I will say it according to my own understanding.
The little boy is dumb. How do you know he can't find his father? You would say, I just know, right? You call for him, maybe it's an excuse for you to contact that person. He is mute. Maybe the person he represents is not stupid, but you hope he is.
Buying socks for a little girl is very vivid. I don't know if your child is a boy or a girl, but the image of socks is very similar to that of condoms. If you buy socks for a little girl, no matter whether she symbolizes your child or yourself, it is a kind of protective desire and you don't want to be hurt.
By the way, don't say that you haven't been well recently, but that you haven't been well enough recently. Use more positive words, and you will find that you will become much luckier. 40 years old, old and young, facing all kinds of pressure. You should adjust your mood and relax more. Maybe after this time, you will find that many things have settled down and life is under your control.