Five students are addicted to smoking. One day, they were smoking in the toilet and the dean saw them. The dean told his class teacher that the class teacher would talk to them the next day.
Teacher: "Do you smoke?"
Student A: "Suck?"
Teacher: "Suck? You are glorious! Go home and call your parents! "
When student A went back, he said to the other four people, "When the teacher asked you if you smoked, you all denied it and said you didn't smoke. I will take responsibility for myself. "
Teacher: "Do you smoke?"
Student B: "No."
"French fries, then." Then the teacher handed over the French fries.
Student b naturally sticks out two fingers?
Teacher: "Don't smoke? Go home and call your parents. "
Teacher: "Do you smoke?"
Student C: "No."
"French fries, then."
Student c carefully took the French fries and secretly thanked student b (fortunately, I came prepared)
Teacher: "Don't you dip in some ketchup?"
Student c accidentally dipped too much sauce and began to play in the bowl?
Teacher: "Don't smoke? Are you good at playing with soot? Go home and call your parents! "
Teacher: "Do you smoke?"
Student D: "No? Rotten? . "
Student D was sweating like a pig after eating French fries.
Student D: "Thank you? Teacher? If nothing happens, I will go back first. "
Teacher: "Don't you bring roots to your classmates?"
Student D: "Thank you, teacher."
Say, put French fries in your ear?
Teacher: "know what I should say, don't call parents!" " "
Teacher: "Do you smoke?"
Student E: "No."
Finally put the French fries in your pocket? )
Student E turned to go, and the teacher suddenly shouted, "The headmaster is coming!" " "
I saw student e hurriedly take French fries out of his pocket and stamp them on the ground?
A
Posts in the forum
Title: I found an amazing secret of qq!
Text: I found today that just dragging oicq to the top of the screen will disappear automatically, and it will reappear as soon as the mouse moves over. How cool! ! !
You don't have to press minimize anymore. That's so cool!
Try it if you don't believe me.
The following are excerpts of some responses:
Reply (1): Wow, that's amazing. I didn't think it was true!
Landlord, you are great! ! ! ! ! !
Reply (2): Oh dear. . . I found it too. . It turns out that it is ok to drag it to the far left. . . Dragging to the far right has the same effect. . . Ha ha ha ha. . You can drag it to the bottom. . Top. . . . . I feel dizzy. . . . It's amazing. . Keep dragging. . Everyone will drag qq to play in the future. . Definitely more fun than chatting.
. .
Reply (3): Today, I found that as long as I cut off the power supply, my monitor will turn off. It's amazing and cool ~ ~ ~
Reply (4): I found today that you can see what you said to your friends by clicking a key called chat record in oicq! How cool! ! ! !
No more talking with a pen and copying records. That's so cool!
Try it if you don't believe me.
Reply (5): I found a strange thing today, which can control the small triangle on the screen when plugged into the computer.
You don't have to use the keyboard to go up and down the left and right keys anymore.
Reply (6): I found that soda can be opened with a bottle opener.
Finally, I don't have to break the bottle and filter out the glass to drink ~
So cool and short ~ ~
Try it if you don't believe me ~
Reply (7): Ah
I just found out that qq can open two ~ ~ ~
One disappears on the left, the other disappears on the right, and the mouse has to point to them left and right before it comes out. Powder stimulation!
It must be fun to use qq like this in the future.
Reply (8): Today, I found that I can fart without taking off my pants! How cool! ! !
Never take off your pants and fart again. That's so cool!
Try it if you don't believe me.
Reply (9): I also found a big secret. Let me tell you something: if nothing happens to the children, there will be more than a dozen.
You can all grow up after the year. Just try it.
Reply (10): Today, I found that pressing the power button for 5 seconds can turn it off! How cool! ! ! !
Never use the computer shutdown system again. It's so cool!
Try it if you don't believe me.
Reply (1 1): I am the landlord of Tencent. Thank you for discovering this skill. I thank you on behalf of the company.
Reply (12): I always thought qq was used to decorate the screen. It turned out that those little people were chatting with me. Oh, my God, I just found out. This is a big secret. Please try it.
Reply (13): Today, I found that I can pull out a nosebleed as long as I put my finger into my nostril and dig hard. How cool! ! !
You don't have to punch if you want to have a nosebleed in the future. That's so cool!
Try it if you don't believe me.
Reply (14): I found today that as long as the car is on fire. Then you can drive away by yourself as soon as you step on the gas pedal, which is very fast. How cool! ! !
I don't have to push her anymore. That's so cool!
Try it if you don't believe me.
Reply (15): Today, I found that when eating, as long as my upper and lower teeth keep biting, my stomach will be broken and I can still swallow it. How cool! ! !
You don't have to break it with a blender before eating. That's so cool!
Try it if you don't believe me.
Reply (16): It's amazing to find that the mouse cursor can be moved anywhere on the screen today! ! ! !
If you don't believe me, you can try! ! Try it if you don't believe me ~
I also found out today that he wouldn't let you get on the plane if you didn't have the money to go to the Internet cafe.
Reply (17): Today, I finally found that I can breathe through my mouth. Damn, I remember the last time I caught a cold and almost choked to death. That was close! ! !
Today, I also discovered a big secret.
After reading several replies, I smiled on the spot, and my hand actually got up and pulled again.
It turns out that you can get up and laugh after laughing.
No more lying on the ground laughing. That's so cool.
B
One day, when the teacher came into the classroom, the students stood up and shouted, "Good morning, teacher!" " "
The teacher said angrily, "Good morning? What shall I do in the afternoon? Not good? "
So the students shouted together: "Good afternoon, teacher!" "
The teacher said angrily, "What about my evening?"
The students shouted together again: "Good evening, teacher!" "
The teacher nodded and said, "That's it. Now shout it again! " "
The students shouted: "Good morning, teacher, good afternoon and good evening!" "
The teacher said, "Sit down! Today we are going to review antonyms. Let's practice like this. When I say something, you say the antonym loudly. Start now. "
Teacher: "The weather is fine today."
Student: "The weather is terrible today."
Teacher: "There is sunshine everywhere."
Student: "There are clouds everywhere."
Teacher: "The road is crowded with people."
Student: "There is no one on the road."
Teacher: "Young."
Student: "Old."
Teacher: "Stand."
Student: "Lie down"
Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road."
Student: "There is an old man lying on the road."
Teacher: "I found a dollar."
Student: "I lost a dollar."
Teacher: "I found a dollar and gave it to the teacher."
Student: "I stole a teacher and lost a dollar."
Teacher: "No, you can't say that!" " "
Student: "Correct, you should say so!" " "
Teacher: "Wrong."
Student: "Correct."
Teacher: "that won't do, it's illegal!" " "
Student: "This is ok, this is a legal act!" " "
Teacher: "I was wrong."
Student: "I'm right."
Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher said is right!" " "
Student: "Listen to us, everything the teacher said is wrong!" " "
Teacher: "You are so stupid."
Student: "We are very smart."
Teacher: "Stop!"
Student: "Go on!"
Teacher: "You stop now! Stop it! "
Student: "Go on now! Say it! "
Teacher: "You stupid pigs, I said stop!" " "
Student: "We are all geniuses, we say go on!" " "
Teacher: "You listen to the teacher!" " "
Student: "The teacher listens to us!" " "
Teacher: "all students have to listen to the teacher!" " "
Student: "The teacher should listen to the students!" " "
Teacher: "now you stop practicing!" " "
Student: "Now let's continue to practice!" "
Teacher: "Are you endless?"
Student: "We finish what we started!" "
Teacher: "Then stop! Stupid pig! "
Student: "Then we should continue! Genius! "
..... Then the teacher walked out of the classroom angrily with a book in his arms.
C
A friend of mine is a policeman. He caught a bank robber and found a diary in this guy's residence. Later, he recommended it to me. Now extract the part and reward the smiling friend. If it's funny, stand up.
March 1 I made a great decision today. I'm going to rob a bank. But this is the hardest decision in my life to make to grab that. Finally, I decided to start with ICBC because the advertisement said: ICBC, the bank around you. It is more convenient to start from the side.
On March 4th, I moved to the bungalow rented by Heping Road Police Station. As the saying goes, the more dangerous the place, the safer it is. And conveniently took a dozen pairs of handcuffs, and was practicing how to escape in the case of being handcuffed.
March 10 now I insist on running 5 kilometers every day in order not to catch up after being robbed.
March 16, discharged today. Six days ago, I was hit with bricks by several primary school students in the street. I will be careful in the future. It's too early for people to join the underworld now. If I hadn't insisted on long-distance running, I would have died.
On March 20th, I stole a Santana on Jiefang Road yesterday. At night, all four wheels and steering wheel were gone. What kind of world? I should be careful when I go out. There are so many bad guys now.
On April 15, I felt more and more that I needed a helper. Yesterday, I wrote to a friend and talked about my great plan. He expressed great interest and was isolated on the coming train.
I got my driver's license today on June 2nd. The robberies in the movies are all cars and planes. Now I just don't know where to get a plane driver's license.
On June 5438+05, in order to learn advanced robbery techniques, I got a computer from an Internet cafe and several Internet surfing things from the telecommunications bureau.
On February 3, time flies, and a year has passed. Now I can basically disable all the alarms of ICBC through the computer, so I have read all the books above the undergraduate level. I feel the pace of success is getting closer and closer.
On April 5 last month, I thought the door was open. When I rushed into the bank, the glass was too bright. I hit my nose 45 degrees to the left. I fainted on the spot and woke up in the hospital.
On April 8, today, I made full preparations and went to the bank. There are two couples quarreling and listening to each other. It's just who slept with whom. I'm tired of it. Shouting: Robbery ... The salesperson said: Go have fun. I couldn't stand these bitches, so I came out.
On April 15, the robbery was finally successful, and now my hands are shaking. I will write a detailed story tomorrow. ...
April 16, I shouldn't go to the bank to deposit money.
D
N ways to eat steamed bread
When you want to eat a cake, pat the steamed bread flat and eat it as a cake.
When you want to eat noodles, take a comb and comb the steamed bread a few times and eat face to face.
When you want to eat ice cream, put the steamed bread in the refrigerator and freeze it.
When you want to eat cookies, bake the steamed bread crisp before eating.
When you want to eat instant noodles, empty the steamed bread from below, then put the steamed bread residue in it and soak it in water.
When you want to eat meat, knead the steamed bread into pigs or sheep before eating.
When you want to eat hot pot, cut the steamed bread into pieces and eat it in boiling water.
When you want to eat sausage, rub the steamed bread into strips before eating.
When you want to eat hamburgers, wrap the steamed bread in paper, and then open the paper before eating.
When you want to eat bananas, peel the steamed bread before eating.
When you want to eat chicken legs, find a chopstick to eat in steamed bread.
When you want to eat cereal, crush the steamed bread, squash it and soak it.
There are many ways to live in poverty. ...
E
Whenever I take an exam, I get 890 points. I play as I please in the examination room, and I win the score twice. Do you really think I did it alone? But seriously! The exam is a mid-term examination room for a group of people. No, this is the final exam. There are 20 seconds before the papers are handed in. McGrady is going to cheat. The dean of the department stood beside him, talking nonsense. It's the headmaster. Anyway, anyway, he passed the note out ... 10 seconds left, and McGrady got the answer! In the last 3 seconds, he needs a fill-in-the-blank question! The answer is coming, and the whole examination room wants to stop him! But he copied it. It's the left hand! Oh, dear, even the teacher was moved to tears. But the newspaper said: I won't ... yes, like that.
F
(Telephone records)
Man: Hello? Who are you?
Woman: I'm the new maid.
Man: Why didn't I know?
Woman: The hostess asked me to start work today.
Man: ok ... where is the hostess?
Woman: Sleep.
Man: Is it human?
Woman: There is a man next to me.
Man: ok, listen, I'm the host, in the cupboard by the bed.
Have a pistol, kill those two people, and I will pay you accordingly.
(Soon after, there were two gunshots. )
Woman: Well, master, then what?
Man: Drag them to the swimming pool at the back of the room. ...
W: But ... isn't there a swimming pool in your room?
Man: (silent for a moment) ....
Um ... is that your phone number ... 999243x?
G
One night, Cindy came home from work and cooked dinner as usual.
However, she found that the sink drain pipe in the kitchen seemed to be blocked, so she called William, the water electrician, hoping that he could come and help repair it.
William agreed at once and said that he would go to Cindy's house tomorrow afternoon.
Because it was during Cindy's office hours, Cindy told him, "I'll put the key under the doormat."
Come in by yourself. I have an Akita dog. Very good. You don't have to worry.
Besides, I have a parrot, who is a troublesome guy. No matter what it tells you when you come in. Remember! Never talk to parrots. "William listened to although full of doubts, but still agreed.
The next afternoon, William arrived at Cindy's house on time, entered the door and began to repair the kitchen sink.
This dog is very good. He didn't bark or bite him. The parrot kept yelling at him.
At first William remembered Cindy's suggestion and ignored it, but the parrot kept calling.
After a while, William finally couldn't stand it. He shouted at the parrot:
"Shut up! You big stupid bird! " The parrot paused, and William thought his roar had some effect.
Then, I only heard the parrot imitate Cindy's voice and say, "Dog! Go bite him! " Then I heard a scream from the kitchen.