Let me give you an example. You see a young girl with a child. It may be that before you study, it is easy for you to make moral judgments, right and wrong judgments. You think he must be frivolous, and you may say in your heart that he may be involved in someone else's marriage. In order to divorce this man, stay with him and have children with this man. But ... is it possible that this child was left by the girl's sister and her brother-in-law who died in a car accident? Or is it possible that this woman was violated and had a child, but she thought the child was innocent, so she was born?
Another example is that you see an AIDS patient. In the past, you might think, oh, this person must be misbehaving. But is it possible that he was selling blood in an informal place to save the sick children at home? Or is it possible that he was a doctor and accidentally got infected while saving a patient?
When we always look at everything in life with a critical eye, when we don't know anything about anyone, we just speculate and make moral judgments. Then our world will be full of pain and narrowness. Because once we have such a ruler in our hearts, we can't escape from ourselves. It can't make us stronger.
Where does that power come from? I think strength comes from deep vision. Strength comes from understanding and compassion. We talked about it before. Look. The purpose of studying the arrangement of family system is to help us to let go of some inherent prejudices and beliefs that cannot give us strength. Look at everything in life from a broader and deeper perspective.
There is a phenomenon you must know today, that is, the network sprayer. Luo Xiang once said something I particularly like. He said that the less knowledge a person has. The more I have a strange courage. There is also a strange grass. Because the poorer the truth is, the more absolute you believe. Because you've never heard the opposite view.
Arrogance is the nature of ignorance and argument. People often turn arguments of opinions into verbal attacks, and even verbal attacks into physical conflicts. Therefore, when you meet online stalls, continue to use some advertising slogans. In fact, there is no need to argue with him, because you are a defender and you don't need to change.
Slogan thinking is the most convenient. Because slogan thinking does not need to think. A man of standard thinking, he is actually poisoned. He was bewitched and lost the ability to think independently. So don't argue with them. Don't argue with them. Then why are there so many online sprays?
Because the current network is anonymous, people can spread malice at will, have no self-control and bear no consequences.
You may have heard of a very famous prison experiment in psychology. He was led by American psychologist philip zimbardo at 1973. What is this experiment?
Because they are called mock prisons, most of them are gold. He screened 24 people with normal mental health.
Ordinary college students. Give them a random number, and the draw will be divided into prisoner group and guard group. How about the former group participating in this experiment? Everyone can get a reward of 15 dollars every day. This was quite a lot at that time.
Because the experiment simulates the real prison environment, students who are drawn to play prisoners will be handcuffed and blindfolded and escorted by police cars to the simulated prison in the basement of Stanford University.
Then how will they be searched, stripped naked, forcibly cleaned and disinfected, put on uniforms, put on shackles on their feet and put on nylon stockings on their heads?
I don't know about nylon. Speaking of which, do you have the impression that in many TV dramas that rob banks, or some TV dramas that simulate prisons, prisoners need to set this up or rob banks to pay less?
So this experiment, which you may have heard here, already feels very real. Not only that.
All prisoners also need to be fingerprinted. They no longer have names. It's all answered by account number. Those who draw lots to this guard group, that is, Yuzhu's, are much more free. They haven't even been trained in how to warn. The experimenter just equipped them with police uniforms, whistles, batons and sunglasses.
And tell them that when you are on duty, you can do anything to maintain prison order and law.
In addition, be prepared for emergencies. I don't know if you can imagine. What it would be like to participate in this experiment. If you are a prisoner. Or you're a warning. What kind of state will you have? Will your attitude and behavior change greatly because of different roles?
Well, most people might say no, it's just a simulation. I am still me. How should I change, right?
Zimbardo, before the experiment started. I didn't expect something extraordinary to happen. He is only interested in the prisoner's performance. So everyone thinks it's interesting to make early warning. Therefore, before drawing lots, he had a tendency to ask everyone that basically all subjects should apply to be prisoners. Because they just want to experience the feeling of being a prisoner.
But with the progress of the experiment, the focus of the researchers shifted from prisoners to prison guards. How did this happen?
The experiment begins. It appeared on the first night, which we had no idea. Well, the so-called prison guard warning, they blew up the bed in the middle of the night to let the prisoners get up and line up. In this way, they want to verify whether their authority has been established in the hearts of prisoners and volunteers.
And when they punish prisoners, they will make them do push-ups. You know, this is actually a very common punishment method in prisons and real prisons. So in this mock prison, these prison guards sometimes ride on prisoners in order to increase punishment.
Well, of course the prisoners don't want to. The next morning they began to protest.
They just broke through the small partition of the prison and blocked the prison door with beds to prevent the early warning people from coming in. After seeing the warning of shift change, I was very angry and thought it must be the doorman of the last round. The prison guard is too kind to the prisoners. So, they picked up the fire extinguisher and began to spray water on the prisoner and tore off the prisoner's clothes.
They also found out the criminals who led the trouble and gave them gold coins.
And then intimidate other prisoners in this way. Then with the passage of time, Yutu became more powerful. Not only did they torture the prisoners by canceling dinner, during which time one prisoner was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and the experimenter had to release him.
Then the students guarding the back were the early warning, and I overheard the rumor that the prisoner had not escaped from prison.
Since then, they have been more severe with his prisoners. They are often not allowed to rest, have to do all kinds of rough work, even forced to clean the toilet by hand, and even imitate animals for mating. Sometimes they don't let the players go to the toilet, so the prisoners can only use the bucket in the hut and can't clean it on time, that is, the ball room is filled with all kinds of unpleasant smells.
Then the other prisoners had a nervous breakdown.
At this time, the professor suggested, ah, well, they can be released on bail. But all the prisoners have taken the experiment as true at this time, so they don't know how to resist. They became very depressed and felt like prisoners. You know, it only took a few days.
Only five days. In just five days, a person without any training can change from a normal person to a demon.
And an ordinary person who has not committed any crime can become a recommended offender who is trampled on at will. The role of environment and role is much greater than we expected. On the sixth day.
Professor zimbardo thinks that this experiment can't continue, and if it continues, it will be a serious violation of ethics.
So he stopped the experiment. An experiment a few days later. It can make us lose our rational judgment and blindly obey the role imposed on us by the environment. Have you ever thought about our parents?
Our ancestors. How difficult it is for them to become a person who is out of tune with the environment. Many people blame their parents for preferring sons to daughters, while women blame their fathers for being cold and violent, and their mothers for not giving them freedom and encouragement.
Have we ever thought about our parents and the environment in which they grew up?
What did they go through? Full of their views and beliefs about life. Have you ever thought that the freedom and peace we have today are all due to our ancestors, who experienced cruelty, exploitation, oppression and hardship and won it for us bit by bit through their unremitting efforts?
Prison experiments tell us more than that.
Professor zimbardo found that women wearing white coats and hoods in the laboratory, as well as subjects wearing ordinary clothes and ID cards with their names on them, would lay a longer foundation for the victims. Previously, psychologists in the United States also found that in the dark environment, students who don't wear makeup attack their parents more violently than students who have high recognition in spacious classrooms.
It is precisely because of this anonymous link brought by the Internet that all the storms have become more violent.
I don't know if you can better understand the poem that Hellinger wrote to Hitler that we shared in the first class after listening to this experiment. History is not the fault of one person. History is created by all people. Everything can happen because of fate and human nature. And what is the purpose of adding cards?
Is to help us see more human feelings. Seeing human nature clearly is for us to criticize and oppose. We talked about it from the beginning. These 28-day courses are arranged to let us know about the system of our people and our families and its operating rules.
Let our love flow better. Only when you see it can you understand it, and when you understand it, you can choose what kind of life you want to live. Don't be afraid of pain Don't be afraid to make mistakes. You know, we humans can get it. Constant evolution also comes from all the difficulties and challenges. Looking back now, all the great growth in my own life came from the great blow that life gave me. Sometimes we don't know how strong we are without those blows.
It's really that sentence, you can't see color without suffering and wind and rain. All the past, all the experiences of our ancestors and ourselves are ultimately for the growth of our human beings. In order to serve life. I've been in pain.
Before learning to add cards, I once pinned my hopes on psychology. I first studied the flat therapy in the countryside, and felt that the fundamental problem had not been solved, so he followed the teacher's suggestion and began to study psychoanalysis systematically. Then I was disappointed with psychoanalysis and began to study Satya's family therapy and some expressive art therapy. I have also worked as a teaching assistant and translator for many years, and you have provided many courses yourself. And I have seen some masters asking everyone to worship them without feeling as if they don't belong here. I should seek more treatment and find a more peaceful and humble listing god. Very hurt, knowing that I really learned a lot and saw a lot. I even live with some teachers, translate for them and take care of them in life. That was after a lot of research and a lot of disillusionment.
I found that what really touched me was not some kind of therapy at all, some kind of superb consulting technology. But oh, my god. It is a kind of sobriety. This is a broad perspective and an acceptance of human nature and ourselves. When I say this kind of kindness, I don't mean blind altruism. It's that we are willing to feel the feelings of others and try to stand in the position of others. Willing to add a little more compassion to our love. We can learn many methods. But what really changes us is ourselves. This is the inherent decision of our growth. Too often, we put theories and methods before people. And people, and us, are fundamental.
I remember when I was in my twenties, I just graduated from college. One day I suddenly decided to call my mother. For many reasons, I didn't grow up with my mother. My mother was working the night shift in the office when I called.
I didn't say anything else I'll tell him.
Mom. I think you are a good mother. Hear this sentence. My parents cried on the other end of the phone. So I made up with my mom. I saw all his efforts for life and everything he wanted. I saw that even though I hated him, he was always there waiting for me.
Suddenly, I put it down. I feel deep love. So today I want to say. It's not a psychological way to cure us, not even Gaga. It is life itself that heals us. We are grateful for what we have and that we are still alive. What makes us wonder is that one day, maybe you suddenly want to see other people's difficulties. Willing to see greater strength, willing to see fate, willing to let go of blame. Admit that we are the same. You and I, he and he are essentially the same in the end. Everyone will see and emphasize their own difficulties. Everyone tries to make the best choice for himself under limited conditions. Everyone wants to have the most and the best.
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. Everyone is on the way he needs to go.