You love your grandmother, but you can't catch up with her because of some misunderstandings caused by interpersonal disputes between relatives. Grandma doesn't seem to remember you, but you feel that there is no place for you in her heart, even because of some external estrangement and misunderstanding (your grandmother is scared when she sees your expression).
When your grandmother was seriously ill, your cousin's indiscriminate killing meant that his cousin was one of the centers of family conflicts. Your physical pain triggered this cousin's dream of killing you, which is your vigilance and fear for him. Killing your blood means that you can finally avoid things that are not good for you in family disputes, and it also means that what you lose after avoiding them is the heat in your heart. Blood is a symbol of light and spirituality, which breaks your heart.
Calm down, the dead are gone. The important thing is that you have no regrets and are happy.