To have a second child, you need to prepare a big house and more people. In fact, these are not the most important. There is no big house to rent, and no one can hire a nanny. However, the psychological preparation of the whole family is the most difficult.
Prepare Dabao psychologically.
Say to Dabao: How about giving birth to a brother or sister for you?
Dabao shook his head firmly: No!
This reaction is so normal that every child will think that his brother or sister robbed his mother.
If Dabao answers happily: OK!
Then, be alert! He may not really realize what the birth of his younger brother or sister means.
You have to tell him the truth about having another child!
▲ Mom's stomach will get bigger and she can't hold him for a long time;
▲ Mom is going to be hospitalized, and she is in poor health for a while and can't play with him;
▲ Mom needs to take some time to take care of the baby;
▲ Mom may sleep with her baby at night. ...
Dabao may be unhappy when he hears this. However, at this time, you can't talk nonsense about the benefits of your brother and sister. For example, your brother and sister will play with you-this is a distant promise! It's basically a blank check. It's better not to say it.
It is the hardest thing to prepare Dabao psychologically. Finally, you should always be ready for Big bounce. Maybe one day Dabao will cry and shout: Throw your brother (sister) out! This is still light, maybe you will fuck a guy with your brother and sister! Therefore, the psychological work of older children should always be valued and prepared, and must not be taken lightly.
Grandparents' psychological preparation
They may think, after raising so many children in the past, are they still afraid of these two? Wrong, the past was nurturing, not nurturing, but feeding. Are you mentally healthy or happy? What we want now are two healthy and happy children!
They will also think that taking care of children is enough-this idea is expected to appear in grandparents. No! If mom can't be taken care of, the baby won't be happy!
They may have underestimated the noise and entanglement of the two children, so they had to drink loudly: I don't like you if I don't listen! Wrong again! Rough stop can only have a temporary effect, and it will be as useless as "wolf coming" after a long time.
Another most common situation is that grandparents will say to older children: You are brother and sister, and you should let your brother and sister go! All wet! One of the principles of raising two children is: take care of the overall situation, not the overall situation. When there is a conflict between the big and the small, give priority to the older child, and don't let him make way for Bao Xiao in front of the older child.
Only when the whole family is psychologically prepared can Qi Xin work together to form a tolerant, patient and loving family atmosphere after Bauer's birth, which will contribute to the harmony of the whole family.
Psychological preparation of prospective father
Do you think the psychological work of adults is easy to do? No! Adults are more stubborn than children! Your husband, does he know what two children mean?
Make more money! This is his first thought, and it is also the easiest to think of. Then there is the noisy family environment. Bao Xiao was born, cried when he was hungry, cried when he peed, cried when he couldn't sleep, and grew up. The two children were fighting, grabbing things and fighting. In this environment, they live every day. Are you sure their nerves are getting thicker?
Need his help to take care of the baby, especially before the full moon, and especially take care of his wife! That's enough for him. Does he get up twice at night to nurse and continue to work the next day? Can he bring tea and water to his wife lying in bed? Can he talk to his depressed wife after delivery?
Also: Can he take Dabao out to play independently and put on a show "Where is Dad?"? ? This is very important, because the little baby can't go out for a long time, and the big baby definitely likes to go out to play all day, so mom and dad will definitely take one each.
Psychological preparation of expectant mothers
But with the first experience, Bauer's mother basically had a similar idea about Bauer's birth. So, are you sure you can face up to the possible recurrence of postpartum depression? Feeding problems? Do you know what kind of understanding and help you will get?
Many mothers said after seeing it: the second child is so terrible, it is better not to be born.
Perhaps I exaggerated Bauer's difficulties and troubles, which may be related to my personal experience, because my Bauer was not prepared when he was born. As a result, I encountered various problems and no one helped me solve them. The whole family is counting on me to come up with methods and actions.
But I want to say that, despite this, I don't regret having Erbao. I believe that happiness will come when the hardest time is over. Now, sometimes it's comforting to see two babies love each other.
■ Expert advice
A compulsory course for parents again.
For many parents who are going to have another baby, this anxiety is more focused on how to balance the relationship between the two children than the anxiety when they are parents for the first time. In modern cities, when most babies grow up in a family environment with thousands of pets, how will the arrival of new family members affect them? And what should parents do without affecting the normal growth of their children? Li Chengjiu, a researcher in the teaching and research section of Shaanxi Early Childhood Education Center, accepted an interview with our reporter and made suggestions for parents.
What is the difference between the two children?
"Sanjin Metropolis Daily": What do ordinary children do when they hear that their parents want to have another child? Will these manifestations be significantly different because of the differences in age and gender? What are the deep-seated reasons? Is it related to personal character or family education?
Li Cheng: Generally speaking, when children hear that their parents are going to have another child, they will behave differently. Some children will look forward to the arrival of their little brother and sister, and some children will have resistance, such as getting angry at the mention of little brother, saying "I don't want a little brother", "all the delicious food at home is mine" and "I want to strangle him". When the newborn really arrives, because they don't want to see this new member, they will hide some things from their little brothers and sisters, and even do some sabotage.
These manifestations are related to the age of the child. Generally, children aged 4-7 will have obvious performance, while older children can adapt to the fact that they have brothers and sisters more quickly, and their anxiety will be reduced quickly. After calmly accepting this fact, they will be more willing to accept this little baby.
The reason why children have this kind of resistance is because their inner security is weakened and they are worried that the family system will change and affect their unique status. Generally speaking, children with stable attachment to their parents are relatively weak in anxiety, while children with poor attachment to their parents are more anxious.
At the same time, the relationship between parents will also affect the relationship between the first child and the newborn. If parents have a good relationship, brothers and sisters are more likely to accept new brothers and sisters and get along with each other more easily.
In-depth answer: wait until the boss is about 5 years old to regenerate a second child.
Studies show that if the age difference is less than 18 months, the first child will not be jealous because he has not understood what happened. If the age difference is 2 years, the competition between children will be very prominent. Children's childhood is 4~7 years old, they are more curious about knowledge, start to think creatively, and are full of curiosity about people and things around them. When the boss was a child, it was wise for parents to choose a second child. In addition, the self-care ability of children aged 3-6 will also be improved, and parents can spare more time to take care of younger children.
Be sure to ask the boss for advice first.
"Sanjin Metropolis Daily": What do parents need to do to communicate with those children with strong resistance? Is this kind of communication more appropriate before or after the birth of the second child? What aspects should be paid attention to in the content and method of specific communication?
Li Cheng: Those children who are very resistant are usually worried that their parents will take less care of them and their position in the family will be threatened. Therefore, parents should communicate with their newborns before they are born, mainly to tell them that their parents will treat them well as always, and there is only one more little brother or sister who is related to him and one more good partner at home. You can let your child touch your mother's belly, talk to her little brother and sister, cultivate their feelings in advance, and let them look forward to the arrival of the second child with their parents.
In-depth answer: Be sure to ask the boss for advice first to reduce the child's sense of crisis.
Parents who plan to have a second child must first do a good job in the ideological work of the boss. They should let their children know through patient communication that having a second child is their own business and a good thing, because younger brothers and sisters are very precious gifts for their parents. The best way is to make the boss like his unborn brother or sister imperceptibly in life. He can look forward to the birth of his younger brother and sister with his parents by taking care of the doll and touching his mother's stomach, and let the boss know in the process that his parents' love for him will not decrease because of a new life, and the love and warmth he enjoys will not change. His life will only become more and more colorful, so that his mood will gradually normalize.
If the boss is sensible, he can participate in the process of taking care of his younger brothers and sisters, such as accompanying the baby to buy things needed during pregnancy, feeding complementary food to his younger brothers and sisters after delivery, and cultivating the feelings between compatriots. Children should also understand that having one more brother and sister can make him feel the joy of playing with his brothers and sisters, and he will not be lonely when he grows up. In addition, mom and dad have to tell the boss that mom and dad are old, and if they have one more brother and sister, they can take care of their parents together, which can alleviate his hardship.
Pay attention to maintaining the emotional balance of the family.
"Sanjin Metropolis Daily": How should parents balance the relationship between the two children in their daily upbringing when they have a second child?
Li Cheng: First of all, after the birth of the second child, parents should continue to pay more attention to the first child and maintain normal communication with the first child as much as possible. Don't focus all their attention on the newborn and make them feel suddenly left out.
Secondly, older children can also be encouraged to pay attention to their baby's needs, help parents take care of their little brothers and sisters, give them a sense of responsibility and accomplishment, and at the same time increase their feelings for their little brothers and sisters in the care of their little babies.
Third, parents should not treat their children in a controlled way, but should communicate with them equally. Because if you take care of too much at ordinary times, older children will still learn to treat younger brothers and sisters in a controlled way, which increases the possibility of conflict.
In addition, parents should also pay attention to maintaining their relationship and give their children a good example.
In-depth answer: Parents should pay attention to maintaining the balance of family emotions.
Many parents are so busy taking care of their babies after they are born that it is easy to ignore the feelings of the boss. Although many children seem sensible on the surface and help adults take care of their babies together, in fact, children may not be really happy. The mother of Tingting, a passer-by, told reporters that she thought she had infiltrated her boss Tingting a lot for the arrival of Bao Xiao, but the reality was much more complicated than expected. Tingting started by fighting for her mother not to let her hold her brother. Later, I went to the battlefield and looked at my father. As long as my mother asks my father for help, Tingting will jump on my father at once. Often lose your temper and cry for no reason. In fact, children are children, and their hearts are sometimes very sensitive. They all need their mothers' hugs and promises of love. After the second child is born, parents should never ignore the boss. For example, feeding the little ones and hugging the big ones will not make them feel different, and then feel that their parents are eccentric. When the child is rejected, he should show understanding; When children can't fully accept it, they should properly accept their bad temper.
Parental education and guidance are very important. Parents should try to inspire their children to find better solutions: for example, how to divide things between two people, how to divide them half by half, or how to draw lots or take turns between two people, learn to solve contradictions, and let children learn the ability to solve problems in contradictions. In addition, if the boss does do something wrong in life, parents should communicate with their children alone and try not to reprimand the boss in front of the second child; Some parents always compare two children, "you are not good, or your brother is obedient" and "you are more sensible than your sister", so try not to say anything; Or think that the great humility of younger brothers and sisters is taken for granted, which will also lead to the intensification of contradictions among compatriots.
Let children get along alone and cultivate a sense of responsibility.
After the second child is born, parents should always communicate with the boss. "Brother and sister can't walk, can't talk, so weak, how can we help him?" "When you were so young, your parents helped you." Parents can try to tell the boss in this way that they used to take care of him in this way. When the second child is older, parents can also create some conditions for their children to get along alone and ask them to cooperate with each other to complete some things. For example, let the children participate in an activity and let the two children experience the power of unity and mutual assistance in a strange environment. If the boss is old, you can talk about the advantages of being a brother and sister, and tell him that he is the boss of the family and should have the responsibility and responsibility of the boss.
In normal upbringing, parents must keep a bowl of water level and treat their two children equally as much as possible. For example, if you buy new clothes for the boss, you will buy new toys for the second child. Even if one of the children always makes mistakes, we should seize the opportunity to praise and affirm him; Even if the other child is perfect, we should seize the opportunity to criticize him, ensure the psychological balance of the two children and let them feel the same love. There must be no preference or emotional tendency, which will cause the psychological shadow of the child. When children are in conflict, if parents interfere and help the little ones unprincipled, the boss will definitely not accept it. When parents leave, they will retaliate and bully the younger ones. For some second-born children who are brave, parents should not blindly protect them, which will not only make the boss have psychological imbalance, but also develop the second-born personality and deepen the contradiction between the two children.