Horrible humorous jokes

1, Uncle is a famous bold man in the village. He passed by the cemetery overnight and greeted a woman in the same village. The woman said that she couldn't walk, and the uncle kindly carried it. However, her back became heavier and heavier and she walked to the village entrance in the middle of the night. The old man who picked up dung got up early and asked the uncle why she came back with the coffin early in the morning. Uncle said that she cheated on her fellow villager jane doe yesterday, and the old man was eclipsed. No way, that girl has been dead for two years!

He went to her house to be a guest, and it rained heavily in the middle, and both of them were soaked. When he got home, he said he wanted to take a bath. When he found that there was no shower gel, he asked her for it. She handed me a bottle and said, "Our whole family uses this, and it works very well." He took the bottle with a smile and suddenly turned pale because he smelled formalin. ...

There is a girl who always dreams of a man with a mole on his chin. She always said, "Come to me. Finally, they agreed to meet in a park in 12. When the time came, the girl felt a little hot and went across to buy water. Suddenly, she was hit by a car. Passers-by were going to take her to the accident car and take her to the hospital, only to find that it was a hearse with a man with a mole on his chin and his mouth raised. .

4. The old couple sat in front of the TV and stared at the screen: the news arrived and the news was over; The advertisement has arrived and the advertisement is over; The weather forecast has arrived, and the weather forecast is over; The advertisement arrived and ended ... until late at night, the picture turned into snowflakes, and the old couple still sat in front of the TV and stared at the screen. For a long time, the old man spoke blankly: "Why didn't the news broadcast ... we were killed?"

On Valentine's Day, he sneaked into his girlfriend's house to surprise her. After turning off the lights, he put tomato juice on his face and spread a white sheet to scare his girlfriend. He ran to the kitchen to see what he looked like after makeup. The look in the kitchen mirror was so horrible that he was shocked. He felt that his girlfriend couldn't stand it, so he took off his makeup. He told his girlfriend about it when she came back. His girlfriend said in horror, "There is no mirror in the kitchen.

6, avalanche, she was crushed under the snow, she called her husband in the dark. Not far away came her husband's voice: "Don't be afraid, baby, I'm here! If you can move, dig it for me. My snow is very thin. " She promised to dig hard in the direction of sound! Her husband's voice has been encouraging her not far away. Rescuers pulled her out of the snowdrift two hours later, but what she saw was the body of her long-dead husband!

7. She was watching a horror movie when suddenly there were three knocks at the door next door. She was startled. Yi kexun It's her neighbor. He likes to scare her. He tried to play the ghost on the phone, and she knocked on the wall angrily to get back at him. There was a response. She thought he was naive and ignored him anymore. After half an hour, the knocking on the wall disappeared. The next day, the police came in and out next door, and he died at the hands of robbers who entered the house. She finally understood that significance of knock on the wall. That night, she cried alone, and suddenly there were three more knocks on the wall next door.

He bought a mahogany bed last month. Strangely, as soon as he arrived at 12, he felt that there was another person beside him. He bought a bag of flour and scattered it in the room. 12, he saw female footprints on the ground until the edge of the bed disappeared! He was so scared that he ran to the furniture store. I peeked at the shop. I was making furniture, and there were some new mahogany coffins with mud on them. He turned and ran in fear, and suddenly a gloomy female voice reached his ear. "Come back, sleep alone, it's so cold!

9. In class, none of the rebellious students is absent today. It seems that the usual scolding is effective. Suddenly the phone rang. "Turn off the phone in class. Don't you understand this rule? " The students stared at me. When I woke up, it turned out to be your work phone number, but it was the principal's. Turn around and answer the phone: "Hello?" "Students in your class play truant and charter. I had an accident and lost my life ... "I hung up the phone trembling, and suddenly I felt that my classmates were slowly coming around behind me!

10, there is a taxi driver working in a taxi company. One night, he was driving through a very desolate place, surrounded by darkness; Suddenly I saw a building on the wasteland ahead, with dim lights on. He wants to know when such a building was built here. He saw a young lady beckoning him to take the car home. After the young lady got on the bus, he closed the door and started driving. After a while, he felt very strange. Miss, why don't you talk? As a result, he looked in the mirror and saw that there was no miss, only a doll sitting there. Scared to death, he grabbed the doll and threw it out of the window. After returning home, he was seriously ill.

1 1. On a dark night, a man drove through a graveyard. The breeze blew, and the surrounding sounds rustled, making people feel creepy and numb. Just then, he suddenly found a little red light flashing in the distance. His first thought was "jack-o'-lantern". So he carefully picked up a stone and threw it at the lamp. I saw flames swaying behind another grave. What is even more frightening is that he picked up a stone and threw it at the fire, only to see the light fly to another grave. At this point, he is close to collapse. So he picked up another stone and threw it at the lamp. At this moment, I heard a voice from behind the grave: "Shit, who is it? "Shit is not fun. A bag of cigarettes was thrown at me three times. "

12, Jia Ming's love affair is known to everyone who knows him. His first girlfriend committed suicide for him because she liked the new and hated the old. Since then, he has been out of control. He is addicted to bars and pornography. In fact, only he knows that he really loved his girlfriend Susie after her death. Without her, he felt that love meant nothing to him. That's it. Everyone thinks he is happy and heartless. In fact, he wakes up every day and cries in the bathroom in the bed of a strange woman, drowning his own remorse and remorse.

He still went to his favorite bar tonight. The bartender knows him well and greets him as soon as he arrives.

......

13, Xiaohong and Xiaolan are inseparable friends. Xiaohong is a timid girl, while Xiaolan is a fearless girl.

One night, Xiaohong's parents went out on business, and Xiaohong was alone at home. This is the first time she has stayed at home alone since she moved to a new home. It is raining heavily outside. It's terrible. "The more she thought about it, the more frightened she became." No, I'm going to ask Xiaolan to come and stay with me! "So she picked up the phone and dialed Xiaolan's home number." Xiaolan, this is Xiaohong. Can you come to my house and spend the night with me tonight? My parents are away on business. I'm so scared alone! "I almost cried when I spoke. Xiaolan hesitated for a moment, then said, "OK, no problem, wait for me, I'll be there soon!" " "Little red put the phone down and immediately felt relaxed. She thought that Xiaolan would come to accompany her for a while, and she was really happy. Then she found out all the delicious snacks at home and sat on the sofa watching TV while waiting for Xiaolan.

......

Li Kang was very excited all day. I went back to Korea to visit my relatives during my menstruation, and brought him a new color screen mobile phone. The exquisite and compact body makes people fondle it, and the most exciting thing is that the ringtone of this phone is seven * * *. Compared with the common mobile phones with scales of 16 * * *, 40 * * *, the ringtone of this mobile phone is purer and clearer, the accent is deep and shocking, and the treble is sharp and exciting. It turns out that bells like "introduction and vortex" and "raindrop" rang, just like the sound of nature, which was heard before and suddenly afterwards. Everyone who has heard of it is full of praise, and Li Kang is happy from ear to ear.

The fly in the ointment is that there are too few ringtones, and this rare ringtone has nowhere to go online. Li Kang sat on the subway home thinking about the exam, but he couldn't help turning on his cell phone again to listen. The noise of the roaring train still can't hide the beauty of the bell. The people in the carriage stopped talking, turned from the source of the ringtone and looked at Li Kang with admiration.

......

15, if I were still alive, I would be seventy years old. I can imagine that my hair is all white, or I have fallen out, hunched over and been with all my children and grandchildren. However, I don't like that. I hate aging, I hate it very much, and I can even say that I am full of fear of aging. So, I still feel lucky, at least I feel twenty years old, even though I have only a handful of bones left.

The flowers in the valley have blossomed and withered, and they have bloomed for nearly fifty times. That's how I learned to tell the year. So, this year should be 2000. Besides, snow can help me to watch the time. In winter, the snow on the mountain is so heavy that it covers all the hay, including me. I hid under the snow. Occasionally, when the sun comes out and the snow line drops, I can show half my skull. White bones blend with the color of snow, just like when I was alive, I was fighting in a white windbreaker.

......

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