Compared with this turbulent river that flows eastward after all, and people's boundless mentality in the face of this rushing natural force, the self-reflection activities of "clarifying themselves" carried out by Meng Lame under the pressure of death the night before yesterday were even more endless. That long scene is actually a bit obscure. But it's interesting to take a closer look. Seeing this passage, I suddenly had an interesting association. The whole troupe is like a large piece of air-dried yak meat. Spent a lot of time chewing it, and then threw it into boiling water to cook. But this is a game with matter and seeds. Compared with some current dramas, such as marshmallows, cokes and sodas, it is not easy or gorgeous. Although it follows the commercial rules, the propaganda offensive in the early stage of the group drama is in full swing, which makes people understand. However, what most people expect psychologically may be a fresh and juicy steak. I didn't expect a large piece of air-dried yak meat to be served, so I looked at each other, and the people I loved and the people I hated hated hated it. Of course, there is still room for improvement in the production technology of this piece of beef, but no matter how to explore and improve it, it is beef jerky instead of steak, and the expectation of steak is doomed to fail.
Far away, let's go back to the eve of Nujiang River: die, die, gather all those who have fought and can fight together and draw lots-this lottery is really arbitrary, also called the tunnel of God. Die, die, let A Yi solemnly write his name, use his helmet as a sign tube, and use the lame as a bracket. After rocking, he sat in front of the fire and opened the treasure. Say a name, throw the note into the fire and burn it. Don't say that most of the people present don't know a word, even if they are full of splendor, they can't help but bring the label that goes up in smoke. Death, death, death, but in the form of lottery, according to their own preferences. He picked all the reliable ones, all the buddies of Meng lame, and all the old cannon fodder suitable for hand-to-hand combat. The lame man watched the man cheat blatantly, and watched the man choose a group of people to cross the river to meet his parents, but he was excluded. Here, I have a question: Go to hell! Go to hell! If you really don't want the cripple to go with you, he can't get the cripple's parents-because no one knows those two old people! Maybe I don't even know Mr Meng's name. Smart as a basket case, why don't you know to show your irreplaceable advantages? Of course, even if it is displayed, it may be useless. If it is cruel, eleven people and a dog will go to Heshun Town to inquire about the foreigner from Beiping, and it is estimated that they can also find out his parents for him. However, without the lame as a guide, why should parents go with them? However, the cripple was completely confused by this crazy plan. The authorities are fascinated and hate their guts. Oh, no, it's not that they hate it, but that they have knelt down and begged it and brought it with them.
He was angry and dead about the lame man's escape. Even if Meng bacon was brought back to his own territory, his anger did not subside. The specific content of this anger is very complicated. It should be not only a violation of military orders, but also his own betrayal. I understand that his anger comes more from the crab-like behavior of the lame: unbearable to see. I don't believe in others, I don't believe in myself, I don't believe in fate, but I don't believe in hard work or anything. Meng's lame heart has no root, it is dead, dead and soulless. This lack of soul is manifested in the lack of spirit, which is an unspeakable aging and decadence. This smell haunts Meng Fanle in his twenties, which really makes him dead, dead and angry. He wants to summon his own soul to find it, but he also knows that the soul of the living can't be found by others, and only the parties themselves can find it. So, that night, death forced Meng Fanle to think about himself in that way.
Meng Fanle thought, very seriously, very seriously. He even sacrificed his sense of shame, faked his death on the battlefield, arrested him as a deserter many times, and confessed all the money he stole from Xiaozui. However, he was not satisfied with his death. He said that he was not a priest and would not accept confession. Yes, dead, dead, it's no use confessing here. Repentance of the past haunting me can't make Meng Fanle find his soul. Because the lame man is not an open-minded person, it is not suitable for him to repent, then unload the burden, go forward and do something more meaningful. The lame man thinks too much, his mind is too heavy, and pessimism seeps into the bone marrow. After a long separation, he was naive-he believed in miracles. Oh, no, he doesn't just believe in miracles. That cripple doesn't believe in anything. Moreover, when confession can't satisfy the dead, the lame man goes on the rampage and shouts, "You can't tell yourself clearly! What do you believe to make it clear? What do you believe? " He believes that death is actually the same as him, and he doesn't believe anything; He said that when he died, he dreamed of becoming Yu Xiaoqing, but he was born at an untimely time, his heart was higher than the sky, and his life was thinner than paper. Actually, this is not about death. What he said subconsciously is a bit like himself, not only like himself, but also like his father. In his next story, Mr. Meng is a bit like this. Life is untimely, the heart is higher than the sky, and life is thinner than paper. These three idioms are not suitable for death and death. Because it is impossible for Long Wensheng to be untimely, this man has extraordinary talent in many things, but he is as simple as a child in many things-he really just wants to do things, and his personal destiny and desire to make achievements are here. This is impossible, so you can't bother too much. However, this is not clear. The argument between Long Wenzhong and Meng Fanle on this issue will not have any results. Even if he said so solemnly, "I just hope this is the case," he just said that he could not win the trust of others. In addition, whether Meng Fanle believes it or not has something to do with Meng Fanle has nothing to do with Long Wenzhong. People can't make people believe their ideas, especially people like Meng Fanle who think too much. Therefore, Long Zhangwen soon gave up the explanation. He asked Meng Fanle to think seriously, look back on himself and look back on his past like a bystander. Although there was no result, this evening, I thought about it and saw that it was different.
That night, in the trench, Long Zhangwen and dog meat embraced and slept, while Meng Fanle stayed there alone. It was a beautiful night. When the early stills came out, we could still see an impeccable full moon that night. I always felt that it was very cold that night, the bonfire in the trench could not burn enough temperature, and the air was very cold. That morning, it was also very cold, and he could not repent in Meng Fanle. When he said something according to the requirements of death, he was gradually forced to say the softest thing in his heart-another time, another way, he should not say such a thing, even if he did, he should hide it.
It was his childhood, the moment when his father's dream of perpetual motion machine was shattered. It's music, wonderful music, and it's a beautiful memory of music belonging to five-year-old Meng Fanle. The other side of this memory is about the beauty being destroyed instantly-the beauty belonging to him being destroyed instantly. This is the root of his disbelief, his pessimism and his more or less inferiority. At the same time, this is also a source of his special emotional entanglement with his father. That picture, the picture of billiards, is not the first time in this play. It's black and white and silent. In the previous episode, the lame man probably escaped and flashed for a second. Now this picture, starting from the story told by the lame man, has changed from black and white to color, and from silence to sound. It seems to float out of the cripple's subconscious and gradually become vivid. Twenty years ago, it was as clear as yesterday, and music seemed to be in my ear.
A complete account of such a thing has reached the requirement of death. Dead, dead, but Meng Fanle looked at himself carefully. From a certain point in my life, seriously reviewing the past, I can really feel my existence more clearly and understand who I am. Really, who am I? What kind of person am I? In our daily life, we often forget this. We may be able to tell someone we know or even don't know at their request, but sometimes we don't judge ourselves. Not only do you have no judgment, but you don't even realize your existence. We, lost in infinite time.
It is true that many times, the more we look back, the more confused we feel, but this confusion is different from our ignorance of our existence. The former is confused and the latter is sober. We are making progress bit by bit in the process of constant confusion, constant sobriety, constant questioning and constant touching ourselves. The process of getting this progress is often painful, but this progress is so small that we even think that the pain is meaningless and the cost performance is too poor. However, such progress and accumulation are irreplaceable-many other things in our lives can be replaced, and only self-awareness can neither replace nor impersonate others.
Red dust and white waves are boundless. This is the first sentence of Master Hanshan's Song of Awakening the World. I gave it to that special morning in Meng Fanle-that day, he stayed up all night, he was like a trapped animal, he couldn't see himself clearly, and he couldn't tell himself for the past 25 years. After finally winning the promise of "twelve people and one dog", he lay in the grass and found himself back in the old place where he collapsed in despair a few days ago. White waves, like ruthless ridicule.
However-there is really a way, as long as you make bold assumptions and carefully verify. Just-you believe.