People: student A, student B, invigilator.
(In front of the classroom)
(Party A and Party B talk while walking. Party B is carrying a schoolbag, while Party A is empty-handed, with only a pen in his coat pocket. )
B (angrily): ... I heard that this invigilator is one of the four famous arrests in our hospital. what can I do?
Don't worry, man. I have an idea.
What's your clever plan?
A (triumphantly reaching for the phone): Use this! I have a buddy from the Information College. The first two classes have just finished the computer test, and the papers are the same as ours. This time I took the multiple-choice test of 100. I've already told him three short messages and it's done.
B (disappointed): Did you get an answer to the text message? What's the big deal? Although your mobile phone is set to vibrate, it is easy to be found by the teacher, who is very sensitive to these.
A: No, it isn't. I just don't adjust the vibration, so I just let it text. (Text message "beep", see a) Ha, my buddy has gone back to the dormitory now, and he is going to look through the books to find the answer.
Really? ! Wouldn't it be more blatant to let the phone ring?
A: You don't understand this. This is called rebirth after death. Mountain people have their own coup, just wait for the answer to come automatically.
(The bell rings, B is anxious, A leisurely walks to his seat and sits down. )
Are you still sitting in the front row?
A: It is called the most dangerous place and the safest place. You don't understand.
(The teacher is holding a stack of test papers)
Teacher (clearing his throat): Students, today's computer basic exam will be invigilated by me. I hope everyone will cooperate. Two test papers and an answer sheet. The topic1* * is 100, all of which are multiple-choice questions. Please check it. Write down the professional name and student number after writing. (After handing out the paper, I go to the front) Although it is a cliche, I would like to emphasize the discipline in the examination room here. Don't do what you know you can't do. I have been a teacher for so many years, and there are countless students invigilating. I know exactly what tricks those restless students have. If I find out who has made small moves, I will know the consequences myself. That's all I said. (looking at his watch) OK, now let's start answering questions. The time is two hours.
Everyone bowed their heads and began to answer questions. B scratched his head by the question, and A dragged his cheeks to sleep)
The teacher is on patrol. Later, he solemnly held up the sign, which read "fifteen minutes later" for the audience to see. Put it down. )
(Suddenly there is music)
Teacher (serious): Which classmate brought his mobile phone into the examination room? ! Hand over your mobile phone or turn it off! ..... Oh, it's mine. My carelessness affected my classmates. Sorry (turn off the phone quickly)
(The teacher continues to patrol and shows the sign "Half an hour later")
("Tick-tock" SMS)
Teacher: Who? ! (detect forward)
A (hands up): Me, teacher. I'm terribly sorry, my watch is broken. In order to control the time, I brought an alarm clock, which may not be turned off properly. (takes out a huge alarm clock from the table)
Teacher (cold sweat): So big? ! All right, all right, turn it off.
A: OK. (Sitting down and snickering at B)
(After the teacher's patrol, A openly took out his mobile phone and copied the answer. B probe copy)
(When the teacher turns around, Party A and Party B immediately resume the problem-solving state, and the teacher continues to copy. )
(The teacher shows the sign "Half an hour later")
(The beep rang again, and the teacher rushed forward)
A (stands up): Sorry, sir. I think there may be something wrong with my alarm clock.
Teacher: How did this happen?
Well, to reassure you, I'll take the battery off. (Take out the battery and throw it away)
(The teacher nods and continues to patrol. Party A and Party B copied the answers. )
(The teacher shows the sign "One hour later")
(The "beep" sounds again)
Teacher (angrily facing Jia): What do you think is going on? ! Does the alarm clock ring when the battery is removed? !
A (excitedly): Stop it, teacher. I'm tired of it, too (Handing the alarm clock) It's amazing. It will ring when there is no electricity. Just take my broken alarm clock and let everyone rest assured. I am deeply sorry for disturbing the order of the examination room.
Teacher (accepting the alarm clock): OK. Don't worry. Do the problem well. (Turn around and walk)
(A signals victory to B, and both of them copy the answers)
(When the teacher showed "one and a half hours later", Party A and Party B dropped their pens and breathed a sigh of relief. Party B made an OK gesture to Party A ... They smiled at each other.)
A (I just stood up and handed in my papers, and suddenly my cell phone rang again): No way. ! (at a loss)
Teacher (angry): This classmate, I always think you have a problem. Now you have nothing to say? !
A (turning to other students very excitedly): Say it! Please, who brings an alarm clock to the exam like me? It hasn't been turned off yet, which seriously affects the order of the exam! Do not cooperate with the teacher's invigilation, be worthy of the teacher, the school, the parents who have worked hard to train you, and your society? ! (b opens his hand innocently and shakes his head)
Teacher: Er ... Don't get too excited, this classmate. The exam is not over yet.
A: I'm sorry, sir. I was a little rude. I have finished writing my thesis.
(Party A and Party B handed the papers to the teacher one after another and left their seats. A is serious, and B can't help it.)
B (after going out): Wow! It's amazing that you can come up with such a wonderful idea. You must have no problem in this exam, hahaha!
A (smug): Small case!
B: Oh, yes, I have already sent the answers to the first three short messages. Why is there a fourth message? I broke out in a cold sweat for you.
Oh, yes. Scared me. Fortunately, I am resourceful.
Did you see what that message said?
A (takes out his mobile phone): What else, not the kind of "your mobile phone number won the lottery!" The deceptive advertisement is family doctor information.
(Party A and Party B watch mobile phones together)
A (word for word): All the answers I just sent you are wrong. That was the answer to last year's exam.
A: What? !
(End)
-
Funny script-Tang Priest accepts disciples
The Monkey King was crushed by the Tathagata Buddha at the foot of Wuxing Mountain after a big fight in the Heavenly Palace. "Biwu", 500 years have passed. ...
Guanyin: Wukong!
Wukong: Shit! You again? You've been here once a week for 500 years. Do you know you are bored?
Guanyin: This is your fault. I came here today to tell you a good thing!
Wukong: If you don't let me out, it's impossible. I have my hands full right now. WWF invited me to be the image spokesperson, and Special Olympics invited Arnold. I just earned some pocket money.
Guanyin: But you are trapped at the foot of the mountain now?
Wukong: Dashan? If I hadn't given the Tathagata a little face, I would have turned into a fly and flew away. I just need to pay for living in other places. The scenery here is beautiful. When Guanyin MM comes to see me, I have to go to work during the day and come back to sleep at night?
Guanyin: Then why didn't you go to work today?
Wukong: Shit! Weekend, understand?
Guanyin: Of course!
Wukong: Then what did you come to tell me today?
Guanyin: Listen. (While speaking, he takes out a small notebook from his pocket) ... the Monkey King, male, was crushed under the Five Elements Mountain for making a scene in the Heavenly Palace 500 years ago. Now the aunts of the street management committee in Tianzhu area have raised their hands and voted to assign this person to a monk in the Tang Dynasty as an apprentice. If you don't listen, you will stick in his old wood, throw ~ ~ ~ sulfuric acid at him, trample on his little ass, and cancel his membership of "Henan Outdoor Alliance".
Wukong: What?
Guanyin: Shh ~ ~ ~ ~
Wukong: Shh, shh?
Guanyin: Shit! Shh, your mother! I told you not to talk, that monk is coming! I want to go first!
Wukong: Huh? Is this the monk?
Tang Priest: According to the map, it should be here, right?
Wukong: Ah! You stepped on my hand!
Tang Priest: Oh, sorry, I didn't notice you, turtle.
Wukong: Tortoise?
Tang Priest: Really? But I really haven't seen a turtle like you with a big shell and a face like an old monkey. Wukong: It seems that Guanyin is right. With your IQ, none of you can reach Tianzhu. ...
Tang Priest: Oh? You also know Guanyin? She must be the hottest MM in the local area. I wonder if you know there is a monkey named the Monkey King here?
Wukong: Here is my business card.
Tang Priest: Oh? Your name is the Monkey King, too? What a coincidence! Then you must know someone with the same name nearby?
Wukong: Shit! Think about it with your heel. You should think that I am the monkey you are looking for, right? I'm trapped under the mountain!
Tang Priest: Really? Don't lie to me. Do you think I'm a fool?
Wukong: Fool? Are you a fool? Are you praising yourself or calling a fool? How can you be such a stupid fool?
Tang Priest: Did you see this too? If I'm not stupid, who wants to come out and do this job?
Wukong: OK, OK, now you go to the top of the mountain, take off the seal on it, and I can go with you to learn the scriptures.
Tang Priest: OK, you wait.
Wukong: Hey ~ ~ ~ ~ Did you find it ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Tang Priest: I found it ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ but I don't know which one ~ ~ ~ ~
Wukong: Shit! How many notes were posted on it?
Tang Priest: Many! "If you want to be rich, have fewer children and raise more * *", "only have a good child", "Stephen Chow community is neither white nor white", "there is no silver here" and "photography is forbidden here, and offenders will be fined" ...
Wukong: Yes, yes, that's the photo.
Tang Priest: All right! I already took it off!
Wukong: OK! Go away!
Knock, knock, knock, knock.
Wukong: A little further. ...
Knock, knock, knock.
Wukong: A little further. ...
Knock, knock, knock.
Wukong: Further ... Tang Priest: Shit! It's far from India ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Wukong: I'm coming out!
Tang Priest: Huh? The mountain didn't fall, so why did you come out?
Wukong: You climbed out of the cave and got a mountain?
Tang Priest: Did you climb out? Seals?
Wukong: it's just a formality ... in fact, the shelf life of the seal has long passed, and no one has come to replace it. The after-sales service is really ~ ~ ~ poor! Let's leave now.
Tang Priest: You are naked, aren't you?
Wukong: What's wrong with me?
Tang Priest: What happened to Mao? If I hadn't become a monk, I would have more hair than you! Here, put this on.
Wukong: Master, it's far from the Western Heaven. If you keep doing this, I'm afraid you won't get there.
Tang Priest: What's wrong?
Wukong: I'm really naked, but it won't help if you put this hoop on my head.
Tang Priest: Why so much nonsense? Put it on when I tell you to!
Wukong: Shit! If it weren't for Guanyin MM's face, I might kill you with a stick! (As he says, Wukong puts on a diamond ring)
Tang Priest: ▲※◆ ■■
Wukong:? My head!
Tang Priest: Ha ha ha! Are you scared?
Wukong: Is this a long-standing "shake your head curse" in Jianghu?
Tang Priest: Yes, once you have heard this mantra of shaking your head, you will be addicted to it immediately. If you don't listen for a day, your blood will flow backwards; If you don't listen for two days, your whole body will fester; If you don't listen for three days, you will suffer from deficiency of both qi and blood, chloasma on your face, enlarged prostate and menopausal symptoms. Even if you eat Gaizhonggai oral liquid produced by Harbin Pharmaceutical No.6 Factory, it won't save you!
Wukong: How vicious!
Tang Priest: Hehe, as the saying goes, no poison is not a husband, and a small amount is not a gentleman!
Wukong: I'll listen to you from now on ... damn it, what is the "shake your head curse"? I hate it!
Tang Priest: Not good!
Wukong: What's the matter?
Tang Priest: Tiger!
Wukong: Master, tigers are not terrible. Haven't you heard that poem?
Tang Priest: Poetry?
Wukong: Yes! As the saying goes, "12345, go up the mountain to shoot tigers, tigers don't eat, just eat big bad guys ..."
Tang Priest: Please, this is a children's song. ...
Wukong: I mean, the tiger will not die with me!
Tang Priest: Shit! I asked you to protect me, not to be an ambassador for wildlife protection organizations!
Wukong: I understand! Listen, all right!
Tang Priest: Wukong, why don't you go?
Wukong: There is a river ahead!
Tang Priest: What is a river? Why don't you just beat him to death?
Wukong: Look, this is the river.
Tang Priest: Oh, this is a river!
(While speaking, I saw a flash of white light, and Tang Priest's mount was gone. )
Tang Priest: Wukong, the horse for the teacher is missing!
Wukong: The horse is missing? Shit! What else can you do? Do you still have your underwear?
Tang Priest: (Stretching out his hand and touching it) Fortunately, I haven't lost it!
Wukong: captured by the little white dragon in the river!
Tang Priest: White Dragon? It's so exciting. I didn't expect to meet a talking monkey and a white dragon eating horses today.
Wukong: When will the big scene be seen? You wait, I'll go down and find him!
Tang Priest: What? Can you swim? It's amazing!
Wukong: * * Water brain!
Soon, Wukong pulls the white dragon out of the water, and the white dragon turns into a human form and kneels in front of the Tang Priest. )
Bailong: Are you a monk from the East?
Tang Priest: Exactly.
Bailong: Master!
Tang Priest: Who? Me? Wrong person!
Bailong: Yes, that's you. Guanyin JJ told me to wait for you here.
Tang priest: Guanyin again? How did you get here?
Bailong: I was originally the third prince of the East China Sea Dragon King. I didn't expect my girl to hang a Kai Zi behind my back, and they left on my wedding night! I smashed the new house in a rage. I burned a night pearl, but I didn't expect this bead to be a gift from the Jade Emperor. The jade emperor punished me for saying tongue twisters, but I couldn't, so I was demoted here!
Wukong: Tongue twister? What do you mean?
Bailong: It means "the old monk carries the soup to the tower, and the tower slides with the soup and burns the tower".
Tang Priest: Oh? Isn't what you said quite good?
Bailong: Nonsense, I have been practicing here for more than fifty years!
Tang Priest: I see. How about I teach you a new one? "Eight hundred pacesetter run north slope, north slope artillery run side by side. The artillery did not dare to step on the pacesetter, and the pacesetter did not dare to touch the artillery gun. "
Wukong: What happened to the stopwatch? Say tongue twister again, I'm going to lose my temper!
Tang Priest: Wukong, you don't understand this. Tongue twister is a language game widely circulated among the people. Words with confusing initials, finals or tones are combined into overlapping sentences, which requires you to pronounce them quickly in one breath. When you are fast, your pronunciation is easy to make mistakes!
Wukong: Shit!
Tang Priest: Did you hit me again?
Wukong: Get to the point!
Bailong: Oh, I'm sorry, master. I ate your white horse, so let me turn into a white horse to carry it ~ ~ ~ ~ Why don't you go to learn from the scriptures?
Tang Priest: Hum! Good idea! I want a BMW!
Bailong: Famous car!
Tang Priest: Are you afraid?
Director: Cut!
Tang Priest: Hey! No need, right? Every episode, you come out and stop?
Director: BMW! Our funds are running out. How can we get props for you?
Tang Priest: BMW, the best is only a few hundred thousand.
Director: hundreds of thousands? No, let alone a BMW. Puma can't afford it, can it?
Tang Priest: OK, again!
……
Bailong: Oh, I'm sorry, master. I ate your white horse, so let me turn into a white horse to carry it ~ ~ ~ ~ Why don't you go to learn from the scriptures?
Tang Priest: Amitabha!
(Tang Priest draws his sword from behind and points it at Tianyi)
Tang Priest: Give me strength ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I ~ ~ ~ I am a ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Wukong: Cyril?
Bailong: It's my turn!
(White Dragon Transforms)
Tang Priest: Mule!
Director: Sorry, the funds are really insufficient. We must change horses in the next episode.
Bailong: Then please change it to white. This black mule is bad for my image!
Tang Priest: Yes, who has ever seen Tang Priest go out on a mule?
Director: Ladies and gentlemen, let's make do. Dinner tonight is on me.
Bailong: OK, that's settled!
When the sun sets, Wukong carries the burden, and Tang Priest rides a mule and walks to the altar in the afterglow of the sunset ...