At the beginning of the book, it is pointed out that each of us will face three practical problems from birth: 1, and we can't live without the surface of the earth. As long as we are alive, we will definitely contact with others. There are two sexes in human beings. In short, if human beings want to survive, they have to face three problems: occupation, society and sex.
Adler believes that the true meaning of life lies in making contributions to the group, that is, dedication is the true meaning of life. In all kinds of religious thoughts, we can see the mind of saving the world and helping others. All the great movements in the world, tradition, philosophy, science and art, are the result of people's desire to increase social interests. Therefore, if a person can truly stand in society, he must understand that the meaning of life lies in being interested in and cooperating with all human beings and making contributions to our world. In other words, when we choose a means of making a living, we can't just think about making profits for ourselves. The correct professional outlook is to make contributions to the human world and get corresponding rewards at the same time. This is also a question of outlook on life and values, abandoning selfishness and advocating win-win cooperation.
"Individual Psychology" holds that many behavioral problems of adults are influenced by childhood. At present, there is also a saying that "a good childhood can cure a lifetime; However, many people in this world spend their whole lives healing their injured childhood. "
Physical defects, doting and neglect are the easiest for children to give wrong meaning to life. Every memory of childhood is worth remembering, especially the earliest one, which is his first comprehensive concept of himself and the environment, and also his personal subjective starting point, that is, the beginning of making records for himself. Whether his environment is safe or dangerous directly determines whether he has a sense of belonging and security, thus developing his ability to cooperate with others. "Before a person is five years old, his or her life experience has determined the way he or she explains his or her experiences and reactions as an adult, and he or she has a basic answer to" what should be expected of the world and himself ". "
Through the comprehensive analysis of human body and mind, Adler defined "individual psychology", which is an understanding of the defects of cooperation. In addition to the influence of genetics on the development of life skills, it considers the soul itself and the unified mind. The way to understand the psychological differences of different people is to observe their cooperation ability.
"Everyone has different degrees of inferiority complex, because no one is satisfied with their present situation; The pursuit of superiority is the commonality of all people. However, not everyone can transcend inferiority complex. The key is to correctly treat occupation, society and gender, and to correctly understand life. "
Adler pointed out in analyzing inferiority and superiority that everyone has inferiority and superiority, and it is impossible for people who have not learned to understand children to understand adults. Children's bad behavior is mostly out of revenge. Cultivating children's sense of social responsibility to achieve the goal of pursuing superiority will largely avoid behavioral mistakes.
Freud's psychoanalysis school interprets dreams as people want to satisfy their unfulfilled desires. Adler's individual psychology interprets dreams as arousing a state of mind that prepares us for a problem. After analyzing several common dreams, Adler came to the conclusion that the purpose of dreams is to deceive ourselves and make us narcissistic.
"If there is no authority in the family, then there must be real cooperation. Neither father nor mother should occupy a prominent position in the family. " Adler first talked about the responsibilities of mothers in the family. As long as women's status in the family is discriminated against, the harmony of the whole marriage life will be destroyed. The whole human society is based on women's attitude towards motherhood. But unfortunately, almost everywhere, the status of women in life is underestimated, or even considered secondary. People seldom regard housework and child-rearing as a great contribution of women. Mothers will feel that she, like God, has created a living life from scratch. The pursuit of mother's way is a manifestation of human beings' pursuit of superior position (becoming a sacred goal).
The meaning of marriage is that two people get together to seek each other's happiness, the happiness of children and the happiness of society. Because marriage is a partnership, neither side wants to control the other.
This paper focuses on Adler's description of father's responsibility in the family.
As a father, he must prove that he is a good partner of his wife, children and society. He must deal with three problems in life-occupation, friendship and love. He must cooperate with his wife on an equal footing to take care of and protect his family. He can't forget that the creative position of women in family life can't be underestimated. His duty is not to belittle his wife's mother role, but to work with her. In terms of money, it should be emphasized that even if the father is the main source of income for the family, it still belongs to the family. A father should not act as if he is giving and others are receiving.
Fathers have a great influence on children. Many children regard their father as an idol all their lives, and some people regard their father as their greatest enemy. Punishment, especially corporal punishment, is always harmful to children. Education that cannot be conducted in a friendly way is wrong education.
Unfortunately, the responsibility of punishing children in the family often falls on the father. We call it misfortune for several reasons. First of all, it gives mothers a belief that women can't really educate their children, and they are weak people who need strong arms to help them. If a mother says to her child, "Wait for your father to come back and teach you a lesson!" " She is implying that they regard their father as the last authority and powerful figure in their lives. Second, it destroys the relationship between father and son, making children afraid of their father and not feeling that he is a close friend. Perhaps some women are afraid that once they punish their children, they will lose their feelings, but to solve this problem, they can't shirk the responsibility of punishing their children to their fathers. The children won't hold a grudge against her because she has hired a punishment executor. Many women still use "telling dad" as a means to force their children to obey. How do these children feel about men's position in life?
If my father deals with three problems in life in a positive way, he will become the pillar of the family. He is a good husband and father.
Parents should know that whatever we do for our children and grandchildren, we are actually doing it for the whole society. A self-made American rich man wanted his descendants to get rid of poverty and want, so he went to a lawyer and asked how to do it. The lawyer asked him how he wanted to be rich from generation to generation. He told his lawyer that his wealth was enough to ensure a comfortable life for ten generations. "Of course, you can do that," said the lawyer. "But, do you know that every tenth generation of your descendants come from more than 500 ancestors? More than 500 families can say that he is their descendant. So, are they still your descendants? "
Adler finally concluded: Children's early impressions are indelible in every adult's mind. Their position in the family also left an indelible mark on their growth. Every difficulty in personal development is caused by hostility and non-cooperation in the family. The goal pursued by mankind is to become a conqueror, surpass and crush others. This goal is the result of training and the hard work and competition of children who feel that they are not treated equally in the family. The only way for us to avoid this kind of injury is to give our children more cooperative training.
Through the analysis of the function of school and criminal psychology, Adler draws the conclusion that only those who have dedicated themselves will their achievements be preserved and their spirit will last forever.
About occupation: Division of labor and cooperation is the main guarantee of human happiness. It's good to ask your child what career he wants to pursue early. Almost all excellent people have fixed their interests in a certain field very early, and they have been training hard since childhood.
About children: The secret of helping children is not to cheat him, not to avoid his questions, to understand what is behind his questions, and only to explain to him what he wants to know, and we know that he can understand.
About marriage: A good marriage is the best way to raise the next generation of mankind. In love, we must be bound by cooperation. The reasonable remedy for marriage is equal training, and we can't allow our children to be vague about their future gender roles.
The author draws the key point: women who have contributed to human life by doing their mother's duty, like other industries, occupy a lofty position in the human division of labor system.
Reading Adler's Inferiority and Transcendence reveals the author's demands for equality, cooperation and dedication between the lines, and reflects the kindness of taking the initiative to think of others everywhere, thus strengthening the cultivation of children's cooperative ability and encouraging them to make contributions to mankind.
May society become better with you!
Recorded on the night of March 14, 2020.