Ever since I had a child, I have been yelling at the child in a low voice, and even the neighbors outside can hear it clearly. I remember one day when I was doing housework, the children were making trouble at home. I let him go without making a mess at home, and then I found that the children had taken out all their clothes and thrown them on the ground, so I started my "lion roar" for the children every day. Her father heard this and immediately came to protect her, saying that he heard my voice in the backyard.
I also feel very helpless. After taking care of the baby for a long time, I am often excited by some actions of the child. Unconsciously, I was controlled by my emotions and couldn't help yelling at my children. I can't calm down and reason with my children calmly.
We always think that in the process of educating children, as long as your voice is loud enough, children will listen to you, and not next time.
But the fact is always contrary to our thoughts, because what we say when we are out of control is very harmful to children, and children will be awakened by our "lion roar".
We always feel sorry after yelling at our children, but we can't control our emotions next time.
We obviously love children the most, but when children do something we can't accept, we can't control our emotions and make things worse. This is because when a certain scene happens, our emotional mechanism will be activated.
If we only hear that children are doing bad things, we are not easily angered by this matter, but when we witness children doing bad things with our own eyes, their behavior will be directly transmitted to our brains in the form of images.
Our brain will have a certain emergency mechanism, which will start our emotional mechanism and let us start our daily life in the roar of lions.
In this case, if effective changes are not made, it will only make the relationship between children and us more and more difficult.
Therefore, for parents who often have this situation, we need to know the following Festinger rule.
Festinger's rule was put forward by American psychologist Festinger. He thinks that 10% of things in life are made up of things that happen to you, and 90% of things depend on your reaction.
To put it simply, 10% of things in life are beyond our control, but we can react correctly to the remaining 90%.
When we yell at our children, it's because we don't control the 90% emotions well and let them make things worse.
In the face of children's practical jokes, we can only control our emotions and prevent things from getting so bad.
If you expect others to help you control your emotions, or it is useless to stop you from venting your emotions when you lose your temper, and you are likely to transfer your anger to that person, so that we will hurt more than one person when our emotions are out of control.
Therefore, when things are very bad, we should try to tell ourselves "it doesn't matter, everything will pass" to control our "lion roar".
Only by skillfully applying Festinger's law in daily life can we achieve the best results in the process of educating children.
In our daily life, when things are not going well, we always complain about life and everything around us.
But have we ever thought that the situation is not so serious, but when we complain about him, the situation will get worse.
The effect of educating children will be greatly reduced when we begin to complain about what children who are not sensible do.
Therefore, we should stop complaining about life and start to change our habit of always complaining about the situation we don't like at present, but try our best to change this situation. Let everything develop in a good direction.
As parents, we should know that many things that set off our temper are not very big things, but very small things. It's only because we didn't handle this matter well when dealing with things that our relationship with children became more and more rigid.
Children not only don't reflect on themselves when we yell at them, but sometimes they talk back to us. Therefore, when things happen, that 10% is beyond our control, and we will firmly hold the remaining 90% in our own hands.
If you can effectively control your emotions and communicate with your child calmly after the child gets into trouble, the child will realize his mistake and will not make it again.
When we yell at our children immediately after finding them in trouble, they will be afraid of you at first, and then turn into rebellious emotions. When children resist us, we will feel that our authority as parents has been challenged, so we have a tug-of-war with our children.
In the long run, children will remember what we scold them when our emotions are out of control and we feel more and more inferior, which is not very beneficial to their future social life.
As the closest person to the child. Only by skillfully applying this law can we effectively control the development of things.
Festinger's law is that when something happens, we should firmly grasp it, face it squarely, rather than run away from it. Then solve this matter instead of complaining all the time and finally forget about it.
In other words, after a child gets into trouble, we should accept it and solve it with the child instead of complaining about how the child can let it go. Only in this way can children live in a healthy and happy educational environment from an early age.
We can't realize that we have done this kind of behavior again when we yell at the children. Then we need people around us to remind us to some extent and let us wake up in an angry state.
When we lose our temper again, if people around us remind us, our brain will continue to think, and then the result of his thinking will act on our emotional mechanism, so our emotional anger will begin to decline gradually.
We will also rationally rethink things and start thinking about what we should do to solve this matter that causes our anger.
In addition to letting people around us supervise, we can also reflect on whether we are angry with our children casually again every day.
I am the nurse of Nemo's mother and the mother of a 4-year-old child. Please come to me if you have any problems in the process of raising and educating children. I hope my advice can help you solve the confusion and troubles in the process of raising your baby and let our children grow up better!