Tips for answering the phone for free: When there is an incoming call, press F, R, E, E before the third ring, and then press # to make the call for free and keep it confidential.
I was born useful, but I can't understand it! It's no use asking the crow, so I have to go home and sleep! I dreamed that Wang Di had a hint that after getting up at eight o'clock tomorrow morning, I would understand after eating the cake (if I tried to read the third word of each sentence, there would be a surprise).
During the water-splashing festival, someone suddenly cursed: Who the fuck threw me away? People advise: it is a blessing to vote for you. Bitch: Please, some idiot threw boiling water at me!
When vampires were born again, God said, What do you want? The vampire said, I want to be plump and white like an angel, with two wings, and I can suck blood. God said, just make sanitary napkins.
Abandoned? Being bullied? Homeless? Don't be sad, don't be discouraged, even if the whole world dislikes you and ignores you, at least there is a state-owned pig farm in this city-your warm home.
An ant saw an elephant on the road. The ant got into the soil with only one leg exposed. Little Nutbrown hare saw it and asked, "Why are your legs exposed?" The ant said, "Shh! Don't make any noise, I'll trip his son! "
I was fascinated by a handsome guy because I was drunk last night, but I couldn't help it. I dragged my clothes and pants into my private parts. I feel like I'm walking on a cloud, and it blooms several times a night.
The manager commented on the female secretary's article: you have two prominent points above, flat in the middle and a big hole below. Come to my office at night and I'll add one for you.
I came to Guangdong empty-handed, forced by life, and my uterus developed. It hurt at first, but then it gradually loosened. For a time, I became a rich man, built a cave and remarried my husband.
This year, peach blossoms bloom very early. Guo Jing came to the Peach Blossom Garden and saw Huang Rong taking a bath, with white buttocks and two dates. As soon as Guo Jing saw it, he wanted to fuck Huang Rong. He said that unfortunately, my sister had her period early this morning.
Walking in the early morning, I suddenly felt that the water was about to overflow my underwear! I can't bear it, thank you for your help! Confucius said: comfortable! Comfortable! !
A prostitute went to the hospital to see a doctor and said, "The doctor is very strange. My wystudy has beriberi. " The doctor replied, nothing. Just now, a boy said that he met a prostitute with syphilis on his feet.
There are stars and the moon hanging in the sky, the Goddess Chang'e flying to the moon has a lot on his mind, the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl are in love, the Moon Old Matchmaker is a myth, and there is a fool who doesn't talk and squints at the phone.
Guess: A bamboo in Hanshan Temple doesn't want to fly separately, but it's half-matched, and the birds by the swan pool fly away, and there is no gold to make a cup. Answer; Waiting for you to give me money
The Municipal Public Security Bureau cracked a major mobile phone smuggling case. Your mobile phone is one of the names involved. Please bring your ID card and mobile phone invoice to our bureau for investigation.
Test you: What should I do if pigs all over the world die overnight? (headline)-"At least you"!