Dreams can't replace reality, and love doesn't need explanations and reasons. There is nothing to be ashamed of. That is the essence of our human nature. Whether he is good or bad does not affect your liking for him or his acceptance of you. Tell him clearly that whether you succeed or not, you dare to say that it is your best love for him, and your dream is that your heart needs protection. Go to him, I hope you will succeed and sincerely wish you all the best.